Are We in the Middle of a Values Revolution? | S01 Episode 09

Are we in the middle of the values revolution? Let's talk about it today.

Welcome today to Leadership is Feminine. Thank you. I am your host, Chris Plackey, and I'm really looking forward to kind of putting this in the world for your ears and certainly always discussion. I know so many of my clients also listen to the podcast, so I always welcome you to bring, you know, these topics to our coaching calls as well. But values are a core, fundamental, foundational tenant to how we lead. And for years and years and years since I've been really coaching and teaching leadership, I've been working with leaders to ground into their own values. And I do believe there's an evolution to this process because I think in our initial blush with values, we tend to. Because, let me sit back up. We're so undeveloped in this area. And what I mean by that is we all have values. Values are cultivated through our life experiences, through the messaging of our childhood, through the world that we operate within. Not the world, but our little world. Right? All of that is, most of the time, very passively created. We have a very passive relationship with value development. And we don't, as a society, have a formalized mechanism for helping people discover their own values. What we do instead is we teach people values. Okay? And that's a. That's incredibly important just to hear me say, and all of us are taught in different places. So some of us are taught values by our parents. Some of us are taught values by school. Some of us are taught values in our religious affiliations. Some of us are taught values through education. We are. And, and in fact, a lot of us touch all of those. But did you take a class at some point in your life when you were young that said, hey, you, let's figure out what your values are, and let's teach you how your values are governing your choices, whether you know it or not. Right?

That's a truth, y'. All. Now, a lot of other people want to make it about a lot of other things, but I'm going to tell you right now that those values are a barometer. They are a compass, and they are. They are driving your actions and your behaviors, whether you're paying attention or not. So here we sit today, 2021, October something. And there's a lot of stuff happening in the world, lot of it. And some of it's amazing and some of it isn't. And I feel, as I think many of you do, there's a lot of fractiousness. And we need leaders now more than ever. And we don't need corrupt leaders and we don't need power hungry leaders. We just need people who will raise their hand and say, listen, I don't really know the way, but I will walk a little bit ahead. And we, let's. Can we go figure this out together?

And that's why I lean into women, because I think women are incredible collaborators, listeners, communicators. Which is frankly very revealing that I say that because those are also key values of mine. Collaboration, communication. So I'm going to use a really hot topic because I think it'll be fun.

Why not? Listen, if you think that this hot topic warrants you sending me something mean, then just, let's just be really clear. Good news. I. I'm not your person and nor are you mine. I think I should be able to say what I'm about to say and not be lamb blasted for it. But I'll leave it to you. If you love what I have to say, you're probably right where you need to be. But I'm going to use the example, the action of. In the world right now, there's an action in the world which is getting vaccinated.

I'm going to go there and we have a huge. Well, let me say that I do actually want to be careful. We don't have a huge problem in the country or anywhere about vaccinations. We just have a lot of disagreement, right? And some people who disagree are just louder than others. We just have a lot of noise around vaccines. And I'm specifically speaking about COVID which is also ironic that other vaccines we don't seem to talk about. But anyway, so we have this moment in time where people are some cases being mandated, most cases just being, you know, asked and invited to get vaccinated. But there are some people who aren't and there's some people who are. And a lot of people are wanting to make this a value based issue. You don't share my values if you're not vaccinated. You don't share my. You're not the year, right? You're. I can't be with you. We don't have the same value. And I just, I've really honestly been thinking like, is that really true? Because the truth is I got vaccinated. I was like, as soon as I could get a little appointment, I'm like, I'll roll up my arm, who has a needle, get the juice in my body. And I've been very vocal about that. I, I have no problem with that. I'm all in. I trust the people a heck of a lot smarter than me. And I don't want to get icky poos, do not want to get the disease. I'm good. Listen, I've watched too many people I love hurt. I'm all in. Other people, rightly so, are like, absolutely not. No way. Ew. Don't know where it's coming from. Who are these people? Right. They just have very different thoughts about it. Understood. I don't think that's about values, and here's how I know that. There are so many people I know clients I work with who are not vaccinated on purpose.

We share a lot of the same values. We have a value conflict. Right. If I say that one of my core values is justice, is honesty, is family, is loyalty, is vulnerability, is transparency, whatever. I could make the argument on either side of that value that getting vaccinated makes sense as an action.

So having this values argument is so unuseful when it comes to talking about vaccines. It has nothing to do with that. It has more to do with behaviors to me. And where, where the line is for me that I think then I feel like we have a value conflict. Is I, I, I love. If you don't want to get vaccinated, get it, mama. If it's because you feel strongly about your need for transparency and you don't see it, if you think it's because you feel like there's some sort of lack of communication, I get it.

What I actually think we are being more.

Consumed by is behavior of others, and then we're labeling it as values. And so we stay with the vaccine metaphor example, because why not? It's hot. It makes all of you guys cringe, no matter which side of it you're on, I'm all in. If you don't want to get vaccinated, I totally get it. But I may not want to sit in a room with you all day. Do you honor that for me?

