Whatever It Takes (UCB Earlybird)

Coming to you from the center for social Confidence in Portland, Oregon. Welcome to Shrink for the shy guy, helping men everywhere go from social anxiety to social domination with your host, Dr. Aziz.

Hey. Welcome. Today's episode of the show today is exciting because you're gonna learn a map. I would call it five levels that you can use to assess where you are, get your location in anything in your life, anything that's important, anything that matters to you, including your confidence or skill level, with anything that you want, whether it's your dating life, your work life, your career, your health. I mean, this applies to anything in life because it's about how you make decisions and. And how you show up. And so I'm super excited to share this with you because it's inspiring. Just. Just by learning this, you become more disciplined, dedicated, and committed. So I'm super excited. And it's. It's very fitting because this episode's called whatever it Takes. And right now, we're having the early bird special for the ultimate confidence breakthrough coming up in June. And that is truly an event. Like, if you're ready to do whatever it takes, as in get on a plane and come out here to Portland, then you will achieve results. And I've seen that in myself again and again. You probably know my story of getting to that place alone in my room on some night after getting rejected again, after working up the courage again to approach someone I was attracted to and her not being interested. Or worse still, her going on one date with me and then not being interested. Ugh. Like, it's one thing if you just Talked for, like, 10 seconds, right? Or two minutes, but if they go on a date with you and hang out with you for like an hour, and then they're like, yeah, yeah, you just kind of. You kind of suck. Don't want to hang out with you. Ugh. Right? I was so frustrated, and I remember reaching that breaking point in my room where I was like, I'm going to do whatever it takes to figure this out. And I'll share more about that in this episode. But before we begin, go to confidenceunleashnow.com weekend. It's confidenceunleashnow.com Weekend and we have the link below at shrinkforthshyguy.com as well. Shrinkforthshyguy.com to claim your ticket for the early bird, because after that, the price goes up by 50% or doubles. It doubles back up to its normal rate of 1997 for the weekend, but right now, it's half of that. It's 50%. So this is a great time to do it. And I can't tell you how much the weekends are powerful, life changing experiences. I've seen it again and again and I've seen the people that show up just be, you know, some people that are in my Mastermind program come back, you know, to, repeatedly to different weekends and the transformation that you see in them from say month one to month six or month one to month ten is just remarkable. And I'm not the only one who sees it. Other people see it as well, they walk taller, they, they look you in the eye, they just, they look like completely, you know, it's the same person, but kind of a different person as it were. So if you're on the fence, I would highly recommend it. I don't, I doubt that. The only way you'd regret it is, is if you came and then you're like, I came but I don't wanna show up, I don't wanna do anything, I don't wanna participate, I don't wanna learn. Then maybe you'd regret it cause you'd be like, why am I here? But if you really wanna break through and you wanna do this fast and you're sick and tired of living stuck, limited, afraid, self doubting, self critical, wanting that relationship, wanting something. But almost, maybe that'll happen next year, maybe later, like fuck that, now is the time. So come join me. You will be inspired. And I think you're gonna learn some things that are gonna help you completely break, break through. And this weekend is all about breaking through the fear of what other people are gonna think of you, of people aren't gonna like me, of rejection. I mean, you would not believe how much that holds people back in every area of life. In your dating life, in relationships, in business, in, in your career, in your social life and having the friends that you want, it all comes back to this core fear of rejection, which you're gonna just obliterate. And we do that in some really powerful deep work as well as some really fun things that just make you laugh and just let go of a lot of stuff. So come join me. Go to confidenceunleashednow.comweekend to find out all the details and reserve your seat. And today we are gonna be talking