Resolve Fights In Your Relationship With This Technique w/ Justin Patrick Pierce

Men tend to be nourished or revitalized in isolation or a kind of nothingness state, or when they're receiving the flow of feminine energy into their life, into their body. There's a flow of her energy that's kind of whether she does it through like a coy smile or a tussle and sexuality, or there's— you could feel the full flow. It can even come from your child. If you're taking care of your child and your child's crying all day and been a pain in the ass, then there's just one moment where they smile and laugh at you like a belly laugh. And that flow of feminine energy that comes from a child, just, you just go, Ah, it soothes the body and it kind of revitalizes you. You could call it Shakti, but it's either this flow of feminine energy that really revitalizes us, or it's get away, let me isolate to recharge my battery. And everything else a man experiences, whether he's pursuing his purpose, he's at work, he's in a conversation with his woman, he's paying bills, he's doing this, It's depleting his energy. It's depleting his energy. So does that all make sense first? So there's two forms that the masculine experiences this kind of revitalization in his body. And it's important that you guys notice this because if you're feeling depleted and you're not getting nourished in your life, you need to check that you're probably not getting one of these things. Either of these things, maybe, and you need to start to correct that consciously. Otherwise you'll become resentful, contracted, start blaming your partner, thinking the relationship, so on and so forth. So I just wanted to lay that as a generalized groundwork first, Anders. But then I want to talk to you specifically now about your situation, because I'm not saying that any of that's necessarily you, but those are our maps that we're working with first. So in your initial question, you said, um, you spent some time away from her first before you picked her up at the airport, correct? Correct. And did you have like isolation during that time? It was kind of like my time.

Absolutely.

Yeah. So you got to feel the gift of isolation.

Probably one of the biggest irritations I have is when I don't have isolation or solitude. That is definitely my nourishment.

Right. And we're going to find out why in a second, because the irritation that comes up in the presence of your partner, that contraction or kink, is the reason why you need isolation so desperately. It's because there's something that's happening in the field that's causing your nervous system to contract around that thing. In response to whatever she's doing or adding, right? So we're going to find out what it is she's adding. So you're in the car with her, you pick her up, you're in your state, which is a kind of an emotional neutrality, I imagine, a clear-mindedness, kind of a, hey, nothing's fucking wrong right now. I don't have, you know, a huge burden on my head. I'm just kind of cruising, enjoying this moment. I'm happy to see my woman. You meet her and that moment is sustained. Am I understanding correctly so far? Correct. Got it. So then what happens next? Where does it go wrong?

So, so, well, that's, that's the moment that's hard to pinpoint, but I'll try. So I think there's just, there is a sustaining that energy I have from my solitude or from my isolation that just reaches past the moment where we greet each other and then that wears off. And I think it's like, that's the most, that's the simplest interpretation of what happened in that moment. Like, as I said, there was no fight, there was no big conversation. She felt good. So there was not like, I didn't feel like she robbed me of my isolation either. She didn't demand a lot from me. Um, it didn't really feel like she demanded anything really. So there was just, just this moment when we were driving back where I really realized, oh, she's annoying me. Like, I don't even know what it is. Right.

So what could she have done with her body, with her voice, the way she was interacting with you, that would have been the opposite of irritating to you. So if that moment was your ideal and it would have been exactly what you would have needed, how would she have behaved? What would she have done differently?

Um, as you say that, that would actually be her What comes up for me is her putting her full attention on me. Like, as I think about it, like her being more open apparently and like letting, like having, yeah, this Funny, I never thought of this, but actually let her feminine kind of like just flow into me. Funny enough, I think that would actually have been—

Yeah, so, so I want to point out to you, Anders, did you hear how you said open and flowing?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You want her open and flowing?

Yes.

This is exactly what I just described at the beginning of tonight's call.

Yeah.

When this circuitry inside of ourselves is open and flowing, it is a fucking gift to the world. It is a gift to our intimate partner. It's a gift all around. When it's contracted, it makes others suffer. You suffered just the fact that her flow was contracted somewhere in her body. It wasn't open. And it wasn't flowing. So you said, I'm not sure what it was, but so far you've identified two things that it was. One, she was contracted in a certain way. She was not open. And two, she was not flowing. Something was stagnant in her energy. It wasn't flowing towards you. Right? Correct so far?

Correct. Yeah.

And one thing you also identified, you said, I wanted her to be present with me. So presence was a key. Do you remember saying that?

