Whatever It Takes

Welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy. This is the show for you. If you are sick and tired of being held back by fear, self doubt, social anxiety, shyness, anything that's stopping you from you being you. I'm going to share the most powerful tools and resources that I've been discovering over the last 15 years on my journey to eradicate social anxiety and instill confidence first in myself and then in every single person that I meet on my journey. You're going to learn these tools and how to apply them in your life now so that you can become the most free, powerful, bold, authentic version of you. Hey, welcome to today's episode of the show. Today we're going to be talking about how to make major changes in your life, major upgrades in your confidence to pursue the things that really matter to you, to make the changes that you really want to make. The truth is, most people don't. They don't make a significant change in their confidence, in their level of assertiveness, in their love life, in their career, in their physical health. They'll make little changes. They'll take two steps forward, two steps back, and then develop some kind of negative, limiting story like, I guess that's just not possible for me. But if you're listening to this, that's not what you want to settle for. And I want to share a secret mindset that you can get into that will give you the fuel that you need to make the changes, sustain the changes and really upgrade who you are in the world. So I want to share exactly how to do that in today's episode. And, and this is especially relevant because starting today, if you pre registered or tomorrow if you didn't, Super Early Bird tickets for the Ultimate Confidence Breakthrough are going on sale. And that is a heavily discounted ticket for my online event this summer in July called the Ultimate Confidence Breakthrough, which is all about helping you break through to that next level of confidence where you are not afraid what other people think of you. You can boldly speak up, shed social anxiety, step into that fully confident version of you. That's what we're gonna be learning. That's what you're gonna be practicing. It's a virtual event. You can join from anywhere in the world, and the Super Early Bird is the best time to do it. So if you go to draziz.com and then go to the Events tab, you should see it there and you can click on that and go straight into it. You can also go to this episode of the show@shrinkforthshyguy.com and see it there as well. But I encourage you to go do that because this. I'm gonna be talking about something in today's episode about how to get into a certain mindset or mind frame that's gonna ensure major changes in your life and being together for three days. And the experience you're gonna go through is gonna be just rocket fuel on this. You can hear this, and you can do this on your own, or you can be together with us and I think go so much further, so much faster. So what's this mindset that I'm talking about? Well, it comes down to the five levels of commitment, which you may have heard me talk about. I talk about in Not Nice and other places, but here's a quick overview of what they are, and then how to get into the highest levels for the things you want to change. So we'll start with level one. Level one is no commitment. I don't know. Maybe I want it, maybe I don't. Sounds kind of hard. I just enjoy things are okay the way they are. It's fine. It's not so bad. Whatever. I don't even like those people who have that thing anyway. Relationships are not even possible. Yeah, people aren't really happy in relationships. They just pretend to be. You know, if you have social anxiety, you're born with social anxiety. That's just how it is. It's a lot of limitation. Not possible. Maybe I want it. Maybe I don't even know. I don't know. That's level one, right? You're kind of mucking around and not really in any place to make a significant change. And we could spend a long time there. We could spend years there. Right? It's usually we're in the realm of our stories, just bouncing around in our stories. Okay, level two is. Yeah, no, I do want this. Whatever the this is for you, in fact, to make this more relatable. So it's not abstract. Think of if you were the most confident version of you. What would you want to create in your life? What would you want to do? What would you go after? What's one of your dreams? Is it something in your love life? Is it something in your career? Something with your health? Maybe just being more real, more authentic, more assertive, more bold, more expressive, more you. That. So that's the commitment that we're looking at here. So level two would be like, yeah, heck, yeah, I want that. Do you have a pill for it? You know, what's the secret? What's the one, two punch? What's the magic bullet. I want it with no effort. That's the essence of level two of commitment. And, you know, we might see this with, like, you watch a show and it's got a. I don't know, it's a documentary about CrossFit dudes or strong people running or a marathon or something, and you're like, yeah, yeah, that's what I'm going to do. What's the secret pill? I don't actually work out. No, I don't. I don't actually want to do that. Right. So that's the quick fix. And, you know, you can guess what kind of results we get when we're playing at that level. That's level two. Then there's level