about whatever it takes, which is, that's one of the levels. But there's five levels of commitment and this is something that you want to look at when it comes to, you know, you're building your confidence because that's a process, right? You've probably learned that it's not just I learned one thing or one affirmation. And then bam, I'm confident forever. This is an ongoing process of you taking action, building your self awareness, changing the way you talk to yourself, treating yourself better, learning skills, conversation and dating skills, attraction building skills, public speaking skills, learning these things, applying them, having ups and downs. Or some days, you know, you break through and you have an awesome experience, you give a great presentation, or you get an amazing date after meeting a stranger. And then you have days where you're in sales and 10 people say no to you. And then this woman that you're dating says she doesn't want to see you anymore, or who knows, right? You have days where you just get kind of kicked in the. Kicked in the teeth. And that's part of the process. There is no permanent silver bullet, one day quick fix for confidence or for anything. For your health, for your money, for your career, for your relationships. It's all processes, right? And every process requires a commitment to keep going day after day, whether it's going to the gym or building this confidence. So. But not all commitments are created equal. And there are five levels of commitment. This originally started with something called reality therapy by a guy named William Glasser, who's a psychiatrist in England, who created this. And there's another guy he worked with a lot named Dr. Robert Wobalding. And these guys pioneered a lot of what's called reality therapy today. And they have a book called Choice Theory. William Glasser does. That's great. I don't know if Robert wobbleding has his own book. He might probably does, but it's great. It's a type of sort of strong behavioral therapy. Like take action in your life is kind of their core way of solving a lot of problems. And they are big believers in action, changing your identity. So it's great stuff, very inspiring. But they have these levels of commitment that I found really interesting. And here's my version of them. It's kind of tweaked and enhanced based upon my own experience, but the original ideas came from them. So. And I want you to be thinking about, as we're talking about this, your level of commitment. Let's focus on this process of building confidence. I know he said we could talk about the gym and your health and everything else, but your level of confidence and you know that's even more specifically to you, right? So maybe where do you want that confidence and how does it show up? Maybe there's a certain dating life you want to be Able to create for yourself where you can approach and be being a lot more comfortable in creating the dates and relationships that you want. Maybe it's in your work and your career you want to speak up more boldly, whatever it is. But you know the path that you're on. And let's look at the level of commitment you have to this path. Here's level one. Level one is just a kind of a lack of commitment really. And this level is characterized by lots of resistance and statements like, I don't really want to do anything different. I like doing what I'm doing. I don't want to speak up in meetings. I like being quiet in the back. I don't want to go approach a stranger. I like being single. I don't want to. I like this. This is fine. I don't want to work out because going to the gym is for idiots, stupid people looking in the mirror. I don't want to do that. Egomaniacs, self loving narcissists in there. That's not my thing. It's weird. I don't want to go there. I like the way I look. I'm content with myself. Right. Ringing any bells on that one? I know I've been in places like that. That's level one, lack of commitment. And as we're going through these, I really want you to pay attention to where you are. Let's take a break right now, actually. Then we're getting into level two. I mean, I doubt you're at level one. If you're listening to this podcast, you're probably not at level one. That's the people that are not listening, not reading, not doing any work on this. So let's get to the levels that you probably are at. And I guarantee that once you hear all these, it kind of paves the way and opens the door for you to instantly rise to a higher level. Or that's the hope anyway, so stay tuned. We'll be right back right after this with the second level.