Yeah, putting her attention on me. It's another way. Exactly. Present.

Exactly. Placing her attention. So presence. So in the work that I teach, presence is pillar one. Presence is pillar one. So when we think about our energy centers in our body, this is how presence relates to the chakras or energy systems, right? Where does presence take place? Where essentially is the energy of presence happening between two people? Where would you guys guess?

Right here, right?

Yeah. I could be at work. I'm present with you right now.

Right?

I could be at work and be present. I can be present with a child. I can be present. It's neutral. It's sexually neutral, but it's presence. So presence is up here in the energy centers of the head. So when you feel someone and you're wanting to create this connection and you go, hmm, they're not present. Ah, they're not available here. Their attention is not free here. They're contracted in their mind. Maybe they're stuck deep in a thought and you can feel that person's not present. How many of you felt that in somebody before? They're just so— you probably have gotten there yourself. I certainly go there. You just, you're stuck in this fucking thing in here. And if you could be standing around someone and they don't even feel like you're there, you're literally not there. You're not present. You're in that thought, in that space. Your consciousness reduces to that. Another way of not being present is that the mind is in that, right? So typically the masculine tends to go not present by drilling into this single space, isolating. And the feminine loses presence by like getting lost in the past and what happened over here, or being anxious about the future. And what did the men and women both do that, but that's just a tendency of the mind. So both of those are forms of contraction, not being present. So now that I explained that, do you have a sense of what she was doing with her attention that made it feel not free to you?

Um, what comes to mind is that, that there, I think I actually noticed that when I picked her up, that she, there was a tightness in just with her, like she felt contracted and it would make sense because she's been on an 11-hour flight getting here and she's 7 and a half months pregnant. So like she—

That's plenty to be contracted about. Yeah, that's plenty, plenty.

For sure, for sure.

So, so let's, let's do this diagnostics though, because this is going to help all of the men and you in the future. So in terms of just Pillar 1 presence and up here-ness, was her mind with you? Was her attention present in the moment with you, or was her attention in the past, in the future, stuck inside of her somewhere?

I mean, I wouldn't know. I'm definitely going to ask her. But my guess is, yeah.

Well, I wouldn't necessarily ask her. Yeah, I don't know that that would be useful because she might not remember. I wouldn't open a can of worms like that. Just something to notice from this point forward. But I will say this. Was she talking or was she silent?

She was silent.

She was silent. Yeah.

Good. That's how I remember it.

Got it. So she was silent, and could you feel her attention, like, in her? Like, she wasn't asking you questions, she wasn't sharing with you her experience you just had. She was, like, inside. Yeah. Okay, so, so that's perfect. And that was, that was irritating.

Yeah.

Okay, perfect. I mean, that's the starting point. So that's how you run diagnostics. The first thing is, is the presence here. I'm present. I would like presence, but my partner's not present right now. Right. But if you sit there and begin to suffer the fact that they're not present, that's going to be irritating to you. You might recognize, wow, they're not present. All I need to do is invite them back into presence. And then you become an artist of the moment. How do you make your partner present? How do you bring them to presence, right? So that's a question. And other times it's not even appropriate to ask your partner to be present after they've been through something. And you might just feel they've just been through some shit, they shouldn't be present, they don't need to be present. I'm just going to continue my and just, you know, not enjoy. You're still going to feel the presence that it is, but you're not expecting— there's no expectation of them to behave differently than they have. So that becomes your yoga. How do I get my partner to come back to presence with me? So that's a starting point. First of all, do you have a sense of what you would do if you were to go back into that moment? First of all, if you were to go back to that moment, do you think it would have served her to be present with you in that moment?

