Who You Really Are

How do you see yourself? Who do you think you are? Do you see yourself? Often from a place of limitation and lack and I can't and I'm not good enough and a negative, limited identity. In today's episode, you're going to learn how to shift that, how to break through that and how to see who you really are. And we're going to go over three powerful truths about who you really are that are going to inspire you and liberate you to be more of yourself, express more of yourself, and ultimately be more of you of who you are in the world. Coming to you from the center for Social Confidence in Portland, Oregon, welcome to Shrink for the shy guy, helping men everywhere go from social anxiety to social domination. With your host, Dr. Aziz. Welcome to today's episode of the show. Today is exciting because we're going to dive into who you really are, who you really are. And who you really are is not who you think you are. And many of us, most of us, all of us on some level, are really selling ourselves short and playing with small identities and a small sense of self that keeps us stuck, keeps us limited, keeps us from going out there and doing whatever it is what we want to do, and keeps you from having confidence in yourself. And if you're feeling shy and held back and socially anxious and limited, you are definitely not tapping into who you really are. You're definitely seeing yourself from a very limited perspective. And we're going to help you break through that and shift that today. And if you want to get more show notes and connect, send me a message, go to shrinkforthshyguy.com you can also go to facebook.com socialconfidence like that page there, to get updates, stuff about show releases, as well as join into the conversation and share your experiences. So who you really are is what we're going to cover in today's show. And let's start with where you might think you are or where I definitely spent a lot of my time is in a small identity or limited ideas about ourselves. This is some version of I'm this small, not very good person, I'm not that capable, I'm messed up, there's maybe something wrong with me or I'm not attractive, I'm boring, I'm weak, there's some sort of negative, limited concept of yourself as not good enough, not worthwhile in some way. Or we get absorbed in negative ideas about ourselves and we think that's who we are. It's like, oh, I'm that guy who can't go talk to that person. I'm that nervous guy who gets really flustered in meetings. I'm that guy that people don't like because he was too awkward. I'm that guy that women don't like. I'm that guy. And that's who we think we are, is that person. And identity statements just infuse what we say. And I listen to this stuff when I'm working with people one on one or in groups, and they'll say stuff like, I'm awkward or I'm a nervous person is one that I've heard. Or. Or I'm bad at speaking. All these things where it's like, I am. This is their identity. This is how they see them. This is who they think they are. Or we might ruminate on past mistakes and think that's who we are. Like, oh, yeah, I had that awkward moment at that dinner party last week or last month or shit. You could remember that five years later. You could focus on it and think like, oh, that's who I am. Oh, I did that. I can't believe I did that. I, me, me, I. And we're focusing on ourselves in this really small moment. A specific behavior or a specific interaction or maybe even a pattern of behaviors or a habit. And we think that's who I am, and we don't like it. And it feels small and it's limiting, but it's also like, well, that's just who I am, and I can't change that. And what's interesting about this thing is. So as I'm sharing this, these are just examples. What small, limited self have you perceived for yourself? What have you seen? What are the things that you go to? What are the ways that you see yourself as small or limited or not capable of something or not good enough to do something, or not likable in some way by other people? And what's interesting is, not only do we have this small perception of ourselves, but we kind of don't want to get rid of it in some way. I've noticed it's really interesting. Or it's like, well, geez, maybe I just won't see myself that way anymore. In fact, if I just said to you, hey, instead of seeing yourself as an incapable person who's awkward and who can't speak in front of people and can't make sales and is not impressive at work and women won't like, for example, what if you just saw yourself completely differently as a really capable, awesome, lovable, attractive person? Problem solved. All right, well, I'LL see you next week, right? No, but what happens, we don't, we're like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. I can't, I can't just do that. That's just. Come on. That's not right. Because that's not true. Because that's not who I really am. Because who I really am is that guy. And we kind of like, it's like this groove, this rut that we just like our mind wants to go back to and there's this small identity that wants to stay in charge, it wants to stay in control. It wants life to be predictable because at least I know who I am. Even though it's shitty, I know who I am. And I feel certainty from that and I feel safety from that. And that's what that part is doing. It's like attaching onto those things and it's trying to get a sense of certainty and safety from knowing who we are and really limiting ourselves. And the benefit of that is if we know that we're this small, limited person that can't do these things, then we end up not trying as much, not putting ourselves out there as much. And we get to achieve even more safety. Hooray. Safety. But that kind of safety is not what you're here for. That's not what any of us are here for. And the people that live that life that way are dissatisfied, miserable, depressed, and then they die with regret. So we don't want to do that. Life's not about that. Life is about breaking free and tapping into who you really are and expressing who you really are and doing what you're really here to do. And that small, limited self, trust me, is not it. And so we're going to learn, we're going to help you in this episode, shift that, break free of that, get into the truth about who you really are. So if you're ready to do that and you're excited, then I'm happy to be here with you today. And we're going to break through some powerful stuff. So we're going to take a quick break and then we're going to get back into the three truths about who you really are. Stay tuned.