She probably has a boyfriend. She's out of my league. I'd only bother her if I tried to talk with her. Why would she go out with me? I'll only mess it up if I try. Does any of this sound familiar? These are the exact thoughts that are stopping you from creating outstanding and fun dates and relationships with amazing women. Ready to break free? Go to 30daystodatingmastery.com to get a free copy of Dr. Aziz eBook 7 Ways to Start Conversations with Women Anytime, Anywhere and start meeting women today.

Welcome back. So second Level of commitment. This is outcome without effort. I want the outcome, but I don't want to put in any effort. And this is where a lot of people actually are. This is the level of wish of hope fantasy, really. I want to lose weight and get, get in great shape. I want to be able to walk up to any attractive stranger and just casually start talking to them. Relaxed, confident, at ease. I want to start my own business. I want to get a promotion. I want to make X amount of money. Insert your preferred large number here. I want to get a promotion. I want to do this, I want that. Sure. However, we want all these things, but we don't want to make any real effort. We want to take, you know, that action consistently over time. Effort over time. As Dan Millman says, we don't want to do that. We don't want to do any work at all for the outcome. We just want it now, quickly and easily. And this level is obviously characterized by a lack of any real significant action over time. And this is where we're looking for. You know, maybe you're doing some reading online, you're looking, maybe even read a book, got a program. You know, it's not like there's nothing here, but it's like we're, even though we're getting that stuff, we're kind of looking for it to do something to us. We're definitely still in a victim stance in life, victim of circumstance. Life is going to do things to me and push me around like a billiard ball. And it's going to push me to where I want to be. I'm not going to do it. I don't have any agency. Life is going to do it for me. And so we, you know, we read some stuff online, we get some ideas, but we don't significantly implement it. We don't actually go get to the gym every day. We don't actually go start saying hi to 10 people a day. We don't actually start approaching people and practicing our conversations because that's all effort. And we kind of want it now. And when we're doing this, we might say, I want it now without effort. But that's pretty honest. And usually we deceive ourselves. So we say, oh, it's just too hard. Oh, I just don't have the time. Oh, it's, I'm just gonna, I'm just kind of, I was born this way. Oh, look at him. He's so suave. He must have been born that way. Oh, it's not fair that they get, they gave that person, the promotion, she's just lucky, you know, this is the excuse land. I talk about this in my book the Art of Extraordinary Confidence, which if you haven't read, by the way, I highly recommend it. And if you haven't, you can get it on Audible audio version. Me reading to you for 13 hours, it's a beast, but it's fun. Someone left a review and called it a comedy drama, which it is. It's a lot of stuff from my own life, but a lot of stuff in there to make you laugh as well as inspire you to higher and higher levels of confidence. That's my goal. And if you've read that book and benefited from it, please, by all means, go to Amazon.com and give it a. A great review. I would really appreciate that. So if you read it and you're like, oh, I like that book, then I would really appreciate that favor. Thank you. So that's the excuse land. We want the effort, we want the outcome without the effort. So just looking right now, when it comes to this process of building the confidence and where you wanted it most, be honest with yourself. Are you here, do you hang out here sometimes where you want the outcome without the effort? And of course it's okay, you know, as a human, sure, we all want instant gratification, but I mean, not like, oh, yeah, I want that, but that's not gonna happen. So let me get to work. Are you actually hanging out in this level and hoping, wishing, waiting for something to be different? Hint, it never will be. Okay, level three. Level three is a level of trying. This level of commitment indicates that, you know, we're actually going to do something. Now. We're willing to put some work in, try things, take action, begin to take steps in the world. But I also mentioned in the book of Art of Extraordinary Confidence, I say trying is weak, man. It basically means that you're going to take action until you hit something difficult or challenging, then you'll quit. And this is characterized by phrases like, I'll try, maybe I'll do that. Maybe I'll reach out to them. I'll probably go there this weekend