three. Level three commitment is all right. I do want this. I'm going to try. I'm going to go after it. I'm going to try. And, you know, trying is weak. And so when we have some setback, some challenge, something that doesn't go our way, then we pull back, we quit, we give up. It's uncomfortable, it's hard. We doubt ourselves excessively in this level. And so it's like, I try, but it's not working, is it? Thing? Do I even really want it? Oh, my gosh. How long is it going to take? Is it going to even work out? Because I don't even want to try if it's not going to work out. And you can tell we're wavering. And this is where the level of commitment determines your success and your results. Because if you're playing in levels one through three, you're not going to have significant change. In fact, you could probably look back at different areas and different times in your life where you tried something or you just wanted the quick fix, or you just lived in stories of impossibility and nothing much changed. And then there's things that you really do truly want and you really did try, and you tried a handful of things, and then it didn't quite work, and then you stopped. And guess what? That's okay. It truly is. It's okay. I've done that with a ton of things in my life. I've done that with languages. I love this idea of speaking another language fluently. And not maybe three years ago or so, I was like, I'm gonna learn French. I'm gonna do whatever it takes, and I'm gonna research the best ways. I'm gonna get flashcard programs and this and that. I'm gonna do it all. And I really did. I really invested an hour or more a day for probably about a three month period. And had a person I would talk to, like over zoom, a coach, but like a teacher, language teacher, French guy, I forget his name. And I really tried. And then after about three months, I was like, whew, I don't think I want this this bad. And I stopped. And that's totally okay. Sometimes you try things and you learn that that's not right for you and you can move on and you don't have to do everything 100% and get the result on everything. Sometimes you're just experimenting and exploring in life and there are certain things in life that you really do want to persist until you get the result. For me, it wasn't French, but it is other things in my life. And you got to determine what those things are for you. Because if it's something really important for you, like for me, being in a deeply fulfilling, extraordinary romantic relationship is a must for me. And so I'm gonna play at a higher level of commitment than try for that. Now here's the thing. People don't necessarily say to. They're not really fully aware and we're maybe not fully truthful with ourselves about what level we're playing at. So we're like, no, no, I'm gonna. You'll hear what the next two levels are in just a minute. And they're like, no, I'm totally playing at level five, but they're really at level three. Right. And we can be honest with ourselves and call ourselves out and see that. So what's level four? Level four is I'll do my best. Level four is when things starts to move in your life. That's when you're able to make things happen. You are able to persist, you're able to take rejections, you're able to, you know, you're going to study a lot more. Maybe you're getting coaching, maybe you're learning, maybe you're going through a program, maybe you have a schedule and you're consistently doing the thing. Maybe you made a big leap and, you know, committed yourself in some way monetarily or, you know, you quit a job or something, you moved, you did something big. That's you. It's like, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do my best. And it's powerful and stuff's gonna start to happen in your life when you do that. Now why is that more powerful? Because it is more coherent. Coherence is a physics term and it means like if light is coherent Then the photons are going in the same direction. Now, most light is not coherent. A light bulb that you turn on, for example, the photons are going all different directions and a lot of them cancel each other out. That's why a light bulb is not super bright, but a laser is more coherent. So the same amount of energy that's in a laser can shoot, say, hundreds of miles or, you know, shoot into outer space, and it's the same amount of energy as in a light bulb. Fascinating little tidbit I Learned from Lynn McTaggart in her book the Field is that if you were to somehow be able to take all the light, all the photons in a standard 60 watt light bulb and make them 100% coherent, then the light bulb would be brighter than the sun. Fun little factoid for the next party that you're at. In any case, coherence is a big deal. And you getting more coherent makes you emit more light. You are more powerful, you are more impactful. People come to your aid. People want to, you know, they're swayed by you. They want to work with you, they want to date you, they want to have you in their life. You are a force of nature when you're more coherent. And so each level up, this levels of you become more coherent. That's level four. That seems like it might be the top, right? Well, you can get a lot done at level four for sure, and you will succeed a lot more at level four, but it's not the top. And there are certain things in life that you will not succeed with level four, because there's a backdoor built into level four of