Your Hidden Source Of Absolute Confidence

Coming to you from the center for Social Confidence in Portland, Oregon, welcome to Shrink for the Shy Guy. Helping men everywhere go from social anxiety to social domination. With your host, Dr. Azeez.

Welcome to another episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy. I'm your host, Dr. Aziz and yes, let's dive into it. I'm glad to be with you today and I don't know if this is your first show or your 50th show or your. Well, I don't think we're quite at 500 yet, but you've been on this journey with me for a long time. It doesn't matter. I'm excited to be with you. And the reason I'm so excited about this stuff is because every single day I am reaffirmed that building confidence is possible literally every single day. Either it's working with a client in a one on one or a group session or mastermind call or something or in my own life. And just when I think I've hit an edge and I can't, or I'm feeling fear or I'm feeling stuck, I use one of the tools that I share in this show or elsewhere or I have an insight or a breakthrough or just grace comes in and I find a way. And each step of the way our confidence grows. So I know it's entirely possible for you. Wherever you are, there is more confidence accessible to you and than you might realize. And that's a beautiful thing because confidence is a currency. Confidence is something that allows you to go out there and experience all kinds of things in your life. You want an amazing relationship to find that person, to approach them, to create that relationship takes confidence to sustain it, to be vulnerable and authentic and expressive and have difficult conversations and stay in it and work through stuff as it comes up, which inevitably does in all relationships that takes confidence. Same thing goes for stepping up in your career, being a leader in your field, being who you want to be able to share your ideas and your perspective and not be afraid of what are they going to think and am I going to be judged for that? And holding yourself back to be able to go and create the life that you want in your business, in your work, with your livelihood, that takes confidence. And I could go on and on about your social life and every area of life, right, requires confidence. So the idea that you have more accessible than you realize and that you can always build it no matter where you're starting, that's why I'm so excited. And if you're loving this show, I'm happy To be with you today. And if you could do me a favor and go to the itunes place or wherever you download it or wherever you listen to this and give it a rating, preferably a five star if you think it warrants such a thing, that would help me reach more people and as a way to give back to me as I give to you. And we get this beautiful synergy of just helping everyone out. And you're gonna help me carry out my mission, which is operation mass liberation, which is to help as many people as I can to eradicate social anxiety and instill confidence. And today is really relevant to all that, because today is about accessing the confidence you didn't know you had. Accessing confidence you didn't know you had. So what I mean by that is there are two kinds of people that I find with social anxiety, with shyness, with challenges, with our confidence, and I talk to them on a daily basis. There's two kinds. There's the most common one, which is what I was, which is, you know, for as long as I can remember, Usually back to grade school, middle school, maybe high school, but usually it starts before then. You know, 10, 11, 12, 13 years old. We start to have this experience of I feel self conscious, I start to feel a little more awkward. I start to doubt myself. I'm a little less comfortable around my peers. I don't progress in the same ways that everyone else does. I don't, you know, have the people wanting to line up to date me. I don't have all those relationship experiences that I know others are having way earlier. I might not even be in a relationship. I might not even kiss anybody. I might be a virgin. Way past the age that I quote, should or that I imagine most people are. That was my experience. I don't know if you were down that. So that's like the. Kind of feels like you never really had it, you know, it's like I kind of missed that when they were doling out the confidence card right around age 10 or whatever, that just fucking. That was a missed deal. I didn't get shit. And that progresses, right? And then an identity forms. I am awkward. I am uncomfortable. No one, obviously, no one wants to date me. So there's something wrong with me. Obviously, I can't speak up, so my ideas aren't valuable. And it builds and it builds and builds. And then we get into our 20s and it just keeps going. And, you know, a lot of people with that, in my experience, too, we don't, like, you know, just curl up and waste away in a cave. We go out and we have life and things seem sort of normal, but they're just highly restricted. Our friendships are restricted or limited. Our dating life is non existent or restricted. Our career is highly limited, but we're still living. But it just feels like I never really had that confidence. And maybe that's what's brought you to be listening to me today. And if so, fantastic, because you're in the right place. And I know that journey so well, because that's my journey. Now, you might be the other kind of person. And I talk to these people. This is a little less frequent. The other one is way more common. But this happens too. This is the I had it and I lost it kind of confidence. So, you know, hey, when I was younger, man, when I was in high school, when I was in college, I was just. I could talk to anybody. I could freely express myself. I could say whatever I wanted. I was just, you know, I was popular, people wanted to date me. Everything was. Everything was churning up Milhouse. And then they lost it. And sometimes, you know, people are doing quite well, you know, way beyond their school years. Maybe they're crushing it in their career and they're doing well in their 20s or their 30s. And then something happens, you know, the relationship falls apart, they get a divorce, they have a downturn in their career and they get laid off. And then they can't get another job. And then it starts to wear away at their confidence. Something that's kind of later life can happen. But those scenarios are that I had it and I lost it, and it doesn't really matter if you never had it and then you feel like you never got it or you had it and you lost it. Either way, we need confidence. We need to build it back, we need to find it, we need to access the confidence. And the reason I call this episode, the confidence that we didn't know we had or didn't think that we had, is because there's this little trick of our minds that says, well, if you don't have it, you never will. Has your mind ever told you that it's just not possible for you if you just don't have it? Well, you know, some people got that card and some people didn't. It's a really good card. The confidence card. It's got a little star on, says confidence for life with the number four and you didn't get it, or hey, you know, you had it, things were good, and now you lost it. And, you know, you just gotta get used to the new norm, shitty, shitty norm of life, right? This is what our mind says to us and we feel like we lost it. We feel like we never had it. We feel like it's gone. And it is total bullshit. It is a story. It is a construct in our minds that we keep. You know, we make it so by telling ourselves, by hypnotizing ourselves that that is the case and that is exactly what you can break through. That's what I help people do all day. That's what I do in my life continuously is prove that voice wrong and show that I can do what I want. I can create what I want. And as a byproduct of taking that action and facing my fear, I build confidence as a byproduct. And you can too. And that's what we're going to talk about today. Even more is how to access that confidence that you didn't know you had. So we're going to take a quick break right now and when we get back, we're going to dive even deeper into that. Stay tuned.

