The Subtle Self-Image Pattern That’s Silently Killing Your Momentum

Hello, my love, and welcome to Seen, the podcast that helps you to stop hiding, claim your worth, and build the most vibrant version of your life possible. Thank you so much for being here. Hello, my love, and welcome to Seen. And this week I really want to talk to you about your self-image. So I know you're probably moving through this Christmas and New Year period and wanting to really think about what you're stepping into next year. And I really wanna take some time just to talk to you about the shifts that I've really uncovered this year when it comes to really stepping into your next level. Because just having a strategy alone is not going to get you there. Like if you have been through 2025 and you've said, okay, I'm gonna post more, I'm gonna build my brand, I'm gonna create more content, I'm gonna put myself out there, and yet that hasn't happened, The reason for that is not you just not sticking to a goal. It's that you haven't actually built the self-image you need to step into her. So it's about becoming the woman that posts every day, if that's what you want to do. It's about becoming the woman that can speak confidently from stage or on a podcast or on social media. It's actually not about what tactic you use, and can you keep yourself accountable to do this, this, this, and this. It's actually so much more about the energetics of who you are deep down. Because if every time you take out your phone and you take out your laptop and you're about to do something, you're about to post, you're about to, you know, hit on an email, but something stops you and you start to question yourself, you start to wonder if anyone's even going to resonate, and you talk yourself out of it. And that is because you are seeing yourself either at your level now, or maybe even a level a couple of years back, like past versions of you, but you haven't actually stepped into that new self-image yet. And what's absolutely fascinating is there's so many studies around this now, so I'm going to link all of this in the show notes. But there's a study where they got a group of people together And for half of the people, they got like a makeup artist to draw this really ugly scar on one half of their face. And then they sent everyone into a networking event. And afterwards, they reported back to the people that organized the study how they felt and how they think their conversations went. And unsurprisingly, the people that thought they had a big scar on one side of their face, they all felt the conversations went awful. They had a terrible time. They felt like everyone was looking at them funny, everyone was judging them, and the other group, you know, had a great time. Now, the crazy thing about this is that just before they went into the room, the organizers actually said they just put some moisturizer on the scar, but they actually removed the entire thing without the person knowing. So they went in just looking like themselves, but because of their self-image thinking that they had this scar in their face, And then that's what they saw in everyone's reactions. And so often we're walking around life like we've got a scar on our face because we're seeing ourselves as, you know, the 12-year-old girl that was bullied, or, you know, the 15-year-old girl that got broken up with, you know. And we're seeing ourselves as these kind of vulnerable versions of ourself, and then we're scared to like put ourselves out there because of that self-image. And there's a fascinating book that I've read, and I really encourage you to read it or even just do a little debrief with ChatGPT on the key learnings. And it's called Psycho-Cybernetics. And this book was actually written by a plastic surgeon. And the plastic surgeon that wrote the book, he was doing facelifts and nose jobs and all these surgical procedures to, I think, women and men. Over a number of years, and he started to see a pattern emerging. He started to see that over and over and over again, there would be a significant percentage of the people that he'd be doing work on that would get the work done and would still see themselves as the old version. So they might have a new nose, and they'd be like, no, my nose is the exact same. It's awful. Why didn't you fix it? And he's like, it's literally a new nose. Or they've got a full facelift, and they're still seeing themselves as that old version. And so he basically started looking into this and investigating and studying it further and realized that it's not always having an outward transformation that is going to help give you a self-image. Like, you can do all the outer work and get all the accolades, and I'm sure you've experienced this in your own life, and it's still— something just doesn't shift. You're still that old person. And so the core consensus of the book is that you will never consistently outperform your self-image. And that is true of everything in life. And I know myself, that has been such a big thing that I've worked on over the past year. And you might be listening to this podcast, but if you're watching, I'm actually recording this podcast with absolutely no makeup on and my hair not styled and a complete mess. And like the only reason for doing this is just to put myself out of my comfort zone. Because I'm someone that has always worn makeup my entire life. I've always had my hair done. And I've— as a kid, I was bullied a little bit. I had like kind of buck teeth and I had, you know, just funny haircuts and funny clothes growing up. And I just was bullied a bit in school. And so I've always— then as I kind of grew and became a teenager and things like that, and I was able to straighten my hair and wear makeup and you know, have more control over the perception of others in a way. That was the identity that I felt safe with. And so it might seem like not a big deal to do this for anyone listening or watching, but for me it's actually a really big deal and I actually can't believe I'm doing this. But the only reason that I'm doing it is literally I don't have even any great