A man explores whether to commit or keep dating, arguing that sexual intimacy creates real responsibility. He suggests processing desires before monogamy, warns against letting fantasies undermine partnership, and says the choice between depth and variety requires conscious intention and integrity.
When you dive fully into a relationship, particularly with what you're cultivating, when you begin to penetrate her, you're going to open her deeply. And every layer deeper you penetrate her, she's going to want to be claimed by you more and more. And the deeper you penetrate any woman, you become more responsible for that opening you create in her. So every layer deeper you go with someone, you are now accountable for their heart. But most men don't treat it that way, so they feel they're not accountable for the hearts they open. I've certainly felt that way in my past about relationships. It's a horrendous way to live. And here you are going around thinking you're giving your penetrating gift to all of these women and opening up the world, and unfortunately for them, now for the next 10 years you're the only thing they can think about because they haven't met anyone more present or more sensitive. Than what you had to offer. And they will talk about you and wish, and that void will be created by the way that you penetrate them open. Now you could be sensitive to that or not, but that's just what's happening. There's no avoiding that. That's the impact you're having. So as we become conscious of that impact, there's things we have to start to consider. That doesn't mean just because you've opened this woman now you shouldn't continue to explore what you must continue before you're ready to make that final claim. Because the worst thing that you could do is be engaged with this woman now and in the back of your mind for years and years to come, you're just dreaming, wishing, fantasizing, thinking about all those other possible opportunities that you missed out on. All those other crazy sexual experiences, the orgy parties, the pen women, the this, the that, all of that. It's just going on, background noise, and it compromises your ability to even be present with her. That's not useful to her or you, right? So weighing these two variables, being sensitive with the situation, being sensitive with her heart, your heart, you should absolutely Allow yourself to play out what it is you believe you need to play out sexually and engage and taste these flavors while you're not committed to someone, while you're not making that promise to somebody. You should allow that to run through your nervous system such that you can feel complete, that you can land in something. That needs to be moved through your nervous system in one way or another, and it should be, so long as you're free men. But this is what we can expect at the end of that, is if you think you're going to have X number of experiences and at the end of 5 women you'll never desire another woman again, it's just not the case. Are there any men on here who are married and been with partners for a long time, like, or been in a relationship for a long time with one woman? Just raise your hand if you have. And have you completely stopped thinking about other women entirely? Have any of you? No. It's the nature, the relationship of consciousness to light. And as we identify with consciousness, we love variety, we love flavors. So most men think, "Oh no, one woman's a prison. If I'm with her, that's one flavor for the rest of my life, you know. I can't do that. I need my flavors, my options." But then we go and we pursue that life of many flavors and you realize just how shallow that is and you wake up next to a total stranger the next morning and you're like, "What the hell am I doing? This is so empty. This isn't it. There's something missing from this." So you burn out that end of the candle. You get through that. But something profound happens to us when we realize the mechanism in you that's craving the feminine in all of its forms. Endlessly, infinitely, is never going to go away. No matter what woman you choose, that impulse inside of you is going to be there. Is it going to control your life and your decision-making around relationship and love? At some point, do you— would you rather go deep than wide? That's a decision you have to make. And if you're waiting until your hunger for feminine variety ends, you might be waiting the rest of your life. So all of these things we have to very intelligently weigh and navigate mindfully. The impact we're having on the opposite sex, what we actually do need to complete within ourselves before we're ready to commit, and also the idea that no matter who you choose, the variety of feminine flavors in life is always going to be interesting to you. And you learn how to live in relationship with all of that. And love with integrity one partner while all of that's happening. And ultimately you learn to help shape your partner to become all of those flavors, all of those textures in the way that you serve her through your practice.
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