Trading a 7-Fig Success Story For More Profit, Purpose (And Better Sex) with Lorraine Murphy

Hello, my love, and welcome to Seen, the podcast that helps you to stop hiding, claim your worth, and build the most vibrant version of your life possible. Thank you so much for being here. I am so excited for my next guest, Lorraine Murphy, who we've gone way back. Lorraine, you really have an amazing business coach, mentor. She was an award-winning entrepreneur. So, you know, she's got a lot of history with businesses. Her background was PR. She does retreats, she does masterminds, she's a best-selling author, she has her own podcast. And I'm so excited to have you on today just to talk about how you have kind of done all of this and really the identity that you've had to step into to make all of this a reality. So thank you so much for having me.

Joining the first guest, it feels a bit fancy.

Yeah, thank you. Yeah, no, so good. So I want to probably start back because there's so many ways that we could go. Yes, but Because obviously I'm living in Noosa now, it's like such a big juxtaposition from like living the life in Sydney. I'd love to take you back to when you had your Queensland era.

Yes, the attempted tree change is what I call it.

Yes, yes. So it's like Queensland Lorraine. I remember the Ugg boots, I remember like the pink hair.

I had pink hair that year as well.

Yep. Uh, then we came through Let's Make Lorraine Great Again, and it was a glow up. So Talk to me a little bit about like moving to Queensland, like how, like, because obviously like this grand plan of moving and like, you know, you were on land and it was all sounds so amazing, but you would come from like city life, like buzzing, everything happening. Like talk to me about the reality of that move for you.

Yeah, uh, well, if I look back, I mean, the word that's coming to mind as I'm thinking about it is probably ill-advised from my own perspective. So just to give some context, we had just had a baby, so our little girl was 6 months old. I had just sold my first business, which I've been running for 5 and a half years. And I was really kind of in this space between of going, okay, what's, what's next? We spent New Year's up on the Gold Coast in this beautiful space. If you've got Queenslanders listening, there's a beautiful— it's called the Eco Village. It's in Kurumba Valley. It's super sleepy. And we just fell in love with the whole space and the energy was just fabulous. And I was thinking, this is great, you know, my new business, I don't need to be back, you know, I don't need to be in Sydney with my team. And we found a property for sale and we bought the property and we said, okay, we're going to move up. I guess a couple of considerations were that my husband was running his— it was early stages of his business and he did need to be back in Sydney. So the plan that we came up with was that he would be in Sydney 3 days a week. He stayed with a best friend of ours for 3 nights a week in, in Pyrmont, and then he would be back with us for the weekend. But as it happened, the way it worked out, he needed to do a lot of international travel, so he might be gone for like 2 or 3 weeks. and I was sitting in this sleepy as fuck eco village with an 8-month-old baby going, what have I done? Like, what have I done? And we were— I came down to Sydney a couple of times for work, and just that buzz, like, I just still remember that feeling of landing back in Sydney and almost like feeling like myself again. And we did a couple of trips down to Sydney. I did one on my own, I think, and then we did one together. And one morning I was in our bedroom and Wade was like, what's wrong with you? And I just burst into tears. This is like 3 months in, and I just said, I'm so lonely. I hate living here. Like, I hate living here. I just want to be back in Sydney. So bless him, to his credit, he was like, I did warn you about this, but okay. And we moved back. And so I think for me, uh, it was just too much change all at once, if that makes sense. There was such an identity shift of becoming a mom. There was an identity shift of, you know, selling my first business and then designing, okay, what does this second business look like? There was just a huge— there was some family stuff going on around the same time as well. There was just too— it was too much going on. And like, obviously what we should have done is just rented there for a while and then just seen how we found it. It turned out that investment property was an incredible investment because that whole area just boomed during COVID So that enabled us to buy a second investment property. So it worked out for the best financially, but yeah, it wasn't the right timing to do something like that. And I think things like, you know, the whole dream of we had a, like, we had a lot of land in terms like a large allotment that we could obviously grow vegetables, and I was going to get chickens and all this kind of thing. And I think I just didn't really realize how time-consuming it was having a child and trying to get a business going. And just even to actually get on YouTube and figure out how to grow a potato, like, wow. Even though we're Irish, you would think, I know, you think it's in our DNA, just built in like a memory card. So yeah, I think just It was just not super well thought through.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that happens, I think. But I think that's awesome that you had the, like, foresight to be like, this isn't working and I need to make a change. Because a lot of people be like, well, I've made my bed now, this is what we've done, and like, I can't change. So I think that was like something amazing about you that if anyone's listening, it's like, what's important to note there is like knowing that and being okay to make that change even though your husband's going to be like, I told you so, and like everything else.

And also I did feel like a bit of a dickhead, you know. I built up this, we're moving here, and, you know, Instagram community was like cheering us on and all that. But I was just— ultimately, I was just really unhappy. And, and it just, just— and you will get this as well, you know, when you've got small kids or you've got kids, like, it's not just your happiness you need to look after, it's, it's, it's theirs as well. And ultimately, if their mom is not happy, then it's, it's just not good for them.

I could like do a whole podcast episode on this itself because I hate the martyrdom messages that comes through for mothers, and that like we feel like we have to be a martyr to be a good mother, when actually we're modeling to our kids that like they're it's not about what you do, it's your energy doing it. And so it's not about sacrificing yourself, it's about like modeling that you're a happy person and that you are a happy person, you know. So anyway, I could go on a tangent there, but what— so in that time, like, how were you feeling? Like, did it impact your sales? Did it impact your— did it impact your, like, your, like, your visibility? Were you able to still show up? Like, what was your day-to-day?

