How Lack of Self Love Ruins Romance

Hey, what's going on, guys? Welcome to the Orion Group Podcast. I'm your host, Robert Dunn, and I'm here Thursday.

Thursday.

Thursday. Thursday show. Like I said, we're getting out of our comfort zone. It's Elizabeth Stone. Elizabeth, what's up?

You know, just once again living the dream, just like Wednesday night. All right.

I don't know, there's a little different vibe on Thursday or something different.

I don't know. Yeah, knock those cobwebs out or something.

Uh, but yeah, thank you guys though for tuning in, man. We really appreciate it. Uh, you can go to our website, theoriongroupodcast.com, and you can check out our stuff there. But before we get into, uh, our discussion tonight, I want to give Elizabeth a chance to let you know a little bit about what she's doing right now and, uh, go from there.

Yeah, so I am starting Manifest True Love on Tuesday, which is a group coaching program. It is 6 weeks long and There's a whole learning area with modules about the topic and getting you the kind of love you want. There's also a free masterclass, which is still available for the next couple days. You want to grab that fast. It is available at manifestlovemasterclass.com, and I go through these 7 blocks that people have when it comes to manifesting love.

One thing I just kind of realized right now, actually hearing you, because I've heard you plug it, but this first time, like, it really stood out how you use blocking you. You know, like it's blood in the sense that it's different from because most people when we think about what's keeping them from love, it's something that I don't know. Like we don't really think of it from a standpoint of that it's already there, but there's things that we're doing are just keeping it from us connecting with it. And so I thought that was interesting because I just realized that that's kind of how normally we kind of go about it. And so that's why I really appreciate about what you're doing is because you let Essentially, you're letting people know like it's available. And I think that's what really people really need to know, that it's available. The issue is not that it's not available, but you want to get out of your own way.

Yes, you're so right. You know, that's a great— yeah, you're so right about that. That's a really great way of putting it.

Uh, and so that's, that's important because again, I know that just all the questions that we've gotten, all the topics that we've done, we realize that that's really like the default thought of people that they're just worried about, is it there? And just kind of knowing that yes, it's there, that's settled. But we want to make sure you're positioning yourself properly that you can receive it. And that's kind of along the lines of what we're going to talk about tonight in a way anyways. And so I guess—

Thank you. Yeah, no, that's a really excellent point. And, and, um, I do think about it like that, but I never realized I did. So I appreciate that you have brought it to light because that's absolutely true. And, you know, It's a similar system to money. Like, it's all there. Like, there's money all around you all the time, right? But you, you know, you can't think of it like, well, will I ever be able to make money? Like, because you will not, you know. Will I ever be able to find love? You will not. Like, that mindset won't get you anything. You'd be better off just giving up on the whole thing.

Right. So yeah, well, in that spirit of that, what we're gonna go over tonight is self-love and Honestly, someone in my position really kind of dreads, in a way, talking about it. Not because it's not important. It's one of the most important concepts, essentially, that we could really embrace and internalize. But it's been so clichéd and it's, and it's a term that's become so abstract and just a way for people to kind of plug in when they don't know what to talk about, where they don't know what to say to somebody, that when you start, when you just say the term self-love, it's like people's just already like, all right.

You gotta love yourself. The problem you're having is you're not loving yourself. Right.

You just need to love yourself.

Yeah, it's almost spiritual bypass.

You're in this situation because you don't love yourself and all that. And so we just kind of disregard it to a certain degree because we don't think it's actionable.

Well, and also it doesn't really sound very like, okay, great, it's another like bullshit gate you have to get through. Right.

Like, okay, just more training without getting anything.

Let me just sit in a dark room and cug myself. I don't know. What do you do?

Right. And so I think we decided that we're going to go about this in more of a terms of not saying like, oh yeah, self-love, because Elizabeth does a great job in her masterclasses, even the free ones, of really giving you a great foundation and the building blocks to this from a more of a, you know, analytical and a more straightforward standpoint. But what we want to go about it to hopefully get you to pay attention more is what the actual ramifications are, what this looks like in real life. What does it look like when you don't love yourself in real life? Because I think you're going to be able to be more relatable to that and be able to understand the importance of it because it's coming out and it's affecting your real life. And I think if you have more practical, uh, you know, examples and seeing how, you know, this actually does affect you, and this is when you act like this, when you have this behavior, when you're having these experiences, these are the, I guess, consequences of, you know, not having self-love. And so, uh, we want to make sure that— or want to go about it tonight from more of like, what is it like Yeah. On the guy's end, you know, when I'm dealing with a woman who really doesn't, doesn't have that self-love, what is the experience with her? And so when you see, you know, hopefully when you hear what we're talking about— I'm not trying to be crude tonight or rude or mean, but we want to make sure that you understand that this is a very real thing. And it's, you know, there's certain things that just happen as a result of it. And so that's kind of where we're gonna go. Tonight.

Yeah, absolutely. That sounds great.

All right, let's see, where do you want to start?

Uh, you know, I think maybe, maybe, you know, I, I think my thought process about self-love, the definition of it, because it's so easy to just gloss over this topic and it's important, but it's almost like I, like, I don't even like saying the words because it just seems so nebulous. So let me just real quick be like, what do I mean? Because I mean, I got this question over email about the masterclass and somebody, you know, didn't want to post her comment on there because she felt uncomfortable. So I'm going to answer it here. And here's what she says. So here's my biggest question. Self-love is my biggest block, yet I don't know what self-love looks or feels like. I'm so far removed from myself that I don't even know where to start, like I've completely lost my identity. So the thing about self-love is that it can be that you, you know, you, you're, you might not know what it feels like, but you also know what it feels like to put yourself first.

Mm-hmm.

Even if it makes you feel guilty. Like, even if you're like, oh, you know, maybe I should think about everybody, and then you, you know, don't— that part where you decide to do it anyway or whatever, that's like the gateway drug. Because putting your— I mean, because self-love really, in practice, it really looks like keeping your own needs at the forefront. Um, I think, you know, you've used the analogy before that you want to, um, put your air on first if you're going down in the plane. I think you said it better before, but— But, you know, it's like putting your oxygen mask on first. It's about thinking about your own needs first and having it be okay that you're your own number one, right? Nobody else can be your number one because the minute that you put somebody else in the number one position in your life, they cannot hold it and they can't respect it.

Exactly. And that's interesting that you say, because I think so many people feel like this woman feels because they're— when you're trying to get something done, whatever it is, you want to have a reference point for it, right? You want to know where you're going. It's kind of— you always takes you longer to get to a destination the first time you go because you're not really sure, right?

Right. And that's a great question because it's like, oh, what am I going to be doing? Like, how is this going to help me?

Right. Well, I mean, I guess that's a good first point because when you're talking about what it looks like from like a guy's perspective, from my perspective, when you're dealing with a woman who is struggling with this, is the one thing that it doesn't seem like she feels like is peace. So when you're talking about like, I'm not sure what it feels like, well, It looks like chaos when you don't. So I gotta assume self-love has a peace element to it, like most things do. When you get to healthy places, you usually have a rest to it, to yourself, you know what I mean? Like when you finally get like— like when you finish in the gym, like that 5 minutes after you finish your workout, it's just like, you know, it's like you have this like peaceful nirvana moment where you're just like— seems like everything is just in alignment. And so When you're talking about how, when you know you're kind of getting to places of self-love and you're starting to put your own needs first, again, not for selfish standpoint that makes—

But yeah, selfish, be selfish. I'm okay with selfishness, actually.

Yeah, it really is because selfishness, you know, I mean, because you can go to the motivation, like I said, we can have a whole show on that as well. But you know, it's, it's, you need to be okay. And I think when you talk about what does it feel like, I think a lot of you know what it feels like. It's just uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable when you're used to just putting everyone else and everything else first, and then when you kind of have to do something for yourself, a lot of people just feel uncomfortable doing stuff like that because it's so foreign to them. And so the feeling may not be foreign to you as much as just it's an uncomfortable feeling when you do do it, so you kind of shy away from it because you have that shame like you talk about so much, uh, being such a big part of both men and women, especially men though, you know, and how we Uh, you know, what kind of has us go off certain, certain behaviors or whatever. But one of the big things that it— that you— I would want people to understand, and what it looks like for a woman, is just like, man, she just doesn't look like she's just like being able to enjoy anything because she seems like just in a state of just anxiety, you know.

