Developing Leaders Through Energy Awareness and Emotional Intelligence

Hey there. So this is my attempt explaining a little bit about developing leaders from more of an esoteric point of view. There are the tactical things that we can always do when we're developing leaders. But you know, leadership at its heart is a relationship and it's a relationship that you have with yourself and then the relationship that ultimately you create, foster, nurture, ultimately with intention with others. In my experience, developing other people and helping other people gain a level of self awareness so that they too can fit that description and definition of leadership where they understand themselves so that therefore they can pass the kind of impact they want to have on others. It's more than just tactics, right? Tactics are always our favorite things to know as humans because it's a little. Tactics are simple. It's just like mimicking, it's like, oh, do this and then you'll get this right. And there is a formula to everything that we do. So I, it's not that I don't like tactics, it's just that I think in order to really harness the hearts and minds and hands of other people to do, to create, to, to co create with you in a way that builds a really healthy ecosystem where everyone's thriving, everyone feels seen, everyone feels empowered. I do think there's more there than just tactics. And for years I have played with this notion of senses, right? There's our eyes and ears and nose and taste and touch. All of these are the things that we as humans sort of use to process our world. But I do think there's another one and we don't talk about it a lot because it's been slightly co, opted, maybe if you will, by sort of that woo culture. But I do think that as a human we are constantly reading energy. We may not know that we're doing that. I think some people do that much better than other people. But nonetheless, energy is being exchanged between us all the time. We try, I think, to teach this in communication by helping people learn about tone, right? Inflection in your voice, all those things. And yes, that matters, but that is actually, you know, a result of the energy that you're bringing into a conversation or an exchange with someone. So how do we teach one another? How do I teach you how to pay attention, to read and slash interpret the energy exchange that's happening between you and another person. First, let's just put this in some level of context and relatability. Let's say as the boss, you have one on ones with each person on your team.

And if you're like most of Us, you try and get those all done in a day. But regardless, let's just say that for purposes of this discussion, you do. You are getting all of your one on ones done today. It's Tuesday.

And you have your structure, you have an agenda, you have the expectations of what that one on one will cover. It's consistent. And yet some of those one on ones, and I'm just talking about you now, not talking about the other person, some of those one on ones are just easy.

Delightful. Your body feels relaxed, maybe even safe. Your brain is clear, your words come out clear, the exchange is clear. The next person comes in, same exact structure, and let's just say for argument's sake, same exact performance. Like their performance is the same, no better, no worse. But you, you feel uncomfortable, you feel muddy, you feel, you take, you don't, your words don't come out right. You don't feel like you make sense when you talk.

You don't feel ease, you feel rigid or awkward. You feel like you're not yourself.

Certainly not like you were with the person who was just before them. Why is that?

Why is that now? What we've done is we've really through so many studies and all the things that are out there is, we've tried to answer that by saying, well, we all have thoughts. And so this person comes into your office, the second one, and you have thoughts about them that are making you feel, you know, awkward and uncomfortable. And then as a result, your communication is confused and.

Not on point and kind of how I'm saying it right. But there's something else happening, you guys. And a few years ago, I taught, I created and then taught a class called the Empathic CEO. And in that class, what I did for my empaths, so many of my clients are empaths, which is why I am so drawn to do this work here with you. Because empaths do feel, they do sense the feelings and honestly the thoughts of other people. And I think a lot of people who aren't empaths don't believe me when I say that I'm not talking about being a psychic and I'm not talking about being like some sort of spiritual, I don't know. I'm just telling you the truth, man. Like that is true for people who know what I'm talking about. I know you know what I'm talking about. And if that's you, you actually have more potential to engage in this awareness of energy because you already know something weird's happening. We're just not taught how to use it. And I believe there's all sorts of senses that.

We just haven't even explored as humans. So we're taught mostly though sort of by traditional and progressive self help and psychological analysis and things that we've done. Is that, okay, well, you have thoughts and so the thoughts trigger how you feel. And I agree with that. And I think there are a lot of valuable ways in our lives that that operates regularly where we can understand our thinking and then have more influence over our feelings and our ultimate behavior. But in my empathic CEO class, what I did in that class is I gave my clients the permission to actually put the energy they were feeling, the experience they had with this person as a fact, instead of it being a thought.

And that's when the magic unfolds. Because if I can start to tell myself, okay, there is a dynamic between us that I don't actually understand, but it is there and it's rooted in energy. And in the case of this particular employee, I'm going to just call it and name it awkward because I don't know what else to call it. There is an awkward energy exchange between us. I'm going to give that to you as a fact, okay? I'm still their manager. They're still my team member. I am responsible for as long as this person is on my team, to maintain and show up as a leader, as a coach to them. So if I put that awkward in my circumstance, in my fact.