and try to talk to a few people maybe. And we put in tons of qualifiers, tons of exits, tons of back doors where, you know, and I call people out all the time in my unstoppable confidence mastermind group. We have these calls that we do weekly and, you know, there's a lot of accountability built into that group. And people say they're going to do something and we hold them to that Commitment. And someone says, okay, I really want to work on this. Great. We come up with a challenge for them, and they'll say, okay, well, good, I'll try to do that this week. And then I'll say, okay, you know, try to do it. And then sometimes we'll flush it out. Maybe they're not at a high level of commitment. And sometimes they're like, oh, yep, that was just me saying that I will do it. I'm like, great. And when they say that, they're much more likely to actually do it because it pops them into a higher level of commitment. So this is extremely common. I see this in clients a lot. You might be here a lot. This is a normal part of any process where we go along and then we hit a snag. We get rejected, and it hurts. We try something and it fails. We feel embarrassed, and then we're like, ugh, I just. I want to stop. I don't want to do this. And we get discouraged. Now that's normal as well as part of the process. But the difference here is if you're really at this level, we get discouraged and we just stall out. We stop for long periods of time or we entrench further into stories. Something wrong with me. I'm never going to get this. I'm broken, I'm fucked up, I'm weird. I can't do this. This is never gonna happen. Even if it does happen, it's gonna take like 15 years. It's one of my favorite ones. This will never happen. And even if it does, it will take insert some large amount of years here. So, but this, this level is about what's the minimum I have to do to get the results that I want. And the bare minimum to get by standard is the calling card of the dabbler. And it will never lead to mastery. It will never get you what you want, and it never leads to great outcomes, consistent results, success, wealth, happiness, love, anything that you really want. You have to go to a higher level of commitment, which is level four. Level four. That's where it's at, man. Level four is I'll do my best. And this is where things really start to heat up. This is when you start to take consistent action. You face your challenges head on, and you step up in your life. This is where you start to notice progress and get results and starts to feel good and start to build momentum, and it really starts to compound in your life. And this might sound like where it's at. Like, this is. Well, this has got to be the highest level of commitment, right? I'm doing my best. And that's. People will say, hey, all you can do is your best. You just gotta do your best. And that's great. And it does produce great results. And you can get great results from doing your best. But there's still something there. There's still an exit door, there's still a back door that we can pull out and say, now, I tried, I did my best, now I'm gonna quit. So let's say you're working on something and you're working on it. You're actually really doing it. You're doing your best and you're putting in weeks or even months effort, and you put in energy and attention and your money and you're focused and you're really doing it and you do your best, but you still aren't getting the results that you want. And it's been three months, let's say. And when this happens, a lot of people will say, well, look, I did my best and I still haven't got it. I guess I'm never meant to achieve X. I'm never meant to be that kind of guy. I'm never meant to be able to do that. And that's totally false, by the way. But it does make a plausible sounding story, doesn't it? And then we can stop. We can stop putting in the effort, which is inherently uncomfortable. We can get back into our comfort zone and get in that safety net again. Like, ah, whew, I have to stop, stop trying. Because, hey, I gave it my all. And now, of course, if we really believe that, then we're in trouble. Because then the next time we ever want to consider achieving that thing again, our mind's gonna say, hey, look, you did your best and you couldn't do it, so why put all that effort in a lot of people stay stuck there and never try again. I don't want that for you. So this one is powerful and you are gonna get some great results with this one. And you gotta go to the next level if you really want to break through this or anything else in your life to achieve high levels of confidence, extraordinary results, and really living a life that you feel good about, feel proud of, feel excited about. And we're going to get into that fifth level right after this. Stay tuned. We'll be right back.