Right.

Because nothing is like— everything is from a fear, you know, fear of loss, a fear of abandoned fear of abandonment place. And so it's like you're just always on edge. So that's what just being in that state looks like from the outside. But at the same time, like, again, I have to realize that, uh, when you get to a place of self-love, you will start to have peace because you're no longer living on the fringe of a— or live on the edge of a cliff all day, every day, feeling like just one little thing is just going to completely take you over.

So Right, absolutely. Well, and, and the idea that you are already satisfied so that other people can come in and add to your life rather than being the main course, right?

And that is— oh man, polarity is really what popped in my head when you said that, because—

Oh yeah, well, the feminine has to love itself first, and then that love overflows onto everyone else. The masculine can chase after things because that's the way that energy works, but the feminine has to love itself because if it can't, then it can't hold container, right?

You can't hold that container. And again, that's the number one attribute of those who are women who don't have that self-love, is that you guys get into that, that masculine, aggressive pursuing mode, right? Because you're so afraid that it's not gonna happen on its own. You're just so afraid that you are not enough. So you can't hold that space because you don't trust that if you— you're enough. You don't trust that it will pursue you, that it will come. And so it's every guy who deals with. This is why you're so— like, women like this are so obvious. Because a lot of times you think, like, you know, no one knows that I really don't— that I'm feeling like this. Like, you'd be surprised how obvious— that's not the case. A lot of women really feel like they're hiding it, like somehow we're just— it's so oblivious. Like, no, when we talk about guys being— it's more than just you looking good. It's more than the physical appearance. That's a very shallow limited view of our visual nature. Our visual nature is everything. You know, we can visualize so much more than you realize. And that's the one thing that's going to stand out. Because just like women— women are used to certain energies. Like, most women know that even certain look— if a guy is really attractive, she knows there's a certain energy is going to come along with that, right? Because you're used to seeing it time and time again.

Yeah.

So you kind of have those things kind of already instinctually, you know, that you, that you're expecting. And it's the same for us. We know you because you act so differently when, when you're in that place of, of insecurity, when you're in that place of not loving yourself. There's a natural behavior that comes from that. And I don't care what you look— it's the same thing because it's, it's a— I don't say it's a spirit, but it's like it's a nature, right? When you— when that gets in you, there's just certain qualities that are going to come out. And one of them is the aggressive pursuit. You guys are very aggressive when you're in that place, and you're very because it seems like women who are like don't have that self-love should be really shy and reserved. And when it comes to romantic experiences anyways, to dating, like it's like that opportunity comes and you can't let it go, and you got to make sure everything has to go right. And you're so that's where that aggressiveness come from. It's coming from that place of of just fear, and so it does make you aggressive, and you may not even consider it aggressive to yourself, or you know personally it may not seem like you're acting. Like that. But trust me, it's— and you know, pickup artists can pick up on that. Guys, uh, I almost said, uh, what's the term for it? But, uh, you know, guys who are predators, this is what they're looking for. We, you know, they can tell when you're in that type of a place because again, there are certain behaviors. And one of them, like when you were acting like that, we already know that, you know, what, what we're dealing with. And so I just want to You know, like I said, start maybe kind of— I don't know, but it's— that's just what it is, right? That's what it looks like. And we can't— there's no room for us to give when you're in that state. This is why when you're in that state, all we really do is take from you. We take and retreat, take and retreat. Like, that's really the behavior.

Because you keep— because the pursuing energy that the person is putting off is too— there's nothing you could— how could you you give back because there's no energy exchange. Right.

And it's so, uh, just, it fills the room, you know. And I get— and from a biological standpoint, you guys are made to receive, you know, emotionally and biologically, right? And so when there's no place for us, so we're always looking for a place where we can, we can provide to, right? We can provide for, we can add to something because that's That's our energy. But when we deal with the woman who's, again, who's in that state of not having that self-love, there's no place for us to do that. And a lot of guys, especially depending on what his issues are and where he's at with his feeling of self-worth and all of that, it can be a perfect storm because you get a man who doesn't feel worthy with a woman who doesn't love herself, and you get a perfect storm of codependency.

So yes, it could go really bad because you have one person who can't absorb it and you have another person who's trying to give it, and it'll feel good for a while, and then both people will end up kind of strangling each other, actually. All right.

And this is— see, and the funny thing is, from a guy's standpoint, a lot of guys really are hoping for this experience because on the outside, or theoretically, it looks amazing for a girl because you're always the one pursuing. You're always trying to get girls to, you know, essentially come play for your team, right?

Well, it seems like you're living the dream, right? The woman's I mean, guys complain about that all the time, that women don't pursue them.

Exactly. And even pickup artists will tell you the highest level of pickup artistry is we can get women to pursue you. Like, that's the ultimate level. There's no higher level than that. And so naturally, for most guys who haven't experienced that, the idea of a woman acting like that is nirvana, right? And I know you haven't had it because you still think that would be the ideal, but it's the most unhealthy thing on the planet. And again, even you looking great doesn't— won't cover that forever. You can— I guess the better you look, you might get an extra month or two. But just like anything, it's going to go back to whatever— once something becomes your normal, once you get more of a homeostasis, you know, get to more of a homeostasis type of level, then you're going to need more than that. And a lot of guys don't really understand that because it's— again, it's theoretical, it's ideal, rooted in our idealism. And so for the first couple months, a lot of you could be experiencing a great, great experience. That's why it's so dangerous about this, because earlier on it doesn't seem like your behavior is really— it's great because he's loving all the— your aggressiveness and the sex and just how sexually aggressive you are. Because a lot of— one very big attribute to women like this is that they're sexually aggressive. And so it, it can fool you. And that's what's so— again, it's so dangerous about being in this place because it can— the real problems with it can show up a lot later down the road than you would think. And after, when it finally does start to bite you, when he finally starts to realize that this is— he's over it and that this really isn't as attractive to him as he thought, you're already, uh, you know, attached. You're already in love, and now you're stuck. So not only are you not loving yourself, but you're connected to a man who's starting to, you know, distance himself. You're getting to him— you're connected to a man who's starting to treat you poorly and starting to do all of these things that you, you know, and this is where you get so many women like, it was so great early on, it was so— now he's just mean to me, or now he just, you know, doesn't even respond to my text, leaves me on read, or all those things that you hear. And she almost can't do anything about it because she's, you know, it's, it's already emotionally too far in.

Well, and if you're in the position where you're chasing, you Like withdrawal doesn't seem natural to you. So if you're getting intermittent reinforcement, like the guy's responding sometimes, or, you know, he feels guilty because he was interested, but now he's getting a little bit, you know, cold feet, then he'll start to be— it will become even worse because then you'll feel like you have to reach out to get anything. And you might get a response sometimes, which keeps all the chemicals in your brain just, you know, waiting for the payoff, essentially.

Essentially. Exactly what it is. Because when I've been in this position, she just needed something, right? And I could, you know, just respond or talk to her for 5 minutes and then be like, oh, I gotta do something else, right? And it— and that's all almost like that's was just that fix, right? And that's one of the biggest things. You almost become like an addict and you just need that hit, and that hit could carry you for however long. But that's how you start to live. And like you said, that pursuit— it— for guys, it's the same thing for us. Sometimes we just want you to, you know, hit us up first just so we know, right? Because you don't need a lot when you're in that pursuit energy, right? Uh, you'd be surprised how little you actually do need. But if you're right, if somebody was just kind of rubber banding you or just kind of coming back and forth but just giving you something every few steps, then you can stay on that roller coaster and it actually increases Uh, you know, can increase your chemistry because, you know, indifference is the greatest aphrodisiac ever. I don't know, it's not chocolate, it's, it's, it's indifference, right? Because you have that challenge element that's a part of human nature, and you have that element— there's a goal, there's a, a prize to be won. It can engage your energy, engage, you know, all your— this is so situations where you're talking to all your friends about it. That's another thing. I don't want to transfer too quickly, but a big thing about it is when a woman doesn't love herself, she is exhausting to everybody around her.

