Why Is Public Speaking So Scary?

Why is public speaking so absolutely terrifying? Why is it so scary? Why is the thought of just doing it? Why does it fill us with a sense of dread? And before we're gonna do it, panic and nervousness and fear and discomfort and locking up and getting tight and not being able to find our words? Our brain just scrambles and freaks out. Why does that happen? Is this something you can relate to? I mean, I know when I was really struggling with shyness and social anxiety, not only could I not talk in front of a group of people, I mean, that was just an impossibility. But I'm talking even small, like group introductions. I remember I went to go work at this clinic in Palo Alto, Mountain View area, the Bay Area. And I was doing. I was beginning of my graduate school training, and I got in there and there was maybe it was like 15 or 20 of us that were new interns and trainees, and we're going to start working there for the year. And so it was like a group introduction, right? So you go around the circle, and each person says what school they're going to, where they're from, something about themselves, like the icebreaker kind of stuff. And I remember just feeling so damn uncomfortable. And the worst part about it is I was like, second or third to last. So I had to sit there as it went around to 15, 17 other people, and I couldn't even really hear them. Especially as it started getting closer to me, it was just like, oh, my God, what am I going to say now? That sounds bad. No, what about this? Oh, that sounds stupid. Oh, my God. That person looked way more confident than you're going to sound. Ugh. What do people notice? That I'm nervous and anxious and I was just wound up. And then when it gets to me, you know, what do we do when we're wound up? We freeze, right? We shut down. So I don't. I don't talk expressively. I don't share openly. I'm just like, I'm Z's. I go to this school, blah, blah, blah. Thanks. And I sit back down, right? And I don't really make much eye contact, and I'm like, kind of tight and stilted in my body. And then afterwards, I don't know if you've experienced this, but afterwards, then it gets even worse in a way, because then there's this, like, onslaught where I'm just, like, replaying it again and get in my head like, yeah, you sucked. You were so awkward. Why didn't you say this? You could have done that. What's wrong with you? And on and on. That tape just keep playing, right? So that is the level of pain I felt around public speaking, sharing who I am with a group of people. And somewhere in my transformation, if you're curious about that, check out my story on the about page of this website. But something shifted to me and I was like, I realized I had to approach it, I was scared of, I had to get a handle these things. And so I started to approach this again and again and again. And I started to study it and I started to practice it, and I started to study amazing speakers and emulate them. And here's what I discovered. And the answer to that question, why is public speaking so scary? Do you know why it's so scary for you? The answer is that we are terrified of the idea of people disapproving of us. It is a fear of social disapproval. Now this is an ancient fear. This goes back to our primate pack days where the idea of is everyone's looking at you and, and you make a fool of yourself, then you know, you're seen as less valuable, you're ridiculed. I mean, in worst case scenarios, I suppose if you messed up badly enough, you might lose your status, lose your position, be ousted from the tribe, not find a mate, whatever. But the key here is that we don't like disapproval. We don't want to be disapproved of. And when you're in front of a group of people or sharing yourself with 5 people, 10 people, 20 people, 50, 100, 1000 people, and all those eyes are on you, it's really difficult to expose yourself to that much potential disapproval. You can't control how each person is responding to you. And so what happens is you start to lock down because there's a fear there. Now oftentimes when I share this with someone, they'll say, I don't know, I don't really care what people think of me. I mean, I don't care that much what this group of people thinks of me. But my question is, some part of you doesn't care. You know, your kind of rational brain says, oh, that's foolish, I don't do that. But look at your behavior. Look at your physiology. Look at your body. Your body is terrified. You're having a fight or flight or freeze response. The only thing that triggers that in humans is threat. So there's some part of your brain, in fact, it's called the amygdala, it's deep in your limbic system. There's some part of your brain that is perceiving and scanning for terrible threat, danger. And in this case the danger is social disapproval. So in order to overcome your fear of public speaking, which is the first step in becoming an effective public speaker, a powerful communicator, an influencer in wherever you want to do that, in your company, in your work, in your church, in a wedding, in a toast, everywhere in your life there are opportunities