Do you want to know the fastest and most powerful way to completely change your confidence levels for the rest of your life? It requires more than just listening to something or reading a book. It requires you step up and say that you will do whatever it takes to break out of fear and create the confidence you know you deserve in this life. The fastest and most powerful way to create that confidence in yourself is to work directly with someone who knows exactly what you're going through and who has traveled the road ahead. Go to socialconfidencecenter.com coaching to find out more about how to work directly with Dr. Aziz in private. One on one coaching.

Welcome back. So let's help you access something that you might be not letting your attention go to. You might be dismissing. It is another way of saying it, which is where you have confidence right now in your life. Take a moment to think about that. Where are you already confident? Where's your maybe your mind's scanning. Maybe for some people they're crushing in their work, but then their dating life sucks. Or some people, they have a great relationship but they're scared to speak up at work. Or they have no friends, right? So where is it for you? Or some people have friends and a relationship and are doing well at work but they hate themselves so their confidence is low. Or maybe you have some things but you're really out of shape and you feel like no confidence that you could turn that around. So find the areas though, because we're very aware of where we don't have confidence and where it sucks. And our mind likes to go to problems and try to solve them or at least ruminate about them. Let's guide our focus, though, to where it's going, right? Where do you already have confidence? Now, I may. I named some major areas of your life. Your relationship, your career, your health, your finances, your social life. But. And so if you have confidence in one of those areas, fantastic. Pick that. But sometimes I talk to people and they're like, dude, I don't know. I don't really feel confident in any of those areas. And I'm always like, really? Come on. Because in that moment, what my mind starts going towards is not that their life is just shitty in all areas. It's actually that their criteria of how good things have to be in order for them to feel confident about it is just way too high. They're just probably a perfectionist. So it's like, yeah, I mean, I'm in great shape, but I'm not there yet. And sure, I'm at this level of my career, but I'm not there yet. So I'm not confident. And if that's the case, if that's for you, let's just let that go and give yourself some credit. Find something that you know that you're good at and that you know, you have confidence in. But if, you know, maybe you have been living in a shell, maybe you have been holding yourself back and you don't have that much going on in any of these core areas, then you gotta pick an area that you have confidence right now, no matter how minor or how narrow or how seemingly insignificant it might be. Maybe you are amazing at repairing engines of cars. Maybe you're amazing at creating a go kart in your garage. Maybe you're amazing at the World of Warcraft or some other game and you're level 99 or 199 or fucking level 1000. I don't know how they go, right? Maybe you're amazing at that. Maybe you have confidence in your ability to figure something out, to learn something, to solve a certain kind of problem in your workplace. Or. So maybe you're not confident talking to everyone at work, but you know, like, hey, you give me this problem, I can solve it. That's what I do. So here's the thing. You don't have to be the best at it. In fact, if your criteria is to be the best at something in order for you to feel confident, you're screwed. Because I got bad news for you, no matter how good you are at something, there's someone who's better. And even if you literally are verified best in the world, how long does that last? How long is someone the fastest person in the world or the strongest person in the world and the olympics and such? Four years, maybe eight, maybe 12 if you're Bolt. But in any case, it's short lived and you know, most of us are probably not going to be the best in the world at anything unless it's, of course, you know, being yourself. But you don't have to be the best. You just have to have confidence that you can do it. Confidence in yourself, in that thing. So I'm going on about this because I really want you to find that thing. And I'm guessing at this point that you do. And if you don't hit the little back 30 seconds or rewind about five times to get back to about three minutes ago and listen to this again and just say, okay, if I wanted to, I know I don't feel confident in anything ever, because I never give myself that credit. But if I wanted to just give myself a little credit and find the thing that I'm confident in, let me do that now. So I'm assuming you have that now. Good. You know, the reason I am recording this episode is because I had this insight a little while back where I noticed that when it came to taking on bigger projects at work, creating something that was going to serve more people, building out just this big vision I have for something called Confidence University, which I think is going to reach tens of thousands of people and really help people all over the world build confidence with the most advanced interactive learning platform ever. Because I want to leverage myself, I can't talk to everybody. And I'm like, I want to reach as many people as I can. And books are great, but I want something that like grips people, like coaching does, that makes them invested and makes them want to do what it takes. And you can't force someone, you got to excite them, you got to engage them. So that's why I'm creating this big thing. But this or something else about the future, I noticed my confidence would be lower than I liked. It would be like, I don't know if that's going to work out. I don't know if anyone's going to do that. Despite previous success. And obviously people wanting to work with me and go through the stuff that I offer. And then I was like, well, what's an area where I don't feel that what's an area where I feel totally confident right now. And for me, currently, it's in my physical health. I've just been crushing it and going to the gym four times a week and running three times a week and doing meal plans and losing body fat and building muscle and just feeling awesome and getting stronger and doing things that I never knew my body could do. It's amazing. And so I started to say, well, let me study the area I'm already confident in to see if I can use that to help me with the area that I'm not confident in. Are you following me here? This is extremely powerful. This is one of the most powerful tools and you get it for free. I was just doing this with the people in my Mastermind program. They've invested a lot to learn this kind of stuff. Cutting edge, and then you get to do it for free. So that's all part of Operation Mass Liberation. So here is how you do that. Do you have the area that you're already confident in? Okay. And you have the area that maybe you want to be more confident in? Okay. Now what we're going to do in a minute, we're going to take a quick break and when we get back, we're going to do a process that's going to help you cross those over and figure out how to bring the confidence from one area to the other. Would that be valuable for you? Wonder what that would create in your life if you could just take the confidence and like, take those points and put them in something else. So you're going to learn how to do that right after this. Stay tuned.

