Elizabeth Stone says bad relationship patterns repeat because people expect good relationships to happen without effort. The fix: set standards, say no to poor treatment, communicate clearly, practice empathy, and stop trying to change your partner. Most of the work is internal.
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Hi, I'm Elizabeth Stone. Here's today's question. It is short and sweet. Why do I have bad experiences with relationships? So, gosh, this is an excellent question. I have no idea why this person specifically has had bad experiences with relationships. My crystal ball, unfortunately, is gone and still not working. My guess, though, simply from the way this person asked the question and provided no other details, I'd have to start at entitlement. So if you imagine you should— the keyword is should— have a good experience with relationships, but you don't do the work, you probably will not create good relationships. So just so I'm clear with you, when I say work on relationships, Sometimes people don't understand what I mean. Work in this context can have a ton of different meanings, and since people are not taught how to have and create effective partnerships, they tend to piece things together themselves. But here's what I mean by doing the work in relationship: creating and maintaining personal standards, being willing to put yourself out there and meet new people when you're in the finding someone phase of dating, saying no to people, bad deals, and treatment which don't reflect the kind of relationship you want in the long term. Clearly communicating your desires and requirements for your relationships. Noticing your own expectations and negotiating with your partner's expectations. Extending the benefit of the doubt to yourself and others. Not expecting your partner to magically read your mind. Reflecting on your own emotions and behavior and then being willing to share them, especially when it's hard and you feel afraid. Empathizing with and putting yourself in your partner's shoes. Focusing on understanding the other person instead of trying to change them. Holding a reasonable mindset about the possibility of losing any relationship. Anything can happen. This way you avoid treating the other person as though they are either disposable or temporary, or act as though they will never leave and then take them for granted. Next is managing any part of your own psychology that freaks out and threatens to sabotage you during any part of the whole process. This is the kind of work that creates a potential for you to have good relationship with yourself and others. It's mostly an inside job. You will get more— you will get more than enough success with other people when you focus on changing yourself instead of looking outward and then trying to change other people. If you expect 100% that you will create an amazing love life without the work I mentioned, you're probably gonna have a really hard time. Maybe not right away, but eventually. Because your mindset and self-concept are key in what, what and who you attract and whether or not those things stick around long term. And remember that since you're human, you are divinity in human form. But that doesn't necessarily mean you've magically gotten past the learning curve and earned a good relationship. I found that the work that I already mentioned to be transformative and deeply worth doing myself, but you have to actually shift the way that you think. It doesn't just show up unless you're willing and able to focus your self-awareness on shifting it. So get out there and keep trying. Relationships take practice like anything else worth doing. And while you're here, please like and subscribe to the channel. It really helps. the channel to grow so that I can reach more people. If you're interested in getting my help with your situation, I offer one-on-one coaching. To book private coaching with me, please go to my website and hit the coaching tab at the top of the page. On that page, you will find instructions about how to book a session. Otherwise, you can sign up for the 2 free masterclasses I offer, the 7 Blocks to Manifesting Love and the 3 Innocent Mistakes Women Make with Men. All you need to do is put in your name and email address to sign up. Otherwise, I'm Elizabeth Stone, and I'll see you next time.
