How to Start a Performance Conversation

Welcome to the podcast. How are you? I'm so glad that you're here. My name is Chris Plackey. If this is your first time tuning in and you are listening to the Leadership is Feminine podcast, this is a podcast where we focus on how to approach and solve the challenges that you face as a woman leading her own business, leading her own team, and doing so with your own voice. There's a very specific reason why I call the podcast Leadership is Feminine versus focusing on it as feminine leadership. I have, this is my belief. So this isn't to be derogative or anything towards anybody else who uses feminine leadership in their language or in their title or any of that. But for me, that sort of qualifies that you're adding a feminine quality to leadership. So that means that leadership itself isn't necessarily feminine. I like to think that leadership itself is feminine. Does that mean that leadership is not masculine? No, but I think that if you really think about the qualities that bring a team together that congeal the performance of an organization and that do so constructively and by building a healthy ecosystem and by building a culture that people want to be in, leadership is feminine. We are co creating, we are collaborating, we are communicating, we are coordinating. Can you lead with traditional male attributes that I describe as command and control, much more aggressive approach, carrot and stick? Yeah, you can lead that way, but you don't build a culture that's healthy, you don't build an ecosystem that's healthy. And we've been doing that for thousands of years. And we are where we are in the world because of that. And so I believe leadership is feminine. And the more of us that actually accept that and dive into that and aspire to that, I do believe we can change the world. So I just want to share that on the outset. I know a lot of you have been listening a long time, but if you're new and you're tuning in, welcome. So I want to talk to you though today about why it is so critical as a leader that you always level set performance and feedback on performance and addressing that performance, you always root it in facts. We all have a unique, specific to us perspective on the world and people in it and who we are in it. And even when we find people who we would call quote, unquote like minded, we are still unique. And so you and every single person that works on your team, if we're just going to go into your micro ecosystem of your world, everybody in your world has their own unique perspective. And in order for me to to effectively communicate with you about something that didn't go well or that went well. The only thing that we can both look at and say happened, and at least if we're both relatively normal, mature adults, is our facts. Right? Facts don't lie. Facts are, the table is blue, the computer is pink. The glass is full, the phone is 6 inches, the light is on. Right? Facts. These are the words that came out of your mouth. This is what you did with your eyes if you rolled them. This is what he said to you. This is what you did with your body. This is what I did or did not receive today. This is what was written in the email. This is what was not included in your email. The evidence that we have is always rooted in facts. And we have to remember that that is where we must always begin. The problem is that that's not how we generally communicate as humans. Where we begin is with our feelings or with our opinion or with our perception or with what we heard, which is also based on someone else's opinion. If you want to have any chance of constructive feedback and doing so in a way that doesn't disengage people immediately, we have to always start with facts. And so, as you go through the day today and you're thinking about something that you might need to address with someone, the first thing I want you to do is stop telling the story of the facts, because this is what ends up happening. Somebody who works for you does something that triggers you, and I'm using trigger. It could be that it upsets you, it makes you angry, it makes you feel helpless, it makes you feel unheard, it makes you feel disrespected. It makes you question their loyalty, their work ethic, their intention. Right. Any of that's true. And so the conversation will often sound like, I don't want to do with this employee. They're really disrespectful. They keep showing me that they don't care about working here as much as everybody else does. They're totally disengaged, and I just don't know how to handle it. But it's really frustrating because so many people are relying on them and they're not doing what they're supposed to do. And so it's causing a lot of problems on the team. Now, that's what a client might say to me. That's what you might say to me. And then that extends into the conversation you might have with the employee. I don't really know what to do. You seem really disengaged. People aren't feeling like you're supporting them. They feel like you're not as committed as they are. There's a lot of frustration in the work group or in the work that you guys are doing together right now. And I, you know, I just don't really know what to do. If we start with our opinion, which is what all that is, can you see how that person just is immediately on the defense? Because the words that you're using to define whatever the experiences have been with them are probably not the words they would