Dr. Cara went from leading 10 people to 30 while burning out from over-explaining and hustling for worthiness. She built a "Connected Leadership" framework around three things: connecting to yourself, extending grace, and knowing what you can control. Authentic leadership builds belonging and prevents burnout.
Leading without performing is not as easy as it sounds. When we are leading, there's expectations that are placed on us. We have weights that we carry on our shoulders that a lot of people have no clue is occurring. All they see is what's in front of them, and we want to make sure that we're putting on our best face and that we are accomplishing the goals, the outcomes, the the metrics, the revenue streams, that we are doing what it is that we're expected to do. And sometimes that becomes a performance. See, we've been conditioned to deliver a certain way, to deliver fast, to do more with less, and quantity over quality is not really where it's at. As a matter of fact, it erodes your ability to show up from an authentic space. How do I know? Because I've been there. I'll never forget taking this job. I was told I'm only going to lead 10 people, but you know what? That is not what happened. I started off with 10, the next thing I knew I was at 30. I walked into this new job. I was in the organization I had been working for a while, but in the new job, I didn't know anyone, just people who I had passed by in the hallway or made small conversation with, meaningful but smaller conversation within the past. So as I'm moving into this new role to be a leader over lots of programs, there was lots of chaos and there was not a lot of structure. I felt like I had to perform. So, you know, I want to come in and I want to fix everything. The reality was I had to think about what my purpose was, what my role was, and how could I support the people who were already there from the most true, authentic space possible. Because trying to perform and be somebody I wasn't, they didn't really appreciate that. As a matter of fact, I had to take a lot of hard lessons. I think I got a, you know, couple bumps on my forehead from hitting it on the wall as a result of not showing up my true authentic self. And what I learned was that it's not always easy, but it's really not that hard. What's not easy is performing. And how did I figure out that I was performing? Because I was constantly overexplaining myself, trying to prove myself, giving the extra data, dotting all the i's, crossing all the t's, which was necessary, but I took it like 5 steps forward. And not only did I take it 5 steps forward, I expected the people who worked the closest to me to take a 5 steps forward. And then I realized I was doing what Brené Brown describes as hustling for my worthiness. And that is how I knew I was performing, which is what led me to really leaning into my framework for connection. I call it connected leadership, but it really is about connecting to myself. Because when I wasn't connected to myself, I wasn't showing up my true authentic self. So I would show up and be irritated. I would show up and want this right now because that's what they were saying, and you need to do it right now. And the reality was I was eroding trust with my team because they didn't know who I was. They didn't know if I was going to show up and be demanding, if I was going to show up and be cool, calm, and collected. So I had to really learn who did I want to be as a leader and how did I want to show up, and where could I stand firm in my value and my worth and know that it was enough to be my true authentic self. Excellence wasn't going to be an issue because that's what I knew to do. However, I needed to really figure out how I could show myself, my team members, and others grace. And that was the second pillar of my framework. And that's where it came from because I was having a real hard time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Show yourself grace. I knew what that meant, so I thought. But as you excel in your career, you're usually placed in high regard, which means people are placing you on a pedestal. It becomes really difficult not to place yourself on that pedestal. And when you don't make the mark and you don't deliver just as everybody thought, or you thought that you should, then that's where the criticism, the shame, the blame, the woulda, shoulda, coulda show up. And that gets in your way. It becomes an obstacle to accomplishing what it is that you're supposed to. Other thing that I really had to lean into was recognizing what was within my control and what wasn't. When I was trying to control things that were not anywhere near within my circle of influence or span of control, I found myself performing because I wanted to act like I had it all together. The reality is nobody has it all together. So showing myself grace allowed me to say, hey, you know what? That's not within my control. What is within my control is how I support the people who I lead in the work that we're doing. So I decided to get more training, and I decided to lean into concepts, um, books, trainings, Brené Brown, Dare to Lead. I took leadership courses, you name it, I was trying to do it because I wanted to elevate and expand for myself, first, and for the people that I led and that I supported and that supported me. I was able then to transition and pivot into showing up my true authentic self. And I'm pretty sure if you knew somebody who was working with me and saw the progression, they would be able to confirm this because no longer did I show up feeling like I had to perform and do the song and dance for whoever was in the room. I showed up with confidence. I showed up with humility. Because I didn't always know everything, and that was okay, because my curiosity would allow me to understand, and my resources would allow me to take the information and figure out what I need to figure out so that we could get the job done. I invite you to really explore where can you show up more authentic? Where can you be your true authentic self in your place of work, especially as a leader? Because what that does is it allows people to connect with you. It allows you to be human, and it takes you off the pedestal, because when you're at this pedestal, there's this space, and what we have to do is close that. John Maxwell calls that the success gap, and I think it's really critical that we recognize we can have all the accolades, all of the degrees, all of the experience, but we are still people. Leaders are people too, and we have to show the people that we support and the people that support us that we are people just like them, and that we care. That's what helps to build psychological safety and the culture of belonging, which is shown and proven to increase outcomes, productivity, and people's value in the workplace. People want to know they matter. They want to know that their leaders care, and they want to be in a group of people who are like-mindedness in serving a common purpose and a common goal.