I think that is. Is where we're missing our opportunity. I think that we are more aligned in values than we are giving ourselves credit for. And we're just choosing different actions and behaviors to express them. And your action is different than the one I would choose. So I'm going to make a decision about how I interact with you based on your action, but not castigate you or insult you or minimize you or patronize you because you don't share my values. I don't think that's true. Most of us actually have a lot of shared values. I think There are some people who literally don't. I was in Hawaii and I was in a room and I was on my lanai and the whole property that I stayed in was non smoking. I think I might have mentioned this before. And the people next door to me were smoking and it was outside, like right next to me. And I. So I leaned over and I said, hey, it would be really great if you wouldn't smoke. It's a non smoking property. And the guy was pretty mad. And then his wife came out and called me every name I've never been called in my life. Lit mad at me, furious, insulting me. I had to be moved. I was, I was quite honestly afraid. I was alone. And the vitriolic response was astounding. And in my mind that was, there was a moment where I found there was a value conflict. Because what I realized right then was I value the agreement I made to stay in that hotel and to follow their rules. You pay the money, you pay it knowing the agreement I honor that I don't smoke either. But they didn't honor an agreement they made. They made an agreement when they gave money to the hotel. They made the agreement because, you know, they knew it was a non smoking property. They made it knowing they would break it. That is a value conflict to me. That is where it sits. And we could take this all the way to those big social issues. I like to use bigger issues, you guys, because I think we can all meet there and you can find your testing points, you can find your discomfort and can you acknowledge. So I can acknowledge that you and I can share all the same values. But you're choosing to make a choice this way and I'm making a choice this way. And then that means if that's your action, I'm going to choose an action. Now, I know there's a lot of people who are listening to this who are going to say both sides, nobody should have to do anything with their body they don't want to do. And then other people are going to be like, listen to me, if other people don't get vaccinated, we're going to be dealing with this thing for the next 25 years. I get all that. I also still say that the majority of us sit in the same values and we're choosing expression in alternative ways. And maybe that's what we need to work on. So as a leader in a business, this is important because I want you to know what your values are so that you can properly communicate them and hold people to them and hold yourself to them. But I also want you to know what your expectations are when it comes to behaviors.

And those are born out of values. But behaviors can come from a value and look very different. So I might say that I value transparency. And my expectation is that you share your concerns, you offer feedback, you provide solutions, you let people know what they need to know. Someone else's interpretation of transparency could be, I tell you everything that's wrong all the time, and I talk about my life and I tell you all my bits and pieces.

So as the leader, it's my responsibility to kind of calibrate behavior, expectations, not just the values. The values leave too much to be interpreted, and they also can be expressed through actions that we don't share. And that's where the rub is. I think that's where the work is. As the leader, stop questioning people's values and start holding people accountable to clearly defined behaviors. And I want to express that not just from leader to team, but also woman to world. If you don't want to interact with people who have a certain kind of behavior, get it. And if you're in a circumstance where you have the opportunity to set a boundary around that, hey, you're amazing and we share a lot in common. This thing that you do, if you continue to do that, I'm not gonna work with you, hang out with you, be with you, have dinner with you. But we, but if we just lump it into values, we lose the opportunity to focus in on this specific thing. And I think that's where your power is. Because values are this intrinsically baked, passively created cocktail. But the actions people take in the world, well, I see that all day. Why they take the action, that takes a heck of a long time to figure out. So I think you have to have both. So my point is this. As a leader, you have to know your values and you also have to clarify your expectations. And this is exactly what we do in the how to CEO program. And this for me is, is exactly how I am able to assess performance so much less personally. Behavior is not personal. The truth is that woman losing her freaking mind about not me saying, please don't smoke in a non smoking hotel. That was her story, y'. All. I just got in the way. But I could tell you what I told the hotel under no, no certain circumstances will I stay in this room with that. Whatever was happening next door to me, that behavior is out of alignment with my expectations that whatever she values, clearly we're never going to see eye to eye. If she was able to behave that way with me. Good to know. And in your employment, in your business, you have people who you might have lots of shared values. You, you're both loyal, you're committed to the cause, You. You trust each other, but then they do all this weird stuff. That's because we haven't set expectations. And that's what I help you learn how to do and how to CEO. You have to have both. And as a woman in the world, you have to have both. You get to have both. You get to have values that you honor, and you get to have expectations of behavior for people you invite into your world. And you don't have to question that.

That's a given.

And I would love to see more women step into that. Focus on that. Give yourself power there.

Believe you are worth it. And don't get lost over here in this morals, ethics, values argument.

Stick with what you see. It's the most revealing anyway, and make choices from there. And we need women to do this. We need women who can lead and hold expectations and honor them so we can model that for the other women in the world. Because a lot of women struggle with this. Would love to know your thoughts. Penny for them. Anyway, thanks for tuning in today.