Elizabeth Stone responds to a woman whose husband of 27 years left for a younger woman. Stone argues that calling it a midlife crisis distracts from what matters: the viewer's own life. Instead of analyzing his motives, focus on yourself and build something new.
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Hi, I'm Elizabeth Stone, and here's today's question. Do you talk about midlife crisis? My husband of 27 years suddenly changed and then moved out and in with a much younger woman. They now live together. I am beyond heartbroken. He's been living with her for 8 months. I've never felt this much pain in my life. I'm reading all I can about this, especially midlife crisis. Thanks for any advice. So first, I'm really sorry this happened to you. I can feel the gut punch here just reading this. And that's why I hope you take what I say next in the spirit that I mean it, of compassion. But it sounds like you've diagnosed the problem as my husband had a midlife crisis and then went down the research rabbit hole. Usually people do this when they want to futurecast what might happen with someone. Now, I don't write specifically about midlife crisis as a concept because I don't find that label to be particularly helpful. The concept of midlife crisis is another one made up by humans to put a name to something that they've observed. But how do we define what is a midlife crisis? Is it when you turn 40 and suddenly buy a red convertible? Is it when you move in with a much younger woman or man? When is it? Because one person's midlife crisis is another person's fresh start. Knowing whether something deserves to be labeled a certain way, in this case midlife crisis, doesn't change the reality of the particular situation you're living through. In fact, it usually makes it harder because now you have a bunch of new ideas to think about instead of the reality of now. Blaming and labeling your husband's actions as a midlife crisis is a distraction from reality. Because where I sit, the base reality here seems to be that you're spending more time with you. Your husband is spending more time with himself and sometimes with a much younger woman who he lives with now. That base reality could be freeing and exciting or painful and soul-crushingly upsetting depending on how you choose to look at it. If you think, my life is destroyed and how could he do this to me, then you'll feel one way— probably bad. If you think, good, now I get to make my life exactly the way I always wanted it now, then you'll feel hopeful and do hopeful actions. Now, I can absolutely see why you're trying to make sense of all of this. That's human nature. That's unfortunate, but now I get to create something new is so much more freeing than he did this because he's having a midlife crisis and that means X and Y. The second mindset keeps you stuck and focused on him. He's not around. It's time to put your focus back on yourself because you're the one that you live with. So go out and create something awesome in your life instead of reading up on all the details around midlife crisis. And before you go, please like and subscribe to the channel. It really helps the channel to grow and me to reach more people. If you're interested in getting my help with your situation, I also offer one-on-one coaching calls. So to do that, go to my website and hit the coaching tab at the top of the screen to sign up. While you're there, you can also sign up for my 2 masterclasses, the 7 Blocks to Manifesting Love and 3 Mistakes Women Make with Men. Until next time, I'm Elizabeth Stone.
