Who Says It's Suppose to Be Easy

Do you sometimes get frustrated about how hard it is to get more confident, feel more comfortable in yourself, get the results that you want, reach the goals that you have? Do you get frustrated or disappointed or upset about setbacks, failures, not getting to where you want to be quickly enough? If so, today's episode is really going to help you shift that so you can be way more at peace with the process, way more aware of how it actually is supposed to go, and feel surprisingly more confident along the way.

Coming to you from the center for Social Confidence in Portland, Oregon. Welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy, helping men everywhere go from social anxiety to social domination with your host, Dr. Aziz.

Hey, welcome. Welcome to today's episode of the show. Today we're going to be focusing on one question. Are you ready? The question is, who said it was supposed to be easy? Who said it was supposed to be easy? That's what we're going to dive into today. This is going to help you feel a lot more peace about the process of growing, of really trying to achieve or do anything in your life and some of the inevitable frustrations, challenges, struggles that happen along the way, maybe even the fears and concerns that you might not make it as well. So if you want to go deeper in the show, go to shrinkforthshyguy.com all spelled out shrinkforthy guy.com there you can look up show notes, get the transcript, as well as get a copy of my eBook, Five Steps to Unleash youh Inner Confidence. That is a super powerful, simple process where I take all the best stuff that I learned over the last, geez, 14 years now of doing this to help you learn step by step, how to unleash your confidence, how to go from stuck, held back, inhibited. What are the exact things I need to do to become way more confident in any area of my life so that I can approach women, create dates, and be way more bold and comfortable talking to anyone at work and just feel more confident in my own skin. So go check that out. Super valuable book. And I also will send you some free training videos too about how to really implement that in your life. So let's talk about this question. Who said it's supposed to be easy? And this is something that I actually ask myself when I'm struggling or when I'm feeling like nothing's ever going to work out or I feel like I failed at something. And it's a question that actually really helps me to gather more strength, more courage, more confidence, more determination to keep going. So I noticed this Come up not too long ago where I was promoting a live event that I was doing called the Ultimate Confidence Breakthrough. And I remember the previous event that I did called Supremely Confident Conversation Master. There was a lot of people that were interested in that one, and it filled up really quickly. And so when it came around to promoting the next event, I was like, yeah, what's up? Press send on the email, and there's gonna be people banging down the doors. Let us in, Aziz. Your events are amazing. And I remember I put it out there, and it was like, meh. I was like, oh, okay, send some more emails. Did you guys not hear the amazing event is coming? Meh. And, you know, mediocre response. And I was like, it was certainly not what I was imagining or anticipating. And I was like, oh, okay. And then it triggered a sense of like, oh, I failed. And, you know, it was really interesting. It was, like, really painful. And I was very curious about it. I was like, wow, this is, like, a big emotional reaction. What's happening? And the feeling was, I'm not good enough in some way. Like, oh. It was kind of like, oh, I was throwing a party and no one showed up. Oh, God, I'm a loser. And that's not even true. It's like, no one. It was just like, oh, I had a catered event for 100 people, and way fewer that showed up. Catered event for 100 people, and there's 15 people there. Like, oh, I'm a loser. Right? So it's triggering all this, like, approval stuff that was happening for me. And here's the thing. And that can happen for you, and I'm just giving an example for my own life, but that could happen. I don't know when you ask someone out and she says no, or when you try to get a job and you don't get it, or not even. Like, you know, you go on the interview and then they say no. Maybe you send some applications out and you don't even hear back, or you try some endeavor in your company or some project that you're working on in your business, and again, it just falls flat or doesn't work. Whatever it is, it triggers that sense of, like, I fail. I'm not good enough. And here's the kicker. It does this sort of like, oh, this is so hard, and it's so unfair, and why can't it be easier? And maybe it's easier for other people. And you know what I'm talking about. That kind of. I kind of gave it a whiny voice tone because it sort of has a whiny feel to it. I remember there's one client I worked with who would sometimes kind of fall into that state where he'd sort of be like, ah, why do I have to work on this so hard? Other people can just do this with easily, with no effort. Why do I have to work on this? And it wasn't like a. An actual inquiry about, like, huh, I wonder what, you know, what in me makes this more challenging than maybe for someone else. It wasn't an actual inquiry. It was like kind of lamenting how unfair it all is. And that's where the question who said it's supposed to be easy? Comes in. So stay tuned. We're going to take a quick break, and when we come back, I'm going to share with you how to use this question in your life, how I used it, and how it can help empower you, strengthen you, and give you more confidence to pursue further and faster what it is that you really want. Stay tuned.

