Elizabeth StoneTransformative Coach, Luxe Self · Transformative coach at Luxe Self

Is My Ex's New Girlfriend His Forever Person? The Hard Truth

21 Apr 2023 · 2 min

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2:07

In this self‑help monologue, Elizabeth Stone responds to a viewer’s anxiety about whether her ex’s new girlfriend is his “forever person” and whether she will ever find a new partner or be alone forever. She first points out that no one can know the future of the ex’s relationship, and that speculating about it is a harmful hobby that fuels self‑pity and emotional suffering. Stone explains that even if the answer were known with certainty—whether the new girlfriend is “the one” or not—the viewer would still likely experience distress, because the underlying issue is the habit of ruminating on what‑ifs. She then shifts focus to the viewer’s fear of being alone, emphasizing that being alone is not inherently negative; she shares her own appreciation for both solitude and partnership, encouraging the viewer to value their own company and to stop using loneliness as a measure of personal worth.

Chapters

Hi, I'm Elizabeth Stone. Here's today's question: I would like to know if the new girl my ex is dating is his forever person. Will I ever find someone new or be alone forever? So first, I have no way of knowing if your ex's new girlfriend is his forever person. Your guess is just as good as mine. Playing the what-if game with your ex is a miserable hobby. Sitting around wondering about someone's next lover after you is one of the most fascinating ways that people cause their own suffering and self-pity. You're basically doing emotional cutting by entertaining all this thinking. Because what if you knew, let's just say with 100% certainty, that the answer to your question is true? Your ex is in fact dating his forever person, and it's definitely not you. Does that help you feel better? Does that help you hurt less? Because if it truly helps you to think that, then why not just go ahead and think it now if it helps you feel better? But if it doesn't make you feel better, or that brings up a whole new set of ideas like, is she going to leave him soon? What if he dumps her? When might they break up so I get another shot at getting him back? Then it breaks the imaginary concept that you'll feel better if you just knew what was happening for certain. The truth is, people are likely to find suffering in either answer. Like, yes, it's his forever person. No, it's not. Which is why we know that this thought process is an excuse to do people's favorite hobby: self-pity. And your next question, will I ever find someone new or be alone forever, makes it clear that you're throwing this pity party. Because I don't have any idea about the answer to this question either, but it sounds as though you've been thinking being alone forever is a terrible thing. I don't happen to think that's true. I like being alone and I like being coupled up. I like my own company, so spending time with me is paradise either way.