Your Confidence Revolution

Welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy. This is the show for you. If you are sick and tired of being held back by fear, self doubt, social anxiety, shyness, anything that's stopping you from you being you. I'm going to share the most powerful tools and resources that I've been discovering over the last 15 years on my journey to eradicate social anxiety and instill confidence first in myself and then in every single person that I meet on my journey. You're going to learn these tools and how to apply them in your life now so that you can become the most free, powerful, bold, authentic version of you. Welcome to today's episode of the show. Today I want to give you a. A metaphor, a story that's going to help you think about your own growth, your own liberation. And that's, that's the term that I like to use, which is one that to me signifies freedom and breaking out of the bondage or chains or oppression of something. And you might feel like there's things in your life that are oppressing you, and maybe they are, but the biggest oppressor is actually inside your own mind. And I want to share a story with you that's going to help you to see this in a whole new way and give you clarity on what to do, how to break free and hopefully inspire you as we enter into this new year to really make this a very different year in your life. And if you've already made a lot of changes in your life, then just make it even better. How to become even more free, even more authentic, more you, the next version of you, whatever that is. And what would be fun, instead of teaching you here, I was just teaching that in my Mastermind program, which is a 12 month deep dive in confidence called the Unstoppable Confidence Mastermind, where people gather from all over the world to make extraordinary changes in their confidence. It's a beautiful, committed group. It's an amazing group of people that are really ready. It's not like I'm gonna read more books and I'm gonna think about it and I'm gonna dabble on my own. It's like, no, I realize that I need to really put myself into this. And so you can be a fly on the wall in that call for a little while. I'm gonna take this about 15 minute segment from the just the other night group where I was teaching this exact metaphor and I'll drop it in here and then we'll come back and I'll give you your action step. But if as you're listening. If you are inspired by this and excited to take action in 2024 and part of you knows that your progress is going to be a lot faster, a lot more certain with my guidance and the support of this group, then I definitely recommend reaching out. We're having some special for the New year related to the Mastermind. I'll be sending out some emails to my list about it, but you can go to Drizez.com and apply the application. It's an application process for the Mastermind because I want to make sure that everyone's a really good fit for it. It's not for everybody, it's not for people. If you want to dabble or maybe I'm not sure if I want to make these changes. People coming in are like, this has got to change. I'm going to make a big change in my life and I'm ready now. That's what I'm looking for. So that's part of the application process to really filter, make sure it's a good fit. And then if it looks like it might be a good fit, then I get on the phone call or zoom call with you and we can explore it to see if it's right for you. So if you're interested in that, go to draziz.com,-r-a z I z.com and there's an Apply now button right at the very top of the page, as well as if you look at the coaching section about the Mastermind too. So let's dive in now to this clip from a recent Mastermind program where you're going to learn about the story of you. All right, so I want to tell you a little story about you and what might be happening inside of you in this process. So somewhere long ago, faraway land, long ago, there, there was a something you experienced that was painful and that that pain came out of connection with others. So you had someone in your class that made fun of you or, you know, maybe you're a little older, you're in junior high and you wanted to ask someone out and they said no, maybe they laughed at you. It could have been younger than that. You wanted to connect with your parents. You wanted to show them something like, look what I did. And they're like, I don't have time for that. Get away from me. And, or, or it could have been something more severe. It could have been something that you remember and it could have been something that you don't remember. Could have been many little things and remembering and needing to know is not necessary. I don't think in, in the process of freeing ourselves, but somewhere along the way, there was some pain. And what happened is there was a response inside of you. And the response was something like this. There you realize, hey, hey. Connecting with others. I could get hurt. I could get really hurt. This is, this is bad. I don't, I don't want that. And there, in response to that pain, there was a part of you that came online. There was a time in your life where it wasn't online, but it, at some point, and you might have had pain before that, but there's one point where it, you reached enough pain or enough period of duration of pain or an amount of pain, and all of a sudden that part kicks online. And then that part, it's almost like a internal governor. And much like we might, we might elect United States, you might elect a, a particular government, you know, president and cabinet and all the people they bring in, right? You, There was a, there was a part inside of you that can't start a campaign, said, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Nobody liked that pain thing. That came with connection. So here's what we're going to do. Put me in charge, put us in charge, and we're going to make sure that you don't have that pain again. We are going to protect you from that pain. Protection over connection. That's their slogan written on their, their election materials. Protection over connection. No, and, and the way that they're gonna bring that about, and basically what they're saying is protection from pain. Right? And we make a decision, it's ever like, yeah, I don't want that pain, so let's bring them aboard. And now they're in charge. And just like when people elect a new government, they feel really enthusiastic. Well, some people feel enthusiastic about it. And then they start rolling, you know, penning all their initiatives, broad initiatives, and they start having things like, you know what? Well, pain came about when you took a risk, right? If you risk, hey, look at my report card. Hey, do you want to go out with me? Hey, do