Dr. Cara breaks down how to handle difficult conversations without letting fear drive you. Gather data first, pick the right moment when emotions are calm, and address patterns directly instead of ignoring them. Done right, these conversations build trust instead of breaking it.
A topic that is on my mind is difficult conversations and when to lean into a difficult conversation. I think it's important to note that a difficult conversation doesn't have to happen immediately. Typically, we need to gather data. We need to understand what about the situation makes it difficult. Because if we're being honest and we're being authentic, whatever it is, it's okay. It's not saying the thing that makes it not okay. If you have the opportunity to see what's happening before someone else does, you have line of sight and they don't, and you don't tap into what it is that you know and share it with the other person, is that fair? Are you doing what you're supposed to do as a leader, as a supporter? So difficult conversations are really in my mind, an illusion. And the illusion is that there's something on the other side that we are fearing. What is in the way? What is at risk? Because the reality that typically surfaces is once you get to the other side of that difficult conversation, it really wasn't a risk. It actually was a respect reinforcer and multiplier. Because when you're willing to say the thing that appears to be hard, It's because you care about the person and you don't want to risk whatever it is that's getting in your way, whether it's you don't want them to feel like you're picking on them, you don't want them to feel like you're judging them, you don't want them to feel like you're mean, or you don't want to feel like you're brash. The reality is sometimes we have to deliver messages that are not going to be received the way that we would intend them to be received. And that's okay because you have a purpose and a goal and a role and a responsibility, and that is what you have to keep at the forefront. Additionally, you have discernment. So just because you have to have a conversation that's difficult doesn't mean you have to have it in a moment where you're feeling a strong emotion or you see that the other person may not be in the best place to receive what it is that you want to put down or pick up what you're putting down. That's where you have to use your ability to connect to yourself and also connect and attune to what the other person is showing up with. Sometimes it has to be measured. Sometimes you have to hold it and be quiet and not constantly fix the words, fix the script, fix the lines that you want to say, because trust and believe everything is cyclical. So your opportunity will present more than once, especially when it's something that has become a pattern. So create space for the pattern to occur and create space to lean into the conversation. When you see something happen once, hmm, take it to the bank. Think about it, process through it. What about that is bothersome? What about that needs to be addressed? What about that feels difficult to acknowledge? When it happens again, if you're ready, lean into the conversation. Or set an intentional time to have a conversation, but don't sweep it under the rug. Because as we know, with a cup, if you keep pouring water into it, it's gonna overflow. So whatever's happening, as far as the behavior, cannot be fixed because often people are not aware of what is going on. So I encourage you to lean in. What's at risk for the person and what's at risk for you? And when you're able to identify that, it removes the heaviness of the conversation being difficult.
