When one partner wants sex more than the other, use neutral language like "not yet" instead of rejection. This protects both people: the higher-desire partner feels less shamed, and the lower-desire one avoids pressure. Frame it as collaboration, not refusal.
Like Justin, for example, has monstrous amounts of desire, and it can feel very overwhelming. And it also can feel like he goes so much faster than I do. You know, I just need more time to meet him there. And what we learn how to do is when we see that differential where maybe I'm here and he's here, rather than contract or kind of try and shut him down so he matches me, What you could learn how to do is to be in total equanimity with his desire, but also your own. In other words, he's at 100, I'm at a 3. Hey, that's polarity, you know? Nothing wrong with me, nothing wrong with him. And then when he says, okay, I want your lips around my cock, and you're like, well, I'm not quite there, instead of being like, oh, Oh, you know, like, God, what happened to foreplay? You can just be like, not yet, because you're so allowing of where you're at too, that you don't have to lash out and you don't have to contract. You're like, okay, I see the place you're in. Uh, not yet. But the more equanimity you can establish with your partner's differential of desire It's magic because he never needs to get shamed again. He doesn't need to damp it down again. And he also doesn't need to hurt you with it again because you have that new boundary of your voice. You have that new boundary of, I might need a couple of things before I meet you there. That's then where the I want comes in. Like, I want you to breathe me so good that my wave gets even bigger than yours.
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