In this solo coaching video, Elizabeth Stone addresses the common belief that one must be fully "healed" from a breakup before dating again. She argues that healing is a mindset choice rather than a prerequisite, and that waiting for a vague healing timer can prolong suffering. Stone explains that people can choose when and whom to talk to, emphasizing honesty and kindness toward both themselves and potential new partners. She highlights how thoughts, not circumstances, generate suffering, and encourages realistic, hopeful thinking to break the cycle of self‑pity. Practical advice includes being transparent about one’s emotional state, allowing others to make informed decisions, and stepping back only if one truly cannot be kind. The video concludes with a call to action for viewers to like, subscribe, and consider her one‑on‑one coaching or free masterclasses.
Chapters
Hi, I'm Elizabeth Stone, and here's today's question. Should I ever talk to someone else if I'm not healed from my ex? I feel like if I do, then I could hurt someone else's feelings and my own. What do I do if I feel hopeless in finding someone for me again? So this is a really common thing that people talk about and mention to me all the time in one-on-one coaching. This concept of healing after a breakup seems to get people really tripped up and stuck. And it's amazing to me, like, how someone will tell me all about how they've been divorced for 5 years and mention that they still aren't ready today because they're still healing. Is there a healing timer somewhere? How do you know that healing is done? That's the problem with thinking that you have to heal as a prerequisite for living your best life. You get to choose who you talk to and when you do it because you're the one living with you. And everyone heals differently. Some people find it helpful to get out and meet new people after a breakup, and other people hate it and then notice that they have a lot of thinking about what dating in their situation means, so they feel bad and that sets them back. But all there is is now. Imagine you're healed and ready to get back out there, and you will be. Imagine that you still have to heal Then you'll act wacky around people you might normally feel excited to meet? It sounds as though the person asking the question believes there is a right and wrong way to behave and expects me to explain what it is. I understand that they're trying to avoid hurting someone else, but this whole idea about needing to be healed before even talking to someone new is just putting the cart before the horse there. You don't have to treat other people badly when you feel bad. Sometimes healing is an excuse people give when they're holding out hope for their ex and they don't want to date anyone new because they imagine they'll cause some big dramatic scene where they're forced to dump the new person they're dating because the person who dumped them finally circles back. Plus, lack of healing is a semi-social excuse to just act out emotionally. That doesn't have to be what happens at all, but it's an elegant way of keeping suffering going and just avoiding reality. The whole will I hurt other people if I talk to them soon— too soon idea is an abstract way of letting your hurt feelings allow you to indulge in self-pity and unkind behavior with others. So if you truly don't think you can be kind and friendly to other people right now, it's always a good idea to stay away from them. And I know what it feels like to get dumped. It can be painful, and you don't have to suffer by Thinking about yourself like you're damaged goods that need healing before you can enjoy anyone else's company. It's also arrogant to think that you're automatically going to be not enough because you've been sad lately. You can easily tell new people what is going on with you and see what happens. If they still want to spend time with you, then they're allowed to make an informed decision. And if they don't, then you've saved both of your time. The way out of suffering After a breakup or any other loss is not waiting around thinking the same dramatically sad things, hoping you'll feel better. Suffering lives in the way that you choose to think about any given circumstance. It's the thinking that causes the suffering, not the circumstances. For example, if you think that your ex was the best thing that ever happened to you, but now it's over and you'll never find someone for you again, you'll probably feel hopeless. And you'll act hopeless, and you will drive yourself and everyone around you crazy with pain. If you choose a more realistic thought, like, this is upsetting, but I'll be okay, and it's fun to meet new people, you'll probably feel hopeful about meeting new people. Do you see how that works? The more you imagine that emotional healing is something people must do, and that it requires X and Y, The longer the whole thing will take you. If you take the situation off the pedestal and focus on the reality of now, then you'll feel better and be safe for other people to spend time with. See how this works? There isn't anything to do about feeling a feeling, in this case sadness and hopelessness. If you think hopeless thoughts and then feel hopeless, you probably won't get out and meet anyone new. Because what would be the point? If you're feeling hopeful, you'll probably meet new people. So you're in charge, especially when you get behind how your mind works. All right, please like and subscribe. It really helps my channel to grow. If you're interested in getting my help one-on-one, I offer coaching. To book a coaching session, go to my website. At the top of the page, you will see a coaching tab. Click on that and you can sign up for a one-on-one session or a package. And while you're there on the website, you will have the chance to sign up for my 2 master classes for free, the 7 Blocks to Manifesting Love and 3 Innocent Mistakes Women Make with Men. So, I will talk to you next time. I'm Elizabeth Stone. Have a good one. Bye.
