What to Do When Social Anxiety Strikes

What do you do when social anxiety strikes? When you're in a situation, whether it's at work or a party or a gathering or dating, where no matter how much work you've done on yourself, that fear and self doubt and imploding, I'm not good enough to be here, feeling kicks in and starts to undercut your confidence. It starts to make you doubt yourself. What do you do when social anxiety strikes? In today's show, you're going to learn how to shift the pattern, how to break free of that implosion and turn it into an explosive force for growth, for freedom, for confidence, for liberation. For you to go into wherever the setting is and just crush it. Just be you, do exactly what you want to do and ultimately enjoy yourself and have a more powerful experience than ever before. That's what we're gonna learn in today's show.

Coming to you from the center for Social Confidence in Portland, Oregon. Welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy helping men everywhere go from social anxiety to social domination with your host, Dr. Aziz.

Hello. Welcome to today's episode of the show. When social anxiety strikes is what we're going to be talking about. And I actually am really excited because I had a big lightning storm of social anxiety that happened just recently and I wanted to share about it because there was so much to learn in there. I got to go like deep right into the trenches and just watch it happening in my own mind and heart and body and study it and see, oh, how did I work with this? How did I break free of this? And I'm excited to share these cutting edge things with you that I know work because I teach them to other people, but I got a chance to apply it firsthand in my own life and I'm excited to share more about that. I'm also excited to share with you that tickets for the Ultimate Confidence breakthrough weekend coming up here in Portland in June, June 17th through 19th. Those tickets are available right now. The Early Bird is going right now. In fact, the Early Bird special closes tomorrow and then after that, the tickets go up to the full price. So now is the time to do it. If you've been thinking about it, you've been on the fence about it. I just, you know, nothing more I can say than if you listen to this show, if you benefit at all from what we talk about here, this weekend is specifically designed for you and will help you. We've had people from all walks of life, all ages, all genders. Women are welcome, too. We had a number of women at the last Event and ages too. I mean, I work with people down to there's a 16 year old last event, people in their late 50s. I'd be happy to have people in their 80s there. I really don't care because it's not about your age, it's not about your race or your gender. It's about becoming the most powerful, confident version of you. And that's what this weekend is all about. And this weekend is about power and social power. Not being scared of what other people think, not being scared of people at all. What would that be like? In fact, that's what today's episode is about. Because I'm so excited to share this stuff with you is what if you were not scared of people at all? No matter what your relationship to them was, whether they were your boss or a supervisor or a woman, beautiful woman, no matter how beautiful she is, let's say you weren't scared of her at all. What if you are not afraid of people in any way? And what they thought of you, how they perceived you, what they said about you, what if it didn't affect you? What if you did not feel fear in any way? That might be a stretch to imagine that, but trust me, when you are in that state, when you feel that way, when that's your reality, life's amazing, you're liberated, you're free, you feel good and it's awesome. And I want you to experience that. So come join me for the weekend. Super awesome opportunity there. If you're in my mailing list, you'll see emails about it. And if you're not, go to shrinkforthshyguy.com event E V E N T event Social Comp. Shrinkforthshyguy.com Event and you can find out all about the weekend. So what do you do when social anxiety strikes? How to not be scared of people. Let me share a little bit about that because this is something that really struck home for me because you know, I help people with all kinds of areas of this stuff. And for me, my biggest edge right now because I'm always doing what scares me. I had a woman that I was talking to this weekend, she said, oh, you help people with confidence. How do you do that? Or how did you do that? Because she learned a little bit about my story and I said, well, I just did what scared me a lot. I mean like a lot. And then learned a lot of other stuff on the way. So I'm still doing that. I've been doing what scares me until. Fear has no power over me for 14 years now. But the thing is, what scares me has changed. So for a while, what started the whole journey was I wanted to be able to meet women and date. I was lonely, I was single and I was feeling powerless to be able to talk to anyone, particularly women and create those relationships. So that was my edge. And I worked on that for many years. And then it was how do I sustain a really awesome relationship where I feel free and expressive and not trapped and nice guy accommodating all that stuff. And so at this point to approach an attract, I mean I'm married too, so I don't even. It's even easier because I don't need anything from an attractive woman.

