Coach Edward Nelson argues that real coaching means stepping back. If clients can solve their problems themselves, a coach's job is listening and asking questions, not giving answers. Being heard lets people see their own issues differently.
Hi, my name is Edward Nelson, and I'm thinking today about coming from a place as a coach with the deepest respect for our clients, and that if we were to truly believe that they have the resources to solve their problems and that they are in the best position to move forward, then what is my role as a coach and how can I respect that and still help them? How can I be helpful without being a helper? And it's a bit of a paradox because obviously I want to work as a coach and people, you use coaches and find benefit from coaches all the time. And I've coached lots of people and I enjoy it. They get value from it. But it got me thinking, if I'm here to help you and you are a fully autonomous, capable human being, and I want to empower you to do that, and I trust you to find your way through, then what's my job? Well, one of the things I know is that people can find value just being heard. Being listened to gives them the space to think about something when they speak it out loud. Not only do they get valued from being heard, they also have a chance to separate themselves from the situation and therefore see it differently. And that act in and of itself can be really useful, but then so can sometimes the stories themselves aren't useful. Sometimes somebody is working with a story and they're telling you a story, and we've known this as coaches and it isn't helping them. And we might reflect that back. We might sense a discomfort in our body, an incongruence between what they've said, how they've said it, or even mixed messages between what they've said a moment ago and what they're saying now. And we could point that out to them. So on the one hand we might listen to them, and on the other hand we might reflect back what we've heard or raise questions to get them to think about moments that didn't quite make sense to me as a coach. So how do I help without helping? Just some thoughts for the day. Hope you're well. Edward Nelson. Follow me at Facilitating Change and contact me on my website. Look forward to hearing from you. Hope you're well. Bye.
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