Does working with Dr. Aziz actually work? Can you really break free from social anxiety and live a life of confidence, success, and happiness? Here is what one client had to say about his experience.

People are a lot more open to me now. Since I've been working with Dr. Aziz, I feel much more confident talking to people because I have the skills to talk to people and even people that I don't know, I can talk to. Now there are people at my pool hall where I go to for a pool league. I've been there every weekend for a couple of years now, and half of them I didn't know because I didn't have the social skills. And now I'm talking two, three hours a night every time I go to pool league with them. And when I'm in the bar, when I'm in a coffee shop, I can start conversations with random strangers. And it's really improved my quality of life. So I think Dr. Aziz is an investment in yourself and he can teach you a lot of things on how to develop some good skills and improve your life.

To get started on your journey towards lifelong confidence with Dr. Aziz, simply go to socialconfidencecenter.com coaching.

Welcome back. So let's start by actually asking that question. Who said it was supposed to be easy? Now, whatever it is that you want to do, maybe you want to feel way more comfortable and confident in yourself. Whatever's making you listen to this show, right? Basically, you want to feel more comfortable and confident in yourself. You want to be able to more easily approach women and create dating relationships. You want to speak up at work. You want to be more assertive. You want to be less nice. You want to be better at public speaking. You want to be more bold. You want to be more of a leader. You want to increase your sales because you want to be more confident in your ability to talk to people. And whatever it is that you want. The area that you're not there yet and that you kind of go into that state I was describing before the break where you're like, why is it so hard? It's not fair. Who said that that was supposed to be easy? That thing that you want? So here's a couple things. One, this idea that it's somehow easier for someone else, that is a total weird distorted illusion because we have no freaking clue how it was for someone else. We really don't. We really don't. Even if it looks especially. I mean, okay, one, it looks easier for them. How closely are we really observing people and knowing all facets of their life and their history and how long it took them to get there and what they had to work through to get there, and who knows what their fucking dad said to them when they were five years old, right? We have no idea. We just get a snapshot of the current state and like, oh, look at them, you know. So the example I was giving earlier about live events, one of my mentors, Christian Mikkelsen, it's like, I go to his event, there's like 200 people there and they all love him. And I'm like, oh, so easy for him, right? Or you see that guy who just casually talks to a woman and you're like, oh, he's a natural jerk. So easy for him, right? I hope you. Or taking what I'm doing as I'm playing, I'm being light hearted around it because I just want to kind of make that part a little more silly and less intense. When you're experiencing, I don't need you to necessarily be ridiculing or mocking you. Well, maybe just. Maybe just a little. But I'm mocking myself too, so it's okay. So this part of us that gets upset and wants it to be easier, it's comparing to someone else. And really it's not an accurate comparison. How long, most likely it took someone a shit ton of work to get to wherever you see them, them at. So just start assuming that it did. Now there's those people who like to brag about how easy it was for them. And you know, sure, maybe there's one out of 10,000 who's like that, but that's not the norm. And usually they're only sharing like the breakthrough moment. I always love this, you know, people that share about their business, it's like, yeah, you know, I took my business from zero to seven figures and one year and a half, 18 months, $1.4 million. And it's like, wow, that's sounds pretty impressive. But okay, that's the last 18 months. What were you doing the last 10 years before that? How many failed businesses do you have? How many business lessons did you learn? What did you try? What did you. I mean, maybe they did a bunch of stuff, right? And they're just sharing like that quick Riches story or whatever the example is in your life, whether it's dating, other things like that. So what we want to do is we want to stop comparing and seeing it as distorted. It's like, maybe it's not easy for anyone. And then this bumps into another idea that I've seen, which is kind of from the, I don't know, New age law of attraction abundance world, which, you know, maybe you're a fan of. And I'm not against it. I do think there's a tremendous power and manifesting things and focusing on what we want and so forth, and I use it in my life. But there's also this kind of like, if you're making it hard, if it's hard, if it feels hard, that's because you're making it hard. And, you know, you should just open up your arms wide and let in the abundance that's already there and let it be really easy and let it just come to you. And I get what they're doing when they teach that, right? They're trying to help people not be locked into some sort of fixated attachment of like, I gotta have this or else shit, right? Because that energy pushes away things, it repels things. But the downside of that teaching is I think it's sort of like, well, you're doing it wrong if it's hard. And I'm like, you know what? I don't think that's true. I think that a lot of things that are worth doing can be hard, can be challenging, can be a struggle, can be an endeavor, can be a test of you. And maybe the thing that you want is hard. What if you just let it be that? And you didn't fight it, you didn't resist it, you didn't lament it, you just said, yeah, to become really comfortable and myself around Someone that I'm attracted to and to be vulnerable and authentic and playful and to find who I really am and bring that out in this situation with all of the messages that I got when I was younger about how I'm not good enough and I'm not attractive and I shouldn't, blah, blah, blah. For me to overcome all that and just bring my free self out, that's hard. It's fucking hard. It's not easy to pursue something that you love and grow and become a leader in your field and to step by step claw your way up to be sought after, to be valuable to a company or in business. That's not easy. It's hard. That's why most people don't do it. Who said it was supposed to be easy? So we're gonna take a quick break right now and then we're gonna get even deeper into this, how to use this. And maybe you're already feeling it to activate a sense of like, grit, determination and power and all the valuable things that come out of something being hard and not being easy. So stay tuned. We'll be right back right after this.