Um, not, not necessarily. I mean, for obvious reasons, I would expect her not to be present. I just didn't put it into that context. So I think just having that awareness would, would have helped me. If I was to bring her back to presence, I would— I think I would ask her either how she was feeling in the moment and then see how she would respond to that question. Alternatively, depending if there was anything she needed, it'll be one of those two.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, those, those would, those would help that process for sure. And one thing that I want to encourage you and all the other men on this call to remember is You could bring your woman back to presence by touching her leg or her hand a certain way. So she's sitting there and she's fried, like internal, 7 months pregnant after 11-hour flight, like, oh my God, you know, just get me home to a bed, right? And she's sitting there like, suffering, you know, maybe the processing experience she just had or whatever. And then suddenly she feels your hand on her hand and just massaging it in a certain way. And you're not needing anything from her, but you're just offering her this touch. And suddenly she just goes, and she's present because she can feel the touch. The touch brings her back to the present moment. Your touch, your presence. That's one way you can artistically bring your partner back to you into presence when they're— another expression of this is if she's kind of— if a woman's like, "Ahhhh!" or crying in tears, what does a man do? He can draw her into his body and hold her and anchor her physically. That creates presence in the body-mind. It through that touch, that anchoring, that physicality. So you can use touch to bring your partner back to presence as well. It tends to even work better in intimate settings, because when you ask questions about the mind, you say, how are you feeling? Well, when I was on the flight, this, that, that, and it was so terrible. It was that. Is she present? No, she's still on the flight. Yeah, she's still on the flight processing what just happened to her. So when you artistically want to bring the gift or invoke the gift of presence in your partner, you bring them here and now. That when you said, is there anything I can get you? What do you need? Now that's a question that correlates to the right now moment. Yes. And how are you feeling is certainly a question in the present moment too. I just wanted to make mention of that because When working with the feminine, that can often be a little bit of a can of worms because with the emotion you'll probably get a story and the story will probably reference the past or future in some way. And then you'll be in that scenario. Yeah.

So it won't be what I was looking for. Right.

Exactly. So now if you could like go back to that moment, is there one of those that you feel you would be most inspired to give her?

Yeah. The touch. Absolutely. I would want to, I, Thank you for bringing that.

I would—

she, she, she desires and she, she needs touch. So I think that would definitely have created something beautiful.

And what's beautiful about that is as we work down her energy system and start to open her First, it's the head. We bring her into presence. Next, it's the heart. Is her heart open or closed to you?

Right?

And I'm just taking this a few steps deeper than the moment, and I'm sure this was present too. But do you have a sense of where her heart was? Was it closed or open?

I would say it was more closed than open.

At that point.

It's my sense.

So particularly when a woman's with a man she trusts and loves, she wants her heart to be open the whole time. If you were to play out this scenario in the car, she gets in the car, you feel she's crunchy as shit. She's got the energy of all the people she's just been around. She's exhausted. Instead, you're in your mood. You're like, fuck, man. Oh no, you brought the energy the whole plane. You're bringing all this. Oh no. You feel kind of the crampy, like, part of you that wants something, but you don't just give in to that. You transcend it by being like, yeah, this sucks. This sucks for her. How can I bring the gift of presence to this moment? Maybe if I bring it with my touch. And you touch her in such a way that she becomes present. And you know she becomes present not because she looks at you or says anything, but just because you see her go Something softens in her, and you know you've done it. You know you've created that opening. If you continue that touch, or let's say you see how she's breathing, you start breathing with her. So when she inhales, you breathe deeper than her. You breathe in sync with her. She starts to feel, oh my God, my man is here. My man is with me. He's touching me. He's breathing me. He's not saying anything to me. As presence moves down in her body, her heart will start to open, and then she might start to express emotion. So very commonly, if you were to do that skillfully with this woman, she might start crying in that moment, or she might start emoting in a certain way that she feels she needs to release but didn't get to release for the last 11 or 15 hours or weeks or whatever.

It's been.

And then she starts to melt here, and then the heart begins to open. Does this make sense what I'm describing? Absolutely. So this energy center in her is presence. This energy center in her, in her heart, is devotion. It's the heart of devotion. And you can feel when a woman's heart is open, even if she's in rage or sadness or whatever her emotion is. It's irrelevant. You can tell when it's open. Giving her the gift of opening here and opening here is the greatest gift a lover can give their partner. You're helping her open and restore that flow, which is what you want too, right? Openness and flow. That's where it's so symbiotic. You're both wanting the same thing always. She's wanting it too. What are we willing to do to get there is the question. Now, if you follow this path down, there's the third energy center in her body, which would be the ultimate, which— can you guess what energy center that is? The sexual. The sexual energy center. Exactly. Up here is presence. Here at the heart is devotion. So you can have a relationship with a guru who who gives you full presence and full heart love. And you have that relationship with them, right? Wow. What presence, what devotion, what heart openness. And you connect to that person from there. What's unique about an intimate relationship is that it includes the genitals now, right? So now there's presence, there's heart openness, and there's polarity at the genitals. Presence, devotion, polarity are the three pillars we teach. That's how you run diagnostics on your partner. Is my partner closed or obstructed in any one of these three areas? How can I lovingly or consciously open that area for them? So if you were to continue this and her attention was now present with you, her heart began to open, and then her yoni started to open to you, right? There was a sexual polarity. If she was in the car in that state, what would that experience be like for you?

