What Reality TV, Public Hate & Near Bankruptcy Taught Caroline Stanbury About Confidence

Hello, my love, and welcome to Seen, the podcast that helps you to stop hiding, claim your worth, and build the most vibrant version of your life possible. Thank you so much for being here.

How are you?

Perfect. Hi, guys.

How are you? Hi. How are you?

Very good, thank you.

I'm good. Sorry if I'm a little bit nervous. I'm a big fan of both of you and a big fan of the show.

Thank you.

So Sergio, I can't actually tell anyone in Ireland that I'm interviewing you today because they're all very offended and outraged by you.

Why?

Because I heard you had no idea who U2 was.

Oh yeah, I, I still don't know. No, I know, I, I've heard about them, but I'm not, you know, I don't know, in Spain you don't really—

I don't know, Spain, they're in Spain, darling, they're in Spain. Yes, they're right. They're all like, yeah. Oh my God. Yeah, but everything— you know, they don't— Spain, the Spanish are going to hate him soon. They have no IVF, no surrogacy. They have no music, apparently.

They have— I'm sorry, not a few songs. I'm going to actually search after U2.

Yeah, yeah. Okay.

Do, do Google it. Google it.

Good job you're in Dubai then.

Yeah, exactly. Oh my God, that's so funny. So, yeah, really nice to meet you both and Um, yeah, it's so interesting to kind of see your relationship play out on, um, The Housewives. I actually also work with my husband. Um, so, so curious. Yeah. So I'm so curious as to like how you guys find like working together, you know, and still having the relationship and not killing each other and just how you kind of make it all work.

Um, well, we avoid each other, so we, we do different things.

We don't avoid each other.

Yeah, I like it. I like it when you're here and I'm over there. Yeah, I like to have a separate place. I do. You know, he would happily sit in front of me all day and look at me.

Um, no, you know what, we are always together on a jet ski.

Yeah, exactly.

No, we are always together outside when we're in the house, you know. So we try to just have our different roles very clear. I do my— I do the things I have to do, the things, and then we kind of bring it all together.

He likes to have me in every meeting. I'm now finally, as I said on the show, cutting the umbilical cord and telling him he has to take some meetings on his own. Right. So he does those. I do.

I love to listen to her expertise because she's older than me. But then, you know, now it's slowly— I'm kind of, you know, I'm turning 30 this year, so I have to put the big pants on. So now I'm starting to say, yes, I'm growing up.

So I can Yeah, exactly.

Like you said on the show, you're basically parenting him.

Yes, I am parenting him.

Oh my God, you actually—

I'm doing a great job.

You really watch the show. That's the other one.

I'm doing a great job.

I do, I do. Of course, research. No, it's great. You have to love some Housewives. Um, but yeah, no, I totally agree. You just— you do have to just have your like different like boundaries. I'm the same with my husband. It's like, you know, working in different areas.

Who is older, you or your husband?

It's going to be the husband.

We're actually 2 weeks apart, so we're like very close in age. Yeah, so actually right now— sorry, go on.

I was going to say I'm like a comfort blanket for him, right? He thinks if I'm there, I can solve everything, whereas I think that that's a disaster for him. He has to learn.

You're not really there anymore.

That's what I'm saying. Yeah, so that's why I think that was a disaster.

In what industry are you guys in? Just to see how you guys— what industry?

Yeah, so I'm in social media and marketing and he's in real estate. And so we actually work in separate, like, businesses, but then we have some things that we do together, like we invest in properties together and then like we're kind of— we kind of give each other advice in each other's businesses. So it's good because it's kind of like what you said, Caroline. We've got that like separation, but at the same time we kind of pop back into kind of, you know. Yeah, exactly. But sometimes I'm like, Does he want this social media advice or am I just like really annoying him right now? You know?

Yeah, no, I mean, you know, I, I, I know that I can do all the technical side of it, so I kind of like just make sure I try to just bring her things already done because, you know, she's all there and she's done it. So, and then she's kind of like the little princess saying yes, no. And then if she says no, I have to get back to work, you know? So I think we understood each other's roles, you know, and depends on the projects I run.

I feel like I did, you know, years ago I worked, you know, 16 nowadays. He's got, you know, and I really feel like now he's doing it. Like, you know, I think before I had a little prince that lived here, and now he's understood with all these brands and things that he's working that he's got to put in 12-hour days. He just does. And I don't want to do that. Yeah, but you want to say yes or no.

