Karamo Brown

Fiscally responsible, financial geniuses, monetary magicians. These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds because Progressive offers discounts for paying in full, owning a home, and more. Plus, you can count on their great customer service to help when you need it so your dollar goes a long way. Visit progressive.com to see if you could save on car insurance. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states or situations. Hi everybody, it's Tim Heidecker here to tell you about our brand new episode of Office Hours Live with return guests. They might be Giants here in the studio. Of course, I'm joined by the great DJ Doug Pound. Good morning. And VB4 making noise behind me every morning. Good morning. Please join us. There you go. Thank you. Find us at the podcast app of Your choice on YouTube or support us on Patreon.com OfficeHoursLive Bye.

Bye. Bye, bye, bye, bye.

If you can find me a hot chef, it is done.

What do I get?

Oh, the seriousness.

And the seriousness. You get to be the maid of honor at the reception or, and maybe get your stylist friends for life to help me. Done.

Okay, let's do it.

Done. I'm gonna get you a husband. That's right. Trey, will you help Miranda for the rest of her life? For free? He said yes.

Okay, great.

Okay, great.

We're done. Find me a husband. I got you, Trey.

Hi everybody. Welcome back to another episode of Tea Time.

Tea Time.

Today on the pod, we have someone who we both know. Oh, we both know very well who we both see out and about on the town, who is Who is probably one of the most beautiful, gorgeous, handsome people I've ever seen in my life.

And did you know, did you know that he was the first openly gay reality star in the history of television?

As a matter of fact, I did. And if you don't know who we're talking about, well, sorry.

It's Karamo Brown.

Thank you, Miranda. Can I give him a hug? Thank you, Mama. It's true. Um, I appreciate that.

The face card is real.

Thank you. I appreciate it.

So it was yours.

I'm glad to be here. I'm so happy you're here.

I like how we're also kind of twinning.

We are twinning today.

I love a Canadian tuxedo.

Me too. It's the easiest thing to put on.

Oh, and it's just like effortless and chic and cute no matter what.

I don't have fashion sense, and so you people dress me. But if I'm left to my— but if I'm left to my own devices, I would be in sweats and a t-shirt and a hat, uh, an LA hat every single day.

So you dress straight but your heart's gay?

My heart's gay.

That's fair.

Yes.

And also, isn't that totally like The fact that you're on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, don't you have to have fashion sense?

They say that, girl, but I ain't got none. Okay, that's what they say.

You need some cultural savvy. I know, exactly.

You need some mental health help, girl. I got you, girl, but the other stuff, it ain't happening.

Damn, so you could be not a contestant, but a participant.

I could, and they have to come in my closet and revamp the whole thing. It ain't happening.

That's crazy.

Have you always been that way?

Always. The problem is that my best friend, who's here today, you met him. Trey is, best friend Trey is like the, most best dressed man I've ever met. It could be 104 degrees out and he will be in a shoe and a shirt and a thing that I've never seen, and it all goes. And so somewhere around 18 years old, I was like, you know what, that's your thing. I'm gonna find something else. I'm not trying to compete with that girl, you know?

Yeah, no, instead I'm just gonna go on television.

Yeah, I'm going on television. You be fine and fashionable and cute as hell. I'm gonna go on TV.

Yeah, it works. Raven did compliment his shoes immediately.

Oh, immediately.

Every time he always—

he comes, there's not day. And when he says I'mma dress down, it makes me even madder because then it'd be like still a full outfit. And I'd be like, bitch, my sweats have holes in them. And you're like, I thought we were dressing down today. Like, why are you—

you sound like me. That's how I am. I feel like some people have the eye and they literally understand what looks good on their body, how to put the pieces together. And then there are people like me and you who just have no fucking idea. So then we have like the uniform because you have the thing that, you know, you feel good in 'Cause like you look good, you can go on TV, you can go on a podcast, but you don't have to worry about anything else. But you're not like exploring or taking fashion risks.

That is literally why people are like, why do you have 100 LA hats? 'Cause I'm like, I put on a hat, I put on a t-shirt, and I put on jeans.

Yeah. It's cute. And you can go.

It's a rich person's uniform though.

Yeah. Did you just call me rich? Come on.

But that is, if you see like these really, really rich people walking the streets, it's a baseball cap, a dirty t-shirt.

No, really rich people do not look like rich people. They don't.

No, they do not. Um, let's talk about your richness. You've had so many shows. You are such a light for the community when it comes to, um, just expressing yourself and letting others express themselves. You're obviously on a show called Queer Eye. That's fantastic.

10th season.

I mean, oh, honey, syndication.

Yeah.

My question to you is If you had to have those guys come into your life, what's the area of your life that's just literally falling apart and you need help with, other than your clothing?

Oh, okay. I was like, 'cause I was gonna say, I was gonna say it's Tan France. I need him all day long. And even when we shoot the show, I walk in the trailer and then first thing I say is, do I look okay?

Oh, wow.

And if I don't, he'll zip something up. That's the truth. That's nice. The person whose help I need, I guess it'd be food because outside of dressing, Uber Eats is my best friend.

Interesting.

They should have dropped me a coin for a sponsorship. Much I shout them out and how much—

did you hear that, Uber Eats? Did you hear that?

We all need you.

Okay, we all need you.

We all need him.

It's cuz I just like— I know how to cook. The problem was is that as a— I'm the youngest of 4 sisters and the, the men in my family cook. And my father used to make this comment, this where he would say, when you grow up, I don't want you depending on a woman to cook or clean for you, so you need to learn now. And it backfired on his ass cuz I did— I did not need a woman to depend on.

Like Waiting for a man to marry.

Exactly. Exactly.

That's okay. We have to find you a hot chef to marry.

If you can find me a hot chef, it is done.

What do, what do I get?

Oh, the seriousness in this situation.

You get to be the, the maid of honor at the, the reception.

Okay. Or, and maybe get your stylist friends for life to help me.

Done.

Okay, let's do it.

Done. I'm gonna get you a hot chef. Best friend Trey, will you help Miranda for the rest of her life? For free? He said yes. Okay, babe, find me a husband. I got you, Trey.

Okay, I'm going to get to work. I fancy myself a matchmaker. Hot Chef is coming in.

I'm down.

Do I have, like, any kind of rules and regulations? Like, are we looking for a certain age, color?

So I— for age, I do like someone between the ages of 39 youngest.

Okay.

50 oldest. I've always been—

but Reid's, like, cute as fuck.

Yeah, Reid's cute. Yeah, Reid's cute. I don't like— I've never liked young. Like, you know, my ex, Raven. So I always like a little bit older. Like, you know what I mean? Daddy issues. Understood.

Understood. Overfathered. Exactly. I mean, what else?

I do like anyone who is 5'10", 263.

So no short kings?

No short kings. I mean, I could do a short king, but—

But does he have to pick you up or can you pick him up?

No, I would have to pick him up.

Okay.

Yeah. I would say short kings. I'm not opposed to any race. I've dated every race. Okay. Let me see. That's it. I'm not that picky.

I'm obsessed.

Who gets along well with your kids?

Yeah, it gets along well with my kids, but now my kids are grown, so like, so that it's not as big. Yeah, because they might— there's a dude I was dating after I just got my last relationship, and, um, the kids came over and they were like, what's up, man? And then like, you know, it's like, because my oldest son is 28, about to be 29, so like, wow, you know, I'm dating a guy who's 41. There's not that far of any difference. So he's like, what's up, man? I'm never gonna call you dad. So, you know, like, I love it. Like, hey, you know what I mean? But they also— I— they need to want to get married. They want to have kids, and they, um, because I wouldn't mind a little—

you want more kids?

I wouldn't mind a little girl.

Okay, so I need to find a hot chef who's at least 5'10", who's 39, who's open to kids, and—

and this is why I'm single. When I hear it out loud, when I hear it played back to me, I'm always like, why can't I find anybody?

And then we're gonna need to get some people to buy for you, right?

Hilarious. No, we start with the wish list, and then we're gonna just put it out there, and we're gonna— we're gonna do this. I, I'm— I am on a mission because I want to style up Greg. I'm fully invested.

Oh, one big thing is— I'm sorry to cut you off, um, they gotta love love music and love to dance. Cuz I will find myself at any moment in the day listening to music and dancing. Oh, I love that.