What are people saying about Dr. Aziza's program, the Confidence Code? Here's what Ernesto Garcia from Los Angeles, California recently emailed in. The Confidence Code is an amazing program. There is nothing out there with this much value. Everything is covered inside the walls of self esteem and confidence. I have not yet finished the program and I can see my results. I am way more confident than I was before I started the program. Right off the bat I knew how great this was after starting the first video. I highly recommend this to anybody. Schedule the videos, take notes, be consistent and take action. You will see results if you apply these lessons to your day to day life. This has and is changing my life for the better. It's something I can always, always come back to and gain more results from. To radically boost your self esteem, master your social skills and skyrocket your confidence. Go to YourConfidencecodenow.com.

Welcome back. So let me ask you this question. What if it is hard and it's worth it? Instead of it, you know, you kind of unconsciously or subtly demanding that it should be easier. What if it's like, no, it's hard and it's worth it. Why is it worth it? Right? So let's say you're single, you've been single for a long time and you want to meet someone and it's like you go on a date or two and then you're like, oh, I wanted to work with this person, but I'm just not that interested. But I want it to work. And you're trying to kind of force it, and then you're just like, ah, shit, didn't work. And then you feel disappointed. You say, oh, why is it? Why is it so hard? It should be easy. It's easy for those other people. And you kind of go down that path that we've been talking about today. What if it's hard, but it's worth it? How is it worth it? What is it forcing you to do? What is it calling out of you? How is it making you step up in a way that you would not step up if it were easy? What if the pain brings out the best of you, brings out more strength, more power, more grit, more fucking determination than you'd ever have if it was just easy. What if there is tremendous value in, like, the saga of the struggle? Like, am I gonna make it? No, I didn't this time. Oh, shit. But I'm gonna make it next time. Ah, like, the ups and downs, the challenges, the setbacks, the failures, and ultimately the victories. I mean, how lame would the victories be if it was just like, oh, yeah, set that goal and hit it. And then I got the next one. That was super easy. And then I set an even bigger goal, and that was. I don't know, I was like, easier than all the rest. Right? I mean, it might sound kind of great, but it wouldn't be. It really wouldn't be. We like the drama. We like the energy. We want it to be hard on some level because that's how we're gonna grow. That's how we expand. That's how we sculpt ourselves as humans. Ultimately, that might be even why we're doing it in the first place, possibly. So where in your life have you been secretly demanding that it should be easier? And how can you just embrace that it's hard and it's worth it? And what are you committed to doing knowing that it's hard? Where are you committed to showing up and doing more, maybe more than other people would because of the person that it's making you, that it will make you, that it already has made you? And can you give yourself some credit for that? For showing up when it's hard? Not for the result yet. Maybe you haven't got the result that you want yet. Can you give yourself credit for showing up even though it's hard? And here's the thing. Just don't stop. Just don't stop. If you don't stop. You're going to get to wherever it is that you want to go. You want to be more confident. Keep practicing what you're learning in this show. Or if you want a more kind of focused, systematized way of doing it, confidence unleashed is a great way to do that. It's a system. It guides you step by step. Apply that however you want to go about it. Get my book, the Solution to Social Anxiety. I have tons of ways to help guide people with this, but just get the guidance and then just don't stop. Apply what you're learning again and again and just don't stop. And the reason we stop is we think, well, it should be easy. It's not. So fuck it, I quit. And