Right.

It's like I don't need your number or anything because I don't. I'm not looking for anything from you, so. But talking to an attractive woman, Yeah, I mean I can get nervous or something, but it's like pretty minimal. So it doesn't trigger social anxiety. Talking in groups, public speaking. That stuff doesn't. Because I've done it so much and done so much work on that stuff. It doesn't trigger all that fear. The two biggest edges for me are actually live events, particularly the inviting people and kind of gathering people. And before it starts, it's kind of like, oh, I'm not good enough to do this. And then when I get in it and actually get out of my own head and focus on the people, I'm like, wow, this is amazing. Everyone's benefiting so much. This is what a great environment and how much I can help these people. And it feels really good. So that's oneedge is live events and promoting them and all that stuff. But what's fascinating was I didn't even realize I had this edge until this opportunity came up. And one of my mentors, he's actually a coach of mine. I'm in his mastermind program. His name is Christian Mickelson. He's an amazing teacher and he does a lot of coaching and training and that sort of thing. And he has an event that he puts on where he gathers his closest business partners, strategic partners, and they all meet for three days and they focus on business, how to optimize it, how to grow. And pretty much everyone in the group is like a heavy hitter. I mean they all have big businesses, they have teams of people working for them. They do multi million dollar years. They're just, they're really established, they've been doing it for many years. They're, they're leaders they're really inspiring people. And I noticed that I was very nervous before going to this. I thought, whoa, this is like a social situation, like a conference. You can think of it that way. And I feel really nervous about it. And there was the nervousness of, who am I to be here? I don't know if I belong here. You know, I'm not. First of all, a lot of these people are in the Internet marketing world. They teach people how to grow businesses online. Now, I don't do that. I teach people how to be confident in their own lives. Okay. You know, well, it's still teaching, but it's pretty different. So I'm like, oh, I'm a different. I'm a different. Do a different thing. And I don't generate a million or more in business yet. So it's like, I'm not at the same level as. I'm a small fish. These are big fish. I'm just a little guy. And so there was an element of like, well, what if someone's like, oh, what do you. Why are you here? You know? And then, not only why are you here? But, like, why am I gonna listen to you? You're not worth my time because you're not successful. As successful as me. And even your ideas, you know, let's say I'm talking to someone or I want to share something, or I have an idea for their business or life or whatever. They'd be like, what? Why? You know, how dare you? How dare you talk to me? Who do you. Who do you think you are? All right, so that was the way that the social anxiety was showing up. And so I was kind of nervous before the event, and then I said, okay, I see what's happening here, and I see how this is gonna fuck me up if I stay with this mindset. So that is the setup, and I'm excited. We're gonna take a quick break, and when we get back, I'm gonna share with you the things I did, the specific secrets and strategies that I did to overcome social anxiety in myself, to show up differently, to interact with people freely and confidently, and ultimately to just be fucking rockstar at this conference. So I'm excited to share with you. We'll be right back right after this. Hey, it's Dr. Aziz here, and I wanted to take just a second and to ask you if this is working, if you're listening to this podcast regularly or watching YouTube videos, is it working for you? If it is, awesome, keep doing it. If you're noticing that you're not Making the progress that you want, then it might be time to step up and do something more. That's been my experience. If I learn something from free stuff online, I get a certain level of result when I dive in and join a program or get a product or work with someone one on one, whoa. I get a different level of result just night and day. And I would love to talk with you more about the second thing, which is working together. So if you're interested in how to do that, how to deepen that, go to socialconfidencecenter.com coaching and there you can learn all about how I work with people one on one. That's what I do throughout most of the day, is work with people one on one and in mastermind groups to help them radically shift. And people can make incredible progress. You know, they could have been stuck for 10 years and in six months their life can have transformed. And I would love to have the opportunity to be with you on that journey, support you on that journey. I know this stuff inside and out more than almost anyone that I know, and that's because I lived it. And now I've been obsessed with studying it for so many years. So I would love to help you on your journey if that feels right for you. So go to socialconfidencecenter.com coaching and then you can fill a little form there. We can get in touch and figure it out from there. All right, I'll talk to you soon. Welcome back. So what to do when social anxiety strikes? Well, first of all, to realize that social anxiety is not like an external lightning bolt event that's striking you. I mean, I use that language, but it's actually something I'm doing. So I'm like, oh, okay, how am I doing this? What am I doing? That's the first thing I ask myself. Well, how am I doing this? And I'm always curious about, like, well, how am I holding this? That creates fear. What am I. How am I holding myself? How am I seeing other people? What's happening here? And it was like, I. I'm worried about these people judging me. Right. I already shared that before. Well, why is that happening? Why is that bothering me? Because on some level, I'm wanting the people here that I haven't met yet to like me, to respect me, to think I'm worthwhile, worthy and belong. And because I am needing that to feel okay, I'm now anxious. So whenever you're feeling social anxiety, on some level, you are needing people to like you and probably thinking that you're not worthy of being liked at the same time. So it's like this one, two, punch. So then I said, okay, I don't need anything from anyone here. I really don't. I don't. You know, I could come here, I could spend three days. It could be awkward and uncomfortable and. And no one could like me, and I'll be totally okay. I don't need anything from anyone here. I really don't. And that's what I was working on and letting go of myself. And that's what you want to do, is you really want to tap into the truth of that. And it's not this kind of spiteful, like, well, they're going to reject me anyway, so fuck you. I don't need anything from you either. I reject you first. It's not that. It's really breathing and softening and finding that place in your body that's so wound up and attached to needing it. Like, you know what? I'm totally okay if I don't get it. I don't need anything. And for me, I reminded myself of just how lovable I am and how many people already love me. I thought about my wife and my two kids. I was like, you know what? Doesn't matter what happens this weekend. My little guys are gonna love me. They're gonna think I'm amazing. My wife's still gonna love me. My friends are still gonna love me. I can still love me. And if you don't have a wife, and if you don't have kids and you're single, I've been there. Your mom's still gonna love you. Your dad's still gonna love you. Your friends are still gonna love you. And if you don't have any friends, you don't have mom or dad. You're just totally alone. It's probably an illusion. You're probably deleting some people in your life and not remembering them. But you are still lovable. Can you love yourself? Can you feel, like, the love of whatever created all this crazy world? Of course you're lovable. You don't need anything from anyone. You don't need that woman to call you back. You don't need that woman to think you're great in order to feel worthy or that man or that boss or whatever, you know, anyone else. So. That's a beautiful phrase. I love it. Deep breath. I don't need anything from you. So that's what I was doing before the weekend. And another thing I did, in addition to letting go of needing approval, is Owning my value. And it's like, you know what? I am awesome. I really am. Like, I am awesome. I'm intelligent, I'm driven, I'm motivated, I'm heartfelt, I'm loving, I'm kind, I'm good looking, I'm charismatic, I'm intelligent, I'm funny, I'm awesome. And I was just reminding myself of my strengths and my unique value. And I don't know what that list is for you, but you want to know that list? You want to know that list that was not a recited list that I just rattled off there. That's just stuff I believe to be true about myself. So you want to have that queued up in your mind. And if this is a big obstacle for you, check out the Solution to Social Anxiety. There's a whole section in there about owning your strengths. You can get that book on Amazon or Audible, but that's. You really need to be able to do that, to own your strengths, to build that confidence in yourself. So I did that. Then I started to feel a lot better, a lot more relaxed