Why Trying To Impress People Never Works (And What To Do Instead!)

Do you find yourself secretly wanting to impress people in different situations? Maybe in work situations or networking or business, you want to impress people with your success, your skills, your knowledge. And maybe in social situations, you want to impress people with your coolness or your stories or the adventures you've had, or your insights and ideas. Or maybe romantically, you definitely want to impress the person that you want to date or that your partner or something, you want to make them think that you're sexy and funny and interesting and totally worthy of your attention, Right? So we could be doing this in many different places, and sometimes you're really aware of it and sometimes not. But what I want to share in this short video is how that game is an unwinnable game, the I want to impress you game. What's going on, what the strategy is that you're running, why it will never work, and what to do instead. So let's just break down that strategy right now so you can get really aware of this when you're trying to impress somebody. Here's how it goes. I first have to know. Let's say I'm trying to impress you. First, I have to know what's going to impress you, right? Because different things impress different people. You know, let's say someone is really interested in art. And so if I were to talk about, you know, how much I spent on a painting that might impress somebody, but to someone else, they might say, oh, you spent all that money on that such and such painter. I'm into, like the real avant garde, you know, dude painted it on his commune in Hawaii kind of paintings. So now if I talk about, you know, my fancy expensive painting, that makes me look like a fool to that person. But if I talked about my weird, esoteric painting, now all of a sudden I got points, I impress them. So I have to impress you. And I have to know what's going to impress you. Now, do I know that? Do I know for sure what's going to impress you? Maybe. But often, not often, we're just kind of guessing, right? So there's already a problem in the game. Now, let's say that I do think there's something that you really would be impressed by, and I present it. Let's say I know that you're into career successes and money or something, and I present what I did, and that's something that it's a game that you play too. But here's the thing. Are you really going to be impressed? Or is it possible that if I share about a success of mine or how much I earned that maybe you might actually be threatened or you might feel envious or you might feel judgment. Right? How do you know exactly if you're going to get that response? So now there's another danger in that game is like, well, maybe even I do the right thing and I know it's going to impress you. It's not going to get the result that I want. And then here that gets even worse. Because now when I'm playing that game during the conversation, what am I focused on? What am I paying attention to? Well, what I'm actually doing is my focus is this. I'm focused on you back at me. How are you viewing me? And I'm looking for micro gestures in your face and your voice tone to try to hear and see. Are you impressed? Are you impressed? And if I get it, I think I get it. Then I'm like, ah, yes. But if I don't, then I feel what? I feel awful. I feel like a loser. So doesn't this sound like a delightful way to relate to people and to connect? And here is the final and worst part about it. Let's say I actually did pull it off. I thread the needle and got that one out of a 50 result and impressed you. Boom, I won. So the game has terrible odds. But let's say I won. Did you really win? Did I really win? Well, do I feel the benefit of. Because what are we doing it for? I want to impress you. Why? So you like me, so you love me, so you want to date me, so you want to sleep with me. So you want to hire me, so you want to work with me, so you want to be my friend. And I think something good is going to come my way. I think I'm going to get love and approval and all the good stuff that comes with that. But here's the thing. If I got it by playing the impress you game, even if I got it and you do want to hang out with me again, you do want to date me again, you do want to hire me inside. Do I feel? How do I feel? You know, from playing the game? How do you feel? Do you feel great? Do you feel awesome? Maybe for a moment there's a high, like, yeah. And then what happens? Then the anxiety kicks in. Oh, I got to sustain this. I got to keep it going. What if they find out that I'm not that awesome at the thing I was talking about? What if I'm not enough? I'm still not enough. I still feel like I'm not enough because that whole pattern is coming from not enough and then you gotta hustle, then the next time you hang out, do it again. Can you relate to this? It is madness. It is insanity. And it's just one of the worst social strategies. And yet our mind's gonna want to keep doing it because it comes from insecurity, it comes from a feeling of not enough. So what do we do instead? Because if you decide, I don't want to do this pattern anymore, and then you want to shift it and then you're like, well, don't do it anymore. Telling ourselves not to do something is not nearly as effective as saying, okay, I don't want to do that because it doesn't serve me, let me do something else instead. So what's the something else instead? And this is something I teach in depth in the Social Mastery course inside of Confidence University, which you can check out. If you go to the Confidence University, you can dive right into that whole. It's a whole in depth Confidence transformation online program. You can study it from home. Huge shifts in all areas, including your social life. And I go much more in depth into that program. But the essence of it is it's some core basic ways to connect with people. So, and it's a two way thing. It's being able to listen to them, ask questions about them, follow the fascination, what you're interested in about what they're saying with them, and being able to share about yourself, being able to share what interests you. Now many of us have a block because we're afraid if I share about what's interesting to me, maybe it's not interesting to them, maybe it's not good enough. And so we hold back. And here's the thing, if you hold back in that way and you don't really share about you and you don't really put what's true out there for you, you will never feel the connection that you seek. And that connection is like a breath of fresh air. It's like a drink of cold water when you've been out in the sun all day and you're thirsty. It is so nourishing and so fulfilling in your heart. And you can have it just by these more basic strategies of asking them questions about themselves and sharing about you and actually feel that connection. And you might say, there's one last question I often get is like, but wait a minute, if I do that as ease, what if they don't like me? What if they're not impressed and then they're also not interested in me? Okay? So you'd rather play that impress game and maybe get a sense of them wanting to hang out with you but feel anxious all the time? Or would you rather be you and attract to you the people that are the most resonant with you that you actually want to spend time around, actually want to talk about the things you're interested in actually can be 100% authentically you around and experience the joy of connection that comes from that. The choice is yours and I often want to pick the second one because that feels a hell of a lot better than the impress you game which I tried to play for many years of my life. So you share down below. What is it that's the game you want to play and how do you do it? How do you connect with people? Let's all learn and support and grow with each other and until we speak again may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.