It's a really good question actually, and you're, you're prompting some thought as I'm reflecting back on it. So, okay, to answer your question, so I had completely sold my first business and I was starting my second. So in a way, there was a bit of pent-up demand there because I was offering a business mentoring, which I kind of had only dabbled in really in my first business because that— it was my first business was in influencer marketing. So I think I was getting— I actually had a business membership at the time that I was getting going. So I feel like sales were okay, like finances weren't a massive problem. In terms of how I was showing up, I was definitely showing up, but showing up in a very different way to how I would show up now. I kind of saw, because our little girl was born, and when she was 5 and a half weeks old, we traveled back to Ireland for my sister's wedding, and we were away for a month. So that's that. I don't know if you ever joined mothers groups, but the, the mothers groups get together when the babies are 6 weeks old. So I just never had like a mothers group. So I think if I look back, I very much used Instagram as my online mothers group. Like, I shared a lot about, you know, how I was feeling as a mom, a new mom, and experiences of breastfeeding and weaning and all the things. And so I was showing up a lot back then, but I would not say I was showing up as an expert or in a professional capacity. I was showing up as a, as a, almost like a mom blog, really, for want of a better description. And then I would do a bit of business stuff. So I think how, yes, I was showing up, but I, it's, it's definitely not how I would choose to show up now.

But do you think it still helped your business?

I think it did help my business. Like, there's still a lot of women who follow me from those days, and I I guess were kind of emotionally invested in kind of the adventure and also did applaud me and us for making the return back to Sydney, and they could see me so much happier, you know, back in Sydney.

Yeah.

So I think it was very formative and created a huge emotional connection, but I don't know that it was necessarily establishing me or positioning me as an expert, if that makes sense.

Yeah, well, that's interesting though, but because you still did it, and it's like you were working with what you had at the time, right? And you were being authentic, because I know when I had like my kids, I felt really like I, I— that was top of mind, that I didn't want to essentially be a mom blogger type of thing, and I wanted to be professional. So it was almost like the opposite end of the spectrum. But then that made— meant that I wasn't really showing up. Yes, because it was like I knew I wanted to show up more professionally, but my day-to-day was like— that was not my breastfeed. So I was just like, there's like a discrepancy here. And so I had to be a bit more okay with actually changing my mindset and looking at like what I perceive to be a challenge in terms of like having two kids and being home all the time and that being a challenge and turning up or showing up. I had to kind of start looking at that as like an advantage in that, okay, no, I don't want to be a mom blogger, however, and I don't only want to work with moms, however, if someone can see that I can get shit done even with two young kids, like then, you know, they say I can do that too, she can do it, she can help me too.

Yes.

So I kind of had to change my mindset around that too. So I feel like this may be like almost like the sweet spot is like in between what we both did. Yeah, for sure.

Because yeah, I feel like I was very much that end of like mom, mom life, so lonely. And you know, for me, like completely selfishly, having that connection with other women on Instagram, like that was such a lifeline for me in that time because I was so lonely. I had one friend up there who lived 30 minutes away, and I— stuff you just don't know. I didn't realize if you live in that area, like, you're just in the car all the time. And I'd come from living in a very village vibe in the middle of Sydney where you walk everywhere and you only use your car like a couple of times a week. So just things like that. So I think for me, Instagram was an absolute gift for me back then because it did give me that connection, even though it was through a screen, that connection with other women and just that sense of I wasn't alone. And I think we can really diss Instagram so much because obviously there's so many challenges within just social across the board. But I think in terms of that ability to connect with other people and other women specifically, particularly in the early days of being like a mom or going through things like starting a business for the first time, like it's just incredible. Like it just opens up your whole world.

Yeah, no, it does.

And I've made brilliant friends through the platform. You know, Instagram is my one of choice, but one of my best, best friends I met through Instagram.

So yeah, it can be amazing. And so what were you like telling yourself back then? What was kind of going through your mind? Like, do you remember what like you would be telling yourself or what you needed, felt like you needed to do?

Yeah, I think, yeah, I needed to do was I need to make a success at this. I think I put huge pressure on myself because my first business had been so successful and very successful very early in terms of we did $1 million in the first 12 months, we won a shelf full of awards, I'd been to Necker Island to spend a week with Richard Branson, uh, yeah, I've been named Entrepreneur of the Year and all these amazing things. I think I put a huge amount of pressure on myself to back that up. And I think I thought because I didn't have to build like the big team or trailblaze an entire space like I had done with influencer marketing, I think I thought this second business should be a walk in the park. And I didn't go into that prepared or equipped because the big thing that I— a couple of things I didn't realize about the second business was one, it's a completely different business model to what I'd done before. And secondly, with the second business, I'm the product. Like in the past, because I had a talent agency for influencers, we had the brands who were paying us to pay the influencers. So I wasn't the product, the influencers were actually the product essentially, and we coordinated those, those arrangements and navigated them. So I didn't, I didn't kind of factor that in, and the, the amount of delivery that I needed to do as part of the second business versus what I did to do in the first business, like, yeah, so completely different. So I think I was putting a lot of pressure on myself, this has to succeed, feed. And just, I have a mentor called Tara in the past, and she said, you know, just because we women can do everything, it doesn't mean, like, doesn't mean we should do everything. And I think I was really running in that. I need more masculine life force. So masculine, like, huge pressure on myself, so lonely, just that lack of connection, you know, in-person connection. So I think, yeah, it was, you had, you have to make this work.

