4 Reasons Why Men Pull Away That Are NOT Your Fault (And What To Do)

Hi, I'm Elizabeth Stone from Attract the One and Luck Self, and today I'm going to talk about when a man withdraws. When a man withdraws, it feels like total crap. We have a hard time thinking about anything else. We might try having long talks and prodding him for action toward us. We want that feeling of closeness and connection back so much that we innocently go about trying to connect with them to create closeness all over again. But as fear blooms, so does our desire to stop him from pulling away and draw him close again to prevent total loss of the relationship. And the resulting panic freakout strategy mode is dangerous since we feel like we can get his attention back if we just do something or the right thing. There are reasons why men pull away that have nothing to do with you, but if you make it about you, he'll pull away from you in short order Because it'll be even more confusing that you've personalized his withdrawal. So here are just some reasons why men pull away and become distant that are not exactly your fault. Number 1 is that he's gotten legitimately busy. So men solve problems differently than women do. When they're putting out fires at work, school, or in their general life, they often have a hard time thinking about anything else. This single-minded focus definitely helps when, say, they're hunting prey or slaying predators, But it's less valuable when there are lots of different problems all at once. If he's going through a busy time, the fact that he's pulled away might have absolutely nothing to do with you, even though it might seem like that's a really lame excuse. Men will get quiet sometimes when they think that anything they say might make things worse. So number 2 is when a man needs to recharge. So falling in love decreases men's testosterone levels, which Then puts them at an increased risk for depression and a bunch of other health-related problems. To naturally prevent this, a man will pull away, recharge, and return, often without even realizing he's doing it unless there's some conflict involved. The third reason why men pull away that isn't your fault is that it's time to give to himself and his other relationships. And men get overwhelmed and tend to naturally pull away after they spend a lot of time in the relationship. They need other stuff to break up all of the love and closeness. Women typically don't get overwhelmed like this in the same way since spending a lot of time getting close feels awesome to us. We might eventually want space, but we don't tend to be totally on and then completely off in the same way that a man might do. The truth is, maybe you've been going full force for a while and it's naturally time for him to pull back. It can feel like before he was so easy to see and was getting in touch all the time, and now he's just suddenly not even interested. So the 4th reason that men pull away when it's not your fault is that he's gotten comfortable in your relationship because it's actually naturally matured. So this one is just a product of understanding that you guys are together and that there's not anything particularly urgent happening, but it still feels like withdrawal and it still can be painful. So none of these reasons why men pull away mean that a man doesn't love you, that he's given up on the relationship. They just can mean that the days of falling in love while staring lovingly into each other's eyes might be winding down and he needs a little palate cleanser. Or he's dealing with his own problems and doesn't want your input on solving them. A man's process of pulling away from a relationship and then returning isn't usually a conscious decision. It simply just is. And if you press him on why he's pulling away, looking for something wrong, he will likely come up with that reason on the spot. Before you asked, he just thought he wanted some alone time. Most men aren't that elegant about needing space, especially when they think, whether mistakenly or not, that they're going to disappoint you if they don't want to spend the same amount of time together. And this goes double if you have ever pushed him for more time together or refused to take his no for an answer. Men tend to do things rather than loudly inform anyone that they're doing things, and this includes taking space and not hanging out on Saturday night even though you spent the last 45 Saturday nights together. If he's seen you during most of your free time for a considerable period of time, at some point he's probably going to need to pull away from you and your relationship to replenish himself. So what should you do when a man is pulling away? First of all, you must, must stop worrying and enthusiastically throw yourself into your own life. And I know how hard that can be. Next, when you can act appropriately in regards to him, I want you to reward yourself. It is so hard. There's one relationship truth that I've been faced with continually, and that is that worrying about your relationship with a man never improves that relationship. In fact, flooding your body with negative emotional energy about him simply makes you associate him with that negative, icky, fear-based thought system, and you'll use those thoughts to eventually convince yourself that he's going to hurt you in the long run. Nothing negative, whether it's airing your negative thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, or just dwelling on the negative in general, actually improves things between you. Yet so