What Really Makes People Love You? | Dr. Aziz - Confidence Coach

Do you want more love? Do you want people responding to you better? Do you want more people to like you, be attracted to you, to be drawn to you? Maybe you put yourself out there and approach the people that you're really attracted to, and they don't seem to love you back. It always goes one way, but not the other. And it's frustrating. You feel stuck, and you keep telling yourself that maybe you need to be better, maybe you need to be taller or more attractive or something. What you're going to learn in this episode, how to shift all that. And you're going to learn the true secret to getting more love in every area of your life. Welcome to another episode of the Art of Extraordinary confidence. I'm your host, Dr. Aziz, and this is the show for you if you want to 10x. Your confidence, your ability to receive love, and all of the abundance that comes from confidence, whether it's in your career, your dating life, your relationships, your social life, or just feeling good about yourself. Today is all about love. And love is important for every area of life, especially in our romantic relationships, but also in work. If people love you, they want to promote you, they want to hire you, they want to hang out with you. If you want it socially, if people like or love you, they're going to be drawn to be your friend. So being liked and loved is extremely important. And it all comes back to confidence. Like everything, Everything we want in life always comes back to confidence. And here's how. Because most of us learned we have the map all wrong, we learned what I call that there's a significance gateway, and this is how it works. So we feel like in order to be loved by that beautiful person, by that powerful person, by those people that are really cool, to be loved by them, we need to be a certain level, certain significant. Then we'll get their love significant, meaning. You achieved enough, you're rich enough, you're beautiful enough, you're successful enough, you're whatever marker you're using. I got to be more of this. And sometimes we get really specific, don't we? I got to have thinner legs. I got to have this different shift in my face. I got to have a bigger right bicep. We have all these ideas about how we need to be. I'll get that. I'll be that significant, and then I'll get love. And it's kind of like those old, you know, in the amusement parks where they have the sign that says, you must be this tall to enter the ride. That's how we think it Is I need to be that significant in order to get love. And so we spend all our time trying to get better and better at things. I remember back when I was in college, I didn't have any. My freshman year of college, no dates, no potentials, no prospects, women everywhere and me being too terrified to spend speak with them. And I remember I thought, man, I need to get really good at the guitar. That's going to be my entry point. I'm going to get so good at the guitar that women are just going to fall all over me. That was my thinking at the time. And it didn't work. I got pretty good. I practice all the time. Didn't seem to make women just like fall all over me. Because here's the thing. Being significant is not how you get love. I mean, if you're really good at something and you're really significant, people might notice, they might be drawn to you, they might admire or be impressed by you. But those are very different than love. Because when someone, when you're really amazing at someone or at something, when someone sees that there's going to be one part draw, like, ooh, I'm interested in that, or, oh, I want to be that, or I want to learn from that person. I want to be around them because they're great. And then one part envy, like, ah, you're better than me. I hate you for that. Right? Just kind of somewhere in the back of their head. So this isn't to say that you don't want to be significant or great at things. You know, pursue whatever you love and get awesome at it, but you don't need to do that in order to be loved. Because what is the one thing that we need to do in order to get more love? What do you think? What's the guess? You can just bypass that whole significance trap and go right to it. Guess what it is. What do you need to give in order to get love? That's right, love. If you give love, you will get love. That's how it works. And love looks like different things to different people depending upon where you are in a relationship. You know, with my wife Candace, the way I give love to her is going to be different than the way I give love to a stranger or someone in a, you know, a client or a business setting. Right? It's going to look different, but it's the same thing. It's giving this loving energy. And there's many different ways to do it. But the best way to start is like, well, how do I feel loved when someone gives me love, what are they doing? That feels good. And there's, you know, there's a whole great book called the Five Love Languages where they break this down. So you should definitely check that out. But, you know, some of the things that people say is, well, someone's paying attention to me. They're looking at me as I'm talking and they seem interested in what I'm saying and they want to contribute to it or ask me questions. They're engaged. Or maybe someone is sharing humor. Maybe that's the way that you share love or give love. Make someone smile, brighten their day, raise the energy with laughter. Maybe it is giving something to someone, giving them your time, giving them your energy. Maybe it's just giving someone a pat on the back or a back rub or, you know, just some sort of touch, right? So whatever it is, giving love is going to be how you start to receive love. Because if you give love out, people will give it back. If you're attentive and interested and engaged in those people and you're humorous and you're emitting something, then people are going to emit that back. Not everybody, but a lot of people. And the people that you want, your people will start to be gravitated and pulled towards you. So you see how that works. You can bypass all that and all that running down that path and be like, no, but I'm not good enough at this yet. I'm not good enough at that yet. You know what all that is? That's because we're scared to give love first. Most of us want certain love. I'll give love if I know. I'll make a joke if I know you're going to laugh. I'll be attentive and share, you know, and pay attention to you and really connect with you. If I know that you're not going to reject me in some way, I'll share something authentic with you if I know you're going to like it. You're not going to make fun of me for it or shoot me down in some way. So we want to be totally certain, then I'll give them. Or holding onto it. And guess what? We're holding onto it. We're holding onto it and we never get it. Because to get it, you got to give it. And you can bypass that whole significance trap. That gateway doesn't exist. You can walk right into love right now. And you can start right now after watching this video, the next person you interact with ask yourself this question. How can I give and receive even more love right now? How can I give and receive even more love right now? And maybe just start with how can I give even more love right now? Just ask yourself that question again and again and again and notice what happens. Maybe it's really subtle. Maybe it's just in the way that you look at them. Maybe it's in a little smile that you give them. Maybe it's what you say. Maybe you give them a word of encouragement or you ask them a question that shows that you actually care about who they are. Because if you show up in life and you do that, you will have an abundance of people. Avalanches of love will come your way. So hit the subscribe button to stay tuned to all these new videos that we got coming out and share a comment below. What have you noticed? Have you noticed this to be true in your life? What have you seen? Maybe practice it for a week or two and come back and comment and share what you've seen from this video. Okay. Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon.