Dr. Aziz offers a practical approach to annoying behavior: wait for a calm moment, start with "I noticed," describe what you saw without judgment, then ask why they did it. He walks through examples like a kid raging during video games and partners on their phones.
May 23, 2019.
"I noticed."
13.
"5 Steps to Unleash Your Inner Confidence."
What do you do when you're with someone and they're doing something that you don't like? How do you handle that? You know, the nice person thing to do is to not say anything, is to say, ah, I should just get over this, or, this shouldn't bother me. Or maybe you try to say, I'm going to be assertive. I'm going to tell them, like, hey, I don't like what you're doing. You better stop it right now. And you know what? Either one actually doesn't work that well. In fact, just recently, I was talking with a participant on my live events, and he has a son who's 13 who goes into these rages when he's playing video games. And he was kind of like, I don't like it. He's screaming and throwing. It's kind of scary and freaks me and the dog out. I just want to tell him to stop and I want to take his Xbox away. And maybe you've experienced this with a dating and relationship. You know, your partner, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, they do something you don't like, and you're like, hey, just stop that. How well did that go? So. So what I told him, and what I would suggest to you is a much more effective way to approach it is not to suppress it and be all nice, but to approach it, perhaps not when it's happening. So I wouldn't suggest he walks into the room and the kid's like, throwing the remote and screaming. Be like, let's talk about it, son. Just later on, you're having dinner together, he's in a relaxed state, you're having dinner with your partner or your boyfriend or girlfriend. And start with these two magic words. I talk about this in not nice. The two magic words are, I noticed, Hey, I noticed that when you play video games, it seems like sometimes you get really upset. Like, you go into a rage, right? Or if it's a partner or something. Like, hey, I noticed sometimes when we're out together, you seem to be really engaged with your phone and not as open to a conversation with me, right? So you're saying, I noticed. And then describing what they're doing and try to describe it without, like, remove as much of the judgment as you have as you can, right? So it's not like you go into a rage and you're just a mess. What's wrong with you? Or why are you always in your phone? You're so addicted to that thing. What's your problem? Because if you come in with that energy, what happens they get defensive, they put their guard up and no one's connecting around anything. So bring it up not in the heat of the moment, but later on and use the two magic words I noticed and then just be curious, you know, why are they doing that? What's their experience? What's your partner feeling when she or he is looking in the phone and kind of trying to disconnect? What's this guy's kid feeling when he's playing video games? Is he feeling frustrated? Is he feeling like he's well being beyond the video games? Right, right. Like, who knows what's going on in his life? Maybe he's feeling like this is the only place he can excel because he's not good at anything else in life and yet when he fails at that, he just feels like totally worthless. I don't know what's going to come out of the conversation and neither do you. So just be curious, go into it. And trust that through really being curious and connecting, the other person can start to choose to do differently. And they're not going to choose to do differently because you told them or you threatened them. So share below about your experience of using this. You know, go test it out, see what happens. What are you learning from this video? I'd love to hear more. And if you want to know even more how to bring confidence into every area of your life, click below to go to my website where you can Download my ebook, 5 Steps to Unleash youh Inner Confidence for free. I want to give it to you as a gift. And if you want to take this to conversation, confidence, being more assertive every area of your life, it's going to start with those five key steps. So get that now if you haven't already and until we speak again, may have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.