Any moment. So are you a good dancer?

I am. I'm a great dancer, but they don't have to be a good dancer. I like to just like be in the kitchen and then we just start two-stepping.

I love that.

And, or in the middle of the grocery store aisle. And if the song is cute, we're in there twerking together.

I love that.

So that's, I, you know, we had an interesting experience the other day at a birthday party where Raven decided to teach me how to dance and she had me finding the beat, but all from up here, not down here. Cuz apparently I do like the white woman wiggle. And I just—

No, it's not the white woman wiggle. No, it's the hula hoop. That is the hula hoop.

That is exac— well, that's— it's kind of the white woman wiggle.

I mean, that is—

the hula hoop is pretty like the white woman wiggle.

Yeah, okay.

This is my wife right here.

A little bit of this. A little bit of this.

Wait, I just want to ask, with this person that we're going to find you, do you also need to know their credit scores on the first date like you did one of your exes?

How you knew that?

What happened?

Okay, you researched.

It wasn't me, it was Laura.

Okay, okay, thank you, Laura.

Yes, I— you—

thank you, Laura. So I'm like, how you know We know everything about you. Not anymore.

Okay.

Because now I'm— to be real with you, I'm in my trick season. Yeah, I'm really in my trick season. You talk about my riches, girl. Like, I'm in my trick season. I don't need you to come with no coins.

I will really—

you don't have to pay a bill, and I'm fine with it. Like, it ain't tricking if you got it, girl. And so I don't need you to pay a bill. You ain't got to have no credit.

You just have to make sure that I'm taken care of at home. At every—

you cooking, you cooking. Okay, as long as you want to cook, I'm gonna pay every single bill and not question it. Never throw it in your face, never hold it above you. You do what you gotta do.

The comments are gonna blow up. You're gonna have so many dates down below.

Listen, come with it. I'm ready. Listen, I'm telling you, somebody gonna put me on a reality show and make me a bachelor because I'm ready for love. I'm telling you. Oh my gosh.

Listen, I love this for you.

You know, we have a reality show that we're taking out to town these days. I'm gonna tell you about it off camera. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, I've come up with it, but you could be on that show. Oh my God.

He totally could be on that show.

Add me to the deck.

Oh my God.

You got to add me to the deck.

I don't even know what it is. I was a chat. Okay. You said earlier that I keep a job. It's because I say yes to this. So I don't even know what it is.

I'm in my yes season too. Shonda Rhimes coined that. She said there was a year where she was just like yes to everything. And then she got like a zillion dollar deal with Netflix. So we say yes to everything.

It's real. It's real. People will be like overthinking stuff. And then all of a sudden, they'll find themselves missing out on opportunities. I'm like, yeah, put me in the deck. Because as we know how Hollywood goes, it might get picked up. It might not. And it might be 12 seasons. It might be 1. So girl, either way, I'm going to be with 1 season, 12 seasons, or we not, we this. So do it. Put me in there. I'm ready.

We already fully understand that this show is going to be picked up. And it's going to have multiple seasons. So let's go. We all just got a whole lot richer.

Yes.

So before we started, Raven was like messing with my nipple. Yeah. If you remember.

I do remember.

And I know that you said, go ahead, babes. She understands I'm cold from just this one nipple. You don't understand men's nipples. I don't get it.

Uh-uh.

Why don't you, can you explain why it's weird?

Why?

What do you do with nipples? Like every time, like I had a guy that was like, squeeze my nipple, then you like turn it. And I'm like, Girl, this is too much work. And then I had another one. Trey knows about this guy. You remember the one that was like, I had to suck on his nipple. That was what made him orgasm. My publicist is gagging over it. But it was like, I know how to make myself orgasm. So I'm like, I'm there. And he was like, suck on my nipple for an hour. And I was like, girl, I don't have time. What are we doing?

He's reliving some childhood trauma, breastfeeding.

Exactly. I had a guy like that once.

Stuck on my nipple for an hour.

It wasn't— so he wanted to spit. He liked, like, liquid there on the nipple. On the nipple. And I was just like, this is so fucking weird.

Weird.

It's very weird. But I will say this, and for all of the scientists and, like, people who know about what I'm about to say more educated than I am, put in the comments. But I heard that, like, you men have nipples because we're all one sex while we're in the womb, and then eventually we change into it. So what you want to see is, like, just a Flat chest. Hair, no hair.

Hair.

Hair, no nips.

No nips.

What about an areola?

Go. Sure.

Just not the—

just— I don't need this. I don't need this.

So you just want a large freckle?

Large freckle is cute for me. It works. A large freckle is cute for me. That's all I need.

They're cute.

They're cute.

They're cute. They make no sense on us. Like you just said, it makes no sense on us.

It doesn't.

I want—

can I— I'm going to sound so stupid. But I wonder if a man can lactate. No, because he doesn't have mammary glands.

He doesn't have mammary glands. But it definitely has to connect to something because when you squeeze a nipple, it is a part of the nervous system in some way.

In some people.

That'll make a little tingle.

Yeah, girl, you squeeze this and I'm like—

You don't feel nothing?

Nothing. Nothing.

That's fair.

Nothing. Do you feel something?

Huh?

Men can lactate.

Men can lactate?

I knew men could lactate. See, I'm not stupid, you guys. No one said it, just you. I just said I'm having a conversation with myself right now. You're not stupid, Miranda.

Oh, I want to go back. When we talk about breastfeed, when we talk about that list of men, I do not want a man with nipples.

Okay.

Non-lactating man is now on that list.

Yeah.

This is what happens. My, my, how my OCD works is now every man I go up to now and be like, do you lactate? Now you done effed me up, girl. You have no idea.

Just buying Band-Aids. Oh my God.

That's hilarious. That's funny. First thing you have to do is go have like nipplectomies on your first date. No, I don't really have sensitive nipples either, which is why I was able to get my nipples pierced.

Well, I got one nipple pierced, but I remember the one that always goes hard.

Yeah.

Oh, that's why.

Yeah. And I remember going with my girlfriend— and not my romantic girlfriend, my friend— and she was like, she had to take painkillers and numb her, her boobs and everything to get them pierced.

And I was like, yeah, why?

Cuz she liked how it looked, but she was afraid of the pain. But I just, I don't know, I don't have sensitivity there.

Fun facts. The Bleacher Report app is your destination for sports, Right now, the NBA is heating up, March Madness is here, and MLB is almost back. Every day there's a new headline, a new highlight, a new moment you've got to see for yourself. That's why I stay locked in with the Bleacher Report app. For me, it's about staying connected to my sports. I can follow the teams I care about, get real-time scores, breaking news, and highlights all in one place. Download the Bleacher Report app today so you never miss a moment.

I have a question, kind of off topic, but just like switching it up a little bit. How do you feel about the pronouns in our world today?

I love them.

You love all of them?

I do.

Even the Zs and Zays and fairies?

Let me tell you why.

Tell me.

This is the reason why, and this is my sincere, and it really, my opinion was really formed out of the fact that I had to cuss a lot of gay men out.

That's fair.

Because like, if I didn't have to cuss so many gay men out, my opinion might have been different. But the thing is, I get so many gay men that I see, like, at the club and they're like, like, I'm not calling you this. And like, I'm like, bitch, if you don't— if you can't respect somebody in our community, girl, then how are we going to expect somebody else? And so what happened to me at this point, I'm like, it don't kill me to call you what you want. It don't kill me. And so for me, I'm like, if that's what you need to feel whole, to feel authentic, let's go for it. You know what I mean? Because like, when I see these people who are talking about like, I'm proud now, like that. But then when they get their dog, they're like, isn't she so cute?

You know what I mean?

I'm like, girl, you worried about that dog. Your animal's pronoun, but a person. So I'm just like, it is totally fine. Like, call somebody what they want. It's not going to hurt you. You're going to move on with your life.

That's beautiful.

And that's just my opinion. And really, I wish that for me, for my community, I wish more gay men could get that because I'm so tired of them being like, I'm not calling them them. I'd be like, well, I'm going to call you a bitch then. Like, you're a new pronoun.

The original new pronoun.

It was the original sister pronoun.

That bitch.

