Desire in relationships isn't a problem to solve but a fire that keeps intimacy alive. Rather than chasing the Buddhist idea that desire causes suffering, the speaker argues for embracing it as an expression of love and ecstasy, letting the ongoing yearning sustain passion instead of trying to permanently satisfy it.
Intimate relationship is all about desire. It's about, I want you, and I don't just like want you there, I want you over here, you know. I want you closer. I want to taste you. I want my tongue in my mouth— on your mouth. I want your tongue in my mouth, you know. Like, I want to penetrate you. I want to pin you against the wall. Like, I want, I want, I want. This endless wanting. The average person feels their desire and their wanting, and they suffer. Because what is wanting? Wanting is your confession that you are dissatisfied. You're dissatisfied with what is. What is isn't enough. It irritates you. Sometimes it's too much. But when we feel internally, I want, it is confession of our own dissatisfaction with what is. And that's why even the Buddha said That want, that desire, is the root of all suffering. It is. And we place that on ourselves, we place it on our intimate partner. They feel they're not enough, or they're too much. I feel like I'm not enough, I'm too much, whatever the story that gets generated as a result. So we try and improve ourselves, and we think we're going to get there, we're finally going to satisfy this want, like there's some place to get to where desire stops and you're finally eternally satisfied once and for all. Once and for all. You've experienced enough love, you've experienced enough orgasm, you've experienced enough freedom, and you're done. Desiring is over. But that day doesn't come. So most people treat their desire as a problem to solve. Here in this practice, what you're starting to recognize is that desire is an expression of love, that your desire for your partner, that fire, that yearning, is what keeps your passionate love alive. The moment you stop desiring your partner is the moment intimacy is over. So if your partner desires you in different ways than you already are, it's a good thing. And as a fire keeper, that desire in us is no longer just an irritant, it is ecstasy. We start to recognize it as an expression of our own love, and it's what keeps intimate relationship alive. It keeps that fire burning. And as a result, you stop behaving like your partner's desires have some end to them. Like, oh well, if I just give my partner this one thing, then they'll be satisfied. No, no, your partner's desires are infinite. They are eternal. And the moment both of you can embrace that fact, we stop taking this whole thing so damn seriously. We are able to meet desire not from this false illusion that is finally going to be satisfied in our partner. They'll never be satisfied. And that can either terrify you or delight you. In this body of work, it delights us, and we learn how to make it that way, not by talking ourselves into it, but by experiencing it directly.
Ever Feel Like You're Failing? Here's One Mindset Shift to Keep You Motivated