Now I can define what that means and I can start to figure out who I want to be.

When this awkward energy that's quite visceral is in my space, maybe I say, okay, when this awkward energy is here, I'm going to slow down.

I'm going to talk less and ask more. I'm going to listen really well. The energy of this person is trying to communicate with me. I'm going to tune in to the words they say and see if I get some clues. Another way to handle that is to say this is just awkward energy. And it happens. And I don't know why and I don't need to have a judgment on it. It's not their fault, it's not mine, it just is.

And so what I will do is do my role by following my agenda and being gracious and supportive. Inquire what support they need, show up for them wholeheartedly and let this just be in the room. I don't have to fix it, I don't have to change it. I don't have to change me. My only Request is that you just remember the role that you're in and that there's a responsibility that comes with the role.

Because what we do all the time. I really do mean this. When we feel like that around someone and we can't figure out why, we oftentimes will blame them for it. Yeah, I just feel really uncomfortable around her. Maybe it's because of this, maybe it's because of that. You know, I think she's this, I think she's that. And then we. We try and assign a meaning to it that really does reflect blame. And I don't think in these circumstances there's anything to blame someone for. I think that there are times where people are difficult. They are resistant, they have. They initiate conflict, they disagree, they can say insults. You know, there are things that people do, and I qualify those people as difficult. And that's when we do my difficult people training. Because there is and needs to be as a leader development that you need to do in those moments. But when it's just awkward, right. Like, I go into personal setting and there's a person to my right and I chat with, and it's easy and flowy and fun and interesting. And then there's a person on my left and I can't. There's nothing. There's like. It's almost like stunted.

And I know for myself, for years I would make that mean something about myself or something about them in a way that I think had entirely too much judgment. And now what I do is I just say, oh, that's just. There's just an energy there. And that's not my job. It's not my job to fix it. It's not my job to claim it. It's not my job to blame it. It's. And it's very likely then that this person isn't my person, especially in a social setting. But they're a team member and you're responsible for their growth and development. We have to find ways for you to acknowledge that and still do your role.

And so I think it's a. I think it's a really important conversation, and I hope it's given you.

Some validation, if you will, Because I know that when we have more senses than standard wisdom and standard teachings would tell us, we tend to just assume there's something wrong with us. Right. This is why highly sensitives and empaths really do struggle so much with anxiety and depression, because they are internalizing so much noise from the outer world and blaming themselves for it and blaming their inability to Deal with people or their social insecurities or social anxieties, being able to like show up as themselves, this awkwardness that they feel.

And through the studies that I did over the past probably 12 years of this, it's very refreshing to be able to say there's nothing wrong here, there's nothing wrong with me, there's nothing wrong with them.

And awkwardness and this general energetic discomfort can exist. We are not all meant for one another. We will not all communicate energetically the same.

There are a lot of ways to communicate with words and there are a lot of ways to communicate with energy. So if that's true and yet you still must lead, then what and what I would say are what is important for you as a leader who recognizes this in herself is to sit with, sit with what you're noticing in this energy exchange with this person. How would you define it? I used awkward. Sometimes it's like absent, like vacant. Sometimes it's oppressive, sometimes it's exhausting. Like have you ever noticed that people just, you finish a car, you can't stop yawning. In a conversation with someone, like, what's that about? I find it all so intriguing. And yet with other people, you're like zoom, zoom, zoom, right? Not their fault, not your fault. Just energy. If that's true. So if I know that working with this person, if for whatever reason the energy exchange, I end up feeling depleted and I'm tired, then I have to be very thoughtful about when I work with this person. If I know that my energy is peaking and know in its best sort of, it's the, it's the best it's going to be is between, you know, 8 and 11 in the morning. That's when I'm going to have my one on ones, my conversations with them. If I know which is true for me between 2 and 4pm I'm at the bottom of my barrel. I pick it back up after four. But two to four, man, listen, just put me on a floor mat, let me take my nap like nursery school, right? That is not the time to engage. And I think that, you know, that's just one version of a hack. Because what I see happen too much is these, this energy is happening. We don't know how to name it. Instead we blame it. And then what we do is we avoid the person, we minimize the person, we, we look for fault in the person because we don't want them around when really there's nothing wrong here other than just, it's just an energetic lack of fit, right? I would be curious to know what you think about this. I'm recording this on a walk and it has been a particularly loud walk given the amount of cars that have gone by. So I don't know how useful this recording will be. But regardless, these are some thoughts I wanted to share with you today.