Edward Nelson introduces family constellations, a practice based on Bert Hellinger's three orders of love: hierarchy, belonging, and give-and-take. In a typical workshop, an issue-holder shares family facts while group members embody relatives, revealing unconscious patterns that affect current relationships through spatial dynamics and healing movements.
Chapters
Hi, my name's Edward Nelson, and this is a short intro to family constellations. I'm just going to say a little bit about what they are, why you might be interested in doing them, and of course, a little intro into how they might work if you were to attend a family constellation workshop. All right, so what are family constellations? Well, they are not star constellations. However, like a star constellation has particular unique shape. Each of us has a particular unique shape of the family that we were brought into. Were we the firstborn, last born? Did our mum, parents stay together? What happened to our parents? Who else was around? All of these things is unique to every single one of us and therefore creates its own constellation. And so in a family constellation, we look at that setup and see what it has taught us consciously and unconsciously about how relationships work. Bert Hellinger, who really brought this work to life, describe some orders of love that help shape that. Some of these orders, they're like what supports love to grow. This is beyond moral judgment or what society says is wrong or right more as to what supports life to continue through the coming together, bringing forth a new child. And those orders, for example, are the orders of time or hierarchy. So those that come first have precedence over those that come second. You know, the firstborn or the first partner in a marriage, first marriage partner has precedence over the second marriage partner. It will always be a different place in that order of time. The second born will have a different place and different experience to the firstborn. And when we accept these orders, time is important. We see the way that that impacts on us. The other one is place, the order of place or belonging that everybody in the system belongs, no matter how outcast they are, everybody belongs and has a place in the system. And we look at how those things have either been encouraged or pushed away. And finally there is the order of exchange, or give and take, giving and receiving. And the relationships are built upon giving and receiving. And the more that we give and the more that we get, the deeper our bonds with each other becomes. So that's a little bit about what a family constellation is. So why would you be interested in looking at a family constellation? Well, there are a couple of reasons why people come to me for a family constellation. One is that they be having difficulties in a relationship or getting into a relationship. And all of us bring unconscious patterns from our families and from our past into the relationships that we begin, that we start and try and enter into. And by doing a family constellation, we can have a look at some of the forces or Some of the assumptions that have guided the way that we work and exchange love with others. And so when we do a family constellation, we look at what that could be and how it might support or hinder your ability to connect with others. Another reason might be having trouble with siblings or with children. So if there's a strained relationship between parents and their children, or you and your parents, a family constellation can help shed some light on some of the dynamics that might be at play in that family system. So those are some of the reasons why people come to me and look for how they might get benefit from doing a family constellation. So how does a family constellation work? The way that I would work is preferably in person, but not always. Somebody is designated to work on their issue. And for that part, we call them the issue holder. The issue holder will work on their specific challenge in their specific situation in front or with the group. That group of people is the other people who have decided to attend. And what we do with that person is they'll first tell their story, or rather some important information or specific facts about their family of origin and any other events that have been significant in their life. What we don't do here is go into what was said and real long descriptions. It's more about finding out basic facts about what's happened. Once that's been revealed in relationship to the particular issue the person is talking about, we'll then invite other people in the group, the strangers in the room, to represent elements of that person's family system. A mother, a father, a war, migration. And each of those will take a position, literally standing up and placing themselves as elements in that family system. What happens here is that the person whose issue sits outside and observes and has a look at how those elements might or might not be interacting. The purpose all along here is not to replay information that we know, but to reveal things that we may not have thought about, to explore what we might not have recognized. And so once the person's told a few things which can be healing in and of itself, they'll then witness or view their constellation. And then finally, I'll often invite people to actually stand in and take their place in the system. And what happens there is that they can start to feel with a new awareness some of the dynamics at play in their family of origin, and see how those dynamics might be influencing the way they orientate themselves in their relationships in the present day. And if it's appropriate, we might then find some healing movements, some gestures or some phrases to acknowledge truths about the current circumstances and get the person to acknowledge what is and then potentially bring in some healing to where they would like to move to. So that's a very brief intro into what a family constellation is, what you might expect, what's involved, any of these things. If you'd like to know more, if you'd like to know more, reach out. I'd be happy to answer more questions. Or better yet, come to one of my workshops. They'll be advertised on the website theconstellationscoach. Com. I look forward to hearing from you and may you be well.