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Welcome back. So let's dive into it. Who are you really? Here are three truths about who you really are in this world. And this is going to be some mind opening stuff, mind expanding stuff, perspective shifting stuff, which is going to get you out of that small limited identity and small mind into something much bigger, much more true. And as you're listening to this, I encourage you to listen with your intellect and kind of that left brain party that's like, yeah, okay, maybe this is, let me analyze and check this out. But I also want you to listen with your heart, with your body and just feel a sense of resonance or truth somewhere in you to what I'm saying. Because remember all the while your small self is going to want to try to take control and maybe shift things and get you back in that small safe place. And that's exactly why, I mean my program, Confidence Unleashed is all about how to break out of that small self. And there's dozens of exercises in there to help you make that shift because there's so much momentum to that small part. And you're going to want to put that aside for just a little bit, open your mind, open your heart and just listen to this stuff and let it help you expand and remember who you really are. So here's the first truth about who you really are. You are incredibly dynamic, incredibly dynamic, Ever changing. You're this constantly evolving. The idea that you're fixed is a complete falsehood, is a complete lie, is an illusion. This idea that you're this fixed entity, first of all, nothing is fixed. I mean even mountains are changing over time. Stone rocks are changing and evolving and shifting and that's how the Grand Canyon was formed, is water. But especially organisms are not fixed. Especially you as a human. I mean your body is constantly changing and evolving and growing and shifting. Your mind is constantly shifting and evolving and growing. I mean, think about this. Think back to when you were a 10 year old kid. Think back to when you were 10 years old. Can you remember that time in your life? Maybe 8 to 12? If it's hard to remember specifically 10. But really go for 10. When I was 10, what is that? That's like fourth grade. Ish. What was life like? What was I like now? Was that you? Well, yeah, technically. I mean, same person, right? But are you pretty different than that guy? Absolutely right. And you can do this for anything. If you're 30, you can look back when you're 20. If you're 40, you can look back at when you're 30 or 20 or 10 and just be like, whoa. Wow. I mean, I am constantly changing, ever changing. A beautiful way to describe this that I heard from philosopher Alan Watts, which I really loved, is we look at someone like, oh, there's John over there, or there's Aziza. We think, oh, that's him. I know him. I'm going to see him tomorrow at work. But he's not the same person that you saw yesterday. It's more like a whirlpool in a river. Or like you ever seen outside of a river. There can be some rocks and then there's this spot where just an eddy where the water kind of spins and the whirlpool is there. So if you go there the next day, the whirlpool is still going to be there. And you go there a year later, and they're, hey, there's that whirlpool still. But the water in the whirlpool is entirely different. Nothing about that whirlpool is the same in a way, right? Because it's this constantly shifting, evolving thing. And that is the same as you. You are incredibly dynamic. You are always evolving. You are always growing. You can learn, shift, change, grow much more quickly than you realize. Much more quickly. I mean, this idea, because from the fixed place, a, change is not possible, or B, if it is, it's like, oh, well, that's going to take years. And sometimes when I'm talking with people or clients and they reach, like, a moment where there's a potential breakthrough, then they'll have this surge of fatigue or discouragement, and they're like, oh. And I'll be like, what's happening now? And they'll say, well, I just think to myself, like, man, this is going to take. I mean, working on this for the next five years of my life is exhausting. And I'm like, isn't that interesting how our mind just comes up with this arbitrary thing? Well, okay, if I'm not fixed and permanently stuck, well, then certainly it will at least take me 5 years of horribly hard effort to get anywhere. And it's like, wait a minute. No, that's still that very limited thinking. You are dynamic. You can shift rapidly. You could go out and have an entirely different experience of something. You could be working on something. You could be stuck in something for your entire life, and then all of a sudden, the next day, something shifts in you. And now you can talk more freely to that person in a way that you never have. And it could take longer too. I'm not saying it happens overnight, but we