many of us, me included, have felt that we're actually doing something when we're simply obsessing and strategizing about the relationship in private. And this negative self-doubt spiral is exactly what causes a man to feel trapped, fearful, and pull away from you even more. Now, it becomes really your fault that he pulled away when before it wasn't. And also, bringing him closer in that circumstances becomes even harder because now there's all this baggage. And your gorgeous, safe, fun feminine essence has gotten blocked and hijacked by worry. And I get it, feeling afraid that things seem to be falling apart or they might not come back after pulling away is totally miserable. But personalizing problems with you and he, or going through and making his withdrawal about you and the relationship, or what he is or is not doing in relationship to you, is absolutely the kiss of death for your relationship. So let's talk about solutions. What actually works to bring him closer when he's pulled away? The main thing is staying so centered in your own irresistible stability, purpose, goals in life that you're actually glad he's busy so you have time for other stuff. You may have gotten here by Googling what to do when a man pulls away, and you're probably feeling some totally understandable and relatable fear And this all might sound insane right now, but hear me out. If he really cares about you, he'll let you know when he wants to come close again. And if he doesn't love or care for you, isn't that actually valuable information to know? It's not that closeness feels bad to men. It's not that closeness feels bad to men. It's just that sometimes a little bit goes a long way. And if you turn a man's natural comings and goings into continual rejections, you're going to feel like crap often. Because the level of closeness that men are able to have in the beginning of a relationship is not often not very sustainable. Feeling a sense of loss when a man pulls away is normal, but making it a problem that he needs to breathe, wants time and space to do his own thing and simply live his own life, often causes a man's only real problem to be you, which is feeling smothered because his natural behavior upsets you. And his need for time for himself does not diminish you when your own life is so delicious and full that you barely notice that he's not around. A man's distance and space doesn't have to continually equal rejection. And in the case that he's actually rethinking your relationship, rejecting a man's rejection or not allowing him the time to think about things without jumping down his throat will cause him to feel smothered and force him to make a decision that he might not have already made about you. And the truth is that men don't have all the answers or a specific plan for your relationship Or whatever they're doing with any specific person. Women often think that their man knows more than they do or has a different plan than they do when it comes to the relationship. So asking him about his intentions like he actually knows what they are, or assuming that he's intentionally doing some behavior that irritates you, is really not a helpful position to take. And this stance automatically assumes his behaviors are intentional and have something to do with you, When the truth is that his behavior could have nothing to do with you, and you assuming that it does immediately puts you in a bad light and makes the whole thing about you. So even if his distance is about you, you have to let that unfold in its own time. When I say this, I don't mean to say that no matter what a man does, that you should prop the door open and just pretend it's okay no matter what. But you have to say no by removing your attention from him, not chasing after a man to beat him over the head with your no. Your loving, sweet attention is a prize, so don't cheapen it by running after him to force him to share in your gifts. What the hell are you doing? And men instinctively know that access to women goes away when they don't act relatively quickly to prevent loss. And quite frankly, lots of them mess this up anyway because they can get complacent, busy, and lazy. But negotiating with a man for more closeness, affection, and love simply doesn't work Since the threat of loss doesn't really inspire anyone to act sweet and vulnerable, which is what true affection requires. That's why the forced compliment never satisfies. Like Jennifer Aniston's character says to Vince Vaughn's character in the movie The Breakup, I want you to want to do the dishes. You don't get to the heart of what makes a man cherish and want to want to come closer to you by chasing him and angrily repeating your standards for the relationship. And while you might feel inspired to just talk about it or tell him your needs, the truth is that people don't buy needs. They aren't inspired to lovingly meet your needs simply because you tell them what you think you need. That's why tending to your own garden, depersonalizing any one person's behavior, and keeping it moving while staying open to all opportunities is the most peaceful, self-loving answer. So I hope you found that helpful, and I'll talk to you next time.

And if you keep ending up in situations where you feel ignored, I want you to sign up for my free masterclass, 7 Blocks to Manifesting Love. You'll find out the 7 things that keep you from manifesting the love you want and deserve. Visit manifestlovemasterclass.com to sign up free now. Once again, this is Elizabeth Stone, and thank you so much for watching.