That's your pronoun. That bitch.

So yeah, I mean, I understand it. I love the she, they, them, he. But I even— I'm okay with Z. I can understand that. But I think that, you know, I thank you for telling me your opinion because it's hard for me to grasp it sometimes.

What's your— what's your frustration or your—

that's— I was gonna—

your issue with my issue with it is it's so much too soon.

And if you have, like, let us get used to they/them first. Give us like 2 or 3 years, maybe 5 years with they/them, then start adding in fairy and dragon and all of them, because we to deal with.

Not dragon.

I mean, the opposite has to be dragon. Fucking fairies. I love fairies. Anyway, um, I just feel like we have to— we're trying to convince the world to accept us, and every single month we're dropping something new on them, and that's hard to absorb unless you have an outlook like you, who has been a part of people's, um, lives and changing lives for so much. You want people to feel comfortable, but like people that aren't like you, it's hard to grasp.

But can I play angel's advocate for a second?

Oh yes, angel.

Oh yeah, I don't trust the devil, so we gonna play angel's advocate always, okay? Okay. But so here we go. So I understand your idea of like, let's pre-educate. Let's give moments of time for you to catch up. But what I know about history and especially American history is that no matter how much time you give someone to respect you and understand you, there's still going to be a large group that's going to say, I don't see you, I will never see you, I will not ever give you your rights. So knowing that history, me waiting on them to catch up, I'm never gonna get to be me. So I just need to give it and put it out there and you catch up. That's sort of the space I'm in, especially at this last election. I'm so tired. You know, Queer Eye, I'm gonna be real with you, Queer Eye made us these like very like, we're your wholesome gays, we're gonna come into your house and everyone love us. And it made us feel like we have to always go to them and say like, oh my God, Like, look at us, we're normal and all this stuff. And it used to piss me off. The rebel in me used to be like, bitch, I'm tired. And after this last election, I'm like, you over there ignorant? All right, I ain't got no more time to teach you. You come bring your ass over here when you ready, because I'm going to live my life and I'm going to make sure everybody over here is safe and I'm going to make sure that we're good. And so for me, knowing that, like, think about all the stuff that you have ever done where you've been like, accept me, see me, and that internet and these ignorant people are going to still come against you.

Always, every time.

So I'm like, with that being said, live your life as your ZZ fairy dragon. Whatever it is, girl, we gonna go with it. And if they can't catch up, they was gonna hate on you anyway. So let me be the one to love you.

I see both sides because I'm saying Raven and I have this conversation quite a bit because it does really frustrate her. And I see that you also are expressing that from a space of feeling like we never get to be in this community, we're never taken seriously because there's so much that is changing so quickly, and then you're the brunt of every joke. But I sit on the same side of the fence with you in a lot of ways where I'm like, people have to live in their authenticity, and there are going to be people who are going to kind of exploit or take advantage of that. But then there are people who truly are living in their truth, and I feel like every person has the right to do that. And the criticism and the judgment that's going to come from online or from the world— me, or from, or from Raven-Symoné— is going to be constant, and you can't stop being yourself because of that.

Okay, fine. I publicly apologize for my feelings.

You're allowed to have—

I'm not— you're allowed to have your feelings.

Exactly what I'm saying is everyone Everyone is entitled to their perspective.

And if I can be honest with you, you sounded a lot better in expressing your point of view than a lot of the cis gay white men that sometimes I'm around that say they should. So I appreciate—

Oh yeah, it's not about— it's definitely not about you expressing yourself.

I appreciate the way you put it. But yeah, so thank you.

Yeah, listen, if we can have Zay Zid Fairy Dragon Mole, then we could definitely have Mole. I added another one because you said I can add whatever I want. So then I think it should be more than just African American. It should be Haitian. It should be Indian. It should be mixed. It should be Italian.

I agree.

I agree.

It should be— I've been fighting this fight for longer because that census has never been right. And people don't forget and don't realize that the way that the census, how it works, is a distribution of funds and resources. And so when you just say it's put everybody in this, now you're missing a whole group of people who are not being seen, who are not getting the resources they need. So I agree with you. All that should be changed.

All of it should be changed. It shouldn't just be our culture. I mean, our community pushing forward and opening doors. Like, we need it everywhere. Thank you. I'm done.

No. Yeah.

No. See, like I said, I love a Raven rant.

We love a Raven rant. Okay.

We love a Raven rant.

Go, baby.

Rant, baby.

Rant.

Okay.

Is that a new segment? Can you have a Raven rant at the end where you just rant? Please. I love a Raven rant.

My mommy told a lie. I hated it.

Okay. Yeah.

That's true.

That's very true.

Oh my gosh. So this rebel nature that you have.

Yeah.

Does it come because of your middle name?

It— bitch, whoever do y'all research is on it, bitch.

But I mean, he's also educated, which comes from his first name.

Yeah.

He's an educated rebel.

Y'all better, y'all better, y'all better. Okay.

He's so happy.

Which I live, I live for, I live, I live, I live. Yes. So my first name means educated. My middle name means rebel.

And he's so cute.

My father gave us all names that he said that you have to live up to because he believes there's a lot in the name. And so it has made me rebellious. You know what I mean? Like when you saw the introduction of like first openly gay men on reality television, it's because it was a time, as we know, where like brothers were scared to be themselves, sisters were scared to be themselves. And I just was like, fuck y'all, girl, I'm gonna be me, girl, I'm gonna do it. Like, what's up? And I've always felt like me being rebellious is what pushed my career, my life forward. And it has made me successful. And anytime I have a conversation with people who are like, I'm scared, I'm scared to do this, I'm like, bitch, it's cute on this side. Come on this side, girl. You living your life. You find love, bitch. It's cute on this side. It's real cute.

What is your middle name?

Carriga.

Carriga.

Carriga. Karamo Carriga. Ooh.

Both of us.

I love that. That's beautiful.

Thank you. I appreciate it.

You also—

I don't know if this is still true to you, but I did see something a while ago where you were talking about your faith and being— are you still religious?

So my religion is shifting, where I have had a problem identifying as Christian for some time now, and I used to be very proud to tell y'all, like, I'm a proud gay Black Christian man. And then I just see such hate that is coming from organized religion.

Yeah.

And it's tearing me apart because I walk into these spaces where it should be about love and bringing people together, and it is doing the exact opposite.

It's been doing that for a while.

It has been. It has been. And I think there was a large part of me that I've felt, if I just continue to go here, maybe I can change. And to go back to what we said before, I realize that even my presence in these spaces is not changing the book or the version of that book. Because I always forget people, you know, this is a version. They're gonna rewrite this in another 100 years or whatever they feel like they need to do to control people at that time. And so right now I'm just like, we're not gonna change in that. I'm trying to say, hey, because every time I go in there, I try to have these conversations that are like, let's open up the dialogue. They're like, well, but the Bible says The Bible used to also say your ass should be a slave. So girl, like, let's not play with me right now. And so it's shifting. It's shifting. And I'm happy that it's shifting.

Is it shifting to spirituality? Is it shifting to a private practice?

Like, what is it shifting to? It's definitely shifting to spirituality. Like, I still believe there has to be something that created it. I don't— this can't be by chance. Right. I just— this is just so orchestrated so beautifully. Everything has— this can't be by chance. You know, I get— I understand the Big Bang, but there has to be greater purpose or meaning behind it. Greater purpose or meaning. Um, but I think we've strayed so far to knowing what that is.

Yeah.

And we keep getting further and further away.

We were recently talking, Raven and I, about religion, and this is going to be controversial, so everybody hold on to your hats. Hold your hats, people. Um, I said to Raven that I think one of the biggest mental illnesses that people suffer from is religion.

I agree.

And this is toxic religion. This— yeah, I was gonna say, this happened after we watched the documentary on Ruby Frankie. And if you don't know who Ruby Frankie is, she was a mommy vlogger who got massive amounts of fame making— she had 8 kids, and— or no, 6 kids, and her channel was called 8 Passengers. And she's now in prison for 30 years because of child abuse. And everything that she thought—

the demon was in her.

She thought her children were the devil. And so she— these babies were on the brink of death. I mean, her 8-year-old son, or whatever, he might have been a little older than 8, snuck out of this house.

He was—

and he was 8?