about the weekend. So the prep work that you do can really change. So whether you got a conference coming up or a meeting or a date or whatever, you want to do some prep work like this. So if you're going to go out with your buddies and see if there's an opportunity to meet someone or date or connect, get a woman's number before you go out. Take some breaths, relax yourself and say, you know what? I don't need anything from any woman. I don't need any particular response. And when you come from that place, whoa, right? Women, you know, you feel it, they feel it. This guy is not desperate to get something from me, so he feels good about himself. Desperation is not sexy. So let go in that way. Or before you're in a meeting, before you have a sales conversation, before you're gonna go pitch something. I have a client who's surgeon and he's pitching a business opportunity for some hospital. It's like, hey, I can do this kind of surgery and contract with you guys. It's a big deal. It's a big business opportunity for him and for them. And just like before, like, hey, I don't need anything from these people. I'll be okay. And then reminding yourself of your strengths, why you're awesome, why someone would want to date you, why they would want to hire you, why you're worth it, why you're incredible, get fired up about it. So use that in your life. Anyway, I get to this event. And I show up powerfully because of the prep work that I did. And it was actually really interesting. The people there are really fascinating. What's actually great, actually, is I find. I think when I first got there, someone had posted like, oh, we're gonna meet here for lunch before the event. And so I thought, hey, let me go join them. And that's something I would never have done. I probably wouldn't have even been to this event when I was younger. But I not only went to the event, but I, oh, lunch is a great time to meet people beforehand. And I get there, and there's like, four or five people sitting around this table. And by the way, this group of people has met consistently for six or seven years in a row, and they've occasionally added new people, like a couple people a year. And I'm the new guy. So these people all know each other and like each other and have relationships, and I'm the new guy. So I get there, and I'm walking over to the table, and I figure, oh, that must be those people, Because I could kind of guess who it was. And as I walk closer, they kind of don't even, like, stop talking or look at me or anything. And there's like, maybe in my mind, I was, like, expecting some like, oh, hey, you must be the new guy. Come here. Yeah, like, just effusive approval or something. But so they kind of just, like, looked at me, and I looked at them, and I was like, hey, I'm Aziz. And I just grabbed a chair and pulled it up and sat down. And it was like this moment where in the past that would have, like, just crushed me, right? Cause it's like, oh, my God, they don't want me here. All my worst fears are coming true. And instead, I just, like, sat down. I listened because they were in the middle of, like, a kind of more engaged conversation. Let that moment pass, breathed, noticed my feet on the floor. We were outside. I was just feeling the air in San Diego, feeling good with the environment, breathing. And then there was a moment where it kind of paused. And so one of the guys turned towards me and was like, so, blah, blah, blah, and asked me a question. And I started talking to him. And then I just kind of inserted myself into the conversation more and more. So what you want to do is those moments when it's like, you could totally interpret it as all your worst fears, or you could just slow way down, everything's cool, nothing's fucked, and look for your next opportunity, right? We've all experienced this. You're going out with your friends. There's a woman you want to talk to. You start the conversation, and then, you know, she rejects you or doesn't want to talk to you or whatever. And in that moment, everything could collapse. Or you could just take a step back, breathe, and look for your next opportunity, which is just right around the corner. There's doors of opportunity passing by all the time. We just have to find them and step through them. So flash forward to the end of the first day, and I could share dozens of stories about this, and maybe I'll share more later. But this one's super important because this is when there's that imploding, I'm gonna fall apart experience, which I'm sure you've had, actually, what we're over. We're gonna take a quick break, and when we get back, I'm gonna tell you about how I fell apart and how I dealt with that. So stay tuned. We'll be right back right after this. Hey, Dr. Azeez here.