Have you ever heard the phrase feel the fear and do it anyway? Have you ever tried it in your life? While it is a key part of building confidence, it leaves out the most important secret of creating powerful confidence in every area of your life. Do you want to know that secret? It's self compassion, the skill of being on your own side no matter what. It's so important. Confidence unleashed has an entire module on it. Go to confidenceunleashednow.com to find out more.

Welcome back. So here's what you're gonna do. Take the area that you're confident in, whether it's a game or a problem or, you know, your health or your relationship or anything that you feel fully confident in. And I want to ask you some questions and I want you to just fire off the answers without thinking about it. Just quick top of mind sort of responses. Okay. And you could do these out loud if you like, or you can Just do them in your mind. So let me ask you this. Do you have a clear idea, clarity, in this area of what it is you're going for or what it is that you want. And how certain, on a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 is totally certain, are you, that you can achieve the thing that you want in this area? You know, given enough time? Interesting, huh? And what would happen if you hit a problem or a snag, Something unexpected that got in your way or slowed you down or stopped you even from pursuing your goal in this area? Hmm. So what are your answers so far? What are you noticing now? What I found first, and then myself, and then I tested this out with everyone in my Mastermind program. What I found is that the people, the area that you're confident in, you have a clear idea, even if at first you don't know it, you do. You're like, oh, yeah, I'm working towards this, or I'm making sure I get more of that, or I can do this. Right? And then on a scale of 1 to 10, I found people in the program I was doing this with were 8 or higher. They were very certain they're going to achieve the outcome. And then I said, what if you hit a problem or a snag? And that's the beauty, because that's when the power of their confidence mindset came out. And they said, well, I would just find a workaround or, well, I would talk to someone else and figure out a solution. Well, I would take a step back and look at the problem and then figure out what needs to be fixed. Like, it was very problem solving, very intelligent, very capable responses. I said, well, would you throw your hands up in the air and say, well, it's hopeless. I'm a failure. I'm never gonna be able to make it. And they would laugh and they'd say, what?

No.