No, I can't. I'm not good enough. No one will like me. You're so ugly. Why would anyone pay you more? No, I can't. I'm not good enough. No One will like me. Tired of the same old loop in your brain? Are you ready for something different? Positive thinking won't get you there. You need to systematically dismantle your old toxic ideas and profoundly shift your mindset. Join Dr. Aziz in confidence Unleashed as he guides you through dozens of powerful exercises to transform your confidence on the deepest level. Go to Confidence Unleashed to get your copy today.

Welcome back. So let's talk about level five of commitment, whatever it takes. And if you are already at that level, then you might have gone over to Confidence UnleashedNow.com Weekend and gotten yourself a seat, because that is level five commitment. That's doing whatever it takes. Whatever it takes. That's the level that I got to that night in my house where I was feeling alone, desperate, stuck, frustrated. It wasn't, I'll try. It wasn't even I'll do my best. It was, I'm gonna do whatever it takes. And here is what the difference is. The difference is, I'm not gonna stop. I'm not gonna do it for two or three weeks or two or three months and then say, well, I did my best. I'm gonna quit. Hey, look, if I'm not getting those results, if I don't feel like I'm progressing at three months, guess what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna try something else and do a different approach. And if that doesn't work, I'm gonna try something else and do a different approach. And if that doesn't work, I'm gonna get some help and some guidance. I'm gonna read a couple books. I'm gonna try something else, and I'm gonna get a different result. And if that's not the result that I want, then I'm gonna find someone else and get coaching. I'm gonna get a different result. I'm gonna try that, and I'm gonna apply that. I'm gonna keep going. I'm gonna learn. I'm go again. And then if that doesn't work, I'm gonna go again and get a different result. And I'm gonna keep going and keep making progress and keep learning and keep course correcting. Cause I'm not gonna fucking stop. That is level five. That is doing whatever it takes. You cut off all exit routes. You cut off all excuses. There's no escape. If I don't know something, I need to learn it. If I'm scared to do something, I need to face it and overcome it. If I believe I can't, then I must. And this level is so powerful because it Shows you again and again that your mind's predictions are false. What it says is possible for you or impossible for you is totally arbitrary, totally made up. Because if you consistently go down this path and keep course correcting and you don't stop, you will do the impossible. You will do what your mind says is not possible for you again and again and again. So this level is where you want to be in any area of your life that matters for you. This level is where you achieve extraordinary results. This level is where you transform things forever. And you probably get from this show, you don't hear me talking. You know, a lot in my clinical training as a psychologist, a lot of people talk about, you know, anxiety management and coping with social anxiety. And you got to teach people to learn to live with this. And I'm like, fuck that. Let's liberate ourselves. Why are we gonna just be stuck with this and have to live with this forever? Why can't we fully break free? Anxiety is not some inherent quality in a human. Anxiety is something that we learn. It's a pattern. Let's fully break free. But here's the thing. The only people that fully break free are the people at level five willing to do whatever it takes. And I encourage you to step up to that level in your own life. What would that look like for you? In fact, that actually brings us to your action step.

Time for action.

Your action step for today is to ask yourself that question. You know, what level am I at in this process of building my confidence and becoming the person that I want to be? And what would level five look like? And you know what, if you're at, like a level three, then maybe what would level four look like first? Right? If you're at the. I'll try kind of maybe, or maybe you're at level two, right? I want the results, but I don't want to put any effort in. Well, just look at the next level above. What would that look like? Just to give yourself something that's a little easier to hold onto. But then still ask yourself, what would level five look like for me if I were willing to do whatever it took for however long it took to do whatever it takes to get these results. What would that look like for me? And really ask yourself, really imagine that, really envision that. And then take some notes, write that shit down, get yourself into that state. Because when you do, you get power, you get energy, you get momentum, and guess what? You get results so much faster with that energy. And again, if you really want to, if you're already at that level or you want to kick things into that level, come join me for a weekend because you can probably tell that I reside at that level. Anything that's important to me, if I'm not there, I'll eventually kick it into that gear because that's how I get results, whether it's in my health, in my relationship, in parenting, in my diet, in anything. How do we get to level 5? And this doesn't have to be some sort of crazy, like intense perfectionism thing. This is actually a way to call upon a level of commitment in you that makes things easier. You know, in fact, I think it was Jack Canfield who first said this. He said 90, 100% is easy, 99% is a bitch. Think about that. Like, really, when you're fully committed, it is easier. Takes a lot less energy and discipline once you get going, once you step into that level. So go to confidence unleashed now.com weekend it's confidenceunleashednow.com weekend. Or go to shrinkforthshyguy.com and below this episode we'll have a little link to it because that way you can go find out about this weekend, see what this crazy guy Aziz is up to in Portland. But if you're in any way resonating with what I'm talking about, like the weekend is like this podcast on steroids for three days. And not just me talking at you, but me talking with you and interacting with you and coaching you and guiding you and helping you break free of stuff that might have been clogging your mind, your energy, your heart, your freedom for weeks, months, years, decades. Let's break through that. Let's do whatever it takes. And I can't wait to see you, whether it's at a weekend or just in future episodes of this show. Because you're awesome. And until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you are awesome. I look forward to talking to you soon.

Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Azeez. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks and training videos. We're for looking related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence. Go to socialconfidencecenter.

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