In the next 30 seconds, I want.

To share with you the secret to.

Break free of your shyness and social anxiety. And here's a tip. It's not getting more information.

It's not listening to more of these.

Podcasts or reading another book or reading another blog that could be a part of your puzzle. But that leads to information overload. And you don't need information. You need transformation. That means applying what you learn. So go to thesocialconfidencecenter.com now check out the products page and get one of the products, particularly Confidence Unleashed or the confidence code or 30 days to dating Mastery. One of those programs will guide you through a transformation. They go way beyond information into actually teaching and showing you how to have that shift.

So please go to that website now.

If you truly want to make a difference in your life now.

Welcome back. So, Aziz crumples, let's hear it. How did it happen? Some of you are like, yes, finally. Yes, get. I wanted to see that. I wanted to see the weakness. So we were had an opportunity to share with the group about our business and what we do. And a lot of those people like to do what's called joint venturing with each other, where, you know, hey, you promote me to all your audience, and I'll promote you to all my audience. And then we'll both grow our audiences and help more people and it's great. And make money. Sell them stuff is what they want to do, right? So there's this opportunity to do that. And beforehand I got an email like, hey, if you want to create a flyer to hand out when you do your presentation, it's just. It's literally just two minutes. And they're pretty hard on the timing. So you couldn't go on forever, you know, create a flyer and bring it and then share with the group. And so I was like, first of all, I don't offer the same thing that these people do. I don't have, like, a program on how to make money on the Internet. It's not what I do. So I was like, why do I, you know, do I even create a flyer? I mean, I have a program called Confidence Unleashed and others too, but that one is, like, I think life changing. I think everyone should go through that program because it will transform your confidence. But I was like, I don't know if these people, their audience wants that. I mean, their audience is wanting to make money on the Internet. Although confidence would help you with that. But so I created this flyer. I did it the night before. I flew down there on Word, Microsoft Word, printed it out on regular paper. It's good. It's got a few bullet points and looks okay. And I get down there, and the woman. There's about 10 people that got a chance to go that first day. And I raised my hand because I was like, you know, do what scares you. Go up and do it. Because I was nervous. In my mind, that was the moment where I was gonna get exposed. Right. Why are you here? We don't like you. So I was like, hey, I gotta do what scares me. I gotta go in. Don't wait till the last day to try to present. Wait until. Do it on the first day. So I got up there. Oh, actually say before I went, I was like, maybe fifth or something. The woman before me is like this, like, marketing genius. And, you know, she's got, like, all these. Her whole thing is how to sell, and she's very good at it. And her flyer to joint venture with her is, like, color. It's got a perforated thing on the bottom that you tear off and hand in right away that says you want to work with her and partner with her. And it's got a big, full color picture of her and glossy graphics. It looks really good. And then it's me, and it's a fucking Word document printed out on, like, recycled paper. It's like. It's like, I don't really even do what you guys do, but, hey, here's me. Anyway, so I go up, I share A little more. I share the flyer. And it's great because it was true. I was authentic. Speaking in front of a group I'm still very good at, even if I was a little nervous. And then I get done, and honestly, it was fine. It was great. There's nothing I did up there that was bad or wrong. And then afterwards, though, I just had this, like. Just this implosion, right? Like, I don't belong here. My flyer is terrible. No one's going to want to partner with me, which I didn't expect anyway. But that just shows how much I don't belong. Everyone's thinking, this guy's a loser. I just really went, you know, total anxiety storm there. And then we wrapped up. This was right towards the end of the day, and it was like, hey, we're all gonna join together for dinner in like an hour or 30 minutes. So come, go to your room, freshen up, and then come all back and we'll go to dinner. And I got into my room and I was just like, oh, I can't go to the dinner. This is terrible. I'm so uncomfortable. I'm so exposed. Everyone hates me, and this is total fucking fabrication. I got no indication whatsoever from anyone in the group that they felt this way. This is all in my own brain. This is all my own heart. This is all my own social anxiety. So I'm in the room and I'm like, okay, here we go. Here we go. I can. You know, a many years ago, I would have avoided the dinner. I just wallowed. I was like, first of all, a, that's not an option. Fuck that. I gotta show up. So how am I gonna show up? Powerfully. I don't want to show up from this place of, like, I don't belong here. You don't like me. Because if I show up in that energy, I'm gonna get terrible responses from people. Remember, these people all know and like each other. There's relationships here. So when there's two people talking, they didn't just meet each other, they know each other year after year after year. So when I'm going to come in there and interact with them. Have you ever been in a situation where you've been talking with a friend and someone new comes up? Maybe you don't really want to talk to the new person yet, right? You're like, hey, I'd much rather engage with this person I already know. And, like, that's just human nature, and there's nothing wrong with that. I just know that I got to show up more. In last week's episode, I talked about how to get people to like you. And the key there is to show up more, show up fully, let people get to know you. So I was like, I gotta show up more, not less. And if I'm down on myself and thinking I don't