And yet, when we show up in the area that we don't have confidence, that's exactly what we do. Oh, I got another snag. I guess I'm screwed. I guess I'm never, ever, ever, ever, ever gonna have love in my life. It's just. It's not possible for me. I'm one of the few humans that that's just entirely impossible for, which makes me very significant, thank you very much. It's these unreasonable reactions. And that's why we want to be able to take the confidence that you didn't know you had by crossing it over, this hidden source of confidence. So let's do that right now. You have your answers to the questions about the area that your confidence in. Let's bring them over to the area that you're not as confident in. So think of an area that maybe you don't have the confidence that you want, but you really do want more confidence in that area. Your love life, your social life, your career, your health. Great. So now focusing on that area, how do you have clarity? Do you have a clear idea of what your goal or goals are in this area? On a scale of 1 to 10, how certain are you that you can achieve them within given enough time? And what happens if you hit a problem or a snag? Now, I don't know what your answers are. Maybe it's low certainty. Maybe you freak out when you hit a snag. What if you were to cross over and bring the mindset, bring the attitude, bring the confidence from the area that you're good at into this new area? What would that be like? What would that change? What would that transform? For me, I noticed when it came to physical health, I am extremely process oriented. Like I'm tracking outcomes and results and I have a goal. But day, it's day to day, it's just like show up, do the work, show up, do the work. Like get to the gym. Step one, when I'm at the gym, do this set and do it as hard as I can and then do it again and then keep pushing the edge. It's process oriented, not outcome oriented. And when I noticed the area about something creating a big project in my work or my business, it was outcome oriented. Am I there yet? Am I done yet? Why is I'm impatient, it's not done yet. And then if it's done, I'm scared what is going to work or not. It's all outcome focused. So there's an impatience and then there's a fear. But if it's process focused, so I started to cross it over. I was like, okay, show up and do the work. Let's map out the steps, let's get head down. What are the steps? And one of the first steps for me is actually learning a lot about online learning and how to make it extremely engaging and have very high engagement rates. So people don't want to drop out, people don't want to quit. Because if I create something that has the potential to transform someone's life and then we don't make it engaging enough or know how to do that in the right way and they drop out after a week or a month, then no one wins. I don't win. They don't win. I want them to, like, stay in and have this profound experience. Right. So step one, study learning platforms. And that's what I've been doing. Step two, map out and plan out and build all the course programming for the program so it's just really focused and do each step as good as I can as the best of my ability. Do this, rep this set to the best of my ability and let that obsession with the outcome and the impatience that comes with that go. That's just how I did it. That's how I did the transfer. One of the many ways. But when you start just thinking about this a lot, pay attention. When you start to feel depressed or stuck. In fact, actually, I'm gonna zip my mouth for a second here and offer you this as your action time for action. Your action step for today is to actually all week, I would encourage you, but especially today, keep crossing over. Keep noticing that area where you're not as confident in. And if you notice your mental reactions, notice your mindset, notice your attitude, notice how you handle problems, notice how much certainty you have around your outcome. And then just start playing with it, like, wow, why do I have so much certainty over here and not much certainty over there, huh? And you start asking yourself these questions. It's an inquiry. And you start to find answers. Well, I practiced the hell out of leveling up my Necromancer in Warcraft. How many hours have I put into that? Wow. 479. How many hours have I practiced in initiating conversations with strangers? Two. Hmm. You know, and you start to notice these patterns, Right? So studying. Why is it different in this area? How can I approach this area that I'm less confident in? In the same way that I would approach the area that I'm more confident in. So, wow. You know, that person rejected me. They didn't want to date me, or they said no to my proposal at work. Hmm. How would I handle this? If we're. If this were building out an engine and a particular part that I needed that I thought I had blew out, now, what would I do? How would I solve it? So you take it to the area that you're good at. You get the mindset, get the secrets, and then apply it to the area that you want more confidence in. Awesome. And play around with this. The more you do this, the more liberating it is. And you'll find that you have an amazing hidden source of confidence right there inside of you. It's like a gold mine that you can tap anytime. So let me know how it goes. Go to shrinkforthshyguy.com youm can also go to we have a new Facebook page under Doctoraziz Ghaz of Hora. That's where we're putting all of the Facebook stuff so it's all in one place. Go there and like that and follow what's going on there to find out more about these episodes and YouTube and all kinds of other stuff including cool live events. So go there. That's I think it's facebook.com Draziz Gazipora in any case, you are awesome and until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you're awesome.

Thanks for listening to Shrink for the shy guy with Dr. Aziz. If you know anyone who can benefit from what you've just heard, please let them know and send them a link to shrinkforthshyguy.com for free blogs, ebooks and training videos related to overcoming shyness and increasing confidence, go to social confidencecenter.com.