Well, you just described, I think, what I initially, without being able to put words on it, was what I would need to not feel the irritation. So for me, that experience would have been nourishing and, uh, um, yeah, it would fill me up. Like, I think it would have opened my heart.

Yes, absolutely.

Me more into presence.

Yeah, absolutely. And that's why I said at the beginning of this, to go A man is nourished by either nothingness or this open, uncontracted flow through his feminine partner's body-mind that revitalizes him and nourishes him in a way that even solitude cannot. When her mind is open, when her heart is open, when her yoni is open, and you combine with that energy It revitalizes a man in his confidence and his sexuality and his clarity of consciousness and his groundness in a way that nothing else does. He can't masturbate to that experience. He can't pray to that experience. He can't meditate to that experience. It is uniquely her in this two-bodied practice that brings her that. And how many men would love if their woman was just always in that state? I would hope everybody.

Yeah, I mean, there's—

I mean, it's what— it's incredible. But to experience your intimate partner in that state is a very unique thing. And we could want our partner to be there without having to do anything and fantasize about that person being such a person, but it simply does not exist. So therefore, it's always on us to do this diagnostic. Is my partner present? Is their heart open or closed? Is their yoni withdrawn from me? Hmm, why? What do I need to do? Some men will just be like, give me, you know, give me, and reach in and she just closes more. Like, what the fuck? No. And then they might have a woman who has sex with him, but she'll never open to him. He'll never get to feel her authentically open. But a man who brings consciousness to that contraction and authentically opens it gets to experience a kind of intimacy that is reserved for very few who want to seriously pursue relationship in this way. So, Anders, I just wanted to go through that whole pattern so you guys can see the connecting dots from my opening portion of the talk and how this also applies to your woman and how you can run diagnostics on the moment and do this. You can be with your woman and she's fully present with you. But it's draining the fuck out of you. You could be with your woman, she's fully present, her heart's open to you, but her yoni is closed to you and it's draining the fuck out of you. But you don't know why. But now that you have diagnostics, you can be aware what's contracted in her and what can I— and sometimes it won't be appropriate to open her yoni or open her heart or open her mind in certain times. We are human beings and we contract at times.. And when we can contract, sometimes the human being just needs to be contracted for a moment. And in that moment, what do we do? Well, then we open all of those centers in our own body and patiently wait for them to come back online. And yet it hurts like hell to be in the presence of another human being who's contracted. It sucks. It sucks when we're contracted. And just you opening those areas within yourself and being present in that and not needing to do anything with it or not needing to avoid that person, but literally just being presence and equanimity. It's the most healing medicine there is in relationship. So, Anders, before we wrap things up, I just want to check in with you. Did I answer your question that you had for me tonight? Definitely.

You, you brought a lot of awareness to what was going on in that moment and, uh, a lot of inspiration to how I can practice like running diagnostics and what is available like in that moment, both for me and for her. So yeah, definitely. I have one, just one follow-up question. So either We get nourished by the flow of the woman or by our isolation. I feel like I flow in and out of like between those two. Is that normal or is it, is it you have a preference for one or what is your experience?

Yeah. Every single map that we will find and that I will discuss or teach is crude. It's never to be taken as the absolute truth. The masculine and feminine is not the absolute truth. None of this shit is black and white as we all would wish it to be. It's not. But that's the nature of the way we interpret this world as duality. There's hot and there's cold. Is there really? And when does cold become hot? When does hot become cold? You know? So yes, there is all of those absolutes. And at the same time, your life is going to be very gray area and Technicolor. And it's up to you to use the map to help you get from point A to point Z. And if the map doesn't work or it's fucking things up, whatever, find a superior map that will handle that piece. Um, but again, that's why we have to remain conscious and sensitive and adapt to the moment. You know, that's why I love Bruce Lee's work. So much because he captures the essence of breaking habits before they form. And, uh, the map is never the truth, right? Because it's confined, it's static, and the truth is alive and changing and spontaneous. So that's how we need to ultimately live. You have this diagnostics And then you show up to the right now moment and you perform to the best of your ability based on what's true. Thank you so much. Um, it's my pleasure. Yeah, it's my pleasure.