don't know. And we're incredibly dynamic. And the more dynamic we realize we are, the more we take this truth in, the more rapidly things can change. Our behaviors can change, our choices can change everything. Our confidence can change. Everything changes. That's the first truth. The second truth about who you really are is you are infinitely creative and infinitely resourceful. Infinitely creative and infinitely resourceful. So we have this tendency to think, like a lot of people say, I'm not that creative. That's a really limiting idea. I'm not that creative. And no, no, no, you are incredibly creative. That is one of the reasons you're here is you're a dynamic, ever changing thing to create stuff. Expression comes out of you. You create words with your voice, you create ideas with your mind. You create things with your hand. You create interactions with people. You're constantly creating. And you are infinitely creative. And the more that you create, the more you can create. There's an illusion that's like, well, if I do stuff, if I create stuff, I'm gonna run out and. No, you won't. The more I mean. So for example, I do this podcast every week. I've created at this point, three full length training programs and 12 ebooks and a full length book. And I'm working on another book right now. And I had that fear. I was like, wait a minute, if I'm doing all this stuff, aren't I just gonna, like, run out of material someday? She'd be like, well, I'm spent. And what I found is the more that I give myself time to create, the more I create and the more I just trust that the more stuff comes out. So this is especially useful for you if you do any sort of creation of art or writing or content. But this is also true for you're infinitely creative when it comes to interactions with people. Coming up with things to say in conversations is creation. Having a great conversation is creation. A sales conversation is creation. You're creating a potential client or customer there. And you're also creating what you're going to say and how you're going to react to them. And the more you do it, the more you create, the more rapidly you can create and the better your creations become. So you are infinitely creative and you are infinitely resourceful. Resourceful. So we often look and be like, oh, I can't do that. I don't have the intelligence to do that. I don't have the skill set to do that. I. I'm not smart enough to do that. I don't have the resources to do that. I don't know the people to do that. I don't have the time to do that. I don't have the money to do that. And all of that is a small self illusion. It's a trick. Because underneath that, the truth is you are infinitely resourceful because you're incredibly dynamic and because you're infinitely creative, therefore you can be infinitely resourceful. You can respond to situations. Instead of like a brittle branch that just snaps, you are like a bendy willow branch. Or you can be like water and you can just flow around obstacles. So something happens and you're like, oh, that's not what I want. So when you're in a situation and let's say you're having a conversation and it's not going the way you want it to, you're infinitely resourceful. You can handle that, you can shift that, or you are wanting to do more sales presentations, you can be, you're infinitely resourceful. You can know whatever you need in that moment can come out of you. And if you just take that truth in, you'll start to see it, you'll start to be able to apply it. What would it feel like right now to say to yourself, I am infinitely resourceful. In fact, just go ahead and say that to me right now. Say that to yourself. Say that out loud. I am infinitely resourceful. I am infinitely resourceful. And just really take that in and bring that more into your life. And if you move around, if you move through the world with that belief, knowing that is true about yourself, trusting that truth in yourself, then you are going to be incredibly adaptive to responses and much more confident in yourself and much more successful in all areas of your life. Dating, relationships, finances. And just a little mind game to help you see how resourceful you are. Imagine this setup. What if I said to you, I have the two people that you love most in your life, or the three people that you love most in your life. Your wife, your kids, a good friend, your parents, whoever it is for you, family, people that are close to you, people you love. And I have them out. They're in a house, and that house is going to explode in 10 minutes, and you are an hour's drive away and it's gonna explode in 10 minutes. What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? Right? And if you just actually think about this scenario, imagine a house. Imagine you have people you Love in there, it's gonna explode in 10 minutes. You're an hour away. What are you gonna do? Right? So if you really kind of