Get What You Want

Hello team! Hey, it's me and I'm in the car and we're gonna go for a drive. So welcome to the podcast, here we go! I want to talk to you this week about getting what you want, and I've been thinking about this a lot, getting what you want. I, you know, obviously talk to my clients all the time and talk to people in general, and I I talk to myself regularly. I talk to my husband. I talk to all these people, and there's a through line. And the through line is there's things that we want that we don't have. There's things that we want that we don't think we should want. There's things that we don't want that we think we should want. There's things that we experience that confuse us about what we want. A lot of us are very confused right now about what we want. I was talking to Michelle about this today, and I was saying, you know, I think one of the things that happens when you're kind of in the point of life, for sure, where she and I are, where we're like midlife, and we have a lot of real estate behind us and we have a lot of real estate in front of us, and there's a lot of amazing ness about the real estate in front of us because we have so much more at this point in our lives than we did when we were young. We know so much more. We, we have so much more experience. We have more resources. Um, you know, we've developed maturity. We have more emotional understanding. We, we just, we, we just have so much more. But at the same time, it's almost like that all becomes kind of like, uh, like cobwebby, like for us us to try and navigate through when we want to see the future, want to see what we want, because we're using everything we've acquired and we're using all of that as part of the lens, right, to see through, to, to, to leverage, to justify, to validate all the things that I know you do when you think about what you want. We tell ourselves that's too risky because you know what, we do have more to lose. Now at this point in life than we did when we were just starting out. We were starting out, there was nothing to lose. It was like, let's fucking go, right? Who cares? Let's go. Now it's like, oh my gosh, what if I do it wrong? I could lose this, I could lose them, I could mess up, I could screw up something that's very important to me or has been very important to me. And so we temper. I watch us temper what we want. I watch the, the fizzle, the joy, the enthusiasm, the aspiration of what is our potential, what is possible. I watch us lose it a little bit because of all of this noise. And I, I've been thinking a lot about getting what you want, a lot about it, because I, I really do believe at the heart of what I've chosen to do with my life is to help people get what they want. It's to help them figure it out, tell themselves the truth, create that resolve, and go all in and get it done. And, and listen, I've, I've rode the wave with so many people who have achieved so much amazingness in their life. Like, it's been amazing to watch people get what they want. And I was just sitting before I was going to record this And I had this memory, and I remember when I just got out of college and I got this job, and I didn't know what I wanted to do. And I really have always been— I was always that girl who like didn't know what she wanted to do. I just went to college because I really wanted to go to college, because I really wanted to be a college student. Not like a learner, just I wanted to go to college. I wanted to live in San Diego and live at the beach and just have that life. And I did. I had an amazing time. And that's why I got a degree in recreation, because it was perfect for me. But so I graduated and then I still didn't know what I want, right? Wanted. All my friends were like, I'm gonna be this, I'm gonna be a teacher, I'm gonna be a social worker, I'm gonna be a nurse, I'm gonna be a marketing person, I'm gonna whatever. I didn't know. So I had a friend who had a job at Heald. Do you guys remember Heald Business College? No, I take that back. She had a job at the University of Phoenix and there was an ad in a newspaper, 'cause this is how old I am, for a job at Heald for an admissions counselor or something. And I knew she did something similar and she was making a lot of money. And so I called her and I'm like, what do you do? And she told me, she said, and actually I'm gonna go open our San Francisco office, so you should come interview with my boss and maybe he would put you here where I work in San Jose. And I was like, okay. So I went and met with her boss and he was an amazing guy, Bob Barker. That was his name for real. No, not Price is Right. Another Bob Barker who has since passed on, and he, he just— he was a delightful, funny, incredible human. And he hired me. He had no business hiring me other than I was relatively good at interviewing, I think. And so I got the job. And so here I was being an enrollment counselor, enrolling adult students into higher education. And this was back in the mid-'90s when, you know, University of Phoenix was just getting, really just getting started. And I know a lot of people know about it now, but I assure you, like, it, it was such an incredible, incredible organization to work for. And anyway, that's another conversation. So regardless, somewhere along the line I picked— I, I struggled though. I struggled in the role. I struggled to be successful. I got all sorts of great tutoring from a really amazing mentor of mine and I know I've talked about this in a previous podcast, so I won't bore you with all of that, but I decided, right, to believe him. And he said that success is a choice and nobody fails, they just quit before they succeed. And I have kept that mantra for years. And then I also found this little quote, and it was a Zig Ziglar quote, and many of you may know it, and it was, um, you can have anything you want in life if you help enough, enough other people get what they want. And I had that. I, I don't know if I typed it, I'm not— or I put it in my computer and then I printed it on a little piece of pink paper and I, I taped it to my computer at my monitor and I looked at it every day because I was talking to grown adults who were mostly in their 40s who had not completed their bachelor's degrees. And this, again, this is in the mid-'90s. It was a really big deal to not have your degree and to have arrived at a level of success that they were at. There was fear in these people because if they got fired or laid off, they would not replicate their salary, um, or that— and they also knew they had no ascendancy opportunities. Community without a degree. And they were, they were genuinely scared about their limitations because they didn't have a degree. And so I just knew how powerful it would be for them to get an education to unlock choice. And I was really passionate about what I did, and I ended up being very good at it. And then I became a manager, and I just decided to treat my client— or my customers, excuse me, my employees— like my customers, my clients. I'm going to help these people who work for me get what they want. And that has been what I've been doing for most of my life, even when I was young and I didn't even know it. I was, I was helping friends and things figure out what they want and how to get it. It's just something I love to do, and it comes very naturally to me. And I know that there is a power in allowing yourself to be seen and heard in that way. When somebody who really means it looks at you and says, what is it that you want, my love? What do you really want? And you— and they listen to you. They listen to your answer. And they don't tell you what to do. They remind you why you can absolutely have it. Are there steps to follow? Of course. Will it be hard? For sure. But that moment where we recalibrate your belief in yourself is magic. So then I did coach training, and I did that with Martha Beck, and she had a mantra, and her mantra was that her coaches needed to be able to change someone's life in 10 minutes. And I've always taken that seriously. When I talk to someone for the first time, I really do believe that within that 10 minutes, I can help you change your life. It doesn't mean I'm magic. It doesn't mean I'm a guru. It just means that I know how to help you believe yourself. And there is no— nothing more powerful than a woman who regains her own self-belief and self-agency. Seriously. And then I started to do these Hawaii retreats, right? 