Your Fear Of Being Seen Is Holding You Back...And What To Do About It!

Are you afraid of being seen, being the center of attention, doing a public talk? People are looking at you. Does that make your skin crawl? Or do you just avoid that entirely in your life? Do you not speak up on purpose so you are not seen? And if so, you have to watch this video because you might not realize how much your fear of being seen is radically holding you back in your life, diminishing your confidence, making you less available to the people around you to. To create the life that you want, the relationships you want to accelerate in your career and so many other cons. And yet most people that I talk to on some level want to maintain their pattern of not being seen. So I'm so glad you're watching this video because it's going to help you unleash your confidence and ultimately have much better results in your life. I'm Dr. Aziz. I'm the founder of the center for Social Confidence and author of six bestselling books on confidence. And universally, I've seen that people tend to be self conscious or nervous about being seen. That's why public speaking is one of the top spears in the world. Right? So this isn't unique to people that have social anxiety. But the biggest thing I've seen with people that have social anxiety or other clients that I work with is you may have actually made an identity out of not being seen. Let me explain. Instead of saying, hey, I don't like being the center of attention, I'm afraid that people are going to judge me. Honestly, when all those eyeballs are on me, I feel like all my own insecurities are visible to everybody, which is the truth. Instead of saying that, we put a kind of a tough guy or tough girl identity on that and we say, that's just not me. You know, I'm not one of those blowhards, people who hold court. Ooh, everyone look at me. I'm not one of those significance driven people. I'm better than that. I'm superior my own way. I'm the quiet one in the corner holding their words when they only need to be said. And we come up with some identity, make us feel better about ourselves. Because the truth is, we're scared. And what exactly are you scared of with being seen? Is it literally being visible? Like, look, there he is over there, I've been spotted? No, no, it's that when you share, when you speak up in any context, you become the center of attention. And I've seen that it can be at work. Sometimes people are comfortable at work, but they're Terrified if it's a social situation or even in the meeting before you get to the business part. Or maybe other people, they can be okay with comfort, friends and family. But then at work, oh my God, I don't want to be seen. So it could be anywhere in your life but where you're not okay being seen, where you feel afraid if you really investigate, what are you actually afraid of in that situation? What I've seen is that people are afraid of. They're gonna see through my facade, you know, the Persona that I put up in the world to look confident, look capable, look attractive, look intelligent, whatever it is, when all those eyes are on me, they're gonna see right through it. And so, to put it simply on a bumper sticker, your fear of being seen comes from your own dislike of yourself. That's what makes you uncomfortable. And the more okay you are with yourself, the more okay you are with being seen. Hold on a second. It's not that simple. Look, in my workplace, if you look dumb, you're fired. You know, in the dating world, if you're self conscious, if you're awkward, no one wants to date you. That's just how it is. Okay, I hear you. Sure. You know, your gross incompetence make you would get fired. If you cannot interact with anyone without having shifty eyes and sweating profusely and mumbling, then, yeah, maybe someone will Latin you. So I'm not saying there's nothing to that, but we use that as a reason to continue this fear. But it doesn't work. And so the way out to really let yourself be relaxed, giving presentations, giving talks, talking to a camera, being seen in social media, in the world, anywhere you go, is to become truly okay with yourself. Now what does that mean, to be okay with yourself? Well, this is something I've been obsessively studying for the last 20 years of my life because I used to hate myself, used to be so incredibly self critical. I remember one time I was walking into a party with a. I wouldn't say friend, but a guy that I knew, friend of a friend. And we were walking in and he was always so confident. And I was. I rarely went to parties and I would drink beforehand just to feel comfortable enough to walk through the door. But I knew I wouldn't really talk to anybody. I certainly wouldn't go approach women, even though I wanted to as this college kid. And I remember I walked, walking in and I asked him, I was like, ryan, how do you just go in with confidence? I was, you know, usually kept it all secret that I was really full of social anxiety and not confident. But in that moment, it just slipped out. And Ryan looked at me and he's like, aziz, you just got to be confident, man. That's not answering my question at all. I hate you. And then we walked in and I was not confident. It was a mess. But what I was really afraid of and what the coaching I needed in that moment was what are you not okay with yourself? In what do you judge about yourself? I'm dumb, I'm ugly, I'm awkward. I'm going to appear this or that, I'm going to freeze. Okay, if you freeze, if you don't know what to say, what are you afraid? What are they going to think of you? And guess what? Your greatest fears about what they are going to think of you are actually the criticisms that you have of yourself. And then that is where you do your work. That's where liberation is. You're never going to control everyone's perceptions around outside of you. Someone might think you're dumb when you speak up. Someone might think you're awkward. Right? Maybe you do stumble over your words. But here's the paradox. The more okay you are with it, the less anxious you feel, the less it happens. That's so extremely important. I'm going to say it again. The more okay you are with anything, looking dumb, stumbling over your words, not knowing what to say, having to repeat yourself, whatever it is, the more okay you are with that, the more relaxed you become. It's no longer life or death and the less it happens. So what do you need to become okay with? Sometimes I stumble over my words. You didn't know what to say there. Yeah, that happens sometimes. And the more you fight that. No, no, no. It's not okay. It's not okay. The more fear you're going to generate and the more you're going to hide in your life, which is not being seen, it's just hiding in life. And no one ever created an extraordinary life, a life of love, a wealth of freedom from hiding. So it's time, my friend. It's time to step up. It's time to find the creepy, crawly, dark places inside of yourself that you. You don't like. And to get to greater self acceptance, greater self love. If you want coaching and guidance on how to do that, definitely check out my book on my own side which you can find on audible on Amazon. You can also go further with my program, Confidence University, just go to my website. DraZ-R-A z I z.com check out products Confidence University it's four full courses guide you step by step on how to build that inner confidence and then go out into the world being fully yourself and creating an extraordinary life. So I hope this serves you until we speak again. May have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.