A framework for sexual communication that balances explicit desire with acceptance of her boundaries. The speaker demonstrates saying what you want directly while staying calm about the outcome, and using her "not yet" responses to build tension rather than shut things down.
There'll be so many times where I sit down for practice with London and she's looking beautiful and sexy, and I've been sitting there breathing, practicing. She walks in the room, she sits down, and I'm just like, want to devour her. So we're in practice and the first thing I say is something like, I want your mouth on my cock. And she's not even close to being there. That is not where she's at. And I'm aware of that. But the gift I'm giving is I'm showing her my fire. I'm showing her my desire. I'm showing her my authenticity of what I really feel, of what I really want in her. But because I'm able to say, I want, and then at the same time, being complete equanimity that I don't need that to happen, right? It's that incredible balance, which is the center circle. Of our map where if we balance equanimity and polarity at the same time, which is in one hand I allow, another hand I want, that's in contradiction to one another. We can't be in full equanimity and desire at the same time. But when we learn how to embody both of those two things at the same time, it creates the hottest charge of sexual energy. Because if we're just sitting in equanimity and there's no desire, that doesn't create the charge. And if we're all desire with no equanimity, moving too fast totally kills the moment. But if you can rest in true equanimity and then let your desire roar, I want, I want, it serves both of you at the same time. Now, I may say something like that, and London has an amazing women's call that women, if you haven't seen yet, it's the call on saying not yet. And what London does is rather than shutting down when she hears my desire, like, "No," or, "That's too much," instead she'll say something like, "Not yet. What I would need—" Right. So she says, "Not yet," and then tells me what she would need instead. Now, when she says, "Not yet," what do you think that does to the fire in me? It amplifies it. You better believe it. So it's like, Oh man, now I kind of want it more. So she hasn't shut me down. I'm not shut down. She's not like— there's still play here. She says not yet, and now it's like, oh, I just want it more. And then maybe the next thing comes out of me is, I want to pin you down and rip off your clothes, right? So that comes out, and then she goes, not yet. Now if I just keep adding that on, at one point it's going to become very unskillful. Like, even if I just said a third one would probably be too much. So that desire is there. I've named that. That's in the space. She says not yet. Maybe she says, "What I would need is..." and gives me clarity. Maybe she doesn't. But by just seeing her and seeing that she says not yet, I can let my desire be there and simultaneously honor exactly where she is and say, "Oh, she's not ready for that." So I'm not shutting down what I want, but I'm also meeting her where she's at. And I might say something like, I want you to know there's no rush. I want you to feel the bottoms of your feet. I want you to slowly suck my breath in from the tip of each one of your toes. And feel it rising up the backs of your thighs until your thighs get warm. So can you hear how now I'm meeting her in her experience while honoring my desire at the same time? That's how we find real artistry. So that's what I mean when I say both of those two things are true. We don't just want to do one of those things or the other, we want to do both.
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