8 True Reasons Why Guys "Pop Up" Months After Ghosting

Hi, I'm Elizabeth Stone, and today I want to share reasons why guys pop up months or even years later. I don't know if this has ever happened to you, but when I was dating, it used to drive me absolutely crazy. I'd be totally over someone and just minding my own business. Suddenly, a guy that I hadn't heard from in weeks, months, or even years would reach out to me completely out of the blue. The whole thing drove me nuts. And I've seen all kinds of variations of this happen to my coaching clients over the years also. So I wanted to talk about it. In fact, one of the most confusing behaviors men can do is ghost and then reappear much later. Usually this kind of contact seems to happen at the exact second that you've already moved on and finally quit thinking about him, like I was saying a minute ago. Here are 8 totally frustrating reasons why guys randomly reach out to you after months. Number 1, he wants sex. Wanting sex is a really basic motivation for reaching out. And sometimes it's easier for a guy to just circle back around to someone he already knows and tries casual sex with you because he already knows you. It's easier. That's why if he's bored and wants to get some, you could be a potential possibility, he thinks, especially if he can reach out to you from the comfort of his own couch on any random given night. Reason number 2, he had a random brain fart and wondered how you were. Often a guy's actions aren't much more thought out than a simple thought about you, then a quick message. He might say something funny or make an inside joke that you both shared. At one point, for example, I met this guy who I'll call James. In between our very not love connection dates, James and I texted each other American Psycho jokes. After a very short and super incompatible time together, He disappeared completely without warning, only to reappear 6 months later with— guess what?— an American Psycho inside joke. So this definitely wasn't a love connection. So my best guess about why he bothered to text after months was that he wanted to see if I would even respond at all. And see, reason number 1: still trying to get sex. All right, on to the next reason why guys pop up months later. Reason number 3: he's looking for an ego boost. If he broke up with you, or if your breakup was one-sided, for example, and he knows that you wanted to keep the relationship going but he didn't, it can simply feel good for him to reach out to you and remind himself that someone still cares about him. One thing I want to say about this is this reason why guys will reach out is usually subconscious and not flattering to you, and it means nothing about you or whatever feelings you did or did not share with him. Onward. Number 4, something reminded him of you. You know how some song or smell will randomly remind you of something? This happens to everyone. So something will make him think of you, and then all of a sudden there he is with a, hey, what's up? This is so confusing because he might also want you back, or it can be completely random. And this is not made any easier by the fact that guys will also use this as an excuse to talk to you after a breakup when they actually miss you and want another chance at the relationship. Now The next reason why a guy will randomly reach out to you after being gone for months is number 5, a friend or family member asked about you. You ever been out somewhere with a friend and out of the blue they suddenly ask about your ex? Does this annoy you as much as it does me? It's kind of like, God, I just stopped thinking about him. Thanks so much. And it's even more frustrating because usually somebody will ask about him right after you've made a real effort to remove him from your life once and for all. And unfortunately, having a friend ask can be what makes us think of randomly getting in touch with him months later in the same confusing way that he'll reach out after months of no contact. Most people have mixed feelings about the next reason why someone will reach out months later, and that is— Number 6, he finished dating that other woman who he dumped you for. Whether he cheated on you or not, even the idea of this one feels kind of bad, but it's actually pretty common. Usually this happens after a long-term relationship with you falls apart. Then once he realizes that the new relationship wasn't everything he hoped for, then he comes crawling back hoping for an ego boost or potential reconciliation with you. And while I do mention this in a brutally honest way, people who come back after trying out a new relationship can be really genuine about wanting you back. Often men that I coach will Reach out to me to get help saving a relationship with someone that they dumped because they thought that a new relationship would be better. Other times, they're just simply afraid to be alone. So, of course, if you're watching this and wondering if this is the case for you, I have no idea. From through my computer screen, it's impossible to tell you for sure. But either way, when someone truly knows they made a mistake and wants another chance. They are usually intentional about seeing you, being around you, and admitting they were wrong, no matter what happened between you. So if you're still interested in him once he returns, watch him closely to see what he does. If he's flaky and difficult to get in the same room with you, he's probably not as sincere as a man who has come back after realizing he made a mistake by leaving you for somebody else. And on to our next reason why men pop up after ghosting. Number 7: You are suddenly a challenge. This is particularly likely if you've gone no contact with him or been ignoring his communication since the last time that you actually talked. If you were the one to disappear from his life, he might want to reach out and break down your wall to see if he can still get a response from you. A sign you are suddenly a challenge is if he communicates with you, you respond, and he drops communication completely all of a sudden without a good reason. It's frustrating and enough to drive you crazy wondering what the hell he's thinking. This is also common if you happen to be a little bit clingy during or after the breakup. Once you then go completely no contact and do everything you can to forget about him, he wonders why, feels challenged, and poof, there he is again. It is frustrating for sure. And my final reason why he might pop up months later is number 8: He misses you and genuinely wants you in his life. I left this reason for last because it's usually really hard to tell whether this is true or not, and it's what people usually ask about first. This reason for getting in touch is usually the most emotionally loaded for both of you. But if this is true and you happen to want another chance at the relationship, there could be a shot for potential reconciliation here. Now, there are other signs your ex misses you and wants you back that I talk about other places. Like remorse, wanting to discuss the breakup, and wanting to make an effort to fix things between you. But I will save that for another video. If he wants another chance, getting in touch with you after a long time usually takes a real leap of faith on his part. If he's like most guys I've coached, a lot of thought and overthinking has gone into his decision to reach out to you, even if the way that he does it seems really weird in the moment. This is because truly missing you and hoping things could be different between you is so much more emotionally loaded than the other reasons guys pop up that I've shared so far. And if your relationship ended badly, he might have felt afraid to contact you up until this point. Sometimes it's helpful to keep in mind that men are usually much more sensitive than women, even though they hate to admit it. Missing you and wanting you around is so much different than being on his mind because his Aunt Sally asked about you at brunch last weekend. Lots of the time when a guy gets in touch after a long time hoping he has a chance with you, he'll act really flaky and weird. He might use another excuse to get in touch, so that could make it even more confusing. That's why if you aren't sure why a guy has popped up after a long time, it's best to take a wait-and-see approach with him, especially if you liked him the first time around. You won't know until he keeps coming back around for a while why he's actually chosen to get in touch. So let his actions speak. But if you're open to it, good romantic love isn't lying around everywhere. So unless he did something terrible, it could be worth it to hear him out. Before you go, please like, subscribe, and follow me. It really helps me reach more people. To get my help with your specific situation, I offer one-on-one coaching. To book your coaching session, simply go to my website, and at the top of the page, you'll see a tab that says coaching. On that page, you'll find all the details. While you're there, you can also sign up for my 2 free masterclasses, The 3 Innocent Mistakes Women Make with Men and 7 Blocks to Manifesting Love. Until next time, I'm Elizabeth Stone.