Yeah, yeah.

So I find it interesting when you say to me, that's really great that you had the, the awareness that actually this isn't working, because I think that took a while to come through.

Yeah, but I mean, that's— I mean, 3 months is nothing. Some people just like will live there for like 10 years.

Yeah, you know what I mean?

Just be like—

but then it's tricky, isn't it? Because people say you need 2 years to really settle into somewhere, and I just said no.

Yeah, but you knew that wasn't— that wasn't kind of working for you. Yeah. And so like, what would you go back and tell yourself back then?

Oh, be kinder on yourself. I mean, I think any reflection exercise that I've ever done, my message to myself is always just be kinder on yourself. So I think I should have been kinder on myself. I feel emotional thinking about this. I think I should have reached out for— I should have told people how I was feeling. I think that's been a lesson I've had to learn a couple of times, and I've learned it only recently, just not feeling that I needed to be the one who's got it all together all of the time, and that it's okay to tell someone, look, I'm really struggling right now and I need your help. I wish I had said that because I had friends who could have helped back then, as in not necessarily where we were living, but but in my orbit. And I didn't do that. So yeah, be kind and ask for help. Share when you're not OK. Because did you—

when obviously you had such success with the first business, and when the second one turned out to be a bit harder and slower, did you internalize that?

I don't think so. No, I don't think so. I think I knew that I had value to add. It was just a matter of, OK, what's the right channel for me to add that value? And that was 2018 that we were living there, and I was going through that whole experience. And then I pretty much spent the next 3 to 4 years creating different offers and revenue streams. And because I'd been so tunnel-visioned in the first business on influencer marketing, which ironically, that's what made it a success. And then when I started the second business, it was almost Lorraine's playtime. Let's just try lots of different things. And all these ideas that have been bubbling up for the last almost 6 years, let's try them all. So, I remember going through a reflection exercise when I was away in Bali at one point, and I had 17 revenue streams. Whether there are things I was in the middle of selling, I was planning on selling, and I just sat back next to the pool and went, this is mental. This is not possible. And, and you know, there's just so much. I mean, I could do a whole probably 5 days on what I learned from that experience. But just really streamlining, and like I said to you, I am the product in this business as you are in your business. So, you're part one of your businesses. And you need to get so bloody savvy about how you're not necessarily just how you're using your time, but how you're using your energy when that's the case. Yeah, because it is impossible to show up for everyone in your business world the same. There needs to be intentionality and structure and strategy around how you're using your energy. And, and that's been something that I've been very, very conscious of over the last 3, 4 years.

Yeah. And I almost remember from like back in that, around that period, something that you used to say was like how you almost like needed Wade to start giving you gold stars.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, because as you said, you were getting— please tell me I'm doing a great job, please. But you were getting— you were used to having so much validation and awards. And yeah, even just like, for me, like, even just getting dressed up every day, it's like you're feeling good, you look good, heels on, let's go, you know what I mean? And then to go from then, like, you're not really getting all those, like, claps, you know, you're not really even, like, feeling like you look particularly good.

Oh, I look terrible. I think back to my Insta stories back then, I'm like, oh God.

And so like, there's a couple of things I want to explore here. So like, first is like, yeah, how does that like that show up and manifest in your business? But then also, I mean, for me personally, that relationship with your husband where you do need more from them changes the dynamic so much as well. Because like, you know, when I was in Sydney, I was so hyper-independent, everything that I did, to then go from like realizing I actually do need you to— I need you to kind of— I kind of need you to be like, yeah, like, you know, step more into, I guess, that feminine role role of like receivership within the partnership. Yeah. And how did you navigate that?

Oh God, that was a, that was a battle for sure for, for me, you know, internally. I read something really interesting. I'm trying to remember where I saw it. I think it might have been John Gray's book, which is Beyond Mars and Venus. So he originally wrote Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, and then 20 years later he wrote a book called Beyond Mars and Venus. I'm flying to Bali tomorrow for a retreat, a solo retreat by myself, and I read that book every couple of years. And I was just thinking this morning, as I was starting to think about packing, I was like, I'm going to bring that again because every time I read it, I just— it's a, it's a Bible, but I get so much more out of it. And, and I think what he was saying is that women— men need gratitude, they need to be told thank you for doing that, but women need respect. And what that respect looks like for us is like, holy shit, Lorraine, you've got a 6-month-old baby and here you are dressed up and your baby's looking super well-fed and you're dressed up and you're ready to do this. It's that like, wow, you're amazing. But that's the best kind of gold star for me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

From Wade and anyone else. Whereas what he needs is a, you know, thank you so much. Like, I, I see what you did. Thank you. He needs the appreciation.

Yeah.

And but I need the respect. I need that, oh my God, I'm married to you, this is amazing, you know. And that's, that's not easy for him to find all of the time when he's got his own stuff going on or, you know, or in a tricky space or whatever it might be. But that really landed for me. It's— that's, that's what I need is is the wow.

And so you had to communicate that to him? That's this, like, specific— this is specifically what I need.