He was older than 8.

Oh, he was older than 8. And he was emaciated and he had wounds all over him. He had been tied up. And basically though, the religion, the extreme religion that this family was— they were from the Latter-day Saints, Mormons— yeah, was just— she believed her kids were the devil. And I mean, like, that— it was so horrific to see.

Toxic religion. Thought processes to me is the mental illness, because there are some religious people within the Christian faith, within the, the scope of Jesus and God, that are not that.

Of course.

And we also want to give praise to those who keep the, the beauty that is the original.

Of course.

But then there are sections and sectors that tend to, oh, just saturate in toxicity, and it creates division, it creates hatred, it creates child abuse, it creates sex cults, it creates all kinds of things. And it's not fair to the people who are actually, um, studying and praising in a positive sense, you know what I mean? But I do too believe, like, when you go too far deep into one thing, yeah, not keeping your eyes open, especially in America and our environment where there's so many religions playing with each other and, and, you know, moving forward in society, we really have to be careful.

It's also people who take the Bible so literally, and they think that that is truth. And therefore they're living in a world that is literally a gray zone. Yeah. In this black and white mentality themselves, and then making decisions and building their life around this text that they think is, again, the word of God. But in fact, it's the world of Shakespeare.

Exactly. Yeah, exactly.

Seriously.

And that's why I always tell people, look at the version. Yeah, people forget that it says King James's Version.

This is—

Trump just came out with his Bible that out and it says Trump's version. Listen, like, people go, this is real. Like, he's—

that's going to be in the Holiday Inns. Okay.

Oh my God. No, but I 100% agree with you. It's like, and that's where I'm at right now. But, you know, I like, even those who are not so caught up in the toxicity of it still are, still are drinking the sauce. And that's what I'm seeing because, like, I have family members who love me, who say they support me, and then in the same breath I see them do or say certain things.

And I'm like, the hypocrisy. There's so much hypocrisy in religion.

I thought you were one of the good ones. And they're like, well, I am, but you know, it's the but you know that kills me. But you know, the Bible does, but you know. And I'm like, okay girl, okay. Y'all all gonna find out one day.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've always been like anxious around organized religion, and then I went to this psychic who told me that I A question.

Why maybe a fallout? You don't go to the psychic too?

Nah, because I know my wife here.

She knows the story I'm about to tell you, which is I went to this psychic who told me that I was a princess in a past life, and— or a queen in a past life. Yeah, she told me I was a queen in a past life and that I probably had some negative interaction with a religious group. So then what I took that to mean was that I was a bad queen who was probably killed. Not— maybe I was a good queen who was killed, but I was doing things that people thought were bad because they were super religious.

Yeah.

And then they chopped my head off. This is what I've decided, because she can't put shirts over her head. Yeah, and I think they kept me in a tower for a long time because I'm very claustrophobic. So I think that that's why I don't like—

I live for this past life.

I know, right? I live for it too. Did you say amen, babe?

I said praise be.

What was your past life, Raven?

Honey, I was a man.

Okay, so I feel like I was a woman in my past life. I feel like I was a woman in my past life.

Period.

A white woman.

This is the first time I was— you were a white woman.

I was a white woman. I know it, baby.

What's your name?

I don't know her name, but I know she was everything. But she didn't like the fact that she didn't feel like she had some freedom, and she was like, I'm gonna be a man. And then she was like, but I still want dick. She's like, so I'm gonna be a gay man. And that's how I came. I know that my past self put that in the universe, and she was obsessed with skin. Exactly.

And so you came back this time as a Black man so to the, you got the best skin ever.

Yeah, bitch. She was plotting for my future and I live for her. I don't know who she is, but thank you past me.

I think I'm coming in next life. I think I'm coming back as like a hot gay Black man.

Bitch, it's a good life.

I think so.

I'm not gonna lie to y'all. I'm not gonna lie to y'all. It's a cute life. Okay. Being a Black gay man, bitch, it is cute.

Especially, I mean, like if you look like you, yes.

Body T, face T. Yes. Education T. Period.

I'm ready for the next life. Let's go.

Okay, calm down. I don't like the drugs, but okay. You a white woman in this one.

You good.

Okay, you good.

You are okay.

What would you come back in your next life as?

Oh, I wouldn't.

Oh, she's over life. She's like, done.

Yeah, I've done my numbers and technically I'm in my 9th life. I really think I learned my lesson. Yeah, I'm good. I had success and fame in this life. I know I was a man in another one. I know I've been in charge of people. I know I've been, um, underneath people. I don't— I don't want to come back. I don't like it. I don't like the trajectory.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, like, at this point, like, it's done. I understand. If there is more lives, I'm hoping it's the last one too. And it's not pessimistic, like, it's not like I'm not suicidal or something. It's just like, I feel like I learned the lessons. Yeah, like, I feel like I learned it.

I do a lot of spiritual work. I do a lot of, like, Zen and Zen teachings, and I do a lot of just New Age teachings when it comes to just accepting the fact of of the spirit that has been placed inside of my avatar. And so I'm just going to be like—

I would subscribe to the Zen, Raven's Zen teachings. I want to let you know that. Put that online. I would subscribe. Tell me where the classes are in Burbank, bitch. I'm there.

We start with prayers and we end with a blunt.

I'm there.

I don't.

It's Nine Perfect Strangers. It is Raven's, what's it called, mushroom retreat.

I love it.

You know what else is really fun to do in this life?

Best guess.

I'm gonna tell you what is— put your hand in that pot and tell us, can you reach?

Yeah, yeah, I can. I can reach.

There it is.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, so you're gonna pull it out.

By the way, I have never put my hand in something, but I'm— see, this is what my problem is in this life. Yeah, I'm just always like, sure, I didn't question if there was like something.

No hesitation. No, you're amazing.

That's why you have success.

You're a rebel. Don't read it just yet. Just pull it out and keep it close. So Karamo, tell us, what are we talking about today on Tea Time?

On Tea Time, we are talking about secrets.

Ooh. I got a secret. Secrets, secrets are no fun. Secrets are for everyone. What do we—

Oh, he's ready.

I'm ready. Bitch, I love a secret. Let me tell you something. One of the beauties of like— so I'm a Scorpio. I keep a secret.

You got a lot of secrets.

I got a lot of secrets, but I I keep people's secrets.

That's fair.

Part of it is because I don't have no memory. So if you tell me, most likely within a day I've forgotten it.

Give me a high five.

That's literally my wife.

Best friends ever.

Best friend ever. I don't— I forgot it. Now this is a hint for anybody, not to go to back to my best friend Trey. If he's around when you tell me the secret, bitch, he remembers every detail. He gonna remember what you had on, and in 3 years he's gonna bring it up in detail about, well, bitch, you remember when you had said that you had did this?

Me?

Bitch, tell me today, girl. It's gone. Yeah. So you would try to say—

Yes.

Yeah.

I don't remember shit.

So I know I am a rememberer for sure.

She's the elephant in the room.

But you are good at keeping secrets.

Yes.

Because I forget them.

But even if you remember that—

But even if I remember that, I'm good.

I'm good because I know what it feels like to be— I know what it feels like to be—

That's me before I have somebody tell my business. So I always am like, I don't want to tell nobody else's business because if I do remember it, I don't want that feeling.

But I am also the person who'll tell your business without attaching your name to it.

To it.

If I'm in a conversation and your secret pertains to the conversation I'm having—

am I that way? Okay, okay, okay.

But if it pertains to the conversation I'm having, I'll be like, yeah, you know what, I experienced something, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. The person's not around, but I don't ever tell who it connects to. Yes, but sometimes— I mean, here's what I believe: if somebody tells me a secret, I'm supposed to know that information on a higher level and an earth level.

Agreed, agreed.

Having a major problem. Hold on, I have no idea. No, Oh my God, don't say that. That sounds— I'm sitting on a lip pillow.

Oh, lip pillow.

I can't even show now.

It's a lip pillow I'm looking at. Yeah, it's a lip pillow.

Oh my God, cut all that out.

Go ahead.

No, we're not cutting it out.