play the mind game, play the thought experiment, you don't say, well, they're toast, whatever, I can't do it, I'm done. Yep. And that's how we approach life, right? It's like, there's a person over there. I didn't talk to them. Eh, whatever. Or you ask someone out and they say, yes, and then she doesn't text you back and you're like, ah, that's whatever, I'm toast, I'm done. That's how we approach life. But when the situation is high stakes enough, you are incredibly resourceful. I bet you came up with at least one or two or maybe even three things that you would try immediately to try to get a hold of them. So let's say, oh, I'd call one of them on a cell phone. Well, let's say you called all their cell phones and you couldn't get ahold of any of them, what would you do then? Right. Your mind is going to come up with something. Well, what town are they in? What city are they in? Can I get a police officer who's nearby? Can I get like, your mind's going to start coming up with stuff, right? So that is just a small taste of how infinitely resourceful you are. When we give ourselves that knowledge, that truth, we expand into knowing that it becomes more and more true for you. And in fact, we're going to take a quick break right now, and when we get back, we're going to get into the third truth about who you really are, which I think is really the biggest one, the most powerful one, the most liberating one, and the one that I love. I just love to remind myself of that throughout the day. So we're going to take a quick break, and when we get back, we'll get into that third truth about who you really are.

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Welcome back. So what is the third truth about who you really are? Well, we have. You're incredibly dynamic. Number two is you're infinitely creative and infinitely resourceful. And the third truth is you are infinitely powerful. You are infinitely powerful. And let's really just take this one and share. What I mean by that is that you. So as far as we know, we're on this planet Earth. It's spinning through our solar system, which is spinning in an arm of the Milky Way galaxy, which is spinning in a galactic cluster of millions of galaxies. And estimates of, you know, looking at one little small segment of space with a powerful telescope where we see 10,000 galaxies in a small quadrant of space leads people to assume or estimate that, that there are billions, if not trillions of galaxies. I mean, and so the numbers of that are just like. They're way over our heads. We can't really comprehend them. But what's happening, I mean, so that whatever's going on out there is fucking powerful. Can we agree on that? Like the gravitational forces, the solar forces, the energy. I mean, the stars, the galaxies. I mean, what the fuck is going on? That's crazy. That is powerful. And I don't know if you're religious or spiritual. You don't even have to be. You could just be totally hardcore material scientist guy. And even just looking at that, I mean, that's pretty powerful. That's pretty expansive. One might almost say unlimited or limitless or infinite. It's pretty, pretty extreme, right? And here's the thing, though, that's just not just happening out there. Like, we're a part of that. We are in that. We are of that. We are that. Right? It's not like we're. Well, that's all happening out there. And we're just on this, on this rock that is not connected to anything. It's like. No, we are in that. We are part of that. And then if you zoom into yourself and to the nature of your atoms and the energy underneath that and fucking strings or quarks or whatever you want to look at. When it gets down to the super, super small quantum level stuff, I mean, that's crazy too. That's powerful. And then there's infinite amounts of power. Breaking an atom was part of the nuclear, you know, being able to create nuclear power or a nuclear bomb, which is an insane amount of power. And then there's all this stuff about dark matter and sort of what seems like empty space. You know, there's the potential of incredible amounts of energy that, you know, at this time, scientists and physicists are trying to figure out how to harness. So power and infinite power is infused in everything. It's all around us and it's part of who we are and we're in that. And so as a result, you are infinitely powerful. This idea that I'm this really small unlovable thing that doesn't matter. I mean, it's such a narrowing down, it's such an illusion, a delusion of what's really true about how powerful you really are. I mean, think about this. So a long time ago, I was at a meditation retreat and I was going for a walk and I was walking down this road and there was all these redwood trees to my right. And I remember just looking at the trees and I'd been a few days into the retreat, so I kind of unraveled a little bit of my day to day. Got to pay the bills and take care