answers to share with you or great lessons through this experience of not wearing makeup. There is no lesson for me yet except that I'm just putting myself out of my comfort zone. And I know that the more I unmask myself, the more comfortable that I'm going to be in my own skin. Because if you're walking around and you've got this weird split personality in a way of different parts of you, and that's only heightened when you use things like clothes and makeup to actually have a physical differentiation as well, then you've got this kind of warped self-image. And so I'm really proactively working on just having this self-image where And it's a work in progress, but where it doesn't— it's not like Kady that's on and Kady that's off. And then my confidence also matches those personas. It's like, no, I just want to be Kady. And that's something that I'm really working on. So I don't have the answers yet, but I know that putting myself in these kind of positions really helps me to— I'm really, over the last week or so, just feel so much more grounded. It's even showing up in I'm making more eye contact with people and smiling rather than like, Oh God, I don't want anyone to see me, you know? And so I'd really encourage you to look at places in your life that you might be acting more and less confident depending on the area of the life that you're in. And how can you merge the two? How can you actually do things that are going to take you out of your comfort zone so that you can start to build that confidence? I'm talking about doing things you thought you would never do. Like, if you're self-conscious of your stomach, I want you to wear a crop top. Like, go, you know, you don't have to go to a party wearing a crop top, but go to the gym, go to yoga, have your belly hanging out. Like, just literally do the things that— if there's any part of your body that you're, you know, insecure about, I want to challenge you to go around with that part of your body. If you don't like your legs, wear a short skirt. I just want you to get yourself out of your comfort zone, because only when we can actually love and accept ourselves even warts and all, like the parts that we thought we'd never show and we feel so self-conscious about. We got to do it. Like, I was in a hot yoga class yesterday and there was about 10 men in there, very overweight, shirts off, sweat dripping all over the place. Do you think they were bothered? No, they're just living their life, you know. And we're so worried that someone's going to see like our tubby belly or whatever it is. Like, who cares, you know? And so I really want to challenge you to do something that really takes you out of your comfort zone, because then when you do have makeup on or you do have nice clothes on or you do have whatever on, it's just a confidence boost. But you're still a confident person, and that's going to allow you to express yourself more naturally on social media because you're just you, and there's no divide between work you and home you or any other yous. And you are just you, and you bring your whole self to the table. So that has been a really, really interesting learning for me this year. And what I've done, what I really wanted to share in this episode is just some practical ways that you can actually start building your self-image as well. Because I feel like, you know, there's a lot of kind of elusive concepts like, you know, work on your self-image, but it's like, what does that mean and how do I do it? So I also really wanted to share some practices that really have been helping me and that I think would be really beneficial to start to incorporate into your life to actually start working on your self-image in a really tangible way. So What I've done is I've put together a little guide, and if you want this, I have the written guide. So just pop over to my Instagram, @kady_oh, and just DM me guide, and I'll send this to you as well as a recap. But essentially, your self-image is your subconscious belief about who you are. It's mostly formed before the age of 7, and it's updated through emotional experience, not logic. So that is why when we just say affirmations in the mirror, or we set goals, or tell ourselves this is the way we're going to be now. It doesn't work because there isn't that emotional— it's not, it's not that part of your brain, it's not that logical part of your brain, and is not changed by willpower, discipline, forcing action, or positive thinking alone. And that's why a lot of people know better but they still self-sabotage. So here are some tangible things that are actually going to start shifting this identity for you. So the first thing is to stop reinforcing failure through memory replay. I just, just this week alone, and by the way, some of these principles have been taken from the book Psycho-Cybernetics. I just want to credit that as well. It's an incredible book. And, uh, this, these are some of Maltz's, uh, biggest kind of recommendations. So that, that first one alone, I had to really— it was actually shocking how much I did this. And what that looked like was, you know, I would send someone a message and they wouldn't respond for a day or two. Or I would say something and someone would knock at the joke and not laugh, whatever it might be. And I would actually replay that moment in my head again and again and just go into this shame, little shame circle spiral. I wouldn't say— there were minor things. It's not like I'm going into a shame spiral because someone didn't respond to my text message. I was just shocked at how often I would do it. But it wouldn't be a big spiral, but I would be replaying it maybe once or twice in my head for like 5 minutes. I wouldn't be dwelling on it or stewing on it by any means. But it still is— that's still reinforcing, reinforcing that story of, oh my God, you did something cringe. Oh my God, you did something cringe. Oh my God, they're probably not even going to write back to you. Oh my God, they probably think you're so embarrassing. And this is from someone that I also have lots of great practices, and most of my thoughts are