2012, I did my very first one. And I had been in a mastermind where someone asked me the question, what is it that you really, really, really want? And that you got to ask it 3 times. What is it that you really, really, really, really want? Like, cut out the fluff. What do you really, really, really, really want? And so when I went to Hawaii for the first time, that was the question I led with. And I watched the room. I watched people, like, not give the, "Well, I'd really like, you know, a Mercedes. I'd really like—" which Listen, it's fine. If that's what you really, really, really, really want, I think you should have it. I don't have any judgment about what you want, but what happens when we ask it that way is we peel back to the source of want. What is it? And then what am I willing to do to get it? How will I know? What am I not doing? What do I keep repeating that's getting in the way? What are my patterns? There are so many things we can unearth for ourselves, right? And so, you know, I have been really focusing on this. I went to Disneyland last week. I had a mastermind with my good friend Jodi Moore, which she's amazing. And if you, you know, if you're a coach and you want to start a business, you should for sure be working with Jodi. That's an aside. But we were talking about getting what we want. And I sat in my bed that day. And I just designed a whole experience that I wanted to create. And I brought it to Michelle and I said, I just want to coach people on what they want. Like, I know that's really simple, but I believe it is like the most important thing I do and could continue to do. I just want to help people get more of what they want. And she was so cute because she said, hot seat summer. And I'm like, what? And she's, she's like, let's just do it. Let's just do like 4 weeks of coaching and call it Hot Seat Summer. And I was like, oh my God, Hot Seat Summer! And then here's what's really funny is a week ago I was coaching a client through Voxer. I hope you guys are following my crazy brain. Anyway, a week ago I was coaching a client on Voxer and she's, she sort of runs into this same challenge, and it's a challenge that so many of us face. People do things, in her case, in her business, that hurt her feelings, and then she gets mad, and then she wants to like write policies to fix it, right? And I'm like, no policy is gonna change your feelings. What's gonna change your feelings is your decision to redefine how you define these experiences that you've been having? How do you want to think about this instead of the way that you've always thought about it? And I told her that I was in the shower thinking about her— not that way, people. I was just— that's where I tend to have a lot of ideas. And I had this thought, and it was, if the pattern repeats, it's time to turn up the heat, right? And I told her that, she was like, oh my God, I love that. And so, because you need to— if you are in a pattern, if you are in a cycle that you don't want anymore, you're working against yourself, it's like you know you don't want to do what you're doing but you do it anyway, then we need to turn the heat up. And not in like a toxic icky-poo way, but in a like, no, let's pay attention to that, let's put a light on it. Let's put you in the hot seat. Let's do some coaching. And so we created it. We created Hot Seat Summer. So we're gonna do 4 weeks of coaching, um, starting July 10th. 1 hour with me in a room. You have to be in the room. No content, no videos, no lessons. You know, hubbub that gets you distracted and that makes you feel like you're behind. You're just going to come and you're going to raise your hand and you're going to have a chance to be in the hot seat. And once you're in the hot seat, I'm going to talk to you about what it is that you want, why you don't have it, and what we're going to do about it. And we're going to do that. We're going to do it for 4 weeks. And after 4 weeks, you will see and learn. First of all, you're going to learn a tremendous amount just by watching other women get coached. And third, second and third, you're going to now have all these questions that I ask, all this way of going through this process that you don't have right now. And you're going to get all of this on a replay and it will all be part of a podcast. I have never ever done something like this before. I don't know if I will do it again. It's 4 weeks. Go to thevisionary.ceo/apply. Hot Seat Summer, thevisionary.ceo/hotseatsummer, and grab a seat. It's really, really inexpensive. We're doing this because this is what I want to talk to you about. I can help you, mama, but you have got to get in the seat. So if you're sick of yourself and you're sick of thinking about it and there's something that you know you want, or you're like, dude, I don't know what I want and I'm sick of being confused, I am sick of still. I am stick— sick of being like frozen like Mrs. Incredible. Like you have all these superpowers but you're tied up because your arms are over here and your legs are over there and you can't do anything. Let's unwind you. You have so much left to do, to create, to be, to experience. And just like I honored that quote for myself, if you When you help enough other people get what they want, you can have what you want. I didn't say that right. You can have anything you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want. The same is true for you, but it's really hard to help other people. It's really hard to lean into the needs of other people when you're depleted because you have not honored what's important to you. This is your opportunity for your personal investment. 4 weeks, 1 hour a week, Fridays. We're doing it on Fridays starting on July 10th. TheVisionary.co/HotSeatSummer. The doors are open now and we will limit it because I don't— I want— I really do want to be able to talk to people. So, but we'll— I have no clue what to expect about how many people are going to register for this, but I'm I'm excited because I just can't wait. I just can't wait to help you. I know that there are people right now who have been listening to this podcast for years and I've never met you. Please come. Please invest in yourself. Please do this. Come on. It might just change your life, love. Let's go.