of my car, kind of thinking. And I was just able to kind of look at things from a different perspective. I was looking at these trees and I just had the thought, like, okay, there's one redwood tree and there's another redwood tree. Is one tree bad? Is there such a thing as a bad tree? You know, it's like this. I'm going to look at this. And it was just absurd. When I saw that, when I looked at it, I was like, is that tree bad? Like, no, they're both just trees. That one bent slightly and that one's taller and that one's shorter, but they're all just, they just are. The idea of saying that's a bad tree is absurd. And then I had that realization. The same is true for us, same is true for you. Because we're just expressions of this crazy powerful energy that we're all in, right? So the idea of judging us, I'm no good. Is absurd. It doesn't even make sense from that perspective because we're these, like, we're part of this infinitely powerful process that's happening and we're part of it all. And you are infinitely powerful. And what you can do is so much more than you think you can do. And so as an infinitely powerful being, being able to walk up and talk to someone, psst. No big deal. Being able to talk in front of a group of people, no big deal. Being able to ask for a sale, no big deal. Being able to start your own business, no big deal. You are infinitely powerful. And the more that you just remind yourself of that. And that's what I just tell myself throughout the day. And that can mean a million things to you. I mean, these are just associations that I have to that phrase infinitely powerful. I want you to think about it for yourself. What would that mean for you to be infinitely powerful? And if you're hearing this stuff and you're kind of rolling your eyes or resisting it in some way, notice that that's our small identity wanting to squish us back down into being insignificant, inconsequential, meaningless, small, unworthy, unlovable. Like why would we want to do that? Why would we want to stay in that? That's just a wound, that's just pain. That's just fear. Fear of if I really step into my power and be a badass in the world, you know, maybe I'm going to have to experience some uncomfortable stuff, maybe some people are going to reject me, maybe I'm going to fail a little bit along the way, but man, I don't know. It's your choice which one you want to live in. I'd rather play big and fail along the way and tap into my infinite power and in my incredibly dynamic self and express everything I can in this life rather than, you know, die safely, make it to my grave. So that brings us to our action step for the day. Time for action. Your action step for today is to take one of these truths. I am incredibly dynamic. I am infinitely creative and infinitely resourceful. Or three, I am infinitely powerful. And to remind yourself of that throughout the day, multiple times throughout the day. And in fact you could take multiple, you could do all three throughout the day. But I like to take, you know, things into bite sized chunks and just take one and remind yourself throughout the day. I am say, I mean my preference, the one I like the most is I am infinitely powerful. So just remind yourself throughout the day, I am infinitely powerful. In this situation, if I knew I was infinitely powerful, what would I do? Or in this situation, if I knew I was infinitely creative and infinitely resourceful, what would I do? Or if I knew that I was incredibly dynamic, what could I do right now? What would I do? And so you bring that awareness into your daily life, into your interactions, your situations, your work life, your personal life, your dating life, your social life. And as you do that, you start to show up more of that way and then it becomes more and more true for you. You start to see that as more and more true. And then when you do that, life starts to open up and you get liberation at a whole new level. So thanks for being with me here today. If you enjoy the show and you're getting a lot out of it. By all means please go to itunes and find it on there. You can just go to the itunes store and type in Shrink for the Shy Guy or Social anxiety or whatever and look for it and give it a great review. Give it a five star review if you're enjoying it. And that helps me reach more people and expand this message so we can, you know, Operation Mass Liberation help as many people be as free and expanded and as powerful in their lives as possible and make social anxiety and self doubt and self criticism and self hatred a terrible thing of the past that we can all move beyond. So I appreciate you and your heart for being with me on this journey of today's episode, however long you've been with me on this show. And until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to Shrink for the for theshyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to socialconfidencecenter.com.