quite positive. And all of that— it's not to say that I go around with these looping thoughts all the time, but I was shocked at how much they did sneak in there. And so you have to just catch that thought and do not let yourself replay shame. Do not let yourself replay shame because your subconscious mind doesn't know what's happening in the present moment versus what was happening like in history. So if you're replaying it in your mind, it's like you're doing that again and again and again. You're doing that embarrassing thing again and again and again in the present time. According to your subconscious. So we do not want to replay embarrassment, rejection, failure, regret. That is reprogramming your self-image downward, so backwards. So the upgrade move here is to refuse to mentally rehearse failure. Catch it and replay it with neutral observation or success imagery. Now, that's the next part of this process, is the success imagery. So If you haven't heard of the work by Dr. Joe Dispenza, it is incredible. I absolutely love his work, and he has done so many studies around visualization and how that can actually really help you become better at whatever it is you're trying to do. And there's incredible studies that, again, I'll link in the show notes. For example, um, there's a group of piano students, and some of them practiced physically the piano, and the other group practice just mentally rehearsing the piano. And by the end of like a couple of weeks, the people that had mentally rehearsed the piano had still made progress and improved their piano skills. So when we mentally rehearse things, I mean, this isn't, you know, shocking news. Like, all athletes do this. They mentally rehearse again and again and again, winning and what that feels like and what that looks like, you know. And so when we start to do that, it really does have a massive impact in our life. So what we want to do is take some time. I like to take some time in the evening, like once the kids are in bed, just before I go to bed. And just, um, you can either do it yourself in your mind, or you can go on YouTube. You can get a meditation by Joe Dispenza or any other kind of like visualization meditation. You can even record yourself in voice notes and then listen back to it. And it would just— the voice note would be kind of talking about all the amazing things that you're doing, all the goals that you have, as if you've already achieved them. And so what you just— the basic principles is that you really want to relax your body be in a really calm, receptive state. I like to do some heart-brain coherence. So there's a lot of studies as well that the energy around your heart space is so much stronger again than your mind. So when you can really activate your heart space, that is really beneficial for your whole body and it can really help with manifestation. So I like to actually close my mind, close my eyes, get into a really calm state, really just put my hand on my heart and really just take a few deep breaths into my heart. And really just connect to that space energetically. And then just really trying to bring to the forefront a really positive emotion. So gratitude, joy, really filling that heart space with this positive, positive emotion. I love gratitude. I'll just think of my kids or think of all the things that make me really grateful and just really focus all my intention there. And then once I'm in that space, I start to mentally rehearse, you know, the great things that I want to bring into my life. And a little caveat to this: if you're into Human Design, which I absolutely am, you can check whether you are a specific manifester or a non-specific manifester. So you can just do your Human Design test online, and then you can check with ChatGPT what your profile is. But some people are specific manifestors and some people are non-specific. I'm non-specific, which means I generally know what I want. I know the I want to feel and know generally where I want to be. I don't know the details of how I'm going to get there. I don't know exactly how it will play out. So for me, it's not like this detailed, like, imagining. It's more like, you know, I know I want to feel amazing and grounded and full of love. I might be like hugging my kids. I might be like walking through a beautiful home that's my property overlooking the water, stepping on stage and speaking to hundreds of women. I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know how I, you know, what program I'm running. I don't know where the house is, you know. So that's what mean by non-specific, but I kind of know generally like what I want and what would make me feel amazing. And that's— they're the kind of things that I start thinking about, and you really feel those emotions as if it's happening right now. So just 10 to 15 minutes a day is all you need. And, you know, at the end of the day, it makes you feel amazing, and it, it really has you going to bed really, um, you know, just feeling grateful and feeling amazing. And I did read somewhere before that like, you know, the state that you're in before going to bed really impacts the dreams that you have, which is another way of like replaying imagery in your mind. You know, yes, you're asleep, but your subconscious is kind of seeing all this imagery. And so if you're going to bed after watching a horror movie or like really bad things on the news, that's just programming your mind with more negativity. Whereas if you can get yourself into a really positive state before bed, that's going to impact, you know, the dreams and the imagery that you're going to be playing in your mind. Now the next practice— so just to recap so far, we've got no replaying negative stories, and that's something you just catch yourself in the moment. You just catch yourself in the moment and stop. Now the next one is the positive visualization. That's just a daily practice that you do each day, so you really want to make time for that. The next thing is detaching self-worth from outcomes. So failure is feedback, not identity. And when you collapse outcome into identity, mistakes