You Have Permission To Make Others Uncomfortable!

You have a right to make people uncomfortable. What? Stay tuned to this video and you're going to discover exactly what that means and how it can liberate you from a cage of being overly nice, overly worried about what other people are going to think and feel, and therefore not living your own life, not expressing yourself, not having the conversations you need to have, not boldly speaking up and being you. I'm Dr. Aziz. I'm the founder of the center for Social Confidence and author of five best selling books including Not Nice, which if you haven't read, you should check it out. You can get it on Amazon, Audible, and in that book, one of the things I'm helping people do is let go of what I call over responsibility. So what that means is that you take too much responsibility for the feelings and experiences of others. And I see this all the time in clients that I work with. And so as a result, if you're feeling bad, sad, anxious, irritated, uncomfortable in any way, that's my responsibility. I have to fix you and your feelings to make sure you feel good and then everything's going to be okay. Now, you might have been living that for so long and just gotten so good at it. I remember I had a girlfriend many years ago who said, you're really good at smoothing things over. And in the moment I took it as a compliment, like, oh, thanks. But now when I look back on it, I was really good at being inauthentic and just saying whatever I needed to say so she wouldn't be upset with me. I mean, I don't know if that's really a good skill. So why do you do it? You might have been doing it for so long that you don't even know why you do it. But why? Why do you feel the need to make sure that everyone feels okay around you? Is it because you're a good person? Is it because it means you're kind and loving? Well, maybe it starts. It looks that way, but actually if you really start to study it, it's not about kindness or loving at all. It's. It's about fear. And it's about a belief underneath that says if you feel upset in proximity to me or because of me, then you're not gonna wanna be my friend, you're not gonna be my lover, you're not gonna wanna keep me as an employee, or you're not gonna wanna hire me or buy anything from me. You're not gonna like me. And if you don't like me, you're gonna leave me. And so I'M gonna do whatever it takes to make sure that you don't feel uncomfortable. And therefore, you'll like me and you'll stay around. You'll keep me as an employee or as a friend or as a partner. First of all, that's a doomed strategy, because now you're playing the approval game, you're hustling, you're people pleasing. You start to become more and more disconnected from yourself. So what's the solution? The solution is to speak up, to communicate what you need to communicate, to ask what you want to ask, and just to be you. And along the way, people are going to feel uncomfortable with you being you. And there's no way around that. The only way to not have that be the case is to take your light that you can shine and turn that sucker down, diminish it by 60, 70, 80, 90, 98%, and you're just a little glow versus shining bright like the sun. You might say, well, if I shine real bright, it's gonna make people uncomfortable. Look, if someone is uncomfortable because for whatever reason, let's say you're being successful and someone's uncomfortable with that, that's not you, that's them. There's something, you know, going on. There's an insecurity in them. And if it's not triggered by you, it's triggered by someone else. I remember I had a client that I was working with, and she didn't want to speak up at work because she said, oh, maybe I'm going to make someone uncomfortable if I speak up. And what we focused on is you have permission to speak up. In fact, how is not speaking up actually hurting you or other team members or even the supervisors that you're concerned about speaking up with and really giving yourself space to say what you need to say. And yes, people are going to be uncomfortable sometimes. Now, of course, you can get more skillful, right, if you say you're a stupid piece of junk. Okay, well, there's probably a more skillful way to say that, right? That's what I teach people how to do all day long. Is that be assertive, bold, direct and tactful and skillful and actually enhance relationships rather than just burn bridges. But assuming you're not just, you know, throwing punches around and you're communicating with respect and you're saying, hey, there's something that you did. I don't know if you noticed it, but it actually has this effect on me and other people around. I want to talk with you about it. Boom. Now you're off to the races. Now you're speaking with respect and assertiveness and the other person is going to listen because guess what? When people get uncomfortable, they might want to squirm away, but it might actually be the very best thing. Have you ever been in a romantic relationship where you needed to have a conversation, you avoided it because you don't be uncomfortable or you didn't want them to be uncomfortable? Yeah. How did that go? Well, maybe you're not in that relationship anymore. Or maybe that relationship is just your buddies, your roommates because all the passion has died because you were afraid to be uncomfortable or make them uncomfortable. So this is a key point. If you want to go further with this, click down below. Go to my website and get five Steps to Unleash youh Inner Confidence. It's a video series that will train you on how to become the most bold, confident version of you. I also have tons of ways on my website. You can find out about how to work with me and coaching and group programs to make these changes. Stick in your life until we speak again. May you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.