Relationship Advice | The 3 Ways of Relating

One of the key things that London and I teach— you may have read about this— is the 3 ways of relating. There's a way of relating as business partners, there's a way to relate as best friends, and there's a way to relate as lovers. And they're 3 entirely different ways of communicating, of being present with one another. London and I, for the last 15 years, I mean, we've been attached at the hip. When we first met, we had like a 700-square-foot bungalow that we lived in. You could barely fit a couch in the place, you know. So we had just a bed, and we actually got rid of the couch. We just put meditation cushions on the floor with a setup similar to this, and we lived that way for 3 years before we found a new place. But our work comes from being together constantly in this practice, but also having entrepreneurial lives together, and then getting to the point where we've had a child. We navigate being best friends because we are best friends being business partners, because we are business partners, and being passionate lovers. And all three of those ways of relating are a priority to us. And by learning this work, by studying polarity and understanding what it takes to create passion and polarized sparks, we recognize that there's certain things we need to do to amplify that attraction. And when we need to meet and have business conversations, we're not doing those things. We are doing way the opposite. So when we have to meet for anything business-related, work-related, we're both in alpha. And bringing alpha is bringing our mind, bringing our goals, bringing our vision. I see this needs to happen. You know, I would need you to do this. Okay, I'll handle that. Can I count on you for this? So it's a trust relationship. And because it's alpha alpha, it's very depolarizing. The second those conversations start, the second they start, it's just like, ugh, we won't have physical contact at all while we're having those conversations because they're just so depolarizing. And for a lot of folks who don't know this work and don't know attraction is a science you can recreate again and again, you might feel those conversations and talks about work with your partner and they're killing your sexual connection. And you're just like, oh, I think I'm falling out of love. I think this is over. I don't think this works anymore. When in fact, couples just get stuck in that alpha-alpha way of relating. London and I do this very consciously because If we want to have a life where we can be business partners, best friends, and passionate lovers, it takes more work, more consciousness, more responsibility to have all of that. But it's possible, but it takes work on both of our parts. Our practice time is the real focal point of our polarity. If we wake up and we do our practice and that's the only polarity we get to experience in that day, we have equanimity with that. That's okay. But the moment we're done with practice, we have a 6-year-old maniac waiting for us, and we go back into mom and dad mode immediately. And that's very depolarizing. Most of our day, we're not attracted to each other at all. We love each other. We're great partners. We work together, but the sexual charge just isn't there. And that's of no concern because when we want to bring it, we know exactly what we would need to do and we bring it. And then suddenly, boom, that fire is right there. When we write our books together, that's a lot of alpha alpha. It's just painful right away. Talking about taxes. Oh boy. But we'll sit down. We know we need to do it. We'll do it. We'll endure the suck because we're enduring the suck for a greater purpose. It's to serve something greater. But the moment that moment's over, we will turn that way of relating off like, like a circuit breaker. Boom, that's off. We have that conversation, we're both a little irritated, and I'll just look at her and I'll be like, get over here. And instead of being still stuck in the conversation or whatever irritation is there, she lets that go, I let that go, and we both like surrender. Whatever, whatever that was, it's done, and we're both willing to meet each other in the next moment. And that's what makes it work because we're both so committed to having all of these parts of our life work. It takes both of us to do this. You can't dance alone. If you're going to have a lead and a follow, you need your follow to be there. You need your lead to be there. So anytime one of us creates that opening and it's like, okay, let's switch back, we'll do it with a touch, we'll do it with a look, we'll say, get over here, and we'll both willingly step into that moment. And we'll still feel the residue of whatever we were just in, but we'll breathe, we'll touch, and you'll feel the residue just dissolve. As you really make way for this new moment to be there. And then the second polarity is back. It's just like, all right, get back to work. And then I'll walk away, she'll walk away, do whatever. Incredibly mindful about all of those dynamics because they have a severe impact when they get stuck on autopilot and you don't actually know how to get out of them.