Hey, it's Howie Mandel, and I am inviting you to witness history as me and my Howie Do It gaming team take on Gilly the King and wallow 267's million dollars gaming in an epic Global Gaming League video game showdown 4 rounds, multiple games, one winner, plus a halftime performance by multi-platinum artist Travie McCoy. Watch all the action and see who wins and advances to the championship match against Neo right now at GlobalGamingLeague.com. That's GlobalGamingLeague.com. Everybody games.

But I do believe that, you know, when you talk to people, even in a podcast that's like a scheduled conversation, we're gonna learn things from people. We're gonna learn. I'm gonna take them with me and hopefully move forward in my education. And when I learn a secret, that lesson that you're telling me or what you experienced might help me in the future as well. And I keep my mouth shut because, as some of you know, my parents read my diary when I was 13 years old and I was on punishment— I'm sorry, 12 years old, and I was on punishment for a whole entire year. Wow.

And what was you writing about at 12, girl?

I'm writing a book about it.

Oh, bitch, I cannot wait for that book.

I'm writing a memoir about it. And I felt violated from the person who told my father that they found my diary.

Yeah.

And I never trusted that person again. Truly. And so I know what it feels like and I would never do that to anybody. But I will tell you about yourself when you tell me a secret and it's stupid as fuck.

Oh, I'm gonna tell somebody about themselves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We are the— I am the friend that's going to tell you like, bitch, you know, you got done for that. Or like, maybe this is how you can grow from that. That I will always do.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I also think there is a difference between a secret and privacy. And what happened to you with the diary specifically was a true invasion of your privacy. Yeah. And a secret is intentional withholding. And I think privacy is something that there's—

now, my diary was a secret, but you're okay.

But that's— yeah, I mean, like, you had a— a diary is a designated place for you to write your thoughts and feelings, and so it's maybe a secret, but it's also a private place. It's different than trying to, you know, consciously withhold information from somebody, which is more of a secret. Which, a secret is— it has a lot of negative connotations, but I think there are good secrets, like a surprise party, you know, that's a secret I'm gonna keep, versus like, I'm cheating. That's a secret.

So in your, in your, in your youth growing up, in your family dynamic, were there secrets allowed? I know, and I say that because in some cultures, yeah, family secrets are important to keep, and in some cultures they're not.

Oh yeah, yeah, they'll talk about them. No, our culture, we, we were talking about it. I mean, I mean, we weren't talking about them, right? Secrets were held. People, we knew something was going on. Uh, there was a secret about paternity in our family that just was confirmed not to be true that for the longest had been told a million and one times. And the only reason that it was confirmed not to be true recently is because my ass was like, girl, can we talk about this now, girl? Because I'm in my 40s now, bitch. Let me find out. Is that your daddy? I need to know. And it stirred up a lot of stuff because everybody was like pissed at me. And I was like, well, girl, y'all all been talking about this for 40 years. I was 7 and y'all were talking about this. So I need to know. And so yeah, my family is that culture of like, keep the secret, don't talk about it, don't say this. We had a family member that went to jail for something that wasn't even their fault. It was something that was, and no one in the family knew what was going on. And I was thinking like, what a disservice we're doing by keeping the secret when this person could use support from the rest of us. And instead of giving that person that support, we've now held this secret in because of our embarrassment. And now they've went through this experience thinking no one cares and no one's someone's there for them. And so I don't, I don't like secrets in that way.

I say often that secrets keep you sick, and it is really proven now psychologically that people who are holding secrets are in a whole lot more stress and a whole lot more torment than people who can just express their truth.

This is why I told y'all when we came to the thing, I was like, y'all can ask me anything. I have no nothing to hide. I'll tell y'all anything y'all want to go. I will go down the path, we'll say anything. And this is also why I got a talk show, because honestly honestly, one of the things is because I am nosy. And so, no, no, no, girl. Um, I want to know everybody's secrets. And so like sometimes on my show, the producers will do what they do of talking to the guests, and then I'll go in there and be like, but girl, tell me.

Same, same thing. We'll talk about this off camera.

What's going on, girl? And then I don't say anything, but now once they're sitting in front of me, bitch, they know that I know the tea. And I'd be like, Is there anything else you feel like could help you really get through this?

You're hilarious.

I be like, anything you think that can help you grow in this moment. And they be like, bitch. And then they tell their secret. And like you said, they're no longer sick. They had growth. There's revelation, there's breakthrough, you know what I mean? And luckily I do use the skills to kind of help guide them up and like smack them up. But girl, I'm good for doing that.

I mean, that's why you took Maury's job.

Amen, girl. I didn't want to take Maury's job, if I can be real with you.

First of all, I love Maury. So the fact that you were on that set and got to even be a part of the transition, I'm shitting myself. That was a secret to me.

Yes.

It was a secret, right?

It was, yeah.

So tell the secret.

When that happened, I was like, this is an opportunity. And this is no disrespect to Maury because I actually really respect Maury. I will say there have been times on some of those shows where the healing wasn't there.

Correct.

There was a lot of like, let's just show what you're doing, let's show your business, and then you go off. And I don't hate on Maury for that because it was a different time and we have different skill sets. But I'll tell you this, I do believe that whatever higher power there is for this life put me in this space because majority of the people who are guests on daytime talk shows like mine that help real people are Black are queer people.

Most definitely.

All of them are Black or queer people.

Jerry Springer.

Black or queer. Black or queer. And now you have a Black queer man that sits in front of these people, and I'm like, so when I hear their stories, I see the trauma, I see the heartache, I see the healing that needs to happen. And yes, you can be messy, you can have a good time, but I promise you that it always comes to some point in my talk show where I'm like, okay, now we got to cut the bullshit. Now we got to get to the core because you got to heal. Like, I need you to—

You want to help people.

Yeah. I'm like, I need you— No, you're not going— Yes, we've done the like, woo woo woo, rah rah rah, fuck you, girl, blah blah blah blah. I'm like, okay, cute, you got it out. Okay, now what do we need to get to the next step for you to heal? And that's where I'm like, oh God, I saw your purpose. Like, now I see why you brought me over here to Connecticut to be on Morrie's stage. I got it. Okay. Because like sometimes when we do this DNA test, like people would be like shocked and hurt and like whatever. And like I always tell people, where Morrie's show stopped is where I start continuing. So like when somebody runs off, they're not running off my stage. They're coming right back so we can talk about now what does this mean that you just learned the secret? What does it mean that You now have this and I feel really proud. And we're going to see the poor girls with the checks that go through.

All the checks.

Oh yeah, all the checks. Need a check? Where are they? The poor? I told y'all I'm tricking off whatever man come in my life. Baby, where you at? I'm ready to trick you off. Where you at? You want my Amex, baby? I got you.

Oh my God.

What you need?

Is it platinum or black?

It's platinum and black. I got both. I give the platinum one, I give to—

I'm about to become a gay man.

The platinum I put on their name so they can have one of the platinum ones.

And you take their credit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I help the credit go up. That's very kind of you. Because they get on mine, so they got my credit because I give them a— I put an authorized user on my Platinum.

Okay, we need to help you heal from this because you can't keep tricking like you mean it out here in these streets. But I need somebody to come and take care of you too.

Yeah, this is the thing, and I'm gonna be honest with you, I am surrounded— my 3 best friends I've had since I was 15 and 18, we've known each other for 25 years and have never separated. Never, never, never, never. We've had no arguments in our life. And so I feel so taken care of and so loved that I'm like, I can— let me take care of you, baby. You know what I mean?

That's cute.

You know what I mean? Like, I had a man, you know, my ex that I was with for 10 years. He was probably the only man that, um, I felt like equally took care of me. He took— he was a gem.

He was emotionally there.

Emotionally. He cooked.

I know.

You know him? You know he is too?

Yeah.

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah, we know.

You know it. So he was perfect. He was perfect.

You know, you guys had your situation and—

Oh yeah, but no, we grew apart, girl. No, we needed that energy. This reminiscing, right, was like, I want to get back together. I was saying like—

Yeah, no, it's acknowledging the good.

It was acknowledging the good. Yeah.

And the bad can be kept a secret.

Speaking of secrets— Well, girl, Raven, you said you know the bad. Tell me the bad that you heard.

No, no, no, boo boo, that's not my— Listen, I was kept a secret.

Tell me, girl. Raven, you said you was telling.

Not on camera.

