Dr. Aziz argues that confidence isn't something you can fake or inherit. You build it by doing uncomfortable things repeatedly, like a muscle you strengthen through use.
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If you don't feel the confidence that you want to, there's only one reason you haven't earned it. Let me explain. We often think that confidence should be something that one we either have or don't. And if you don't, then you're screwed, which is not true. That's a total myth. Confidence is a skill, or more likely a muscle that you can build. But if you don't have enough of that muscle, there's only one reason why, and that's you have not earned it yet. And a lot of people think that confidence is something that you can just give yourself, which, which sounds so good, doesn't it, on all the memes on Instagram and everything. Just love yourself. Give yourself confidence. Just believe in yourself. And you read it and you look at the picture and you're like, yeah. And then you go back to your life, frantic, afraid, worried about getting rejected, avoiding things that are uncomfortable, avoiding people that scare you and feel intimidated by comparing yourself to others and feeling less than. And it doesn't do anything to actually shift your confidence because it's just an idea. What actually creates confidence is you have to earn it. You have to build it, right? Like a muscle. There's only one way to get more muscle on your body. You have to earn it. And all those secret hacks to, you know, build your abs while you sleep, eat whatever you want, take this pill and you'll be muscular like no, that person in the image of the marketing for that pill has had nothing to do with that pill. And they don't eat like you would want to eat, right? They did this crazy elaborate many year process to get as ripped as they are and now they get paid to market some garbage pill to you. There's only one way to build muscle. You have to earn it. How do you earn it? By taxing the edge of your capacities right over time. And your body adapts by building more muscle. It's the same thing with your confidence. You have to earn the confidence. You build it by earning it. Well, how do you do that? What's the equivalent of lifting weights or whatever? For confidence, it is taking action. Confidence is a byproduct of action. There is no amount of super positive self talk you can do that will just automatically give you all the confidence you want. It's helpful. I think it's like one of the key pillars, but in and of itself it's not going to build the confidence. Because deep down, how can you really believe in yourself fully and truly if you haven't tested it out and try those risks, because, I mean, you might have a sense of like, I could probably. Yeah, I think I could do it. And maybe that's some trust, some faith. That's good. Those are related to confidence. But confidence is like, yeah, I got. How do you get that level of. I got this. You do the thing right a lot. So when we moved out to this property out here in the woods, maybe almost three years ago now, I knew nothing about machines, building anything. Just, like, not handy at all. And we got a bunch of forest around here. We got to have some different machines like chainsaw and how to process the wood and all that stuff. And at first I was like, how's this thing even work? And not that long ago, I changed the oil on our ATV myself and on the log splitter. I mean, I'm pretty much like certified mechanic at this point. No, I still suck, but I have way more confidence. So if someone's like, hey, you need to change the oil in the atv, I'm like, yeah, I could probably do it again. Where's YouTube? That'll help me. But I did it now. Let's say I did that a couple times a week. Let's say I actually did work in a mechanic shop or apprentice with a mechanic. Right. Of course I would have the confidence over time. And that's true for anything, whether it's social confidence, talking to people, dating, confidence, flirting, connecting, having engaging conversations. All of that can be built. So how do you do it? Well, you take the action. What action? It's the action that is uncomfortable. Not extremely panic inducing, overwhelming. Just leaning into that edge. Okay, I don't really want to say hi, but let me go say hi to those people. What if it's awkward? Well, let's find out. And you just do that again and again and again and again. It doesn't take that long. I mean, you might not be everywhere you want to get to, but even within a week of some actions like that, some shifts inside you, I call it going on offense. When you go on offense, you just start to feel more confident, because forget about all your skills and building all the confidence muscle that you want, you just know, hey, I'm on my way. You're getting some progress. And progress creates a boost in your momentum, in your confidence, your belief that you can do more. And the beautiful thing about confidence, which makes it different than an actual physical muscle, is a lot of it's, you know, it's an inside job. It's a mind game. So when you feel like, yeah, I can go talk to those people. You do get better at talking to those people. Even if you haven't spent years practicing. You're just like, you got a little more, you know, mojo, and it just shows up. And all of a sudden, you know, your dating opportunities respond a little better, even if you're not the greatest conversationalist. Yeah, you're pretty good, but you got a little bit of like, yeah, I can do that. Sure, I'll go talk to those people. Why not a little bit more, like, let's see what happens when you bring that energy in all of a sudden. You get more results. You can actually build the way faster, but you have to do the thing that is uncomfortable. That's how you earn the confidence, and that's how you become really as connected, as free and alive as you really want to be. So share down below in the comments what you're finding most valuable from this video and until we speak again, may have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.