That's true. Well, and everybody is when they don't love themselves, but women in particular, because women are more likely to bring it outwards. Men are more likely to collapse in on it.

Exactly. And that's exactly the difference, because a woman will talk to everybody about it, and it's all she's— I mean, I've had women, they've been in this space and their friends are calling me, and they're just tired of constantly hearing her talk about it. Right? And I've been a guy who's been friends with a woman who did not love herself, and all she wanted to do was call you and talk for 4 or 5 hours about the situation. And you start realizing real quick, a lot of friend zone guys are frustrated because of this situation, because it doesn't seem like there's any real, you know, something to be done about it. It just wants to be discussed. All right? And I guess, you know, we've talked about how men and women communicate and all that kind of stuff, but it can be very exhausting. And it's very drama-filled, and everything needs to be emotionally charged. And that's a lot of the behavior that you get from a woman like that, is that she's constantly trying to get you to emotionally respond because it seems like that's the only way she gets fed. So it's leaving you because she wants you to chase her. It's, you know, creating energy or creating drama or creating some kind of problem to get you upset so you respond emotionally so she knows that you care. It's all those— all that kind of stuff. This is where this lives. This is why it can be just so overwhelming for everybody involved. And it can be very, very tough to, to even stay connected friendship-wise. It's like a lot of times you'll have— I guarantee some of your girlfriends just say, you know, I just, I can't right now because there's, there's just so much that doesn't seem like it actually ever gets solved that even women in their feminine can get frustrated with that. And it's, it's just, it could just be a complete mess. And so, uh, again, this is one of these things That this is what it looks like in real time. These are the expressions of it. And so when you can take it from the abstract or the nebulous and you can bring it more— because when you start to love yourself, it doesn't— all these things that we just kind of put out there, it affects all of that. And that's why when someone has something healthy, it's good not only for them but for everybody around them.

Yeah, absolutely. And the payoffs kind of ripple outwards. But the way— I mean, it, it— so, you know, from the outside, it feels like you are kind of an emotional, you know, black hole a little bit, or you never share and people can't get to know you. So they can't feel an emotional part of you. So because you shut it down so hard that they can't actually— they can only get to know you on a procedural level, like— You know, what it— like, pass the peas, because your feelings are such a mess that you can't actually express them. That's another problem, because you feel like, you know, there's this constant, you know, like, well, who am I to even have this problem? Or why does it even matter? You know, kind of energy around it or thought process around it.

Absolutely.

So, you know, if you're not worthy of stating that you have a feeling, you're not going to express them, you're not going to feel them, and you're not going to allow other people to get to know you or what your journey is. Because we don't really attach to people that are perfect.

No.

Or, or trying to look perfect, right? No, we attach to people who are having a real day, you know. And even if they're having a great day, at least you can really sense that that's genuine because, you know, you know that person's different, you know, seasons, and you know that like, well, they'll come out of this or whatever. But if you're But if you're constantly not able to acknowledge yourself in the hierarchy, then you aren't able to understand that your emotional experience is also important as well. So it could go either way. It's like you have the people that are just a black hole where you just want to, you know, run away once they arrive, or you have people who are like total soldiers. You know, that's another way it can look. They're like, well, you know, they, I guess they don't have any feelings about that, like their dog just died. But it's because they're not willing to allow themselves to go there.

Right. And this is why it's so hard to trust that. And again, we can even tie this into so much of our discussions about, uh, the bad boy situation. And we've said that many a times, that if nothing else, you know what you're getting. You know that you're gonna get whatever it is is happening with this per— with this guy is going to be expressed. Because at the end of the day, we still would rather have— we, we need imperfection. Like, perfection is not attractive, it's not interesting. We can't trust that. And that's one of the biggest things when you're, when you're dealing with a woman in this state, is that you can't trust her. You can't, because you know that that's not you, because she's acting so aggressive and so intense without— so soon and so intently that you know it can't possibly be you, even if you're not even conscious of it. So Consciously, you know this can't be me. There's no way you can be in love with me. There's no way that you can really feel this strongly about me because you don't know me because everything is surface. And it's so funny because every discussion I've had with the woman in that thing, it's it's so hard to get to where she's really at because like you said, there's just this fear that if you know to and it's so funny because that is kind of almost a masculine trait like because the female energy what I have. You know, realized anyway is like to see me is to know me, or to know me is to love me. And so when women are really in that feminine, like healthy place, they want you to know them because they know that is the key to loving them. But when you're coming from a place of fear, you're coming from a place of of of not of abandonment and all those type of things that come along with with not having that self-love, it makes very makes you very hard to trust. And it's kind of a weird thing because you would think like with all this attention from her and all this, you know, quote unquote love from her, you would think that like, yeah, like that's, you know, that's just raw and real. But really, that's not really the response. And you don't really understand that until you're actually in it because you don't know if it's just you or if the next guy is going to come around. Is this me or just how you act with everybody? You start realizing this is just kind of how she acts, and it really has nothing to do with you. And so that's a big part about why it's really hard to trust that and to really put any weight on it. And, you know, because when a woman's in that place, a lot of times she will just— she's constantly wanting you to tell, you know, more about yourself. She's constantly wanting to know all these things about you. You're just like, I don't know, because that's too unstable. And at the end of the day, you know, men really want That stability in their woman and that consistency. And so when you're constantly in a state of chaos and you're constantly in a state of just, you know, emotional roller coaster, it's almost impossible to truly trust that.

So yeah, absolutely. Well, and it's— it makes sense because when it comes to maintaining the feminine, I mean, I always use the metaphor of the container where, you know, if you have a leaky container and and you don't feel good, you know, you aren't able to reinforce it, you aren't able to feel good about yourself, you aren't able to appreciate that it is okay just as it is, then it's gonna leak. You know, the manhood will put stuff in there and it will fall out. It will not really hold up because if you're— I mean, if you're able to care about somebody's approval above your own, Then you're not going to— like, that's the number one thing that matters, right? And if you can't, you know, get, get distance on the idea that, like, you know, you're the number one here, then you're not going to be able to, you know, shut down the container and say no, which is what men don't trust. Men do not trust women who cannot say no because that's very important. I mean, oversimplify it by saying that, but the reason it's important is because Because if you're able to just give up on your standards and boundaries and that kind of thing, he doesn't think that you are a safe mate to have. Right.

Absolutely. No, that's absolutely true. Because I mean, from an evolutionary perspective, one of the biggest concerns that nature has is making sure that our children are our children.

Exactly. So he can't mate guard if he doesn't trust you.

Exactly. And there's, you know, there's an unhealthy level of mate guarding, obviously. But there's a very— just, you know, we've evolved to make sure that when we connect ourselves with a woman, that we can trust that, you know, we are enough, you know, just to say it mildly. And that's one of the things that we are looking for, because if you can't say no, or if your response to stress is to go, you know, however your response to stress was before, was to just go to a guy, then that's not— again, how can you trust that from a long-term standpoint. See, the one of the biggest issues or misconceptions about men is that we're commitment phobes. And that is—

It's not true.

It is the most untrue thing on the planet. We commit all the time. Commitment is a part of the masculine way of going about things because you cannot produce a result if you don't commit to it. You cannot. We have to commit to winning this war.

Yeah, you're right. You would never get anything done if you weren't able to— if you were just like, well, I don't know, this or that, this or that, this or that.