Yeah, yeah. But you know what? I don't even think that's like an age thing because we're, as I said, like the same age and it's the exact same scenario. Like he's kind of coming to me asking me stuff and I'm like, have you Googled it? And he's like, it's just I asked her to ask you, and I'm like, no, please use Google. Um, but I've had my business for longer, so I've had my own business for like 7 years, whereas he's only just had it for like coming up to 2 years. So I think it's like not even an age thing, it's just like, you know, and I'm the same as you, Caroline, like I've done the, like, I've done the hard work.

I have to say, she comes back to me a lot asking for things, and she got used to that.

No, I need you to do things for me.

Yes. Yeah, day and night. So it is, it is right, you I put it on my phone, you know, but now, you know, like he would go off and want to do another holiday or, you know, go and ride, you know, 3 hours or whatever it is. Me now, I see him get— come up, get down here at like 6 in the morning and he's there till 7 at night, as he should be, you know, building something. And I really, truly believe he has to do that.

Yeah.

I mean, yeah. No one is going to run the team in Bali. I have no one is going to— if I don't put the things, no one is going to build like I have to do it, you know? So, you know.

Yeah, yeah, totally. So and yeah, so I'm so curious because like, you know, they say that like Victoria Beckham is kind of like the mastermind behind David Beckham and his kind of personal brand and his business. So is that kind of like the case with you guys? Like Sergio, when you guys got together, like Caroline, did you help him with his personal brand and build like help build it, like almost like mentor him from that scenario in business.

I think it's the other way around because, you know, because the age gap, my, my generation is actually aware of what kind of like work, you know, like we do a lot of stuff with social media and marketing and stuff and that's my expertise. So, you know, I, you know, like I can't do what he does.

I would have to hire, you know, 3 or 4 people to do what he does, which is, you know, make the content, edit them. He's got— he's doing, you know, all the clips with my podcast. He found the land in Bali. So although I get offered and I work, you know, my brand is very established, obviously, but he has taken my brand in different directions that I couldn't have done on my own. Definitely.

So am I listening to that? And you can you say that again?

You know, and he's doing that. He's doing the hard graft. I don't want to do— I really don't want to do it anymore. You know, like, I mean, that's fair enough. So I'm 48, you're 8. So that's just with more energy. But, you know, that's not to say, look, would I— would my brand die without you? No, it wouldn't. It'd just be a lot harder.

Yeah. Yeah. And so what do you think is like the biggest thing then, Sergio, that like Caroline has helped you with, with your brand? Because obviously you're bringing this dynamic new approach, you know?

Yeah, I think honestly confidence, because, you know, it's always tough to you know, to, to really— I think I was trying to show an image that was not really myself. And I think I was just only myself with the people that really knew me, which was like 3 friends and my family. Because coming from soccer, you know, you always try to be this, you know, figure of like professional athlete, you know, very formal. In reality, I'm who I am. I'm, you know, and actually, in a way, I know the show is a show. And, you know, I'm sometimes— I don't look that good, maybe, let's say. But I'm actually very happy because he's who I am. You know, I'm that emotional, you know, like freak who loves their wives more than anything and he will do anything. And it's just— it's just who I am, you know, like I'm not playing any, you know, persona or anything. And I used to do that. And I think Caroline allowed me to develop myself to, you know, who truly I am. And I think that was— she really gave me, you know, that confidence.

You get a lot of shit that was so different. And he's like, you know, baby, as it were, in the show or very emotional, cries a lot. And I'm like, it doesn't bother me. I'm married to him.

Like, what I have to say is I think I would say 95% of the men out there, they are really playing a persona because that's what the fear of men, you know, is portrayed like. They just try to show that, you know, like tough, you know, obviously I'm a tough guy, you know, and I want to play that, you know, I'm a real man, the man of the house. But in reality, you know, I'm emotional and I'm, you know, I'm, you know, I'm who I am. And I'm, you know, most of the men, they don't show that because they don't have the confidence enough to cry or to show emotions.

And I have the confidence to show that I run the house and I don't care.

You know, it's, it's what it is.

You know, like, I've always liked to run the house. It doesn't mean to say he doesn't contribute and do whatever, but like, I don't want to be out of control of that. That is what something— I've got 3 teenagers. I love, you know, knowing where the money goes. I love paying bills. Weirdly, I love knowing everything. You know, I am a control freak. If I didn't want to do it, I would hand it over to him. That doesn't mean to say he sat here like a lazy bugger doing nothing.