I mean, he would probably simplify it and say I need gold stars.

Yeah.

And I feel like we haven't had the gold star conversation for a couple of years now. But yeah, definitely back then. I mean, you know, like, so much of, you know, mothering is, is invisible. That's why I always go out of my way, particularly with new moms, to say, like, I see you, I really see what you're doing. And we had great sleepers, thank God. And I'm sorry to anyone who's not sleeping with a baby right now, but we had two really, really good sleepers. And Lexi would wake up when she was in between us for her first few weeks in our bed, and I would get up in the middle of the night, I'd feel her mooching around, and I'd, you know, feed her and change her nappy and all the things and put her back. And then Wade would wake up and he'd go, "Wow, she didn't stir last night, did she?" I'm like, "No, she did." So just so much of it's invisible.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I think that's particularly, yeah, for those who are in the early stages of momming, but also the early stages of business, I think so much of it's invisible.

It is. But I think something that you said there that's really struck a chord with me, because it's something I've had to really just learn very recently as well, is like getting really clear what my needs are. Because a lot of it, it was like when you're living this busy life and it's so full, they're kind of sometimes just getting met because you're doing so much anyway, and you don't even realize they're getting met. Like it's just coming as a byproduct of like all the things that you're doing. But then when you kind of do have a slower life and you're more intentional about what you want to build, and like health became more of a priority, being present with my kids became more of a priority, it meant I had to be really clear on like, what do I need? And like, as specific as that, like, you know, this is what makes me feel really loved when you do this, this specific thing.

Yeah.

And actually having to say that. And sometimes I'm like, oh my God, this is like the least romantic thing ever. Like, I'm not just specific, you're like, this is what you need to say to me. But it's so important because I have this theory that like how you show up at home is like the baseline of who you are. 100%, you know, because it's like the person— the people you spend the most time with, you can be the grumpiest with and get away with it. So it's like you're kind of like, in a way, sometimes your worst version, but it's like that's your baseline and who you are most the time. So if you want to just be a happier person and a better person, it starts like at home. And so like what I love about that is like, if you want to grow your brand, if you want to speak on stage, if you want to get more clients you need to be magnetic. You need to magnetize all of that to you.

Yeah.

And so then therefore you need to be more magnetic in your own home and just more like energized in your own home, more, you know, the best version of you in your own home. And then that translates outward to everything else. So how has that unfolded for you? Like, what made you realize how important your relationship was to everything else in your life? Like Was that just something you always knew? Was there a turning point for you? Where did that come from?

I think it's probably been a lot of just lived experience and realizing that, you know, if Wade and I are not in a good place— and my husband Wade, we've been together for, it'll be 16 years next month— if we are not in a good place, I, I do not have the energy to show up and do the Instagram and do the, you know, the razzle-dazzle. I, I will always mentor really well. It's like something flicks, you know, no matter what's going on in the background, I can show up and I'm very, very high functioning in terms of my delivery, but in terms of anything beyond that, like the showing up, the having to be on, I, I really struggle with that. I just, I just don't have the energy. Yeah. So I think that's been very much an experience of, you know, exactly to what you're saying. And I will say this to my mentees so much as well, like the most important thing for a woman if she is in a relationship is for her relationship to be healthy and nourishing and solid, because that gives you the, the solid base to go off and all the things you want to do. So who was it? I think Sheryl Sandberg said this, that the most important career decision a woman will ever make is who she chooses to, to partner up with.

Yeah.

Who she chooses as her life partner. Yeah. And it's, it's absolutely huge.

But I would add to that that it's not just choosing, you know what I mean? Because it's like, even with me, it's like, I feel like I did choose a great life partner.

You did.

We then have to work— we still have to work on it, even though, like, you know, because like you have kids, you've got other things happening, and it can all get pushed to the side.

Yeah.

And so you have to— even if you do, like, it can't be set and forget. Like, you have to actively work.

It's almost like a daily choosing. Yeah, yeah, daily work.

Yeah, yeah, it is. And so, like, because I love what you're doing now, like, you're doing all these date nights and you're getting away for like— and for a night once a quarter. You did that amazing boudoir shoot. Yes.

So what— I still want to really— I really want to share the pictures enough, but I'm like, I don't know if it's It's a bridge too far.

Show me, show me.

I'll show you, I'll happily show you.

So what inspired all of that, and how has that like impacted how you just show up in life? And you're— because your business, obviously everyone looks from the outside, you know, everything like you're doing retreats, you're doing masterminds, it's thriving, everything is amazing. And so people could look at that and just think, oh wow, like, you know, she's just lucky, or it's just her strategy. But there's so much deeper work that has to be done for that to happen.

Yeah, so true. Sorry, what was the question though?

So the question is like, how has your relationship impacted that and you investing time in like having like more of not just a functioning co-parenting relationship, but like actually having a romantic relationship with your husband?