you want to be my friend? Hey, I'm going to try this thing. And maybe they're going to laugh at me because I wasn't good at basketball when I was a kid. You take the risk and you get the pain. So then this, this new government regime is like, here's what we're going to do. We're going to eliminate risk. So then they have these propaganda posters they start putting around. It's like, down with risk. Risk is danger. Risk will hurt you. Now in their little inner council, they're sitting around their room and they're like, well, we got to protect the people. I mean, that's what we were elected to do. We're protection. And we got to get him to stop taking risks. Those risks can lead to pain. Like, okay, well how do we get him to stop taking risks? Well, put some posters out that say if you risk, you will die. If you risk, pain is inevitable. Pain is the only outcome of risk. It's a hundred. Failure is 100% certain. Put that on a poster and then someone in the boardroom or the whatever the committee meeting is like, excuse me, sir, is that actually true? Is that every time we take a risk it's going to be pain? Doesn't it sometimes work out that people get connection? And he says, first of all, get him out of here. Secondly, that's not a risk that we're willing to take. Sounds like a commie. I don't like him. Burn him. Right? No, that's. It doesn't matter. We cannot have people figuring out for themselves because then people will get hurt. We need to protect everybody. And so now you have posters going up all over the place of your little young brain, young teenage twenties, whatever, that say risk equals failure, risk equals pain. And when I was thinking about this, I started looking around for like some, some good old timey, good old fashioned propaganda posters. Here's one from the United States, united we win. Only instead of that inspiring message, it says something like, risk and you will die. Don't try, you'll only fail. By the way, I came across this one. This one is this one. There might have been something lost in translation because I don't find this one super motivational or inspiring, but here is what I came across. You work now that really is just laid it out there for people, but that's what the messaging is. And so you've been delivering this in this internal part of you has been delivering messages. And what they're saying is we are going to tell you what the future is, even though it's not true, but it's about preserving that safety, protection from that pain. And so it imbues it with this sense of certainty of we know what's going to happen if we risk and it's going to be bad. And that's been happening for 10 years, 20 years, 40 years, I don't know however long you've been doing it. And now here we are today on, you know, Tuesday, December 19, in 2023. And you've. Either you're really early in this process with me or you're doing it for a little while. And one of the big things that we're doing here is we're, we're taking risks. What does happen when I do that thing? And of course there's going to be a part inside of you that says, I know it's going to happen and it's going to be bad. Then we feel a lot of fear. And I, that's the whole point is to feel so much fear that it prevents you from testing or you somehow overcome that fear and you test and then they send out the little SS police force to push you back in line. Wait, wait, wait. You didn't just go out there and take a risk, did you? How dare you? That was so awful, that, that was so bad. You destroyed lives. You're a fool, you're a failure. People are going to judge you. That's so bad. And you'll. And in this version, in your own psyche, you'll create a, I don't know, like a buffoon story or envisioning of you looking really bad and everyone thinking that was so foolish of you or the, you know, you're the villain. You really hurt those people. And you should feel so guilty and wrong or you take a step into the unknown and that, that programming, that propaganda will be just like every cell in your body is, like something bad's gonna happen from this. And that cellular emotional gut reaction is not true. It's the result of the propaganda. And you might have heard this about how our cells are reborn, recreated. I've heard statistics between two and seven years that every cell in your body is, you know, changed out. But what's. The cells are replicating, right? So you're sort of recreating yourself. And the cells that are replicated, the daughter cells, the child cells, they're, they're influenced by the environment in which they, their, their parent cell was living. And so if the propaganda is really strong and there's all this fear of risk that on a cellular level you become more averse, more, the fear reaction is stronger. The good news is it can go the whole other direction. And that's, that's how this whole thing changes. And it's because as powerful as that part has been for you, obviously you're here. So there's another part of you that has not bought the whole propaganda that's like a dissenting faction, that's like. Hold on a second here, wait a minute, wait a minute. I Don't. I don't totally buy this, is that we don't. First of all, I don't think that that's true, that all risk is bad and it's going to lead to certain failure, pain, death, and ruin. And secondly, I don't need to know anything other than that this is no way to live. This is. This is not living at all. This is living under tyranny. This is a massive restriction of what's possible. And so the old regime has a lot of power because it's been in place for a long time, and it might feel like it has control over you at times. And so if you're about to take a risk, you feel so afraid, it's like, oh, my gosh, how am I ever going to defeat this? Right? That's the story of every movie. Like, just. Let's just pick one. Star wars, right? It's one of the more classic kind of archetypal movies. But the Empire is so powerful in the Star wars movies, and the rebellion is so tiny. And it's like, how on earth is this rebellion going to take down this mega, you know, society? And, and it's because they always win in those movies, by the way. It's because you don't have to take down the regime by defeating it at its own game. You. You don't have to sit there and stop every propaganda poster and tear everyone down and defeat every one of its soldiers. You don't have to do all that. There's only one thing that you have to do, and it undermines the whole thing, one thing, and that's to take a risk. Because every time you take a risk, you're basically saying, I don't buy that. I don't buy that. Let's see what happens. Now, there's two ways to do it, right? There's taking the risk where you're like, oh, God, like, you're kind of in. You're within the field