We talked a lot of the times about how a lot of the, the just the misconception or just the idea of the attributes that we attribute to both men and women a lot of times are flipped. Like, men are a lot of times more the romantics and women are a lot more pragmatic than we would like to believe. This, this is one of those things because commitment is so, so much a part of how we have to live our life that we take it seriously. We take it really, really seriously. And again, it goes back to our visual nature. We know instinctually that there's certain things are gonna have to be there, and there's certain things that we need to see over a period of time to be able to really believe that we can commit to you, that we are going to be enough for you, that we can make you happy. And all of those type of things that produce seeing, you know, providing and protecting and all of those things. And it's very hard to commit to a woman who's just in an insatiable place, because that's what self— not having that self-love does. You're insatiable. Like Elizabeth was just talking about how you just— everything will start leaking out, that you can't hold anything. And so, and we see that and we recognize that. And again, even the most Oh. Guy who wouldn't hear— you'll never hear the word vulnerability in his vocabulary at all. Even the most hardened criminal still instinctually is going to respond like that because it's just a part of his nature. And so it looks like we're commitment phobes. It's just that we know, you know, when we're dealing with the woman, whether we can— where it's going to work for us, where our energies is not going to be wasted. And it's very— it's not easy to find that. And again, this isn't something where I don't want women to figure out, okay, okay, what does One of those things that men need to say no, because you're not gonna know. And it's not— just don't even bother with that.

Well, there's no point in reverse engineering it when you could get the whole cake. Like, why would I pretend to have a fake cake when we could just get the whole cake? That's not what we're here for, is to be like, let's give you the 10 signs that he thinks, you know, that he can— that we can fake self-love, because you can actually have the whole cake instead. And let's do that instead.

So We have to do the work. And see, both both sexes have to do or don't come with certain things that are extremely necessary and attractive to the opposite sex. Like men, we have to create our value. You know, everything that's really attractive to you from a commitment standpoint to from a you know a good mate has to be built. We don't come with money. You know, even if you're born rich, you got to develop a lot of different elements. To make yourself an attractive mate prospect, right?

You have to bring— you have to come bring stuff, come with stuff, you know, make stuff, think of stuff, do stuff in order to be valuable. The feminine is inherently valuable on its own. That's what's so magic about it.

Exactly. At 16, you have it all. I know that sounds kind of messed up.

But you have it all at 80 too, you know. I mean, that's a— people, that's going to be an unpopular statement, but the reason I say it is because Because the presence, the feminine presence, is the most important thing.

Right.

You know, it's not the, it's not the stuff, like, or the, like, going out and doing stuff, or like doing things for someone, or giving to other people that is attractive to you as a woman, or just attractive as a woman. It is the presence.

Exactly. But one thing that, and so from the opposite side, the things that, that you, that I think women are really going to have to build value in is It's just that building— the femininity has to be cultivated. Um, well, it doesn't have to be, you know, I shouldn't say that, but a lot of the qualities that, that when it is cultivated, I should say, when it is matured, it is the most— like, there's nothing more valuable than that on this planet. Nothing. When you have that femininity that is matured in a way that, to the point where it can, it can submit willfully. And obviously submission is a dirty word right now, and I don't want to go too far.

Yeah, it is. Well, we don't want you to like snap your ears shut because we said a word you don't like, right? But, but, but, you know, if you think about it with the container metaphor that I can't get enough of, if you are able to just stay open to the presence, you know, and be there, then that is what we mean by submission. We do not mean that you are going to sacrifice your values, because actually The high feminine is the opposite of sacrificing your values. That is actually maintaining a standard because we don't want— nature doesn't want bad babies. We're not like, oh, come over here to the egg. As the egg, I'm going to chase the sperm across the uterus. No. No, you have the egg, it sits there, its job is to sit there. And, if nothing great happens, then it goes away and then we do it again. next month. But we do it with one egg and we do it with, you know, however many millions of sperm. And the reason for that is that we do not— the standard is the most important thing. So you can't be in your feminine and not have a standard. That's the paradox, is that you have to have a standard but still stay open to experience, still stay open to receiving, which is a very paradoxical position. Like, because it's chaos energy, so we can just have everything with it. But, but if there is no standard to maintain, the man can sense that. He can sense that you have no standards because you're willing to give up on yourself, you know, the minute that you sense his disapproval or that he's pulling away or whatever. And you aren't willing to say no to that rather than chasing it and trying to change it.

Right, because there's nothing more fearful to the masculine than that element that you just described right now. There's like, when we can't trust that, when we— when there's no standard there that we know not Not anything, not anybody can get in. So when you talk, even when you start talking about why we call girls hoes and sluts, like, what do we really mean by that? Because women are always like, oh, standards. We mean no standards. It's not you liking or having sex. It's when we see that there was no standard in it. You know what I mean? That you didn't care about it. It's not that when you don't care about it, when you don't, when it seems invaluable to you, because it's so valuable to us. Right. And so when you don't treat it like it's valuable, when you don't treat yourself like it's valuable, when we're saying slut, we're just like, we're just kind of in an evolutionary way just putting a red mark on you to let every guy know that this woman can't be trusted.

Right. And it's, I mean, you know, you could have your opinion about that, but that's the way that it is. That's it. You know, we talk about a lot of stuff on this show that, you know, I know gets people upset. You know, I know that, that there are terminologies and things, but the idea is never to use language that is, you know, the intentional use of that word was to explain the thought process.

Right.

You know, it's not to, it's not to like not lay blame on people who are being mean. It's to, it's to explain what, what it is that makes you seem high value. And what doesn't. And one thing that seems high value is having high standards. You can't, you know, fake high standards really for very long. You can pretend, you can be kind of diva-ish. That's the closest thing. But it comes, it, it shows up.

It shows up. This is one of the great things about relationship, the whole structure of relationship, the paradigm of relationships themselves, is that they expose everything that is true, that's going on inside Yep. Good or bad.

For better or worse.

For better or worse, for good or bad, what is in you currently is going to come out. If you're— because it's— this is why so many— see, the pit— like, the whole idea of game and trying to game a woman, all this stuff, don't you realize that it only really stops at just getting you to a certain point? It doesn't go farther past the bedroom. You know, pickup artists aren't really trying to help, help you have good relationships, right? I mean, a lot of Cosmo's not— it can't go so— it can only go so far because At the end of the day, whatever you did to get the person, if after a few months they're going to see whatever it is, it's really you. And so if— again, this stuff has to be internalized. Exactly why Elizabeth said you cannot fake this, you know, over the long term. You can, you know, some really— if you're really smart or maybe really beautiful or really just, you know, competent, you can get away with it for a while. But eventually life is going to bring circumstances and situations up that's going to really You know, if you're a jealous person, it's gonna come out no matter how hard you try to act like you don't, whatever. Because a lot of the fluff stuff here today is just teaching you and giving you what you want to hear. And again, I know, like Elizabeth said, I know we say stuff that makes people upset. I know we say certain words and people's minds just shut off because they assume we're just going down, you know, that it's just, you know, whatever. But you're gonna see the stuff whether you get mad or not. It's not like you're not experiencing it.

We'd rather show you what to do better than have you not know because we don't want to say the word submission on the air.

You know, it's a good thing because you guys know by now I don't care because I have no skin in this, in your particular game. So whether you choose to do one thing or another, you know, whatever, because I have a good situation, I have a good life because I've had to fight for it. And I'm not saying that I don't care, it's just I have no reason to lie to you. Elizabeth has no reason. We have no reason to be doing this just to give you. There's plenty of stuff out there that that is making a lot of money on giving you what you want to hear that that you find out real quick is is not actually fixing the the fundamental problem. And so this stuff is is so important because we want you to have good success. We want you to have longevity. We want you to have if you're going to go down this route. If you're gonna do it, that we want it to actually be enjoyable. We want you to actually have the Instagram life in reality.

Yeah, exactly. That Instagram, that relationship area of Instagram where you have all the people kissing and stuff, right? You know, where it's like real and you get, you know, it isn't just like a struggle all the time and you're not constantly wondering why people aren't calling you back or whatever.

Right. And it's real. It can be real. That's why most people who have good situations you're not hearing about. Because again, it goes back to when things are right, you kind of have a peace. You kind of— when people get it right, they just want to get away from all of you who are not getting it right because they don't want to— they don't want to—

they kind of went off Problem Island.