Yeah, yeah, shocker. Uh, I think that's been very, a very active choice from both of us, so from Wade and I. And I talk a lot about sex of my mentees, which is probably surprising for like a business mentor to be going there. But I will actively ask them about it and we'll actively talk about it because there's a really great theory, and I so subscribe to it, that sex and intimacy between a couple, it's the most potent harmonizing tool that they can have. And I know I will say this very openly to my mentees and my friends that, you know, if we've gone a stretch of time without intimacy and then we do connect, it's like there's like glitter and unicorns and like rainbows just floating around the house. Like, it just shifts the energy on such a profound level for us. It's so harmonizing. And also, it's the ultimate way as well— again, going back to John Gray's work, he talks about, you know, the different ways that women can get back in their feminine energy, and, and sex with their partner is— it's the number one, the absolute number one. So I feel like that's been a very intentional decision. And I think the other thing— I worked with an intimacy coach for a couple of months at the start of this year And that was really eye-opening just to explore maybe the different stories that I've absorbed from society and conditioning and all the things. But that whole thing— what did she talk about it— the Madonna-whore complex, which is where if a woman has a child and she's therefore no more— she can no longer be sexy or desirable. And I see— I can see that playing out so much in society. I don't know if you saw, like, Margot Robbie's doing some promotion tour for the moment for a movie. And she's dressed hot, she looks amazing, and just the, you know, the mainstream patriarchal media is just smashing her that she's not dressed appropriately. And but that wasn't a problem before she had a baby.

I know, yeah.

So I think that was really, really potent for me, like having that insight. And you know how I have almost like subconsciously bought into that conditioning as well. So I think for us, so we do a quarterly overnight, so we book like a hot hotel and I get super dressed up and we have a babysitter stay overnight with the kids, which they love. And so for us, it's like it's choosing to have that space. And something else the intimacy coach taught me at the start of this year around setting the scene for intimacy, and she said, you know, for intimacy to be effective— if that's the right word— there's a couple of key elements. So one, it needs to be low stress, and two, it needs to be explicitly erotic. So not having your children there is, A, it's low stress, and for me, you know, hotels are just just fucking hot. Like, it's particularly at the QT in Sydney, that's like the ultimate, ultimate intimacy hotel for me. So that's— it's just setting that scene and just almost that remembering of, okay, yeah, we've, we've got this awesome dynamic. And it's, it's just, yeah, it's just really fun. I think you messaged me when you saw me on our last one.

I know, I was like, that looks amazing.

You're like, that's so cool. I'm like, yeah, it's really hot. I know, it's hot and it's fun.

And like, what's funny is like, I was like, I was even thinking afterwards, I was like, I must message Rain and ask her like, how does she actually logistically do it with the kids and stuff? But you're just like, you just got a babysitter.

It's like, yeah.

Oh, of course.

Yeah, the babysitter will pick them up from school at 3. And so what we actually did last time— this is really cool— so we've got a babysitter who can come from 6 to 9 in the morning on a Friday morning. So for a while we've actually stopped it because each of us have been traveling a bit, but she would come at 6 AM and Wade and I would go do a long walk together and go to our favorite cafe and have breakfast, have coffee, and just sit over breakfast for 2 hours and not have to do school drop-off. But we actually backed that up with— so we kissed the kids goodbye at 6 AM, We both went and worked for the day, and then the babysitter picked the kids up at 3. So then we had almost like a 24-hour little mini break, almost half was at home and working. But yeah, she just comes and then they— then we get home at lunchtime. So we just had a long breakfast and a walk around the harbor.

Amazing.

Yeah, it's really special.

That's amazing. And it's like so funny because it's like, this is available to us, you know what I mean? Like some of these things, they're just— yeah, you know, even what you said about like, oh, you have sex and it's like sunshine and rainbows and glitter. Like, wait, this was available to me this whole time? Why was I not choosing this, you know?

Yeah.

And I think it's so true because it's like, if you can't around your partner, if you don't feel good and if you don't feel like confident and like, you know, confident in yourself, like really just feeling yourself, how can you show up as like on, like on social media and your brand? Obviously it's a different context. I'm not like, you need to show up at a reel and you're like, but you know, you need like, if you can't do that at home, how can you do that? Like, yeah, for work, for what you do. Like you have to, it does start there. And I think it's, yeah, so important. There's actually like this, um, I was listening to a podcast the other day and there's like this whole movement in the US and this woman that's combined like meditation and like basically having orgasms and using that to visualize and manifest.

Is that the woman you got? She's been— she's going through this whole trial at the moment because—

I don't think so.

This is— I won't even labor on it now, but there's— yeah, this is weird case where— yeah, I'll tell you about it later.

Yeah, no, this is called like Shiva meditation, and she's just like— because it's literally the, you know, you're at like an ecstasy point, you're feeling amazing, you're on vibration. So that's the the best time to like, oh, Kundalini activation, manifest your desires. But yeah, I think it is a missing piece of people is like they're just how they are at home, how they are in the relationship, and actually looking at like, God, there's so much that I could do by having a better connection here, by feeling better just in my own environment. That will translate to you just like having all of the things that you want in your life because you're actually enjoying life and you're romanticizing your life, and that translates into your business, you know.

And then, you know, that's just a— I guess the tip of the iceberg is that physical connection, feeling good in yourself. But then there's like everything that goes into that. So, you know, the exercise, the meditation, the wearing clothes that feel really aligned and light you up. I think there's so many women— like, if I talk to mentees, they, they'll talk about being really low energy, and I'll say, why don't you go get your bloods checked? And they're really low iron. So it's just there's so many things that I think it's almost like that frog boiling in water analogy that we just put up with it, women, with women, and we kind of accept, okay, well, this is just where my energy is at, or, you know, I'm just always tired, or I just don't feel lit up about life or about my business, whatever it might be. And I think there's just so much more there. And the women that I really tap into myself as mentors, I see them, they're hot as fuck, they're rich as fuck, and they're really connected with their partners. They love being a mom. And that, you know, not all of them are moms, They're the people that I look to as examples, and I think we need to be very careful about who we are choosing to model ourselves off.