Why? Because.

I told you I'd go anywhere.

I have his text messages and I'm still trying to work with him because I love him. I'm never gonna tell what he told me, boo. But I will say this, babes, I know you have a question next, but I just want to put this little kiki out here.

I love this though. She's a real one. She said she ain't keeping it.

I've known Ian for too long.

Yeah, yeah, I heard you saying his name.

Hi, Ian.

We love you. I do want to say this, the other day— this has nothing to do with secrets, I just want your opinion, both of you.

Okay, okay.

Okay, go back to the early '90s.

Yes.

When Jerry Springer and Maury were poppin'.

Poppin'.

There was no such thing as internet, and there was no such thing as like the comment section.

Yes.

Oh, yeah.

Now close your eyes.

Okay.

You just finished an episode of Maury, or mostly Jerry Springer.

You asked me what I'm going to eat.

I'm making soap next to you. Shut up. Isn't the comment section the audience responses at the end of the show?

Yeah. Yeah.

We just moved from Jerry Springer's audience section to the comment section, you guys. It lit. He literally is Instagram.

He set it up.

He set it up, you guys. So if you're ever mad at the people in the comments, you guys, oh my God.

On the studio outside of, um, the NBC Studios, it's Maury's picture, my picture, and Jerry's picture.

Whoa.

I'm not joking.

That's a reverse Oreo right there.

So vanilla chocolate sandwich.

Yeah, exactly. But that's what I talked about when I said that responsibility. Yeah, it's a huge Like, I really do take this, all jokes aside, I take this, not to keep him referencing the best friend trait, but 'cause he's with me, he goes to work with me every day, he runs my career. And so I literally am at work and I will be like, I gotta change something, I gotta rectify it. Because I be like, I love those shows, I watch them all day long, but I'm like, I gotta do some damage control, I gotta do some, you know, whatever.

Light in the situation.

Exactly, you know what I mean? But they— those are some men, they like— I wish I could have their numbers on TV. Like, that was the heyday of TV, baby.

Heyday.

Oh my gosh, I wish I could get their checks too.

Oh, it was different.

It was different.

That money back then don't make no damn sense.

No sense, girl. But I still got the money now.

He's like salivating for it. Oh my God, he's so excited.

Where you at, baby?

Do you have a secret that now isn't a secret but once upon a time would something that felt very secret.

Tive? Tive.

It's a hard word. So can I try it?

I mean, kind of. Like, I mean, I told everyone that I was gay. I let them in when I was gay at 15. So that was kind of something. But like, I have another best friend named Ray. And he— like, we used to be in school. And I used to be like, man, I would love to see that dude naked. And they all thought that— they used to say I was wild. And they would think I was joking. They thought I was just like— you know, like— but I was like, no, I told y'all. I was telling y'all. So it was like an open secret. I think I've always had open secrets. Secrets? I don't think I've ever had— I'm telling you, I've been an open book.

That's beautiful, babes. Have you, have you had a secret that you had as a child that as you grew up it kind of dissipated and didn't turn into—

which one?

Yeah, so when I was in third grade, there was this do not touch section of our classroom where my— this really, like, this is, this traumatized me. My teacher had a do not touch section of our classroom and it was like the museum, and she would bring artifacts and things and put them there. And then we would like all just look at them and not touch. And one day she brought in a snakeskin, a freshly shed snakeskin, and she put it down and it was still completely like in its form. And it was so delicate.

Where did she get that?

I have no fucking idea. She went to Campbell Hall.

Okay.

Yeah, I wasn't at Campbell Hall for elementary school. I was at St. James and she was an interesting woman anyway. So she brings it and it's like, we can't touch. I was fascinated by this thing. But if anyone is familiar with a snakeskin, it's like the thinnest paper. I mean, it like disintegrates in your hands. And so how does she keep it together?

I'm sorry, I'm wrong question. I don't know.

Listen, I don't know.

How does she got all this shit and she keeping it together?

Very, very carefully. Recess happens. Everyone goes out to recess. And I went out to the yard, but then I came back into the classroom to get something I had forgotten. And the snakeskin was calling to me. Me, and I just was like, no one was in there. I peer up and over, and I was like, I'm just gonna just touch it for a second. And I touch the snakeskin, and it just breaks into like—

touch the snakeskin, because look at her hands. This is touching. You would say, I'm just gonna hold the snakeskin, and it just—

I don't actually remember. I might have just touched it, whatever. I fucking broke the snakeskin, and I was like, oh my God, oh my God, and I run back. And we come back in from recess and my teacher is standing before the class and she says, the snakeskin is broken. Who touched it? And I just— and I remember I looked down at my nails and I thought, there's only 3 more years till I'm in 6th grade. And after 6th grade I graduate and I don't go to the school anymore. Just keep the secret. And I was— and she made us all write standards, which are, you know, I don't know if you know what standards are, if anyone knows what standards are, but it was when a sentence was written up on the board and you had to write that sentence.

Oh, like Yeah, like in The Simpsons.

Yeah, punishment. And we all had to do that.

We did that?

Yeah, in my school.

Oh, white people. Okay. Yeah, I was like, I thought that was just a Bart Simpson thing. They made y'all sit at the board and really write a sentence over and over again?

Yeah, yeah.

I would have done that punishment in a heartbeat.

Her handwriting is amazing.

Bitch, I would have been like, oh, I just gotta write on the board? Yeah, great. Sure. Like, okay, bitch, I'm gonna fuck up again.

Like, no, it was just on a piece of paper over and over.

Yeah, besides, I'm gonna be sitting at a desk. I mean, it's cute.

I mean, 'cause they couldn't hit us. I don't know. But I was, I never told that secret until now.

Okay. I guess if we're talking about, I used to be a kleptomaniac, but I told people about that.

Ooh, I love that.

Yes, I was. Don't give a confirmation, Trey. Bitch, I hate. I used to steal all the time.

From where?

Everywhere. But I used to steal stupid shit too.

Like before Winona or like after Winona?

Before, for sure. Before.

Yeah.

Okay, originator.

Okay, yeah. Like I used to go onto like, So I would go, so this was my scam. This scam might still work for people today.

You're welcome.

Okay. Like take a piece of paper out and write this down. Write it down. So during the holidays, they don't, they get so many returns and stuff that department stores do not like put back on the sensors.

Yeah.

They usually just put things back out. So I would go in the morning and just watch as people would make the returns and then as they fold them and put them back up, I just put them into the bags and like walk right out. And it wouldn't always be in my size. Cause I'd get niggas like, biggest gifts. And so I was generous. Just generous. I'd be like, I'd be like, hey, I got you this. And it was like, because it didn't have a sensor on, I was like, oh, this could fit my sister, my auntie. Girl, you got a new shirt.

That's so nice. That's clever.

It was.

That also sounds like it takes a lot of work. I mean, you had to like get there early. You had to assess. You had to read the room.

It sounds like it took a lot of work, but it wouldn't. Oh, I would just sit down on the bench and watch the returns. Like, it was one lot of returns. And then And then the busy worker would just fold it up and I would put it in my bag and then sit back on my bench until—

I love it. More returns happened.

More returns happened. Because if I have a bag and it's full and I'm sitting on the bench, I'm not like a criminal. Y'all not looking like he's running.

Yeah.

Never got caught either.

Never got caught. I also used to steal Now Laters and Starbursts and candy from the convenience store on my way to school and then sell it as school.

Yes, hustler.

Because we— I had no lunch money. I was on free or reduced lunch. And sometimes, like, they had also the little cute section where you could buy, like, the cute stuff, but I had no money for the cute stuff. So I would steal the candy, sell the candy before lunch period, by 4th period. And then—

but you had older sisters, they didn't beat your ass? They didn't beat your ass?

They— none of them.

No, they were getting them shirts.

They was wearing the shirts and eating the candy.

And would take the money out my backpack. They'd be like, where you get this $5 from him, and I'd be like, oh, fine, it's yours now.

Oh, I like that.

And so, yeah, I was a little—

though, always provider.

I had a best friend who was a kleptomaniac.

Yeah.

And the thing about her and our situation was like, you have money. You're really doing this because you have like a psychological disorder.

