In this instructional talk, the speaker presents the "Law of Sexual Attraction" as a principle of polarity, likening attraction to the interaction of positive and negative charges. He defines the "alpha pole"—traditionally masculine—as the capacity to endure and embody intensity without reacting, a trait he argues is the core of sexual polarity. Drawing on examples from elite athletes, military training, and meditation, he explains how disciplined practices (e.g., non‑ejaculation, still‑ness meditation) develop this intensity muscle. He contrasts two common masculine archetypes: the "macho jerk," who meets intensity with tension, hardness, and emotional shutdown, and the "open‑hearted" man, who can hold emotions and be receptive. The ideal partner, he claims, combines both the fierce, action‑oriented intensity and a fully open, sensitive heart. Practical advice follows, including scheduling intentional intimacy, maintaining eye contact while feeling desire, and creating disciplined space for connection. The talk concludes with a brief practice exercise and a promise of a Q&A session.
Chapters
The law of sexual attraction. So in sexual attraction, or in any attraction, we need a positive and a negative charge, right? If we have two positives, what happens with the magnets? Can't bring them together. Negative, negative, same thing. You need a positive and negative to do this. What's incredible about sexual yoga is it actually teaches you through an embodied way exactly what those two primary polar forces are. Sure, we're studying them through the lens of sexuality and intimacy, but they apply universally in every area of your life. So let me explain this a little bit deeper. The pole that we'll be practicing tonight is the alpha pole, what I call the alpha pole. Traditionally called masculine. But what this pole is so representative of, what it is, what makes it so attractive, is your capacity to be with intensity. That's what attracts the feminine. That's what turns on the feminine at a fundamental base level. If you really understand what I'm saying, you know how to embody it, it will make sense like this. If we think about incredibly successful men, you know, like cage fighters who are at the top of the food chain Moguls in the business world, men who have tremendous success, tremendous fame. It's understood as human beings that to be in those positions requires a certain degree of intensity that you would need to be willing to withstand or endure to even hold that position. Even men in the military, incredibly polarizing to the feminine and to women who are spiritually evolved, a man who has a capacity to be with a depth of practice, a meditative practice, is also another thing that turns her on. What's so amazing is, you know, when I talk about men, um, not ejaculating, just being disciplined about not ejaculating, women are always like, wow, that's so hot. That turns me on. What is it about that that actually turns her on? Is it that fact that you can have multiple orgasms? She doesn't give a shit about your multiple orgasms. She could care less. What's hot about that is your ability to be with the intensity of your sexual energy without letting it go, without needing it to go anywhere. Developing the ability to be with intensity is the hallmark of the masculine. It is the hallmark of alpha. We see it all the time in movies, expressed through a kind of courage that in the face of danger That alpha doesn't turn away. It endures in the face of fear. It has a capacity to be with the intensity. This is what all of your meditation and yoga has been training you for. This also is what the military trains you for, if you go to the military, if you've been in the military. It's a capacity to be with intensity. Now, the most incredible thing about this idea that I'm sharing with you is you don't have to go join the military or become a fighter or just kind of push yourself in, you know, your career world to exercise this muscle or develop it. Extraordinarily. We all could be here together now and never get up from these cushions and develop the skill together. And we're going to do that a little bit here tonight. We are going to develop this skill and teach you exactly how to do that. How many of you have sat down in stillness in a form of meditation and really attempted to be still for a long period of time? How many of you here have attempted to do that before? How long is considered long relative to you? If 10 minutes feels long to you, then you can raise your hand and say, yeah, 10 minutes was fucking long, which will come to the point. Good. So a lot of you have tried that. I've never heard anyone describe it this way, but it is so obviously this way, I'm blown away that no one describes it like this. But when you sit down for that meditation, what you're immediately confronted with is the intensity of the present moment. The present moment on its own, without you adding anything to it, is fucking intense, is it not? It's radically intense. If it wasn't intense, you'd be able to sit there like a perfect statue for 4 hours without even flinching. But when we try that, we're confronted with that intensity rather quickly. And let me describe the intensity that I mean. So suddenly you feel a little itchy on your face and you go, oh, there's that itchy spot. And you go, ah, fuck it, ignore it. It's not that itchy. But then it gets itchier and itchier. And then suddenly it feels like something's crawling on your face and you're like, oh man, something's crawling. I got it. Oh, that's better. That was you avoiding the intensity of the moment. You could not be with the intensity of that moment and you reacted to it. I'd like you all to just take a moment to pay attention to your body right now and notice all the ways it's reacting to the present moment. You might be massaging your foot. You might be tapping your toe. You might be scratching the back of your head. Your tongue might be sliding around inside of your mouth. There's an inherent discomfort that you feel immediately the moment you try to become still and be with the moment without reacting at all. How many of you know what I'm describing as I say this? Good. So we're going to feel this together in a moment. We're going to feel this in the practice, and I'm going to give you one technique that's going to help you tremendously. It's helped me tremendously to be able to sit for many hours without reacting, but you need to know what to do with it. When we try to be with the intensity of the moment, what do we do? Anyone? What do we do when we try to be with the intensity? It tense up. Exactly. It's a resistance. It's a resistance to the moment. We tense up. And what happens? We get hard. Our faces get red. There's tension in our