100%. And that's such an important conversation because it's like, that also speaks to the energetics, right? Because you're not like, oh, I really like following this person, or I want to work with this person because they've got like— everything on paper looks great, you know? Like, they could be selling things and it sounds amazing on paper, but you— that's great and that's important to have, but you look to people and you're like, Oh, I want what she has.

Yes, I want the well-rounded life. And I mean, I know you and I, I'm sure could have a very long conversation about this coaching, mentoring, training, education space. And there's just so much smoke and mirrors. There's so much. And I just get very jaded with it all because I don't— A, I want to work— I want to be personally mentored and coached by someone who is legit, like they legit have the success, but also that it's not their business at all costs. There's holistic success and joy and connection and pleasure. Yeah, because I don't, I don't want to have a $10 million business if I'm miserable and my marriage is falling apart and I can't remember the last time I had a really nourishing connection with my kids. I just— exactly. And if I'm, you know, not feeling good in myself, I just, I don't want it.

Yeah, and people can see that, and I think that's why it's so important that people do see the personality behind the brand. And it's not that you have to share everything, but it's like people aren't just buying you for what the output is. You know, it's not just about getting clients. It's not just about like whatever you're selling. It's like, what has that created in your life?

Yeah.

Like, I'm not going to hire a health coach who's like, you know, smoking like 10 cigarettes. I'm like, do you know what I mean? Like, you look and like they could have the best sales page and they could have like all the great Canva graphics and like the packages, but you just look at them and you feel, is this— and even whether you consciously do it or subconsciously, that does happen. And so I think a lot of people think oh, like they're just for— like forcing, forcing, forcing, and like, why doesn't it work? I've got all the strategy, I've got the great package, whatever. And sometimes you need to take a step back and be like, are you lit? Are you a living, breathing version of like what you're selling? Because people see that, they sense that, they feel that energy. And so if you feel like you haven't been getting traction in your business, like maybe it is time to just like take a holistic look at your life, you know? And I think a lot of people think, oh, that's just like this elusive concept, like it's pixie dust. But it's true. It's like people, you do, you buy into them energetically. So it's not elusive. It's a literal thing because you see the person, you see what their life is like, and you're like, wow, I want, I want to have that too.

Yeah, give me that. Tell me how to do that.

Add to cart. Yeah, exactly.

But it's true. And I've, you know, I've talked about this. I've really, this has really dropped in for me in my business in the last couple of years. So I've been running this mentoring business, like business number 2, for 7 years now. Is that right? Yeah, 7 years. Yes. And something I've really realized is I used to think people were tapping, you know, they were coming to work with me for my experience, and it is partly that, but actually what they want is my energy. I've realized what I'm trading is my energy, and I've had that experience myself. I signed up to work with a new coach myself in April this year, and the second I said yes to her, I felt this shift in my energy because almost the, the financial— you've probably heard this, you know, the transformation is in the transaction. I paid her upfront for 6 months. As soon as that transaction was made, it was almost like I was in her orbit, and I started to— not that I was copying her, but I started to almost like channel her energy and make decisions how she would make them, which is exactly what I wanted from her. So I think that's— yeah, it's— you're right. I think a lot of people just kind of brush it off and go, it's fine, I can just, you know, say all the right things and have the sales page and have the right funnels. But it's so much deeper than that.

It's so much deeper. And it's like, that comes back to backing yourself and investing yourself and like being certain that of the outcome that it's going to happen and everything, and trusting yourself, like really leaning in and trusting yourself. Yeah, yeah. So what are some of the things that you've done like over the— because obviously I relate so much to, you know, your story as well, and just going from that really forceful masculine— and even though in my head I was like, oh yeah, like I get manifestation and stuff, but I was like, but no, but I need to like kill myself. Yeah. And it's been such— like, it's taken 10 years probably on learning, like, feeling like this is actually legitimate to rest and to feel good and to all those things and to trust. What are some things that you've done that have really helped that journey? Like, if someone is listening now and they're like, yes, I know that I want to do that, but I, I just don't know where to start.

I think first of all, not trying to reinvent the wheel. I wish I had done this earlier in my second business, was to actually go to someone who was running a similar business and saying, just tell me, like, tell me how to do it, rather than spending, you know, 4 years trying to figure it out myself.

Like, yeah.