belong, I'm going to interpret every little, you know, sideways glance or someone not being super open right away as horrible rejection. And it's going to be a long night and a long weekend and just kind of a miserable experience. And I'm not going to get the results that I want, which is to connect with these people and to learn from them. That was my primary goal, was to connect and learn. Because I'm like, success leaves clues. And I gotta say, I did learn a ton. It was amazing. So here's how I turned it around. I got fucking powerful. I jumped up and down. I put some music in my headphones. This is my hotel room, right? And I jumped up and down. I hit my chest. If you've ever been to a weekend, if you want to come to this ultimate confidence breakthrough, you'll know what I mean. I'll show you how to do this. You'll learn it in a way that you'll never forget and that you'll use forever. And you get really, really fucking powerful in your body. Intense, energetic. Say some shit out loud, remind myself of the truth, get pumped. And then just shift the energy from fear and self doubt and restriction to like, open. My chest was open. I walked tall, I breathed. I reminded myself of what was true. And that started to get me into a more powerful state. And then I said, you know, you know what the truth is? I just reminded myself of what I said before I came. I don't need anything from anyone here. My life is full. I am rich, I am abundant. I have everything. I have love in my life. I'm growing. I make a living helping people, doing exactly what I want. I don't need anything from anyone here. And I'm awesome. And of course people want to hang out with me. And of course people, everyone wants to be my friend, everyone wants to hang out with me. Everybody likes me, I'm awesome. And you know, this is not just some sort of affirmation. This is really getting powerful in yourself. Really letting go of needing something and then reminding yourself of that. And I walked fully upright as I did this. And then whatever. Got some water, brushed my teeth, took a shower. And then as we were walking, there's like a bus, kind of like a little Party bus thing, whatever that was gonna take everyone from the hotel to this restaurant. And there's like clusters of people walking around. And as I walked, it was kind of a long. The parking lot. I could see everything from far away. And as I walked, I just walked like a badass, you know, I was like upright, shoulders back, just kind of like swag, you know, I was like, I wanna swag on up to this group. And I just walked in and there was three people standing around. I just walked up, I was like, hey, how you guys doing? Like, I assumed that I was a part of the group. I assumed that all that bullshit that I was saying in my mind was totally false, which it was. I assumed I was part of the group. I just boom, right from the very second of walking up, even before that, from my swagger walk, right? Because if you enter in and then you wait for the invitation, you're just like bleeding out that energy that you built up, right? And it's draining fast. You gotta convert into action, into connection. And then I did and went from one to the next to the next, and it was awesome. Had a great time that night. The next day was even better. Opened up even more, connected even more with people. Found out what made people tick, learned from them, asked them questions, shared my successes and my struggles with people. Was authentic, vulnerable, real myself. Made jokes in front with the group. It was awesome. And just made some incredible connections. And it was all about turning around that storm. Cause remember, here is the key takeaway. It doesn't happen to you. Social anxiety, self doubt, low confidence. It's not happening to you. You're doing it, you're creating it. And that means you have the power to create something else in a moment, in an instant. And if you hear this and say, well, easy for you, man, but I've tried that stuff and I couldn't turn it around. You know what my response to that is? Practice. This is about practice. And it's okay if you can't turn it around in the moment, or if something gets in the way and just do it again. And you practice and you do it again and again and again. I mean, what else are you going to do? If you just choose to avoid all this stuff, then you're never going to get better at it. You're never going to get more free, more confident. And if you charge in and try this stuff and it doesn't quite work the way you want or you still feel bad afterwards, that's okay. Heal up, love yourself, recover from it and get out there. And do it again. And if you really, really, really want to master this in the deepest, most powerful way possible, come join me at the ultimate Confidence Breakthrough. Coming up here in June, the Early Bird tickets Go Stop going on sale close are unavailable as of tomorrow. So you don't want to get your ticket today. If you can, social shrinkforthshyguy.com event. That's the place to get them. And before we stop though, that brings us to your time for action. Your action step for today is to get a ticket for the ultimate confidence breakthrough. No, I'm kidding. Although it could be want to change your life. But your action step for today actually is to find out how you do social anxiety. So when you're feeling nervous, ask yourself, how am I doing this? How am I creating this? Was it with my focus, with my thoughts, with my beliefs, with my what am I thinking about? What am I focusing on? What am I telling myself? What am I imagining? How am I imagining people are thinking about me, responding to me? How am I creating this? And then how can I shift it? How can I break free? Apply some of the things that you learned in this episode. Techniques, things you learned from other shows or from programs. If you have one of my trips, training programs like Confidence Unleashed or the Confidence Code, apply that stuff, use it, and then crush it and you're awesome. Until we speak again. May you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon.

Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free vlogs, ebooks and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to social confidencecenter.com.

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