muscles. And you know what this is? That is the origin of the macho jerk. Because think about that. If you're trying to be with the intensity of the moment, you just let your body start to do those things, you immediately begin to embody the macho jerk. A dickhead. You become cold and angular. Do you know what I mean? That is the embodiment of the macho jerk. It's, I'm going to become hard to endure the intensity of this moment, right? While that is not the sexiest thing for a woman to feel, It is still sexy because it's a man who's demonstrating he can be with the intensity of the moment, even if he's doing it unskillfully. And a man who can be with the intensity of the moment is more attractive, more sexually polarizing, than a man who cannot be with the intensity of the moment. Make sense? This is why you constantly see women with macho jerks. Because macho jerks, even if they're pretending or they're just white-knuckling all the way through with a closed heart, their embodiment that I can be with this intensity is sexually polarizing. Remember the law of sexual attraction. Alpha is the ability to be with the intensity of the moment. So you guys see how this is coming together? A man who has opened his heart has an ability, has developed the ability to be with emotions, to be with his own emotions, and also even be with the emotions of another person, right? A lot of men's work out in our world is training men to do this, to be with their emotions and be with other people's emotions. This is incredibly valuable work for us as men. If we don't learn how to do this, we'll just continue to be cold, numb, macho jerks or complete weaklings. But with this skill, learning how to open your heart and be with the intensity of emotions, that's a skill the macho jerk does not possess. That's why he's the macho jerk. He has no ability to be with emotions. The moment emotions come up, he tries to shut them down or fight them or scream or dominate them or suppress them, so on and so forth. He has no real capacity to be with the intensity of emotion. So a man with an awakened heart has this incredible capacity to be with emotion in a very evolved way. You guys know what I'm saying? Now, that is very attractive to a woman as well. Particularly if a woman has been with a very cold, machismo, unfeeling type of man. Often after she gets out of a relationship with him, she will immediately seek a man with this skill who has that receptive, open-hearted capacity to be with emotion. But soon she will become less attracted to him. There'll be something about him that's not as penetrative as the macho jerk. There's something too soft, too receptive in his disposition. He could be with your emotions, he's fully present with you, but he's not fucking her. He's not penetrating. So women constantly toggle between these two archetypes of men. And for most men, I mean, that's as evolved as most men get. You know, that— those are evolutions. A man who hasn't developed either of those, I mean, that's not a good proposition. He's not going to be a very attractive or sexually polarizing person. What she ultimately wants to feel though is not one or the other of those. What opens her heart and gets her pussy wet is a man who embodies both of those simultaneously, where he has that fighting spirit to endure, to persevere, to be with intensity, to take action in the face of intensity, to not react, and at the same time his heart is completely wide open, completely receptive, completely sensitive. When she finds that man, her life is transformed. That's what every woman ultimately wants. Your job, whether you're in relationship or looking to attract the right partner, is to continuously cultivate these skills within yourself. When you learn to hold that balance in your embodiment with the soft open heart, you will begin to then polarize the type of moments and sexual connection you want in your life. Some of the men here— let's just do a couple of examples— some of the men here said they wanted more time for intimate connection. One of the first things you would need to do is kind of boot up that angular macho part of you and say, okay, schedule, I'm gonna fuck you up. I'm going to put time to practice here, here, here, here, and here. And me and my woman, we're going to show up no matter what. And we're going to, we're going to create this space. You got to fight for it. That space just doesn't happen. You got to create that space. Just you holding the discipline of creating that space and then showing up to it and holding that for her. She's going to feel that part of you, that militant quality of you. That's polarizing. Make sense? This is how you begin literally attracting the sex that you want, the intimacy that you desire, what you want more of. You become the creator of it because you become the source of it, and it comes from your ability to be with the intensity. One more example I'll give you, and then we're going to dive right into practice, and then we'll have time for Q&A. A man who can be with the intensity of the present moment is also a man who can see what he wants intimately. So if you had an intimate partner, your real intimate partner, or possibly someone you were pursuing as an intimate partner, and you were able to hold eye contact with them and see what you wanted to experience with them intimately. So as you look at them, you could see that you wanted to taste their lips, or you could see that you wanted to tear off their clothes, or you could see that you wanted them to crawl on your lap. And as you saw this, you are able to completely maintain eye contact with them and be with the intensity of that feeling. In those situations, you might notice yourself afraid to make eye contact while you're having that thought, or not even really being confident of having that thought in the first place. And you'll notice your eyes darting around, you're not breathing, your body's fidgeting. Your body's sending signals that you can't be with the intensity of what that is. But what is it about these Casanovas and these romantic icons that we always see in movies and see around? It's their ability to be with the intensity of sexual desire, to not turn away as they have that thought or that feeling arise in them, and maintain eye contact and hold that Now she might suddenly go, "Why are you looking at me like that?" or "You're making me feel uncomfortable," so on and so forth. But that bit of discomfort is polarity. Now if you bring too much of it, you can definitely turn her off and just be like, "Ew, that's creepy." So we're not doing that. There's an art to it where you can bring that intensity skillfully in a way that teases her and invites her to meet you there. This is the law of sexual attraction.