That's what got me. I had no money, so when I was stealing, we didn't have the clothes. Yeah, it was real motivation. I wanted something. Yeah, it bothers me when people steal and you got stuff. It's like, what's the thrill about that?

No, that is a mental health— like, she, she's banned from Sephora.

Really?

Yes, because she's got like 3 kids, because she stole— she's reformed, but she stole so much shit from Sephora. And I was like, bitch, I would have bought it for you. Like, what are you doing? Yeah, what are you doing? She got arrested at the Sephora in New York City. Like, that is hardcore. You went to New York City jail? Like, damn, shit.

Have y'all ever been in jail? I've never been in jail.

I've never been in jail.

You've been in jail?

Babes goes to jail all the time.

Yeah, no jail.

That, that's her secret. Can you imagine? She follows all the rules. Do you have a secret though, baby?

I do have a secret.

Um, you can tell us.

I was in middle school.

Yeah.

And my dad was ordering ice cream from the ice cream truck that would like go through neighborhoods and you would buy bulks of ice cream. And he bought the Strawberry Shortcake one on a stick that was like covered in those pops.

Yes.

And he put in the freezer. And I've always been thick, you know what I mean? Some people would call it fluffy, I call it thick as fuck.

Anyway, that was an interesting— told you that, girl, because you were skinny as hell. Because if you would have compared yourself to any girls in my neighborhood, girl, you were skinny, girl. I watched Raven and everything else she was on, girl, you were skinny. You just had titties.

I did have titties. And in Hollywood, I was—

they thought you was fat. Yeah, wasn't that crazy? Yeah, they fuck with your head like that.

Still fucks with my head anyway. Okay, so this was before I even got on that story.

This was like middle school.

So I am Every night I would come home from school and my parents weren't there because we had a chain of vending machines and my dad, I don't know where he was, but my mom and brother would— she would pick him up from school and they would go around the city and fill all the vending machines with like hot fries and honey buns and all these kind of things. So I was at home by myself. I got into some other things, but then I opened the freezer and I was like, this looks good, let me taste this. That shit was delicious. And I would go upstairs and I would eat it while watching television. And then kind of did this every day, maybe twice a day sometimes. And I think within the next 2 weeks, my dad brought everybody into the house. He was a mess. He was very angry all the time. And he's like, who ate the ice cream?

Not me.

I did not eat that ice cream. Not me. Not me. Kept that secret for 3 to 4 years. He found a wrapper in my backpack, hit me at the head, upside the head with a book, and he was like, you kept it? You, OJ, you kept that secret for that long?

I say yes.

Oh, you kept the wrapper for that long too?

That's what I said. Listen, listen, this bitch loses everything. The fact that you were able to keep a wrapper for 4 years—

evidence—

I had multiple backpacks, and so as I switched them out, you know, you tuck it in the side because I couldn't put it it in the couch and I couldn't put it in the trash can because the parents would see it.

You buried it in the trash.

You weren't a real thief. Everybody— the apartment bags I used to get, girl, after I emptied them out, you would think I'd say let me keep this for the next time I go steal. Nah, girl, those were in the trash.

Yeah, I was environmental. You have to burn them.

You gotta burn.

I didn't. I wasn't smart enough, you guys, which is why I got hit with a book about it afterwards. But yeah, that was— that's my biggest secret that I finally told later. My mom was like, you are crazy.

Okay, I have a food one too. I ate an entire loaf of bread and an entire jar of peanut butter. And my dad then came into the kitchen. He was like, where the hell's the bread? I want a piece of toast. And I was like, the dog ate it. And he was like, no, no, no, we're not finishing this story.

My wife the other day did this, you guys.

My wife and you did this again?

I do want to know.

She was driving in, in the car and she had to scratch her foot or something, so she puts her foot up.

That's just lying.

This is just lying. She puts her foot up on the dashboard.

It's always a lie.

And she puts her foot up on the dashboard and she accidentally swerves into the next lane.

And this guy's like, it was not even in the car, there's a bee.

There's no bee. You put your foot up here while you were driving. There's no bee. My wife can come up with a cover story like this.

She's good at gaslighting. She got—

no, I don't know.

That was a gaslight. That was— yeah, you said it was a bee and she was in it. She was in the passenger seat.

Raven wasn't in the car.

Oh, I thought you were in the car.

I was like, Raven was the person that drove up next to her.

This is, this is what happened. I, that moment happened. And when I swerved and this man in his very big Mercedes got very mad at me for swerving, and I was like, you're right, I was wrong. But I played out the whole thing. Had I actually hit him, what I would've had to tell the cop, I would've said, listen, there was a bee in the car and I swerved to avoid the bee because I'm allergic to bees. And if I get stung, anaphylactic shock. Galactic. And then like, we're all—

works for me. They're not gonna test you to know. Exactly.

I would—

mercy.

So for the first time ever, we are going to do a little segment, a little fun game called Sip or Spill.

Oh, fun.

Okay, I'm going to read off a few different scenarios and we're going to decide if we would keep the secret— sip— or tell the secret— spill. I love it. Okay, a friend has a huge, very visible tattoo that they designed and are proud could have, but you noticed it's misspelled. Sip or spill?

Spill, girl, and I'm gonna laugh at them for sure.

Same.

I'm like, you dumb hoe, you didn't spell check. But the real truth is that in my life, because I don't know how to spell, that would be me.

I don't know how to spell either.

What trauma did we have?

A lot.

A lot, girl.

A lot.

Oh shit, okay, okay.

Well, you didn't answer.

Oh, um, I'm laughing. I'm never gonna tell.

Okay.

Oh, you're not gonna tell?

Hilarious.

Your friend confesses to you that they cheated on their partner who also your very close friend and doesn't know. I'm sorry, you're spilling.

I'm totally telling my friend that they got cheated on. I'm not doing that.

But they're both your friends.

They're both my friends.

Yeah, which one's more your friend? There's always one.

Yeah, okay, um, because this is tricky.

It is tricky.

Tricky. This is tricky. So in this case, I am gonna spill, but I'm going to do what I know how to do, and I do it very well. Trey will tell you, I will get them both to eventually get in the room and share it.

Oh, that's nice.

Yeah, cuz I would do something like— I would do something like this. I'd be like, knowing that they both messing around, I'd be like, oh, well, if you— if you coming at 12, why don't y'all just come together? And to be like, well, who you riding with? And it's like, that's very kind. They'll piece it together. They'll— but I will do the things to make them piece it together.

I love that. Yes, I would kind of do that too. Yeah, yeah, I would figure out how to maneuver.

Like, maneuver. Y'all going— y'all going to learn today.

I'm not that friend.

I'm texting you, he fucking around. Let's go.

But then, but the other friend, your friend too.

Yeah, yeah, you shouldn't be fucking around. Let's go.

Okay, cheers.

That would be a little bit of my, my maneuvering is I would somehow figure out how to get one of the people to come clean.

Yeah, one of them. That's what I would do. They're gonna come clean because the thing is that one of the friends, they're both my friends, they're gonna be mad at me because I knew. So that's why I'm like, y'all gotta tell each other.

Yeah, yeah. You're helping throw a surprise party and the guest of honor asks you directly if something's going on. They hate surprises.

Surprises.

Tell.

I hate surprises. And bitch, if anybody ever throws me a surprise party, I'ma cuss you the fuck out.

There you go.

I don't want it. Amen. You heard him. He said he would tell me.

I—

listen, I don't even like the surprise at the end of a movie. I want to know the ending before.

Oh damn, am I lying? You're a control freak.

Yes I am, girl.

Wow.

Yes I am, girl. I don't want none of that surprise. So bitch, if you ask me, bitch, and I know you don't like— if I know you like surprises, then I'm not going to tell you, right? But if I know you don't like surprises, bitch, I'm be like, girl, yeah, it's at Tuesday at 2. Girl, this the attire, so you come cute. Okay, there you go.

I'm going to sip. I'm going to keep it. I tried to throw my wife a surprise party. It was very difficult. And, um, do you like surprises though?

Do you want me to— no. And do you want me to tell the biggest secret right now?

Yeah.

I knew. How'd you know? And why did you still act the way that you did if you You knew because she was making you happy.

Because I—

oh, she would make me happy because I was so unhappy about it.

But I knew. I had found out a while before.