That's what you want to do when you get something good. You're just like, all right, you guys do what you want to do over here. Don't— you kind of want to build a wall around it because usually it took you so much to get there and so much personal growth to get there. Because that's what you realize when whatever it is finally happens. You realize That was the easiest thing in the world in the process to happen. That is never the issue. When it's finally time, it's, it's like all of a sudden you can go 20 years and then in 2 weeks it's like, oh, all right.

Oh, I wonder why I was so worried about that.

Right. You realize it's almost like it was just sitting there waiting for you to get to a certain, certain place mentally and emotionally. And you realize that the actual action of that happening is Is that is not the thing you should have to worry about, or you should worry about at all. The work is in the process. It's what are you willing to do? Just like with anything, if you want to— there's nothing in this world that is so beyond you that you can't— that is so complicated. If you want a good body, well, you have to get in the gym and you have to eat right. And if you do that for long enough, you'll get a good body.

Right.

There's nothing more than— there's nothing more to it than that. If you're wanting to You know, become a doctor. Well, you have to study hard and get into, you know, get into college, get a degree, and then you have to get into medical school and you can become a doctor.

Right.

So we don't need to— that's probably the biggest thing that I want to, to make sure that this is not something that the— these principles aren't gonna require some— you'd have to be a genius or Einstein or go through all these crazy things, but they're just gonna require discipline. They're gonna require everyday work, sometimes just that nasty normal, just that nasty— that just that, you know, doing the right thing over and over and over and over again until you get results. I mean—

Right. Change is hard. Yeah, I mean, I wrote an email today about how I deleted all of my email contacts yesterday, and, and I— today I sat down and I wrote an email where I just talked about how change is hard, and like, it If you want to come and, you know, start to change, you know, I support that. I support that every day, all day, whether you do it with me or you do it by yourself, or you just sit and visualize how you're going to change. At least you're thinking about making a change. Like, I will honor that one too, because all of the craziness, all of this stuff, the reason that you're listening is all because something has made you decide that what you have now is not what is doing it for you. So, you know, you— I mean, it might, or it might be that you're bored and you're just listening to this podcast. Either way, we will force you to think about change. If it's your time to change. But it's hard. It's uncomfortable. You do weird stuff. You act weird. You treat people oddly. You delete your whole email list. You freak out. You know, you like go into fight or flight because they called you and told you they didn't want you anymore. I mean, you know, the possibilities are endless, but the point is that you do not get anything without making the change. Like, if you do not commit to the change, you're just going to be in the same place that you were before, and that might be fine, but if it's not, then the work begins.

Exactly. I mean, this is a— I mean, as even as a Christian, I mean, I guess everybody's heard the story of like Moses and, you know, parting the Red Sea and all that. That situation was exactly the perfect metaphor for life because getting out of a thing, okay, that's one thing. All right, the promised land, the ideal goal, that's, that's another. But they were in this wilderness for 40 years.

Yeah, you have to believe in your, in your dream before it exists, which is the hardest part about manifestation.

Right. And no one talks about that. You know, we see like, oh, you know, we talk about, you know, getting out and the sea parted and everyone's happy, but very little— we don't really talk a lot about the fact they're walking around the same mountain It's like the Book of Job, where he just is miserable continued, and then more bad things happen. Right. And then when those bad things happen, a little bit more. And then, okay, he gets to a good place. But then we don't really talk about how he was just 5 chapters just complaining and mad and pissed off and decrying everybody, decrying God, decrying himself. I mean, that's because that's what it is. That's the process. That's the middle. That's the nasty middle. And we make work for the middle. See, this stuff is for your middle season when— because you're going a lot of— hopefully most of us get a lot of time to go through our transition without having to go through it publicly. A lot of celebrities don't get that opportunity, and we just talk a lot of mess when they're going through their process because we all get to see it, right?

Yeah.

But we look the same way during our process. Like I said, we do weird things. We self-sabotage, we say the wrong things, we, we do all this crazy stuff, we make all these crazy decisions because we're trying to transition from one state to another. And it's messy and it's hard and it gets— it brings out so much and gets out all of us because we have to face so much, because we have to unravel a lot of what's happened to us and a lot of our experiences to make sense of it so we can, you know, compartmentalize it in the right way so that we can get into alignment. That's all chiropractor does is put you back into alignment, right?

Absolutely. Well, and the same with unraveling the limiting beliefs that are keeping you from getting what you want. All right.

And that's— this is what's so great about this program that Elizabeth has created for you guys, is that this is wilderness food. Because that's what I'm starting to call it. I'm just gonna call the show Wilderness Food because this is what it is. I don't need— you know, when things are going well, you're not gonna be listening to us. A lot of people do that because they'll listen and they'll get right, and then they'll just drop you because—

That's true. Well, or you move on to a new teacher. That's kind of the—

That's the way it should be. You should have a teacher for Egypt, you should have a teacher for the wilderness, and you should have teachers for the Promised Land because you do need help in all 3. Because success can be really difficult to deal with, and a lot of people don't realize that. It's harder to deal with success than failure.

Well, because it's— you have to get the success before you can even deal with how you can't get it.

I mean, While you were just, you know, talking to 10 people, no one was talking about you. No one was getting mad at what you're saying. No one cared. People shoot at the deer that they see. People aren't talking about people who aren't also famous, right?

Well, you know, actually, this is something that I've been recently asking more about because of the success thing, because I've like— I haven't been able to figure out whether, you know, it's fear of failure or fear of success, you know, sometimes gets in one's way, right? And so it's like, you know, you go around and you're like, find models that are really, really success— like bizarre successful, right? And then it's like, okay, well, what is their mental model like? You know, so if you're, if you're willing to look at like the model for self-love, for example, it's easier to look at the, the mindset and then replicate those beliefs about yourself than it is to just try to reinvent the wheel.

Right.

Right. And so with, you know, success, like, you might actually be terrified that when you get a good relationship, you will not be able to maintain it or sustain it, or they will die or leave you or whatever. And that's very, very problematic for people because they just had so many bad experiences that if they do get something good, they're like constantly on the, on the edge because it's like, well, is it okay now? Is it all right now? Is it all right now? And that's not always a self-love problem, but that can be just because you're like, okay, I've, you know, new level, new devil.

That's exactly what it is. I remember one of the most things someone told me was that you got to get comfortable. They told me that I don't have to get comfortable with failure, but you have to get comfortable with the threat of it. Because no matter what you do, if you want to have children, well, the threat that something bad could happen to them is there. But is that going to stop you from having children? No, it's going to hurt when you, when you have that baby. Does that stop women from having children?

No.

And so there's other, there's other ways that you are able to deal with the threat of something bad. You just know the thing that you're trying to get is worth it.

Right.

And this is why, and I want to apply this to you, you have to become worth it enough. And when you do, you will be able to handle what could happen.

Right?

Just like you're gonna do with your children. You want to have children, and you know women have died having children, but you know the child is more— is worth it. It's worth having to take that risk. If you become that important to yourself, then those same responses you'll have. You'll start realizing, you know, I'm worth it enough to put myself in a position where I could have something good.

Right, and you're willing to make the— make believe in the dream before you have it, right?

This is why they say you have to have a vision. This is what vision is, right? This is why it's so important, because you can't— you have to have something like that carrot in front of you. You have to have that thing that you can say, all right, it helps you make decisions. Like, if your vision is to become a doctor, then you know certain things are not gonna be good for you. You know certain people are not gonna be good for you. It helps kind of help you align a lot of different things. And so if having a great relationship is your, is your vision, then you— that's how you start to align yourself. That's how you become your own chiropractor. That's why Elizabeth can become your chiropractor. She's saying, okay, your vision is to have this great relationship. All right, well, here's the mental map of that. Because—

Well, and let's focus on what you want rather than the million times that you failed at it or whatever, because Because if we think about those while we're in the arena, we're not going to achieve anything, right?