commitment, which is, hey, I did my best, all right? And then we kind of get defensive about that. Like, listen, I tried, okay? I did my best. It was impossible. I did my best and it didn't work. It was impossible. And then we preserve our ego by saying, if I couldn't do it, it was impossible. Or maybe we go back to level one in our stories. Well, I tried my best and I didn't get the results. So I guess I messed up in some way. It's not possible. And now we're back at square one. So we need to access something more, which is level five, which is I'm going to do whatever it takes. Whatever it takes. And there's an intensity. You can feel it in my voice. I'm accessing the energy of level 5 right now as I say it, so you can feel it. I'm gonna do whatever it takes. And the reason this is different and more and more powerful and more coherent than your best is. Because if I'm gonna do my best, I'll do three things or four things or. Or try a couple different iterations, and then I'll stop and I say, I did my best. If it's. I'm gonna do whatever it takes, then I'll do three things or four things, and if none of those work, then I'll do a fifth thing. If that doesn't work, I'll do a sixth thing. If that doesn't workSCH thing. If that doesn't work, I'll do an eighth thing. If that doesn't work. And how many things? I don't know. Whatever it takes. And there's a resourcefulness there, there's a flexibility there, there's a fluidity there. I'm gonna do whatever it takes. Can you feel that? And can you feel how much more powerful that's going to be? How much more impactful that's going to be? How much more successful that's going to be at any endeavor? Whatever it takes. Now, as I mentioned before, you might not be at a level five with everything, and you don't need to be at a level five with everything. You don't need to be like, you know, I'm going to. I'm gonna make. I'm gonna learn how to make donuts. I don't know why you wanna make donuts, but let's say whatever. It's the first thing that came to my mind, right? It's. I'm gonna learn how to make donuts and I'm gonna do whatever it takes to figure out how to make nuts. Like, okay, all right, that's your. You don't need to be so intense, man. Just pick. Pick the areas that are the most important. Now, you know, you decide for you, but for me, getting healthy in my body, you know, breaking free of old patterns that led to chronic pain that you can hear about in other episodes of this show. That, to me, was whatever it takes to be healthy, to be in a relationship that's extraordinary. That's beautiful. It gets better every year. That's. Whatever it takes to share this mission, mass liberation with the world and help as many people as I can and to create a successful business that allows me to. To do this, to teach with you and teach my mastermind programs and live events and work with people and write and just keep healing and creating in the world and then have other people do the other stuff. So I'm not running around trying to do 15 things and really being the chokehold on the business. So learn enough about business to hire a team and be the leader of that team so that I can do this work that I love and that I feel called to do. That's another whatever it takes. Maybe there's a couple more in there, but there's probably, there's a whatever it takes around a standard as a husband or as a father. If there was something that, you know, a close family member needed something, there was a dire situation, I'd bring that level, whatever it takes energy to it. But do you see how it's like the big things in life? It's the big things and if you do that in the big areas, then you get to have a life on your terms. So I'd be curious, what is it for you? Recently someone in my mastermind program asked me, well, how do you access that level 5 energy? Maybe they want to make a change. Maybe you want to make a change in your career. But it's scary. We just led in the mastermind run. We have an exclusive workshop that I do. I do a workshop with him every two months or so just for people. In this program we did a full day on their career. It was called on purpose how to have meaningful, rewarding and lucrative career. And there's a lot of great work that we did in there. People facing their fears around making changes in their career, little changes about how they show up, big changes about stepping into new roles or new jobs and even bigger changes about maybe making change full on changes in their career. And that can be scary. So one of people is asking, well, how do you access that level 5? Maybe they don't feel that way, maybe like I should change, but I don't know and it's hard and I've tried in the past and stuff. So okay, how do you access level five? Well, there's the short answer and then there's a longer answer. I'm gonna give you both. The short answer is you claim it and you claim it. Now I'm gonna guide you through that in just a minute. The longer answer is you then need to grow yourself and grow your muscle of confidence so you can actually live it out. So let me share a little bit more. Claiming it. Well, you look at that area of your life, that place that you want to claim more and you feel and you focus on why it's not enough. Why? Here's several different. You want to get into a state, you want to pierce through the denial and the settling energy that we can all fall into. And you want to access some fire inside of you, and