Why are you so unhappy about it?

Because I hate surprises. And I was just like— and then I—

your sister told me to do this.

I know, it was her fault. But I found out and I knew. Who told you? I don't remember how I found out, but I found out.

But you knew. But I knew.

My wife was so funny. It's like, surprise, I need to go to the grocery store, and then leaves her whole entire surprise party.

I need to go to the grocery store. I wasn't—

yeah, everybody was like, See, that's why if I knew you, I'd be like, girl, so they throwing a party. Okay, so listen, come prepared, get an eye before. Like, girl, like, this what Raven wearing, girl. So like, just like match the outfit, girl.

Totally. And I'd be— I need you in my life.

And then like before you walked in, I'd be like, okay, this, this is who's here. Do you need me to move anybody to the back? I, I do all of that. And so then when you come in, you see the people you want and you be like, oh my gosh, I'm happy. And the people you don't want is in the back. Girl, you already got your crew. This is— that's who I am, girl. I'm Spill it.

I was really going through something that year. I don't know, I wasn't— I'm sorry, I, I'm taking this moment to apologize to you, cuz I don't even—

Look me in the eye and say it.

I'm really sorry.

You are?

Yeah, sorry, cuz it was really sweet of you.

I really tried.

You really tried. I think Mimi told me.

You're the one who told—

I think my sister told me.

Anyway, keep going.

It was great.

This is not about—

I blocked it out.

Okay, it can be. I'm here to navigate this conversation for you. So, baby, talk about it. Tell us.

Okay, I'd like to talk about it.

I think we're going in.

Listen, I normally don't do big parties, especially for someone who's expressed that they have— they're control freaks a little bit. So I confided in her sister to say like, hey, what should we do? She's like, she's never had a surprise party. She's always wanted it. And we worked really hard. I was like, you sure? And I remember saying, are you sure? Yes, we'll do it. I said, okay, okay, okay. And it really did hurt my feelings the way my wife showed up to the party and like left. And I was a good partner. I took her, you took me, we left together and then did what you had and did what we did with her. But then I was just like, literally, she didn't know, but I'm literally apologizing to everyone at the party, like, I'm sorry she left, she did this, this, this.

And it was— I apologize too to everyone.

So Mimi, your sister, is the one who did this?

Yeah.

So it sounds like the person who really needs to be apologizing is Mimi. So hold on, we have Mimi here. Mimi, come on out!

Oh my God, Mimi!

Okay, Mimi, The Karamo Show. We just switched this whole shit up now.

So great. I love it.

Mimi would be like, what the fuck?

Exactly.

But this is my sister. What the fuck, Biggie? Okay, my nickname is Biggie. Oh my God, hilarious. Um, anyway, it was great. I, I did leave. I love you too. I just like, I don't know, surprise parties. I, I do want another one.

No, you're not getting one. Okay, no, I just want to plan it.

I just want to plan it. I know that logic totally.

Yeah, somebody explain it to me, please.

So me being able to be involved in my surprise party allows it to be a great surprise party.

Yeah. Like me getting to tell you, me getting to tell you everything that I want.

Yes.

And then it's perfect.

This is why I told you I would text you and say this so you could be like, no, I want this here. This is there. Yeah.

And then be like, oh my God, you guys, you guys, it literally is not a surprise party then. It's literally just a party.

No, because it's a surprise for y'all.

Yeah.

We're surprising you.

That's exactly right.

All right, let's ask the next question. I can't work this logic right now.

Your friend's kid told you a huge family secret by accident. No one else knows, including their parents.

Oh, I'm sipping it. I'm keeping it forever and looking everybody in the eye, dead into their soul. I know what you did, bitch.

Oh no, bitch. Yeah, it depends.

That's hard.

It depends because like my best friend Ray has a kid and she told me something that she did and I immediately was like, hey, watch it. I was like, but don't let her know. This is the way you got to get into it because sometimes comes, you know, one thing with the kid, then it turns into 14 secrets. And so, you know, yeah, a little bit of intervention. But you're gonna look in her eye and like be like, little bitch, I know your secret.

Exactly.

Because I also pride myself on being like auntie, you know what I mean? Like, you're gonna get cussed out because you did the bad thing, but I'm also gonna say, hey, eventually you're gonna have to tell. Oh yeah, I'll keep it until you do, but I expect you to tell it before you turn 18. Oh yeah, but I'm gonna keep it so that when we're in the room with your family, I can be looking at I did.

No, she loves that. I tell— no, I'm, I'mma spill it. I'mma tell the parents, but, but I'm going to help the parents. I did this recently. I'm going to help the parents navigate it so that the kid doesn't know.

Oh, that's nice.

That I told, but they can also be aware.

That's very nice.

So much.

You have kids.

Yeah, so that's why you are, you are kind of like— because you want to make sure they know, you know what I mean?

Yeah, that makes sense.

I'm not a good auntie, I guess.

You're a great auntie. You guys, let's toast.

Toasty!

Toasty, toasty! Today on Tea Time, we are toasting to Oliver Widger.

Widger. Widger.

Oliver Widger.

Oliver Widger.

Oliver is a 29-year-old guy from Oregon.

What up, Oregon?

Who has a dream to sail the world. After learning he had a spinal condition and being told it could one day lead to full paralysis, Oliver quit his corporate job, liquidated his 401(k), 1K, bought a sailboat, and started to teach himself how to sail. A year later, on April 30th, Oliver set sail with his pet cat Phoenix along for the ride. Their first journey, a 25-day, 2,400-mile-long voyage from Oregon to Hawaii, which they have now successfully completed as of this past Saturday, which I don't know, it's now many Saturdays away for you. Um, so amazing, Oliver! Go live your life!

That's not a wigger, because let me tell you something, ain't no nigga getting boat when I found I got paralysis, bitch. Let me stay at the house. Let me— we gonna find something else to do, okay, girl? So, bitch, let me find out, let you know. Bitch, that's the stupidest shit I ever heard, girl. Live your life. But that's so dumb, girl. There's so— and you took your cat on that journey? I'm so done with this, Phoenix. I'm so done.

I was kind of thinking the same thing. Go where you want to go, girl.

Like, you over here rolling and shit with the— and the cat's like, Why am I here? Like, what'd I do? What'd I do?

On another note, Oliver, I'm really proud of you on the other side because a lot of people will get very bad diagnoses and then their brain slows down their healing process faster than if they actually did sell their 401k and go out and live your life. Live your life. So I'm really proud of you for going out there and sailing the ocean blue and making it because because that's dangerous, bruh.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm just saying, I want you to live your life. I'm proud of that too. But that just wasn't the way to do it. That just— that wasn't the look. That was your dream. Not with a cat. Like, that's really what I'm mad about, girl. You could have did it on your own. I don't know why people want to drag their pets in the shit. I love animals.

Always.

They always want to drag their cat and stuff into it.

We learned yesterday why from that.

Oh yeah, we like to, um, anthropomorphize animals.

Have you seen Tracy Morgan recently?

Recently?

No.

It's very interesting.

How's Tracy Morgan look? Let me see Tracy Morgan.

Karamo, thank you so much for being here. This has been absolutely wonderful. We love you.

I love you all.

We love you.

Please, I'll come back anytime. Y'all are good.

Please tell us where we can find you and what's going on.

And you can find me on Netflix for season 10 of Queer Eye that's going to be coming out very soon. You can find me, um, syndicated nationally around this country, um, or on Bravo or me, um, for my daytime talk show Karamo, um, or you can find me on this amazing podcast, which this is the— this is the best place to find me right here.

You're going to come back and I'm going to have your, like, potential new dates for you.

If you have dates set up for me, I'm telling you, I will take it so serious. This is not even a joke.

I'm taking it seriously too.

Like, yeah, I want to let you know, like, I'm seriously— like, I sign up for apps, I'm on apps, I'm, like, actively dating and going out and, like, trying Like, I'm about to be 45. I'm ready to settle down and find my person and have your baby girl and have my baby girl.

Let's do this.

I'm ready.

I love it.

Bye everyone. Thank you so much for watching. Don't forget to like, subscribe, and leave a comment down there if you're a good match for Karamo. And even if you're not, leave a comment. We love you guys. See you next week. Yeah, that part.

I love that.