Relationship Advice | Behind Every Difficult Emotion is Love

One more example that I want to give on "I feel" is sometimes people approach this practice and they think it's pretty simple. Sometimes people struggle with it, and then sometimes people do it for a while, like, this is nice, but it feels like it doesn't go any deeper, like it's not actually creating the effect you want in your intimacy. I want to give you two examples. Not so long ago, I woke up not in the greatest of moods, and I sit down for practice with London. And I just had some agitation. There was anger there. There was upset in me. Now, if I sat down in front of London and I just said, "I feel agitated. I feel angry. I feel upset." If I only made those statements, how do you think she's going to feel? She's immediately going to experience that what's happening for me is somehow her fault. And then her mind is going to start making up stories as to why I might be feeling what I'm feeling. But that wasn't the experience of practice we had. Instead, I sat down and I said something like, "I feel so agitated because yesterday I was really trying to do my best at work and something just didn't go my way." Can you hear how important the context is to those feelings that are there? Where now suddenly my anger, my irritation, because I added the "because I," It's a completely different experience for my partner. So I want to share that with you because there's going to be moments in your practice tonight where I want you to share the because I, but you don't have to share it every time. So once you become skilled and you can really see when that because I serves and you know how to use it intelligently, you don't need to use it every time. But the question is, is it serving the connection in the moment? One other example that I want to give. I do the "I feel" practice all of the time in the car. The other day I was in the car, and as I'm driving, someone cuts me off. And then because they cut me off, I caught the red light, and now I'm stopped at a red light. Oh man, and now I'm irritated. And I go, okay, what's here? And I go, well, I feel agitated because that person's an idiot. Like, all right, there's that. Let's see if there's something more intelligent here. Okay, I feel agitated because I don't want to be late. I feel agitated because I, I want to be respectful for the person who I'm showing up for and show them that I care by arriving on time. I feel agitated because I care. So can you see I've taken the same exact experience, but as I drilled into it to really understand the root of what I was feeling, that feeling was there because I care. As you guys practice with your partner, I want you to see that in your partner, that every feeling your partner has is because they care. Every feeling they have is there because they love. And when you develop the ability, the awareness to see into your partner and recognize that no matter what experience is here, it's there because they care, it's there because they love, And then as the seer, to be able to see that no matter what their experience is, is a profound form of medicine that the two of you can give one another. And it's incredible how fast these unpleasantries move through our system when we're both able to meet it with that level of consciousness.