so you say, hey, this is the state of my love life. This is the state of my career. This is the state of my health. Can you imagine being that way for another five years? Sometimes I'll do this with people if they don't like their job or something and they're stuck and they feel, ah, but I can't change and it'll be too hard. And it's like, okay, what if you imagine five years from now working at the same place and I watch their face and I pay attention to their energy, and there's like, aah. Feeling. I'm like, oh, now we're getting somewhere. Because we spend so much time trying to be like, it's not so bad. I should be grateful. I should get used to it. Hey, you say the grass is always greener. It's not. I should just stay where I am. This should feel okay. Other people will be satisfied with this. What you're doing is you're running a propaganda campaign to stop yourself from doing what's needed to take charge of your fucking life. And so when we access this energy, we gotta be real with ourselves and say, look, this isn't right for me. And this isn't coming from some crazy perfection place where it's gotta be like, everything's gotta be the best 100% all the time. It's like, no, When I'm honest with myself, this work isn't what I'm here to do. This feels like drudgery, you know? When I'm honest with myself, this relationship is not where I'm at. I know I can experience something so much better with someone who's way more open and willing to meet me where I'm at, where I'm not dragging them to be more authentic and open, like they want to meet me in my level of desire to be authentic and real. These are just examples I'm giving you, right? So you look at it, you face it head on, and you say, is this what I really want? Is this what I'm, you know, deserve in life? Is this where I'd want to be five years from now? What if I imagine 10 years from now being in the same place? And that feels really upsetting, really depressing, really demoralizing. Now you're getting somewhere. For me, one of the first times I accessed level five commitment, I didn't even know what the hell I was doing. I didn't have any terms like this. I didn't even know it was called this or anything. And it was when I. You might have heard this story. I talk about it. If you haven't got my ebook, by the way, you should go get my ebook@drazeez.com and while you're there, swing over to the events tab@drozeez.com and get yourself a super early bird ticket to the ultimate confidence breakthrough. Because spending three days with me is going to radically transform your confidence. It can absolutely change everything for you. It's going to be the beginning of a new journey. So@draziz.com, you can get my ebook, and that's called the Five Steps to Unleash youh Inner Confidence. That's free and in there. I tell this story. I'm not going to tell the whole story, but the punchline of it is, I'm alone, I'm in my room. I just gotten rejected again in dating, and I felt like completely and utterly horrible about my future. And instead of that being a bad thing, that was the best thing that could happen before. Because what happened is all that settling and denial, whatever, it reached a breaking point. And I was just like, I can't take this anymore. And the way that that can be best expressed is this phrase, enough of this, enough of this, enough of this. And you get frustrated, you get angry. But instead of collapsing on yourself and giving up and feeling sorry for yourself, and it's just not fair. And my stories tell me I can't change. And it's not, something else breaks through and you're like, fuck this. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. And in the ebook, I tell, I was gonna go open a video game. Warcraft 3 was a game of choice at that time for me, and I closed it. And I'm like, no, I'm gonna figure this out now. And I went to the Internet and I started looking. And that was a change of everything. So it starts with enough of this frustration, getting away from something, not going to the future, the dismal future that you're headed towards if you stay on this default path. And then, then you can start to claim something better. And you say, you know what? I made for more than this. I deserve more than this. And then you gotta tap into your vision of what you really want, your reasons about why you want it, why it matters for you. And however that vision comes to you, maybe it's literally a vision that you see a snippet, a snapshot, a little movie, something. Maybe it's a feeling, maybe it's a sense Maybe it's a paragraph that you write down. Everyone that joins my Mastermind program, it's a year long program. At the beginning, I have them send an email with a paragraph of their vision. I want them to get clarity on, like, this is where I want to be. Not just a year from now, but like, it could even be further out in the future. But this is where I'm headed and I want to use this program to accelerate that. So access that vision and focus on that vision. And then you want to claim that you want to stand tall. And if you can do this right now, it's even more powerful than just listening to it. Like, stand up and stand upright. And then hold your hand forward as if you're reaching forward. And I want you to. It's like you're reaching out and touching the future and your future self is coming back to you and you're merging with that future version of you that's already doing it, that's already