When Are You Going To Stop Being So Nice?

When are you gonna stop being so nice? That's my question for you. And it might be a provocative question. You might say, well, being nice is a good thing, right? It makes me a good person. And maybe you've already read my book Not Nice. And you know what I mean when I say that often niceness is people pleasing. It's fear of disapproval, fear of judgment, fear of conflict, fear of what they are going to think of you. So niceness is often inauthenticity. I'm gonna hide what I really think and what I really feel and what I really want so that you'll like me, so that it'll be smooth, so there won't be conflict, there won't be ripples, right? That's the niceness we're talking about. And you might already be very familiar with that and say, yeah, oh man, I read your book Not Nice and oh, I gotta change that. That's not working for me anymore. I gotta, gotta do something about it. When? When are you going to do something about it? Because it's not changing. This is not like flipping a light switch. It's a process. It's a whole new way of being in the world. And you build it step by step, action by action, decision by decision. Let me give you a quick story as an example. I remember there's one client I've been talking to who has a conflict or differing opinion than someone in her world, a neighbor, and has consistently not said what she needed to say, avoided the situation, held back, pleased, placated, and felt frustrated, irritated, down, depressed, stuck, frustrated, felt all the tension inside from not letting yourself be more real, be more direct in this case, to say what she needs to say. Now that could happen in a work situation and a romantic relationship. I bet if you looked at your life right now, you could think of at least one area of your life where you want to be a little bit more real, a little bit more direct, a little bit more honest. And maybe you don't want to be, you need to be. And you're like, oh, it's uncomfortable. I don't want to go there, but you need to go there. And my question for you is, when? Because here is the. It might sound unfortunate, this truth, but it's also extremely liberating. You got a long way to go. I got a long way to go. We all got a long way to go. Being boldly, expressively you in the world is not easy. It's not something that you just purchase on the shelf and then you got it like a new computer or something like. It's a cultivation of you. It's a muscle, it's a strengthening. And it's worth it because these muscles allow you to come out in the world. And it's not just about getting something from your neighbor or even just resolving a conflict at work, although that's gonna feel good. It's about something so much more. It's about you being who you're meant to be in this life. You being your most bold, free, authentic self. We don't even know all the effects of that in the world, but I do know that they're good. And that's what the world needs right now, is you being more of you and not holding back in this way. So what is the thing that you could do today that would be a little less nice and a little bit more real, a little bit more authentic, a little bit more true, a little bit more direct? Say what needs to be said. Ask for what you want to ask for. Unapologetically put yourself out there in some way and say, this is me. Here we go. Because the more you do it, the better you will get at it. The stronger you'll get. And the stronger you get, the easier it might feel. It doesn't get easier, but you get stronger. And you start by practicing. And you. Well, when to start? That's the question I have for you. That's what we started with this video with. So let me know, share down and in the comments below. When are you going to start? Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome and talk to you soon.