become shame, action becomes dangerous, and growth stalls. So what we want to do is just change it from instead of like, oh, I didn't work or I failed, that didn't work. Why didn't it work? And really detaching yourself. And this is something I've had to work on so much because I've really just over the years, my work has become my identity. And if that is something that's not succeeding there, that shame is on me as a person. and I've really had to detach from that and really have that practice of like, I'm doing the absolute best that I can. I'm trying to be a mom, I'm trying to be a wife, I'm trying to be a business owner, I'm trying to help women, I'm trying to be a good friend, I'm trying to hydrate myself, I'm trying to eat well. And if Mother Teresa and Gandhi couldn't make everybody happy, then I don't think that I'm going to do it in my lifetime. So just giving myself some grace and really just allowing myself to just have that grace and really try and detach myself from work, which is a work in progress. It's not something you just think you're going to do and it happens overnight. But when you can catch yourself, it's just about like having that little reminder, you know, that didn't work. I did. I love to listen to whenever I'm like, something failed or whatever. I like to listen to another entrepreneur's story of like their failures because it just kind of almost makes it feel like Oh, like, no successful person hasn't failed. This, if anything, this failure just means I'm successful. If I'm not failing, I'm not even pushing the boundaries hard enough, you know. So really reframing it like that, because at the end of the day, it's like no one reached success without having a shit ton of failures, you know. So really reframing that, like, I'm actually not even trying if I'm not failing all the time. Now, the next thing, and this is something that, you know, people really question a lot, it's like, should I fake it till I make it? Is that authentic, etc.? And so what we want to do here, we don't want to fake it and be inauthentic. Instead, we want to start becoming the person that already has everything that we want. So you act as if you're becoming that person. It's not about pretending, but it's about— and James Clear talks about this too in his incredible book Atomic Habits. He talks about getting 1% better every day, and he talks about instead of saying, I need to run every day, you start to embody that you are a runner. I am a marathon runner, therefore I run every day. I am a musician, therefore I play music every day. Do you see how that's just like more of an identity shift? And it's so much easier to be like, okay, that's, that's who I am. That's the person you are, versus just trying to be like, I need to run every single day and making it this really hard thing. So what we want to do is take actions consistent with the new self-image. So another really powerful thing to do is like to visualize, like, if you can think of any, like, highlight moments of your life, you know, maybe you were speaking on stage once, maybe you did a podcast once, you were really presenting really well, everyone was loving what you were saying, or, you know, whatever it might be, really feeling like you were impacting someone. Roleplay that in your mind so that you can step more into that person, because chances are if you're in flow like that, you were in that higher frequency already. So just you're stepping more into that and then think about what that person would do. Go about your day from, from being that person. And it's not a pressure to prove anything, and it's not about demanding instant results, but it's about stepping into that identity. And then the more evidence that you collect in your life from taking those actions, the more your self-image is going to be just kind of, uh, repeated to you. So it's easier to embed that in. Now the next one is to practice forgiveness, and this is non-negotiable. So according to Maltz, Unforgiveness towards yourself or others locks the self-image in the past. The nervous system stays in threat and identity freezes at the moment of emotional injury. Forgiveness isn't moral, it's functional. It's like, you know, I'm sure you've heard the saying that like, it's like not forgiving someone is just like, you know, you drinking poison and expecting them to get hurt. So we really want to try and forgive and just come from a place of love and something that I've really had to work through this year is just kind of being— just this concept that every day there's just little annoyances, like someone's rude to you in a coffee shop, or someone cuts you off in traffic, or someone's being a bit shitty in your gym, or with your child's childcare situation, or there's just someone shitty in your life. Usually there's always someone a little bit shitty in your life, or just day to day, someone's rude or whatnot. I really found myself kind of reacting to that. Not that I'd like go off the handle or anything like that, but I would just be like, what an asshole, you know, like, and just kind of feel a bit like, how rude, just in my head. But I really had to look at like, even though these are just little minor little things, like it doesn't even matter, me going into that little pettiness of like, how rude, is still just dropping my frequency. Like, it's just getting you into that like more negative viewpoint of the world, right? And so that's something I'm just actively working on, is like, how can I just embody, you know, love, peace, calm, and not allow anyone else's reaction around me or the way that anyone else acts really ruffle any feathers of mine whatsoever, and still be kind to them and be generous in my assumptions of, you know, maybe they are just doing their best, just something happened or whatever, and not getting offended by things, you know. And so that's really like a practice for me that I'm working on at the moment, and it's just been so beneficial. Like, it's so beneficial because it might surprise you, like, how often you're doing that throughout the day. And at the end of the day, even