living, that's already made the changes. And you breathe that in. You step into that and you say, yes, yes. And then repeat after me. Whatever it takes. Again, little more intensity. Whatever it takes. And if you're just listening right now, I'm gonna encourage you to repeat it, even if it's just in your own mind. Focus on something that's really meaningful for you, that you know you ultimately want. If you were to cut through the stories and the settling and the bs, like, yeah, no, underneath, I really do want. I've wanted this all along. All right, now focus on that vision. Focus on the vision of what you want. Actually first, focus on. What if you never had this in your life? What if you went another 5, 10, 15, or even 20 years of your life and you never experienced it? What if you were on your deathbed and you'd never experienced it because you didn't want to take the risk because you told yourself it wasn't possible? You want to feel the pain or the drop in your energy of that. Then you want to stand tall. Roll your shoulders back, breathe in, hold your hand forward and focus on that vision of what you really want to create what you're called to create a sense, get a feel of it, get an image of it. Let little scenes come to your mind and see it vivid and bright and clear. Say yes again. Say yes. Now focusing on that, I want you to repeat after me. Whatever it takes. Whatever it takes. Whatever it takes. Whatever it takes. Whatever it takes. That. That's how you start to access level 5. Can you feel that? And if you're not feeling it, you need more intensity, you need more vision, you need more reasons, you might need more pain. Looking at why you don't want this thing. And this is a great state to get into and this is a powerful state and this can change your life. And you must follow this up by building the freaking muscle of confidence. Because if you get all into a frenzy and then you go back to doing the same stuff, nothing's gonna change. You need to then from this place move forward and start to take action and start to take risks, especially in this area that you say you want something different in. So what are you doing differently? How are you acting? How are you showing up? What fears are you facing? Can you face them today? Can you face them tomorrow? And then as we're over time, that's how you build this muscle. And that's why I invite you one more time. Now is the time. The reason I'm mentioning a lot in this episode is because it's a super early bird. So now would be the time to get it, but that's what we're gonna be doing. So if you think about the three days, like, why go to the three day thing instead of just listening to this podcast? Well, first of all, it's an intensity thing. It's an immersion. And so instead of hearing a little bit each week, you are immersing in an environment. Secondly, it's a process that I'm guiding you through to take you from A to B. And I've done this for many years now, and this event specifically for many years. About six years for this event. But overall, helping people with this process for longer than that. But you can go through this process and be at a different place. It's like sort of saying, why would I want to go to an exercise boot camp, you know, or a training program? It's like, well, you're going to grow a lot in that, more than you are on your own. So I invite you to join me. Go to doctoraziz.com,/a z I z.com and then hit the events tab and let's talk about how you can turn this into action. Time for action. Action, action. Your action step is going to be. So if you didn't go through that process with me, maybe you were not sure if you wanted to or you were driving or something. You just felt like you couldn't do it. Go back and re listen to that section at the end there and go through the process focusing on an area of your life that's the first invitation for an action step. The second one though is this isn't just a one time thing. Like you did it one day on a Thursday and then you're like, wow, my life was fixed, right? No. So once you've done this with some level of intensity, maybe written something out that's visceral for you, that you feel, then what you're going to want to do is you need to claim this, claim More claim Level 5 remind yourself of the why at least once a day. And you don't have to go through the whole process where you're yelling or anything, but just like, just quickly be like, yeah, this is what I want for me. I'll have little prayers or little paragraphs that I'll read that remind me, this is how I want to be today. This is how I want to show up. This is why I want this result. This is why I want this in my life. This is who I want to be. This is how I want to be. And there's different ones for different things. So I'm not reading them all in one day. But I might read something about how I want to be in my relationship one day for myself, my vision for that. And then one day I'll read something about how I want to be as the leader of our family. And then how do I want to be when I show up in work and how I want to be with clients and people or how I want to be with a team. So you want to read that, you got to remind yourself, keep it fresh, or else it's easy just to settle back into those old patterns. I hope this serves you. Thank you for being with me today and until we speak again, may have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to socialconfidencecenter.com.