Two relationship coaches explain how couples can handle premature ejaculation by staying on the same team instead of falling into blame or codependency. They recommend using awareness and vulnerability to transform the moment into deeper trust and intimacy.
When you're the Seer, your attention is on other, and when you're the Feeler, your attention is immersed. So he has a moment that is not his favorite moment, threatening to his identity as the Rock, which by the way doesn't have to be a big deal at all. That's so common. Just imagining you had a penis and this like wild thing's on top of you, it's like your circuits go crazy. So truly no big deal, that you guys will come out of that, that's just a phase. But he's like devastated. He's no longer in the Seer, he's in the Feeler, right? So as an artist of love, you have a man who was showing up heroically, doing his fucking best, he had a slip, and now he's collapsed into attention on self, which automatically puts him in the Omega pole. Now granted, he's not an evolved Omega because a collapse is not omega, but a collapse will put your attention into self. And then you were the feeler, now he's the feeler. What's the gift? Yeah, you could use the techniques of polarity to switch the tables back on him real fast by out-omega-ing him, but I asked you, what's the gift? What if you brought the seer? You said, I see this is hard for both of us right now, because remember, guys, the seer isn't the fixer. It's not codependent. If you're not obsessed with dogmatic polarity, you can polarize the moment and, and meet both of you. Like, I see this is a really tough moment for the both of us right now. I see you're really hurting and inward, and I see I'm really hurting because I was so connected to you. That's the gift. And we have to remember, never weaponize polarity. It turns on you so fast. Fast. But if you keep it in, what brings us back to the same team? Because now there's room for you and him in a language that keeps that moment sexual. Because what you said is so valuable. I didn't want to go into therapy mode. I didn't want to like analyze it and be like stronger, like don't worry about me, I got you. No, you wanted to stay in the sexual yum. But remember, guys, if you have widened awareness in a female body, it's fucking hot. If you have widened sensitivity in a female body, that's fucking hot. If you have equanimity, that's fucking hot. Like, you can do the lower triangle from hot. And what the lower triangle helps you do is navigate gnarly-ass moments where both people are in like full dumpster fires and keep it hot, keep it polarized, keep it transformative.
When we talk about bringing your seer, you're not bringing your coach, you're not bringing your therapist, you're not holding space. You're bringing pure awareness. You're just seeing. And when you just see your partner, particularly in the moment when they're in their feeler, it's going to move that energy. But if you see your partner go into their feeler and then your feeler gets reactive and goes, well, what about my feeler? And they go, well, fuck your feeler, I'm in my feeler. And you're like, well, fuck your feelers. You just lose that moment. You're going to probably go your separate ways. Maybe you'll have a talk talk about it, process it, and maybe you'll get through it. But polarity is lost. It's done for maybe days. We're talking about preserving polarity in that present moment. And so this isn't about talking about anything past or processing anything. This is a matter of, I see, I see, I see, I feel, I see, I feel. And then suddenly you're back in this polarity experience because the vulnerability he experienced and the vulnerability you experienced, you brought them both to the level of presence in the right now moment, and you loved each other there. And once you both feel loved in your vulnerability, you feel more deeply connected. There's more trust, not less. The more trust, the more polarity. So you're learning how to surf these waves. Again, we want to be so careful with dogma of like, well, I should not be an Alpha, I should be an Omega. It's going to create division because, as London said, the most important thing for partners practicing this work is you have to stay on the same team. If there's any shred in you, any moment where you feel at odds with your partner, like they should, they ought to, The moment that happens, you guys are on opposite teams and there will be conflict, and you cannot salvage that moment. You might have hot sex in moments, but that will be short-lived. You want something that is ultimately sustainable, and the only way you get something sustainable is if you prioritize staying on the same team. Being on the same team also means the willingness to go first, because if your partner was here asking this question, we would tell him the same thing. It would be his job, but it's you here asking the question. So it's whoever has that information You go first. You bring the gift, the alchemy. And as we heal this internal experience inside of us and we liberate our seer and feeler, that will also liberate in our partner. And these moments of vulnerability, these moments that could potentially lead to shame, are now some of the deepest moments of lovemaking that the two of you have. Because this part of you that you brought in that sex, it's what he wants and it's what you want. There's an intensity and an unleashing that you found. And the worst thing that could happen is if now you generate a story of that's too much for him. It's a shiny hook waiting there for you, and you cannot bite it. Every one of us should develop the ability to bring our partner to climax like that. It's not a problem, it's a gift. You should be able to do that. Fantastic. Cultivate it. Now bring it with consciousness. Bring it with equanimity. Bring it with sensitivity to his experience. Know how to generate that intensity in a way where it brings him to a crest in a wave and brings him to the edge without going over. Because your sexuality, it's still wild, but it's so intelligent and conscious. You move like a sophisticated dancer as opposed to just a wild storm. You have this ability to move as the wind or as water or as a volcano, but with such profound consciousness. It's like watching a belly dancer, you know, roll quarters across her skin. It's with such devotion and conscious care. That's what you channel your sexual energy into. That he's now riding that. He feels the intensity of wildness through you in nature, but it's coming through something that is so refined and profound. So this is a win. Keep doing that. Bring him to moments like that. When he explodes and he finds he can't handle you, bring art to that next moment so both your vulnerabilities can be there, held in that next moment, and you will find your relationship deepens as a result. It's how you show up to those next moments Or you're both feeling vulnerable. What happens then? That's going to dictate the nature of your relationship. That's going to weave your rug deeper in love and trust.
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