And I did that in my first business. I really invested in coaching and mentoring. For some reason, the second business, like, I can figure this out myself. So that's the first thing, is that there are so many incredible mentors and coaches. And, you know, word of mouth is a brilliant way to find someone. But also just to see who do you vibe with, like, who do you feel— yeah, like, when you absorb their content on Insta or you listen to the podcast, that you feel like full body yes. You know, the coach that I just signed up with this year, I followed her for 3 years and it was just one offer she put on an Insta story and I was like, I'll have that, add to cart. Yeah, because I knew from following her for 3 years, yes, she's, she's my person. So I think definitely not, not trying to reinvent the wheel and actually seeking expertise where you can. That's definitely one thing I would say. And I think the second thing is really nourishing your energy. I think, and you know, you and I have come from Ireland where I think it's changing. I think it's changed a lot, but it's not cool to kind of put yourself out there. And no, you know, it's a tall puppy syndrome on steroids, I think, often in Ireland. So I think you and I probably had both of that I'm learning to do. So I think the second thing I would say is to— I don't think it's as easy to say surround yourself with like-minded people, but just even if you have one person who makes you feel normal in what you're looking to seek out, yeah, I think that is just game-changing. It's, it's very isolating when you're kind of on this growth journey and it's a kind of very nascent, vulnerable, raw journey that you're trying to figure yourself out and no one else gets it. Like, that's very, very lonely. So I think trying to connect with people who get it, even if it is one or two people, that's life-changing. And, and the third thing I was saying is do the work. And I know you and I have done a lot of the work, and I think that's huge. You know, you recommended hustle Hoffman process to me a few years ago, and I'm so grateful that I did that. I've recommended it to so many. Yeah, the woman who, um, just did it recently, or her boyfriend, her husband did it, and then she did it based on, you know, podcast episode that I did. It's just doing that work. I do kinesiology every single month just to stay on top of any kind of negative patterns of sabotage. And so yeah, I think just probably, I think all three, three elements that I've just shared are very interrelated, but just knowing that the, the expertise is out there. You don't have to figure it out on your own. And often, particularly we talk about the energetics, doing that deeper work to excavate what kind of stories are you carrying from high school or your first job or that business that didn't work out 10 years ago, and is incredibly helpful. And not being embarrassed to do the work.

Yeah, like, what's— there's nothing wrong with doing work. Why wouldn't you want to be the best mother, the best wife, the best business owner? Like, why would you not want to do that? And I think sometimes feel guilty for asking for help, or we should have had it all figured out.

I shouldn't need to do this.

What's wrong with me?

I'm broken. That kind of story.

But it's like, look at professional athletes. Like, they have a whole team of people getting them to get to where they are. Why would, like, you not be any different? If you really do want to have these big goals and these crazy dreams, why wouldn't you, like, surround yourself with everyone you need to to make it happen?

Yeah. Can I just add one more actually as well? And I think you and I have both touched on that, you know, masculine go, go, go, need to have it all figured out and get it done yesterday. Yesterday energy. Something I've learned more in this second business is I've built this second business with a very different energy to how I built the first business. The first was like awards and revenue and masculine, and I remember you and I like having coffees in Surry Hills and we're both like wired, like wired to the fucking moon basically, you know, it was go, go, go, like so adrenalized, and it was fun, like I didn't know any different, it was super fun. Yeah, but you get maybe a little bit older and you have kids and there's other people depending on your energy, it's not quite sustainable. And also, you know, it's not like back then you could probably crash out for the weekend, whereas now it's okay, we're up at 6 and the kids need pancakes and all the things. So I think the other thing would be really slow. I got a new t-shirt, it says slow the fuck down. It's, you know, it's really slowing down. And something we as women have as an incredible superpower in business is we are so highly intuitive. So when we can slow down enough or tune into ourselves enough, whether it's through meditation or, you know, I do a beautiful walk every morning, just whatever that, that slowness is. I was talking to a mentee yesterday about her creating the space for the soul whispers to come in, you know, those little God moments, soul whispers, whatever you want to call them. And, and for me, retreats are that. So we're recording this tomorrow. I'm going to Bali for a retreat on my own. So I host retreats in Bali, but this is just for me for the next week. And I felt a bit out of alignment over the last kind of 2-3 weeks, and I'm really curious. I'm going away with a very curious mind as to what, what like little soul whispers will drop in over the next week. So I think often when we're not in a place where we feel like everything's fully aligned and I'm exactly where I should be, the kind of automatic response is to go and push harder and do more. Whereas actually what often will serve us, particularly as women, best is to slow down, create some space, give ourselves that space to get back in alignment and move from there. And have more sex. And have more sex.

Always helps.

But good sex, not crap sex. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Love it.

Amazing. Um, okay, amazing. Well, look, I will ask you just like 3 rapid-fire questions. Yes, to finish up. I've absolutely loved this conversation, could go on for another like 2 years. Um, so what is one thing that people can do to connect more deeply with their purpose?

I actually have 3 questions that I get my mentees to respond to when this is an area for them. So there's 3 questions. I'm trying— hoping I can remember all 3 of them. But the first thing I would say is identify someone that you see as living their purpose. And what is it that appeals to you about them? And the reason I ask people to do that is if, if you recognize something in someone, if something really triggers you in a negative way, or it triggers you in a really positive way, like you— maybe there's something about Katie that you're like, oh, I just love how she does that, or there's something about me that you go, I hate when she does that. It's because we recognize— you recognize that in either of us, if that makes sense. So that's why I ask people to identify— sorry, this is not a rapid-fire answer— and I ask them to identify who is someone that they see living a purpose driven life, because there's clues in that. Like, what you admire about them, it's actually in you as well, because you wouldn't recognize it if you didn't know it from yourself. That's the first thing I asked them to do. And the second thing I asked them to, to reflect on— these are kind of like journaling prompts, I guess— is what was a time in their lives that they felt like they were most, most on purpose, and, and what would that be? So, you know, you asked me to talk about that Gold Coast attempt to tree change experience. I did not feel on purpose then. Yeah. But there's probably 5 to 10 different times in my life that I could say actually You know, my first job was an internship out of postgrad, my postgrad studies. And you know, there's so many different times that I could extricate. And again, it's that lovely Tony Robbins quote of success leaves clues. So if you can tap back into areas and your times in your life that you did feel like you were on purpose, what was it about them? So I think that's the second thing. And the third thing I would say as well is to reflect on how would you know that you are living a purpose-driven life. So I'll often be in a one-on-one session with mentees and say, I just want to be more successful, or I want to feel like I've made it, or I want to feel like money isn't a problem anymore. And I'll say to them, well, how would you know that? Because that's kind of airy-fairy. And what can happen with that then is you get to that point where technically you are financially stable or financially free or independent, whatever your level you're trying to get to is, but you don't know that you are because you never set any KPIs or parameters around that. So that's another question I would ask you, you know, if someone wants to reflect on this, is how would you actually know that you were living a purposeful life? Because the thing is, you might be closer than you think. Yeah, I'm getting there. So yeah, not rapid fire, but they're the 3 questions.