And you need this process for the success. Because I remember I was listening to— I think it was an actor, and he had to get all ripped up for a role. And he was talking about— I was like, you don't ever want to go back because it took you so much to get there. And that's what the process gives you. It's like, after you— once you go through this, you're gonna be like, man, there's nothing stupid that's gonna affect this. If you grind hard enough— that's why a lot of you are having to go Through a process in a pretty significant way because it's trying to get you prepared for what you are asking for, what you are search order your what your goal is. This is why you see celebrities that no matter what they go through, how many of them you see just stop doing it? Very few of them. Never matter what happens, guy can get you know get caught with a prostitute or get caught or get me too and he's right back on stage like so. Da da da da da. When Bill Clinton was going through that Monica Lewinsky stuff, he was still like, "What are you doing today, Bill?" I'm going. Go to China and go discuss this trade deal, you know. I mean, that's that mentality because it took so much to get there. And through the process you learn like, look, there's just— you just got to keep going forward. And this is why it's so important. This is why it's so necessary. This is why the process is meant to weed out people who really aren't that interested. That's why at a certain point you got to put a paywall, because at a certain point you want to see who's, who's real about it, who's actually serious about their own— not only their own happiness, but their own purpose, their own emotional health, their family health. All these things that you're saying you want. Because I'm telling you right now, I don't care what a girl says to me. I don't care. What is your behavior? Because what you're saying means— I mean, that is like, okay, great, whatever. But what is your behavior? Because you can't escape that. Whatever it is that's true for you, you're gonna— it's gonna show up in your behavior. And so what is your behavior saying? Are you— when you're saying you really want this real relationship, well, are you paying attention to what Elizabeth is saying? Are you taking notes? Are you asking questions? Or you just want to indulge in this victimhood fantasy that you have? Because I'm telling you right now, like, Elizabeth won't say it like this because she's wiser than I am, but you—

I'll just motivate you other ways.

I'm telling you right now, I don't— like, it means nothing. Like, go ahead and have a crappy relationship. Like, I don't— whatever. Like, you want to be sad and lonely, that's not gonna— the world is gonna keep spinning. I promise you, the sun will come up and we're gonna keep going. I don't know, you know. So, you know, you need to take yourself seriously. You need to take this seriously, because if you don't, then what are we doing? Like, go do whatever, keep doing whatever you're doing, because obviously that's— that your behavior is showing me what it is that you really want. And so you want to start on that self-love, like you have to almost get militant about it. Are you serious? So, you know, I guess—

Yeah, you're absolutely right about that. And the other thing about it is, are you willing to do what it takes to get your dream, whatever that is? You know, and it might be that you're, you know, gonna take the journey or what whatever. But it might also be that we stop, you know, that we leave some things alone. You know, that we, like, understand that that person that calls you that triggers you every time is somebody you shouldn't answer the phone for. You know, basic self-care can get you a long way in self-love land.

Right.

You know, basic boring, like, did I— do I have clean sheets on my bed? I mean, just to make it real, you know, do I, you know, did I take care of the thing that gets me every morning? Like, did I decide today not to eat, instead, you know, have, you know, the right thing or whatever. It's— but it's those little things. It's planning for yourself and thinking of yourself. Like, if, if you had a small, you know, have a small child or you have kids, you, you don't just send them off to school with no food and no money and no way to eat. I mean, you think about that.

Yeah.

But do you think about it for yourself? And do you think about it for yourself above everybody else around you. And people, you know, people can be real touchy when it comes to kids in this. But if you're able— like, small children, there's very few situations that are urgent besides the ones where the small children are trying to kill themselves.

Mm-hmm.

You know, the ones where they're gonna fall off something or jump off something, like, okay, definitely take care of that. But you needing to make their lunch and not make You know, you can make both or you can do something to take care of, you know, the problem. I mean, my people just made me make my lunch. That's how they solved that. But, you know, like, it can look like a lot of different things that maybe not are intuitive. It can look like making sure that you don't, you know, not plan for yourself. Like, do you, you know, are you going to be exhausted if you do that thing? Are you going to, you know, be cranky if you don't eat or drink enough or whatever? So it can look so practical, but we don't think of that, especially when we get busy and we're like, you know, people say to me sometimes like, you know, I'm so busy at work, like I didn't even have time to take a pee break. And I'm like, the world will stop so I can take a pee break. Like, I am not going to be like, You know, like, if the president comes to my house, I'm going to take the pee break. Like, excuse me, you know, everybody can, you know, nothing is so important. And like, you're not going to lose your job. And if you are, get a new one because you deserve better. It's that mindset.

It really is. And again, it just, it's, it's, it really is a mindset. It really is. And it I'm just like, I don't even know if I have anything else to say.

It's practical. It doesn't have to be like this big thing, but it only, it only begins when you begin it. And when you get back to whatever it is that you want and you're willing to own it and not just, just keep being pushing it down the path into the future like you're ever gonna get it if you don't go after it. You have to value yourself enough to say, gosh, I have this one human life, what am I gonna do with it? And am I getting what I want, or is this just same land?

Exactly. Um, when— this is how you take something out of the nebulous. This is how you take something out of the abstract. It's one decision at a time. How do you get to self-love? By your decisions. That's how— that's how anything happens. Your decisions. Whatever you're living in right now is a result of your decisions, whether they were good or bad. If you have a great body right now, I know you didn't get that on accident. It was the decisions that you made, your food decisions. When you didn't feel like getting up and getting on the treadmill, you did. That was a decision. So make the decision to take care of yourself emotionally. Make the decision to take care of yourself mentally. And that is going to— that could require some work because a lot of times, you know, some— I'd be surprised about some things I really had to fight for, some breakthroughs I had personally It was, you know, that I had to keep knocking on that door and knock. Yeah, you know, the great thing about, uh, being, uh, dealing with Elizabeth right now and it being her life right now and seeing her go through this process of creating this thing for you guys, you get to see what happens behind the curtain.

It is not clean, everybody.

You know, just like a restaurant, there's the kitchen and there's the dining area.

Right.

Because you're in the dining area, you think everything's peachy, but you go in the kitchen, everyone's yelling at each other, they're screaming, people are running back and forth, people are sweating, people are falling, food is cold. And it gets— I mean, watch Hell's Kitchen, Gordon Ramsay, and you see that's what happens in the kitchen. It's crazy because that is— we can't have a restaurant without a kitchen experience. Like, it's gonna be messy and it's gonna be a lot that's gonna have to happen, but everything of quality happens in the kitchen. What you're experiencing in the dining room is a result of what's happening in the kitchen. So what's happening in your kitchen? And this is where help comes along when you decide to take yourself seriously. You'd be surprised how people and, and, and things come along to almost kind of support you, but you have to start it. I told Elizabeth this, and this is the story about Chris Rock and how he was saying how, you know, back in the day when his car would always break down. Anytime he would like, you know, try to wave people down, no one would stop. But when he started trying to push the car himself, people would stop and get out and help him. And it's the same thing when you start trying to— when you take yourself seriously, other people start taking you seriously. I take Elizabeth seriously. It was like, dang, okay, she's really trying to do it. I'm seeing all the things that she's having to deal with, and she's stressed out, and she's, you know, trying to be, you know, helpful and she's, you know, not complaining and she's just, she's really trying to do what she— oh well, what can I do? You know, because you want to— you, you— that's what you— when you finally see you fight for you, then heck yeah, I'm gonna come in and help you. But when you're just sitting there complaining and want somebody to come save you and just want love to show up just because you're you, then I can't do anything with— oh, I, I can't. No one can do anything. So when they— when people start seeing you fight for you, when the men in your life start seeing you fight for you, start taking care of yourself, Oh man, you want to see men's true nature come out.

Oh, it's the greatest. Well, and they— and it's just once you are able to access it, it's like nothing else. It's like— and this is what I talked about when I, when I talked about— actually, Robert's description right now is a really perfect one for what the divine masculine does as well. It's that you have to be willing to get the ball rolling by maintaining the standard of what you want. And then be open to the inspiration because then you will get everything. But before that, you don't get anything because you're just like not sure and going back and forth. Like, we don't give wishy-washy people stuff, if you've ever noticed.

Right.

