Tell your partner what you actually feel during sex, even the hard stuff. Saying "I feel numb" or "I feel scared" keeps you present and connected instead of checked out. Vulnerability during sex isn't a mood killer—it's what makes it real and intense.
If any of you ever feel afraid to share an unpleasant feeling with your man during lovemaking, you know, like it's supposed to just be great, you're supposed to just enjoy it all because the train left the station, so that's the end of complaining, you know, or that's the end of being unsatisfied, just go along. It is so sexually exciting for you to reveal the truth of your moment even when it's not happy, horny, and grateful. It's fucking alive. And you will keep him hard as a rock inside of you, saying, "I feel numb suddenly because I can't feel you. I feel scared because I am telling myself I'm alone in this right now." When you get good at saying "I feel" while he's inside of you, you are free. The moment is lit, and it's trembling with delicious presence.
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