I'm like, I'm very long-winded, so I should probably change the name of the questions because they're impossible to do rapid fire.

Long-winded fire.

Long-winded fire. Yeah, yeah. I always say it like, show me your calendar and I'll tell you what your goals are, you know? Like, yes, actually, show me your calendar and show me your bank account. Yeah, like, make it tangible. I love that. So what would you— oh, sorry, one thing that people can do to take better care of their mental health?

Oh God, I'll get a therapist.

Yeah, for sure.

Yeah, yeah, I think so. I'm actually just— I've committed to a new therapist at the moment, and I'm going to be doing schema therapy, which I'm really curious about. So I haven't— I've had a few mentees go through the process, and it sounds really interesting. So I think I'm of the mind that there's always more we can find out about ourselves and more that we can unpack, and more that I don't feel like I'm ever going to get to the point where like, okay, I'm fixed, I'm sorted, let's go. So yeah, I think, yeah, having somewhere, someone that is a safe space, whether it's a mentor or a coach or a therapist or a counselor or a psychologist or whatever you need right now, having someone that you can have a judgment-free space with, I think it's really important. We as women particularly, we need someone to debrief with, and we actually, 90% of the time, we actually have all the right answers ourselves, but we need someone else to sense check it and hold space for us.

Pull it out of us.

Yeah, yeah, extricate it.

Love it. And what is one thing people can do to increase their visibility?

That's a great one. I think showing up, just showing up, and it doesn't need to be perfect. You know, when I think back to those Insta stories like you were asking me about, and my hair scraped up in a mombon and wearing a tracksuit and Ugg boots and just looking like so drawn, and you know, that, that got me— it was a step closer to where I am now. And even, you know, and this has been a big focus for me this year, is elevating my brand. It's been It's been a big investment of time and money and energy and stretching myself mentally, and it's never going to be perfect. I think the worst thing we can possibly do is compare our kind of baby efforts and our first steps with someone who's been doing this for 5, 10, 20 years. Yeah, it's just, it's just never going to end well. You're always going to feel, yeah, a bit shit about it. So I think it's just trusting that just showing up, and it doesn't need to be perfect, um, because we need to You know, so much of increasing visibility is engaging in conversations, and if you're not just at least starting a conversation by showing up on Insta Stories or doing an Insta post or putting out your podcast or starting that YouTube, you're just— you're not part of the conversation. So we just need to start somewhere. Yeah, love it.

And when you look at it like that, like a conversation, it takes pressure off you too.

Yeah, exactly.

You're helping, you're just engaging in a conversation that's happening.

And yeah, that's a really good point you've made as well. You know, when I'm trying to kick a mentee into action in terms of visibility You know, I'll often say to them, this is not about you. Like, you're being so— I'm a bit brutal sometimes, but it's with love. You know, I'll say to them, you're being quite narcissistic about this, like you're being quite navel-gazy, and actually it's not about you and what you're trying to get out of this. It's about the people who are waiting for you to help them. And there's people out there who your expertise on, whether it's, you know, finance or physiotherapy or whatever it might be— I'm just thinking about a couple of different mentees— they, they are waiting for you, and what, what you say to them will actually change the course of their lives in, in small ways and also big ways. So by you kind of blocking yourself and not allowing yourself to show up, you're doing them a disservice. And I find that really helpful if I can shift from being narcissistic— I don't want to show up, you know, I don't look great or I don't feel good or whatever it might be— to altruistic, which is where, okay, even if I'm going to deliver this message in a really average crap way, at least I'm delivering it. And maybe there's one woman who will see that Insta story, he'll go, oh, that's actually what I really we needed to hear today.

Yeah, well, if you've got gifts and you're not actually sharing them, then I would argue that's like one of the most selfish things you can do.

Yeah, I love how you put that. I think we're as brutal as each other.

If you want like an Irish ass kicking, yeah, yeah, yeah, come back for episodes.

They're like, oh, this is a Velvet Hammer moment.

Yeah, love it. Where can people find you? You've dropped so much gold today. And yeah, it's been so amazing. Where can people hear more of your wisdom? Um, your podcast, your Instagram. Where can we find you?

Yes, Insta is @lorraine_murphy_mentor, website is lorraine_murphy.com.au, and the podcast is The Lorraine Murphy Show. Very unimaginative but easy to find. Love it.

It's simple, it's to the point, people can remember it.

Yes, exactly.

Thank you so much for coming on.

That's been amazing. Thank you everyone for listening and watching.