Dr. Aziz (speaker) argues that people who are called "pushovers" often hold a mistaken belief that saying "no" will hurt others and make them a "bad person." Because of that belief, they habitually say yes and effectively become "doormats," a dynamic the speaker frames as a specific psychological pattern.
Have you ever been told that you're a pushover? Perhaps you've actually tried to speak up for yourself and it doesn't go that well. And it turns out there's a specific reason that this is happening I want to share with you right now. Most people I work with think I don't have a spine, I don't have courage, there's something wrong with me. No. The truth is that you have a mistaken belief that saying no is hurtful to others. So you're going to be a bad person. You say no to this person. It's the equivalent of like pushing them down and taking their lunch money. And so ultimately you don't want to be a bad person. I don't want to be a bad person. So you don't have a choice. You have to say yes. You have to be an extension of someone else's needs and desires and this leads to a very specific psychological situation. Scientifically speaking, you become a doormat.