It depends, because that would be my nightmare. I don't want to do that. I don't, you know, I don't want to do that.

I enjoy that.

Instead of that, you know, I do all the other investments on the other stuff, and we diversify. You know, the roles are very clear, which is good. But I would say, yeah, the biggest thing that she helped me, it was to really, you know, not be afraid of what people think. You know, like putting myself out there. Now you can really call me anything or like tell me anything that I would do it. I, because it's just, you know, I, I developed such a thick and a strong skin because what we went through since the beginning that, and that's super valuable because, you know, you can't really do anything, you know. And I think that's the biggest thing that really helped me, you know, not any other thing. It's just that like personality-wise to really, you know, put it out here.

And yeah, I love that so much because Yeah, when he's—

well, you know, with Housewives, he gets a lot of shit, and I have the confidence to say it's okay.

And I don't even— I don't even watch it now. Like, it's just— it's just not, you know, like, you can say whatever, like, just say it. Like, I'm fine if you want to just, you know, like, you know, I know who I am. The people who knows me, they know who I am. And, you know, I'm gonna be here, I'm gonna be being the same, so nothing's gonna change.

Yeah, I love that so much because it's like so important to be authentic. And I feel like if you hadn't really shown who you are on the show and who you are on social media, etc., you'd just be kind of blending in with the crowd, right? You wouldn't even have the following that you do, you know? Yeah. And so many people try and put themselves in boxes when they go online, and that's what really holds them back. So I love the fact that you're just like confident enough to do that. And so many people, I feel like that's what holds them back from building their brand is the confidence. Like you can have all the tactics in the world. It doesn't matter if you don't like just feel confident and just do it. So like, do you have any tip if you— if there was someone else out there that you— that was like kind of feeling the same way, that they're scared to be who they are online, what would you say to them? Like, what was the thing that made it click for you that just gave you that confidence?

I mean, I think it's very tough in the beginning because at the end, society is built to really have everybody under the same pot, you know, and then because that's— everybody talks. So then you're doing something different. Everybody start going, oh my God, what is he doing? Just come back to the circle. So I think, you know, in a way it's very important to have someone who really supports you and who really loves you to, to, to, to really, you know, being able to, to show who you are. But if you are alone, I mean, just don't be afraid of just putting yourself out there in a, you know, in any way.

Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. I think he's really good at that now. He really, really does. Sometimes I'm like, oh God, wince. Did you, you know, like, did you have to say that? And then he's like, oh, it is who I am. Like, what can I do? And then I'm like, he's right. Like, it doesn't matter.

I cannot change.

Like, you know, you know, like, I mean, it was hilarious when he asked to see the embryo's head.

No, I would say that.

Oh my God, you've seen that? That's out tomorrow. Oh, did you see that? Is that on out now?

I didn't see that one, but there was another comment that was like kind of crap. It was like something like when you're explaining about like how a surrogate works and he was like, no, I think it won't look like us.

So yeah, he's gonna take it out. I got so many messages about—

I got so many messages about men that they, they don't know about it because it's not a thing that men know. They might know because they, you know, they have it up there, not on the titty, on the thing, you know, just they go through it. We don't go through this stuff. No one tells You know, so like these questions, a lot of men, they have it. They just, they're scared of like just saying it. I would say 50 more million questions in English. They don't come that many, but they come a few. So it's just what it is, you know.

Yeah, I'm excited. I'm excited. But Caroline, I love like how confident you are, you know, and just also how you just don't really take things to heart. Like even like, you know, the kind of funny scene with like, you know, Sergio's parents offering to like pay him, you know, not to go ahead with the wedding, whatever. But like, you, like, you could clearly see that you genuinely, like, thought it was funny and just like, it was like water off a duck's back. Like, what has kind of allowed you to kind of be so thick-skinned over the years? Because you've been through a lot of, like, a lot with your brand. It's evolved so much. Like, how have you kind of, yeah, just kind of kept that going and just not let anything get to you?

