Dr. Aziz explains why "nice people" attract narcissists: narcissists seek control and ego-inflation while nice people prioritize being liked and accommodating, creating a mutually reinforcing dynamic. He advises people stuck in such relationships to practice being less "nice" by saying no, asking for what they want, and setting boundaries; if the partner reacts with diminution, attacks, or escalated abuse, he recommends leaving the relationship.
If you are a nice person, you are a narcissist magnet. And here's why. Because narcissists are people who have this deep feeling inside of needing control by getting everyone around them to do exactly what they want and inflating their ego. And the nice person has a deep need to be liked by everybody and they will do anything to accommodate people. So the narcissist said, hey, you don't have any needs, do you? Just do what I want. And the nice person says, I don't really have any needs. What do you want? The two are a match made in heaven for for a while. And if you really are stuck in this situation, you're wondering if this is what's happening for you. You need to break free. Then you have to start practicing being less nice and start saying no and asking for what you want and having boundaries. If the person you're with freaks out on you and diminishes you and attacks you, then it's time to turn and run.