look, that's okay. On the things that don't really matter. You know where I do that speaking Spanish. So I learned a couple years of Spanish in high school. I've been down to Mexico twice, three times maybe, in my life where I got a chance to practice it. I like it. I would love to be able to be fluent in the language. But then when I've really invested time and effort to, like, I'm gonna learn this. Oh, this is not easy. Fuck it, I quit. I've done that a couple times in my life. And you know what? I'm totally okay with that because it doesn't really matter to me that much. But there's things that really matter to you. Finding someone that you really connect with, that you can really fall in love with, that you can really be yourself with, that really excites and delights you and inspires you, that you want to spend the rest of your life with. That's fucking worth it. Being able to forge your way in the workforce, to go do the thing that you really like, that you're really interested in, that fascinates you, that you can't help but keep learning and growing in. Whether it's your own business, which I think is amazing, or working in a company, working in a small business, wherever it is. But it's doing something that lights you up that is not easy, but it's fucking worth it. Being able to create amazing, deep friendships with people that you love, that you build over years, you build over time. You're honest, you're authentic. You're vulnerable. Sometimes you have conflict, but you work through it. You're there for each other. You love those people. They're like your family, even though they're not your birth family. That's hard to create. Sometimes people move away and you Lose touch. Sometimes you just grow apart. Sometimes you get so focused on work or family that you kind of zone in and lose some of those connections. And it's fucking hard to keep those, to create those, to find those people that you really click with and resonate with. Especially if you move to a new city or your new stage in your life. It's hard. But, man, that's worth it. Do you see what I'm going for here? Do you see all the areas? And I'm just listing a couple of the major ones that are super important to me. And a lot of the clients that I work with think about for you what's most important for you, and tap into that part of you that knows that it's hard, but it's worth it. And then what are you gonna do? What are you committed to doing, to making that happen? In fact, that brings us to our action step for the day. Time for action. Your action step for today is to ask yourself this question. When you're noticing that you're lamenting it being hard. Who said it was supposed to be easy? And then breathe in. Find that sense of, like, power and determination in your chest and your stomach. The sense of, like, you know what? No more. I'm gonna do what it takes. Like, it taps into a power inside of you to find that. And start by asking yourself that question. Hey, who said it was supposed to be easy? It's not easy. It's hard. And it's fucking worth it. Let's do this. That's the energy you want to tap into. Then take bold action. Then watch your life transform. You got this. You're doing this. You're awesome. You're amazing. I love you. Let's keep rocking and rolling. Stay tuned to future episodes. We're going to keep doing this. If you want to go deeper, go to social confidencecenter.com social confidencecenter.com there is an ebook there called 5 Steps to Unleash youh Inner Confidence. You can get that for free. And also there's programs there. I mentioned them occasionally in the show. You hear them during some of the commercials. Those are rocket fuel. If you really want to learn this stuff and get this stuff, go check out the products page of my site. There's a reason I created each of those and people get powerful results from those. So check those out. Stay tuned to future episodes. And until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.

Thanks for listening. To Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Azeez. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to Shrink for the for theshyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks, and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to socialconfidencecenter.com.