though they're just small minor little things, it's just dropping your frequency. And like, is anyone else worth that? Like, if someone did cut you off in traffic or skipped in front of you in a coffee shop, is it worth you dropping to like a lower level and to you know, being a downgraded version of yourself? I think absolutely not. Um, and that's not to say you have no boundaries either. And if you're someone that struggles with boundaries, definitely listen to my episode which is called Stop Cockblocking Your Growth by Having No Boundaries. And that is just like a fine line that you have to walk, but you can still have loving boundaries while not letting it ruffle your feathers. You know, like say someone cuts you off, you can just be like, oh sorry, you might not see the queues back there, I was actually just Sorry about that. You know, just like assuming that they, um, didn't even know, you know. So there's still a way to have healthy boundaries while not getting into like a real pissy mood and ruining your own day. Now the next thing is letting the success mechanism do the work. So there's a concept in the book that talks about the success mechanism, and it's that success finds itself, essentially. And I'm sure you've had times in your life where, you know, the universe conspires to give you what you want. And so The premise of it is that the universe is conspiring to give you what you want. You just have to get out of your own bloody way. And this has been probably the one that I've needed beaten over my head with a stick again and again and again and again and again, more than anything, because I have wanted to control, control, control. And it hasn't felt safe for me to be like, what do you mean, let the universe take care of things? Are you fucking high? I have to fucking make it happen. And so that has been a real work for me. And it's not to say that you can't give things your all, but it's really about acknowledging acknowledging that, like, you have no control no matter what you do. Like, if you think that you having your 5-year plan is actually going to give you control, it's not, because who knows what the fuck is going to happen? Do you know what I mean? Like, anything could happen that's completely out of our control. So it's an illusion that we have control. And so we need to just accept that in a way. And instead of us having to have all the answers, it's like, how can we have the vessel and really tune in and really be so in touch with our intuition and really be able to get these downloads that we stay on the right path and that we are able to see opportunities that come up for us and be redirected where we need to be redirected. And so it becomes a process of just getting yourself right, like not being overly concerned about exactly, you know, the 50-step plan. If you want to have a plan, knock yourself out. Like, you know, if you enjoy putting a plan together, that's great, but also have that awareness that, you know, this is the plan, but I'm also acknowledging that none of this is going to happen if I'm being really shitty to everyone, if I'm not sleeping, if I'm not being healthy, um, you know, if I'm doing things because I just think I'm gonna get, get good money from it and I don't actually give a fuck about, like, the person I'm working with. All of that is going to unravel your plan. So have the plan if you want, but but know that the most important part of the plan is you tuning yourself. It's like an instrument, you know. It's like you can have the best, like, fucking production ever. Like, I just watched the Taylor Swift documentary, you know, the production is incredible. Imagine her having this incredible production, everything is lined up, you know, you've got lighting, stage, sound, all those things, and then the guitarist turns up on stage and his guitar has not been tuned. Do you know what I mean? So it's like you have to fucking tune up. So So don't kid yourself that, you know, you just need your plan. You need to also take care of yourself and get yourself right. And that's essentially it. I mean, that is, I think if you start on all of those things, that's a really good, good start. So to recap, we're going to be not replaying negative things that happen, not getting into shame cycles. We're gonna start visualizing positive things before bed and really getting into gratitude and getting your heart-brain coherence going. We're going to be detaching self-worth from outcomes and really catching yourself when you do that. We're going to be not faking it till you make it, but actually becoming the person, really becoming in your day-to-day the person that has everything that you want. We're going to be practicing forgiveness and we're going to let the success mechanism do the work. And all I can say is that, you know, it sounds simple when you say it all in a list like that, but it's the daily practice of actually making this happen. So if you want to get this all written out so you can have something to refer to you can even pop it into ChatGPT and then get them to make a personalized plan. I'm a big fan of tuning ChatGPT with my personality type. So I'll put in there my Human Design, any strengths tests that I've done, anything got to do with my personality. So then that way, for example, that's all in one thread. And then when I want to incorporate something into my life like this, I could paste all of the notes that I'll give you in my doc. Into that thread, and then it'll kind of personalize it to work for you and your life in a way that will actually be something that you can implement for your personality type. You know, because some people are night owls, some people are up early risers. You might prefer to do things first thing when you wake up, whatever it might be. So I really hope you enjoyed this episode. I really enjoyed creating it because this has just been an absolute game changer, and I'm absolutely still on this journey myself. So if you cut me off in traffic and I give you the finger, then heads up that this work isn't done. Um, so happy New Year, guys, and I will see you here next week.