and the control of the regime, and you're like, okay, I'm going to dissent. I'm going to do this really bad, dangerous thing, but here I go. And look, that's still better than just living under its iron heel, but way more powerful is to find the part inside of you, like the part that. That has an inner rebellion against this, that says, you know what? I, I defy not just this way of living, but the whole psychology of this. I want to risk. I. I don't know what's going to happen. And, and here's why I want to risk. I acknowledge that if I risk, I might get what I want. They might like me or they might not. I'm more expressive. Someone might think I'm funny and interesting, or they might not want to see me again. If I'm more direct at work, someone might applaud me and approve me and support me, or they might challenge me, might have conflict. I do not know what's going to happen, but I know this, that when I take risk in my life, regardless of the outcome, that moment of risk, if I'm not beating myself down with this bull propaganda that I feel more alive, isn't it true? Don't you feel more alive? And to me, that's the North Star. Forget the outcome. I don't know it's going to be good or bad, and it will change every time. And then sometimes I think it's good and it was bad and the bad one turns out to be a good one. And now you know. So keep going, keep moving. But the. The guiding reinforcement that I need is, this is how I feel more alive. So I bet you. I bet you on the days that you've taken more risk. It doesn't have to be huge ones, but there's that choice, that act of doing it, and you're not just in your head predicting all these stories. I need certainty. I need to control everything. It's just like, I don't know, here we go, that you take that risk and you step outside the office at the end of the day, or you wake up the next morning, you go outside your house and maybe just here, just the other day, last night it rained. So I stepped out in the morning and everything's wet and the trees are dripping and it's gray sky and you smell the air and you look up at the sky and you just feel more alive like you did when you were a kid. And there's this sense of possibility and energy and. And awe about life. Like it feels good to be alive. And part of it, we think that's age. Like, oh, that's what kids are like. And then you get older and then everything just sucks. You're stressed out. It's like, no, that's because what happens is we start to control more and more and have more and more addiction to certainty, and we stop taking those risks. And when you start taking those risks, you'll step outside and you'll feel more alive. You'll feel more joy just for being who you are before you get any particular outcome of any of the risks that you took. And of course, the more risks you take the better outcomes you're going to get in life because that's. It's a better strategy, too. So this is to not just highlight why we're taking the risks, but for you to look at how you're going about it. And when you really see the old pattern in place and what its function was, and you hear me talk about the safety police, that then you. You can choose something different. And that doesn't, again, completely neutralize those voices, but it. It stops it. It erodes their power. And then if you want to erode it more and faster, there's only one thing to do, and that's to take more risk. And now part of what we do in these calls. So if you're wondering, well, what, what's. How do we. How do I grow the most in this program? It's going to be to take the risks in your life. Maybe even. Maybe it's even a risk in here to speak up and share and be seen and known with the group. Like, oh, that feels vulnerable. Yeah, take that risk, too. And then part of what we're doing here, though, is it's. It's the battle for control, right? Because you'll take the risk. And then the propaganda part's like, what the. No, no, no. And so maybe you're awash in guilt or a lot of anxiety about it. And that's what we focus on here, is like, okay, how do we. How do we soften that? How do we calm that? How do we change a story? How do we strengthen that other party, whatever it is, so that you can stay in the game and keep doing this? Now that brings us back into the studio here and a chance for you to reflect on how you're gonna put this into action. Time for action. Action, action. This is all beautiful when it's in theory, we get inspired when we're in our living room or you're on the StairMaster listening to this, like, yeah, totally gonna change my life. But it becomes practical, it becomes real, realized in your life. Only when we act on it, when we execute on that fantasy or vision. And so the path is clear, isn't it? Quite simple? It's. To risk is to take those risks. So what is a risk that you could take today that would be in defiance of that old controlling regime? And I know there's more to it. There is, because in fact, after this segment that I just shared with you, one of the members raised her hand and said, hey, okay, so I'm taking. I'm taking risks. But then as she does it. She's very self critical. Which is why being on your own side and learning how to neutralize it in a critic and really give yourself credit for the action you're taking instead of just looking at where you're always falling short. You should have done more. That wasn't enough. That didn't do well enough, whatever. Interrupting that pattern, which is what I was coaching her on how to do that. So I get that there's more, but if you don't take the risk, the more doesn't help you. Getting more on your own side and trying to talk positively to yourself and trying to encourage yourself, those are very important parts of the process. But if you don't take the risks, then again it's just all theoretical and there will not be the transformation. We need both. So find those risks. Look for them, take them. What is one that you're gonna take today and then maybe again tomorrow and then maybe this month and this week, this year? So the more we defy that old regime, the more free we become. And that's how the revolution begins and sustains until there's a total regime change inside. Which is what I want for you in 2024. I'm so excited to roll into this next year with you. Gonna keep doing this. We keep hanging out together. So keep enjoying this podcast. I hope it's serving you. And again, if you want to go further, definitely check out the Mastermind program@doctors.com Alright thanks for being with me. Until we speak again. You have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome. I'll talk to you soon. Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Azeez. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to socialconfidencecenter.com. Sa.