Well, the thing with his parents, to be fair, like, I put myself in their shoes, and if my sons who are 14 and, you know, came home with a, you know, 43-year-old woman and 3 kids, I'd have a heart attack. So like, I wasn't that upset about it and it was a reaction I was expecting. You know, it was— he was just so sure it would be okay. As for the rest of it, I just think, you know, when you are in boarding school and that's the one thing I'll say is that you get used to— you live with all these women and women that hate you and some love you and some don't. So you hear it all the time. So you get so used to people talking behind your back or, you know, being rude about you, mean about you. We used to get rated when we came to breakfast. You know, all of these things that, you know, you can't— you would curl up into a ball and die if you took it all in. So I've always done things differently. I put my face on London buses, for God's sake. You know, do you think I know everyone went, what the hell is she doing? But everyone knew who I was. So, you know, you can either be a sheep or you can, you know, You can be the leader. And that's, I guess, what I've always done. It wasn't because I was super— well, I'm not a supermodel. I'm just like everybody else. It's just I was prepared to put myself out there and not be scared of what other people think. And of course I've had massive failures. I've had, you know, really embarrassing things and I've cried my eyes out like everybody else. I've been up, I've been down, I've almost been bankrupt. I've rebuilt myself, you know, but I've never sat there and gone, what am I, you know, and gone, well, I'm not doing anything again. I'm like, okay, I have to rebuild. And that's why no matter what, I will be successful. And I am successful because of that, and, you know, tenacity, which most people don't have anymore. And I don't know if that's, you know— and I'll tell you something, I meet a lot of women who are inspired by me or want to work for me or whatever else, but they don't have it. And it's not in that way that they don't have— they want everything on their timeline. They don't want to work for it anymore. And Yeah, I think that's what Kim Kardashian was saying. The work ethic has changed and I know she got a lot of shit for it, but it's true. Unfortunately, people want something for nothing. And, you know, the way where I grew up, you have to prove yourself. And that's the problem with social media because we're building a whole load of young kids who think that they have to do nothing but take a selfie. And that's absolutely not true. I fetch teas and coffees. I have been woken up in the middle of the night by clients of mine saying, get me a drink. When I was in England, and they were in New York and I've had to call, you know, where they could dial 9, but they couldn't be bothered and called me instead, you know, ridiculous shit that I was prepared to do. Yeah.

Yeah. And I love that. And it's like, you know, I feel like it's such a credit to you that you have your personal brand that has brought you through all these iterations, because if you were to just kind of build like a business and you could sell it and then, you know, what's left for you? So it's so important to like build that personal brand and, you know, the fact that you even have that longevity You know what I mean? Because so many people are like a flash in the pan with social media, but you've managed to kind of reinvent yourself.

I'm just getting bigger and bigger. And that's what's so crazy. I realize now today that, you know, I've been 6 years in reality TV and 10 years on Bravo now, and somehow I've weathered the storm, you know? And, and honestly, people— I think this year people are really falling in love with my brand again and who I am and what I'm telling women at 48 they can do, because I'm I'm still here, um, and I'm actually— I think you can see— just getting started. And, you know, that's really— I, I don't think I had anyone to look up to back then that was— because when, you know, you're 48, we were all told, you know, 50, that's pretty old for people. They're giving bus passes at 60 or whatever in England. So I, I should be retiring now, and I'm just getting going, you know what I mean? Like, yeah. So yeah, I wish there were more women that just business.

Yeah, no, it's amazing. And I know we've only got a minute to wrap up, so I'd just love to know, like, what motivates you? Like, how do you— because it's been years now and you've had so many iterations, so many different businesses. Like, what keeps you going? What is it?

The fact that I don't know how I'm going to wake up. Like, one minute I'm in New York and then the next minute I'm in Australia, then the next minute I'm on a private jet to Paris. Paris. The next minute, nothing was planned. I didn't know I was going. We woke up and we had dinner with friends and we woke up in Paris. You know, next week I'm in Bali. No routine, no routine. We have no idea.

That's what really is amazing.

And then it's exciting.

Yeah. Now, for example, we go to Bali, and obviously it would have been— it would be amazing if we just go for holiday with the kids, but we're going, and then we actually— we own a land, we're building, then we have another project that we're looking.

So we're going to New York for reunion in between all of it. I have to fly 20 hours from Bali to Reunion and then we fly all the way back to Bali.

So like, it's nuts, it's great. But, but you know, it's just part of the process. And I think merging business with your lifestyle, with your family, is what it's all about.

Fun.

Like, then it's not work.

I love that.

And that's what we try to do, just, you know, like, just, you know, merging everything together.

Yeah, I love that. Honestly, that is like— I, I couldn't have said it better myself. That's what I want to do as well with my business and family and things like that. So thank you so much, guys, for talking to me today. It was amazing, and, um, so great to hear from you both.

Yeah, thanks for having us.

Good luck with everything.