Like, like if you have a kid that is like cannot get their mind off of a certain thing, like for every day for 7 months, they're gonna ask you for the thing and do whatever they can do. They're gonna like negotiate with you. you, you're probably going to get him the thing. But if they like don't know, they're like, well, I might also want this other thing, and like, okay, and I guess it's not like I'm never gonna get it, so I'm just not gonna bother. Nobody's gonna bring it to you.

Right.

But if they're like, I will do anything, like I will get another job, I will cut a, you know, mow a lawn, I will do whatever I have to do, Mom, like bring me the thing. I want it. Like, you know, what do I have to do to get it? People will— like, doors will open like there's no tomorrow. But it doesn't start until you do. It doesn't begin until you say, okay, well, what do I want this to look like? And am I willing to do what it takes and understand what the cost is? But in the case of love, just like Robert said in the beginning, it's really about removing what you have going on that's preventing you from getting it rather than the opposite. You will realize that you do not have to go out and chase it. It will come to you quite a bit, like at the grocery store. I mean, all the time.

Click, save.

It's more about you dialing it down. I noticed that— here's this big weird shift in my life that I realized recently. It's that I now have to think about levels of what energy is allowed to hit a room. I'm not saying that to sound egotistic. But I, but I think about it like, oh, we've got to shut this down because this is just going to be overwhelming, or this is just going to be too much. So before that, it was like, well, who gives a crap about me? Nobody even noticed. But now it's like, okay, well, now there's something to manage, and before there wasn't.

When you get this right, that will be your problem is management, because there's, there's a side of life though which— because what we're all sensing, a lot of us anyways, have sensed that there's something this— there's something there. There's something on the other side of this wall that we think would really be good. But you're right, it's, it's almost behind a life paywall.

Yeah.

But when you get there, that will be your biggest problem, is management. Like, though you're gonna— there's so much. And I keep saying, I'm gonna keep saying that whatever it is, there's so much of it. There's an abundance of it that you won't have the capacity to be able to really bring in everything that will be available. available to you. And most people, just when you say abundance, they just like, like, like they don't know what to do. They can't even conceptualize it, right?

Well, the word just kind of has gotten— it's, it's another one that's gotten a little bit like boring, right?

You know, a little bit like abundance.

I want abundance.

Abundance mindset, you know, all this kind of stuff. But, you know, and the great thing about life is that you can choose to make the decision yourself, or life will do it for you. And the problem is when life does it, it, it does it in It's going to be different than you might envision.

Right.

Because it knows how to, you know, one thing I learned about, you know, as my walk as a Christian, when God wants to really deal with me, he knows where to hit.

You know, it's true. That's true. There's a great clip in— God, I can't remember the name of the movie right now, but it is— it's perfect because the clip is Morgan Freeman talking to a woman, and he's like, go, you know, when you want courage, God doesn't give you courage. He gives you situations to build courage, right? If you, if you want, you know, if you want to be fearless, he doesn't— he helps you overcome fear, but he gives you scary situations.

You learn, you start to learn that. You— I'm kind of careful now because anytime I'm asking— oh yeah, because now I know, like, when I'm asking for more I understand I'm asking for process.

Oh yes, and also just the, just the part, you know, those sneaky— actually, the, the more sensitive it all gets, the more sneaky little things will trip you up, right?

You know, a lot of times it really is. And again, it's— let's say the devil's in the details, right?

Um, well, it is. I mean, the more, like, the better, you know, the better one gets at, like, deciding what their destiny is going to be like The more, the more finely tuned, because then you know, as soon as you know that you can make these decisions and having them actually turn out the way that you want, the trying to keep, trying to keep the energy tuned correctly, it then becomes your problem.

Right. That's what's healthy. Healthy is balance. To me, that's what maturity is. It's balance. And that's where you really start to understand that going too far one way or the other is that you're never gonna be in a good place at either extreme. And so this is what life starts to teach you. And this is what's so hard about going from— especially millennials, we're going from adolescence to now full-on adulthood. But adolescence is so much about indulging in one extreme or the other. And so much of us think that— This is a really hard part with talking to people about, you know, not dating your type. or being— or easing off the chemistry because it's like, oh my God, I'm not gonna like that, or that's gonna be boring, or that's not gonna be fulfilling, you know. But that's what we're really terrified of, you know, to be honest. We're terrified that when you start talking about that, you're saying that we should settle, because that's what balance looks like to a kid. Looks like settling.

Mm-hmm.

Oh man, you should— everyone needs to write that. That's what it looks like, because you're so used to— when you hit puberty and everything is going crazy and you You haven't, you know, you're starting to feel all these things that you never felt before, especially for the fellas. I mean, when that testosterone hits, it's just like, oh my God. You know what I mean?

Well, and if you're used to having drama-filled relationships.

Right.

I am used to getting the call where, you know, somebody's done so much work on themselves and they're going, it's going just amazing. And, you know, we like it. They've been broken open and then they put themselves back together and it's really incredible to watch. Because then here's the new problem. This is going too well. Like, this is too balanced. Like, this is like nobody's freaking out about anything.

Right.

Nobody's having a meltdown. I'm worried that I'm going to be bored for the rest of my life because people do not like pain, but they want it. They want it to be, and it's a good substitute for feeling alive if you're not, if you're not willing to provide endorphins in other ways, like freaking yourself out and deleting your email list. I mean, people want pain. They want to struggle. Look at the example. Me struggling. You know, it could be easy. No, not gonna let it be easy. All right. You know, here, like, don't have the episode record. Like, don't, you know, like, break your computer. Okay, don't have the thing work. All of that is about resistance. And that's just about being afraid of change. And the paywall of life is really getting I mean, that's— that is—

that is the— that's— that is the— what the metaphor for Egypt is in that story is fear. Egypt represents fear. The wilderness represents a transition from fear into being able to receive. See, the Promised Land was never the issue, and that's what people don't understand. Like, oh, we got to get to this Promised Land. That was settled. It was there. It was waiting, you know? Like, that wasn't— that needed— that didn't— that was the easiest part of the process. When they had to go fight for it, they didn't really have to fight for it. They walked around the wall 7 times and sat down and God brought down the walls. So I'm telling you, when you get the promised land, just like when you— what we said a little bit earlier, when you meet— when the situation, when it's time, an opportunity presents itself, you're just like, oh man, I've worked for 15 years thinking I need to make this happen, and it was just sitting there when I got to the right time. You know, you kind of get mad at yourself. It's like, man, that was never the issue to begin with.

Look at my overnight success. It took 15 years.

Exactly. I mean, this is why you always see every Every success story you hear, this is— that's the same story. They're doing something for 15 years, and in a year the whole world knows who they are.

And they're willing to— they're, they're just doggedly not giving up on it and just trying to overcome the, the demons that come up when you have to go through something like that.

All right, well, nothing— it's a slave, man. It's, it's a battle, and there's reasons for it. And again, a lot of this isn't, uh, about you being bad or good. I mean, we're just talking about Just that transitioning into you know Elizabeth saying how a lot of people are just now hear the same thing too. Just saying like it's just going too well. I mean, the familiar can be the most the hardest thing to get people over because if you're familiar as chaos, if you're familiar as pain, if you're familiar as abandonment, that's where the process because just like an addict, you have to go through you have to go through a process. You have to kind of get wean people off of that just like a baby. You know, when women have to wean a baby— like, my sister's pregnant right now and she's gonna have to go through that process again, because when you wean a baby, the baby thinks you're killing them. You're taking away something, you know. It does. It's all it's ever known is milk, right? Not realizing there's double cheeseburgers in its future, you know, and steak and all this deliciousness. But the baby doesn't know that because he has no reference points.

Oh, you just put something into words that really— that, um, has Because I'm sorry to interrupt you, you're absolutely right. It's just that you put into words why the drama situations that I'm presented with are not impressive to me. Because when we don't, you know, if you're, if you're just in this like drama-filled, you know, environment, and you don't realize that you can have not, you know, double cheeseburgers, like, it's just silly to be like, well, like, I appreciate that you're sad, but I I don't care about that.