to put your voice out there and influence people. Either for good, for a cause, for influence, for income, for your salary, for position. All of that requires you to be able to influence people through communication. And if you're limited to only being able to talk to people one on one, or one to two, then you're really limiting your capacity because everything that's higher level involves being able to talk to more people. We both know this. So I know some part of you wants to overcome this. And the only way to overcome this is to overcome your fear of disapproval. And that will allow you to overcome your fear of public speaking. So if you want to get started with this and you want to get into it now, you can actually enter your email below and get instant access to my free ebook which is called how to overcome your fear of public speaking. It's absolutely free. In fact, in addition to this, because I really want you to get this, in addition to the ebook, I'll also send you a 45 minute training video exactly on how to overcome your fear of public speaking. Go through the specific steps that you need to start taking to make this a fear, a thing of the past, so you're able to start getting on with your life, living your life fully, getting to the next level that you want to get to and now overcoming your fear of disapproval. I mean, if you really want to get into that, get into the ebook. But for this short video, it's a broad topic. I mean, there's so many things that impact it. One is your self concept, how you see yourself. Often we see ourselves very negatively, especially when we're interacting with someone who we think is impressive, like our boss or our supervisor. You know, it gets into how you value yourself. What kinds of criteria do you use to establish your sense of self worth? What is it based on? How do you determine if you're a good person or not, if you're worthwhile or not? How much does that fluctuate day to day? You know, if someone smiles at you, you're great, you feel good about yourself. Then if someone you know frowns at you or flips you off when you're Driving you feel like crap for days. That's a sign that your value fluctuates way too much. This also comes down to how much you can be on your own side. You know, having complete and total self acceptance for yourself or self compassion, which is something that I teach across many different products and in my coaching with people. And in fact, if you really want to get into this stuff, I recommend checking out one of my programs out there right now. Confidence Unleashed, the confidence code. These things that are going to help you unlock your sense of inner confidence and work with these things. A great resource as well is my book the Solution to Social Anxiety, which will go in depth into how to change how you see yourself, change your thinking, know your value and be a different person in the world. Allow your real self to come out. And for those of you, if you're really, really motivated and you want to take action and you're like me and you're not going to settle for anything less than achieving your goals and getting the results that you want in your life, and you know it's possible, but you just don't know how to get there, then you got to go do some confidence coaching with me and we'll work one on one. We'll talk just like this over Skype or in person, or do an intensive. We'll figure some way out to help you reach the goal that you want around public speaking. For some people, I'll even watch them do speeches or I'll record their speeches and we'll break it down afterwards. So really the only thing that's going to stop you is the idea that says, I just can't do it. That's just not for me. I would never get good at it anyway. Oh, I just can't overcome this fear. Or conversely, you might say, I just don't want to. It's just not worth it to me. But you're selling yourself short when, if you buy that story that I don't really care, it's just not worth it. It's not worth the effort. Because what do you really want in life, out of your career, in your work? How do you want to progress in that area of your life? What about in your relationships, in your friendships? What about having an impact or contribution or a difference in the world? Whether it comes to speaking up in a meeting at work or giving a presentation, or being able to go to your church or group and talk about a cause that you're interested in, or being able to put forth an idea to a group of people for investors or maybe you're at your best friend's wedding and you want to give a toast, but you hold yourself back and you're scared. You don't do it. What opportunities are lost for income, for money, for love, for contribution, communication. So don't buy that story that you just it's not worth it and you can't do it anyway. Those are just lies. And you can shift that. You can start today. So enter your email below, get that free ebook. I'll send you that free 45 minute training video, how to overcome your fear of public speaking. And it will take things to the next level for you. So thanks for listening, enter your email and I'll talk to you soon.