Right. You know, that's exactly it. Because eventually, when the baby's transitioned, they don't want milk anymore.

You know, forgotten about whatever it is. It was— you just disappears. The problem is not even there. Like, I've noticed people who have presented— okay, so they come and they present with the same problem. So same problem, same problem, same problem, same problem. Their mindset changes, suddenly no problem. But it's nothing in their environment has changed. It's the same, the same thing is happening. But, but because, and it's genuine, it, and that's because their mindset has, they've entered a mindset where whatever it is that was bothering them is no longer an issue. And it exists for every single problem.

Right.

You just have to find what it is and be able to get in there, which is, you know, okay, that's a whole other, whole other Masterclass. I mean, I'm working on it. I'm not trying to sound like superior here. It's just that it, it is amazing how what will trigger one person or like a group of people suddenly becomes like a non— who cares? Like, why is that even important? And it's because there's just different levels you can live at. Like, the kingdom of heaven truly is within you.

And just like that, that metaphor, that example of the 2 kids who grow up in it with the alcoholic father, one becomes alcoholic, the other one doesn't. What's the difference? Like you said, they're both given the same environment, they're both exposed to the same stimulus, but their mindsets were different. That's, that's the only difference. One is what, you know, how do you— if you have— if you're cooking dinner and, uh, you know, 3 of your kids are, are fine and the 4th one is struggling, you know it's not the dinner because you were all eating the same Right. So whatever, whatever you're screaming about right now is the same. You're that baby screaming for milk. You're screaming for something that's familiar to you. You're screaming for what has been your normal. And the idea of that going away is terrifying, just like it's terrifying to the kid. Then a few weeks later, it's like, give me some more peas. Like, yeah, give me some more of them carrots. And when you can kind of— I don't want to simplify it, but when you kind of think about it like that, you're just like, oh, You know, I mean, we've all had those moments we've been terrified of something. Maybe it's a roller coaster, then you get off of it, you're just like, ah, you know.

Yeah, right. Yeah. Or you're doing it to yourself, like, you know, like me with this product launch. Like, you know that you're doing it to yourself, but gosh darn it if you're not gonna keep doing it to yourself.

No one is like immune from this. This is, you know, this is something you're always— because you're— because if you're really a go-getter, if you make the mark on the world, you're always going to be constantly Doing things. You see actors do it all the time. Like, okay, all they did was comedy, like Jim Carrey doing Dumb and Dumber. Now I'm doing drama. You know, you think that was a transition? You don't think he was struggling thinking he was gonna be be able to do it? You know, I mean, it's that's how you keep going. That's how you you're able to go from level to level, from state to state. And this is how an athlete can be an athlete at one stage, and then he's an announcer at another, and then he's a GM at. 3rd stage and he's owning restaurants. Why? Because you have to keep going through the transition. And once you're willing to do it, you have a— that's how you have a full life, because you now are not so terrified of going from one dimension to another. And you know there's a process to it, but you know there's an end result of it. And you know you can, you can, can really see all the different things that has been put inside you. That was perfect. Like, like you just said, the kingdom of heaven is inside you. You don't realize how much, how much value, how much gold and onyx and all these amazing things have been stuffed in the individual person. And the great— the thing— the, the goal of life is to bring everything out of you that has been put inside of you. And fear is the, is the one thing that will keep it hidden. This is why we can't see you. This is why when you get healthy, where the Guy shows up. Why? Because he can finally see you. Like, oh, that is a fit for me. That is the girl that I want to get to know because I can finally see her. It's she's not just being covered by all of this this fear and this just this doubt and bitterness and and this sadness. And I just that's all I see. But now that she's kind of unlocked herself, it's like, oh man, she's this. I can see that. I mean, again, it's it it it's it's available. It's all available to you if you're willing to go through these little transitions every few steps. When you do, man, you're just gonna go to new levels. They're gonna open up new people and new places and all of these things and all these gifts and talent that have been stuffed in you. That's a— I heard one guy say that the most valuable place on the planet is the cemetery because it's just all of these, these dreams that didn't go on or get filled, all of these gifts and talents that we never got to see because of fear. And so—

Absolutely right.

All right, I think that I've exhausted myself now.

I've enjoyed this motivational talk we've done.

Uh, um, but yeah, well, if we—

what I hope we've done here is made self-love less weird and nebulous and more And I think that's why we both went into persuasive mode, because the value is so great if you're able to not just gloss over. Exactly.

And that's what you feel when you start to tap into it. So if you want— if there's anything I'm persuasive of, if there's anything I would want truly for everybody, it's this. Just like if you've had steak and somebody's only eaten Spam, you're gonna want them so bad to try steak.

Yeah, you just keep offering it to them, they're like, no, don't want it. Okay, well, Well, what if we put it on a cracker? Like, what if we— because I just want you to know how good it is and how it can be, you know. And, you know, the salesy portion is really just to get you to, you know, stop resisting things. But whether, you know, the we are your guide or not for any of this, the point is really that it's important. Absolutely.

Yeah. Uh, yeah, thank you guys, uh, for tuning in, man. I know we just do what we always do because we care about this stuff. It's, it's, it's important because we want, you know, we're— it's— the world is a better place with you in it. The world is a better place when you are healthy. And when you talk about changing the world, that's how that happens, is when you fulfill and, and bring out everything that, that, that's in you. So, um, and the world is a better place with you as well, Ms. Elizabeth Stone. And thank you so much for your work and for, for all your, your, your due diligence and your commitment to, uh, helping people get out of their own way. So, um, cool.

Thank you. That's an incredible compliment. I really appreciate that.

Absolutely. Um, so yeah, you want to let the folk know, um, about that?

Yeah. So go check out, um, Manifest True Love, you can find the free masterclass, the 7 Blocks to Manifesting Love, at manifestlovemasterclass.com. And when you put in your email and subscribe, you will see the first video there, and you can just proceed through the series. And there are 4 now, and at the end I make a case for joining me at Manifest True Love, which is my group coaching program that starts on Tuesday. But if not, The masterclass is free and it's good content on its own. So that it was intended to be a standalone piece of content either way. So I just appreciate you and I appreciate your attention.

Absolutely. Like I said, the greatest compliment I can give Elizabeth is that she's effective.

Thank you.

That's, I mean, that's all I can— I mean, if you're effective, then we can work. You can have a lot of other things wrong with you. That's what I've been thinking.

Yeah. It's not like, okay, It's not like perfection land every day, you know. Clearly I'm not like, okay, I've reached the pinnacle and let me just talk down to you from the pinnacle. No, I'm like doing weird crap all the time. But, but, but in the interest of being better and doing better. So I would rather model that we, you know, are, are in process but still getting somewhere than like, okay, you, you know, if you're not here, then you're not I was gonna get in there and play devil's advocate, but I'm not. Go ahead. I'm ready because I've been doing it to myself all day. I'd be surprised if you could say anything that I haven't said to myself today.

No, I was just gonna like— I don't like doing that anymore. That's one thing I've stopped doing.

Uh, well, I appreciate that. I appreciate that. I do, because, you know, I don't really— I don't know. I— you know what, before Before, I think I couldn't. So now that I, you know, am more, you know, I don't know, more real or like more willing to come out there. Before I didn't. And so now I'm like, well, I don't even, you know, I'm not, I don't even have ego attachment to that because it was 2 hours ago and now I'm over it. Like, because the things move fast in my world.

Exactly. Just like working out, your recovery time gets better the more you do it.

Right.

So for all of you out there who are— it takes you 2 or 3 days right now to get over something, when you work on this, your recovery time will get quicker. And it's not like things will stop bugging you, not like things will stop getting under your skin. It's just like, okay, in 30 minutes you'll be good to go again. And so, um, yeah, but we'll leave it there. Again, thank you guys for tuning in. You go to our website, theorangegroupodcast.com. But other than that, I hope you guys enjoy the rest of your day or night. night, wherever you are in the world, and we will talk to you next time. Thank you, Elizabeth.

Thank you, Robert.