use to define. They would not use disrespectful. They would not be used disengaged. They would not use lacking work ethic. They wouldn't use those words. So we inherently design our conversations without meaning to. To be really ineffective because most of us don't learn how to communicate in a way that is clean, that begins with the respect that I will demonstrate to you and that then I will invite you to in a conversation. And this is especially important right now because it is such here in the US Especially. But I think everywhere in the world, everybody is so contentious with each other. I mean, it's just such a prickly time. And it's. If you pay attention now to what and you listen to people, just listen to people talk, everybody's talking about their opinion. Nothing is rooted in facts. It's so fascinating. And facts don't lie. People do. And I don't even mean lie as in with ill intent. Just they make up a story. So if you're in the story that you have about this person, the first thing you have to do is realize your story is not where you begin. Where you begin is with the fact yesterday this happened. Today I was supposed to get this from you, and I did not. In the meeting, I heard you say this. For the last five times that we've had a one on one, you have said this or you have done this or you have not brought this. That is where we begin. Now, once we know what the facts are, we can lead with, hey, Joyce, in the meeting I heard you say this. The best person to define their own behavior, their own facts, is that person. Hey, Joyce, in the meeting today, I heard you say this. Why did you say that? Instead of you assigning meaning to it and intention to it and getting all hot and bothered about it, let's just let her tell you. Why did you say it? Hey, Joyce.

This is was due yesterday and I didn't receive it. Why not? Instead of, I just don't think you're committed. I Just don't think you're really engaged anymore. I was supposed to get this from you yesterday, and I didn't get it. Hey, I was supposed to get it. You agreed to turning that into me. I. I didn't receive it. Why not? Now they're going to tell you their reason, and you're not going to like it. You know that, right? They're going to have a reason. They're going to blame someone. They're going to. Or they'll just apologize and say, oh, they're so busy, they'll tell you there's too much on their plate. They'll, you know, they'll tell you all the things. But what, what I want you to realize is you don't have to get invited to that. You don't have to go into their story about why they couldn't get it done. All you have to do is say, okay, well, it sounds like there's a lot going on. My expectation is that this is done and I will have it by the end of the day. Is that, well, can I expect that I'll have it by the end of the day. Right. And then if they say, no, you can't have it, or no, I can't get it to you, then now we just manage their performance. But because we get so caught up in the story, oh, my gosh, if I have to fire this. But you mean. I'm tired. Fire them. I can't find. I can't fire them. I don't have anybody else. I'm going to get so far behind. I already don't have enough help. It's so hard to fill this job. I can't. If all that's playing out in your head, which is all future. What's that expression? Future focusing. Future fit. What's that expression? Future tripping. Future tripping. You're just all. You're all up in the future. You're all freaked out. And, but, but as I'm talking to you, you have someone on your team right now who's not doing their job, but you're worried if you fire them, you won't be able to hire someone who could do the job, but you have someone right now who can't do the job, and you're paying them money to not do a job. That's fun. Performance needs to be in facts. We can argue all day about whether or not the performance expectations you've set should be those expectations. They can be mad at you that you expect them to meet those deadlines or that you expect that they Align with the values or you expect that they don't use that kind of language when they talk to their colleagues or you. They can be mad at you, they cannot agree with you. But if we've made the agreement and these are the facts we've agreed to and these are the facts that we've witnessed, then there's okay. I mean you can disagree that it's not okay, but it doesn't change that. This is what we agreed to. And you don't have to be passive aggressive about it, you don't have to be side swipey with it. You could just say it. But you have to understand and I'm sure even as you're listening, right, because we don't talk to each other this way. We're not taught to talk to each other this way. We aren't socialized to talk to each other this way. When you become a person who leads with facts, it's people. People don't like that. There's no wiggle room. But I think it's just so neutral, right? Hey, your goal this month was this. And this is what you produced. It's 50% of goal. What's going on? What's your plan for next month? Here's what will happen if it doesn't improve. There's an inherent agreement that we make when we hire people. We, we should be offering the agreement that we will provide them the resources and the tools and the training and the compensation. And if it's a facility or a building, the space, you know, the technology, everything that they should be able to need, that they would need to be able to perform in the role. That's my agreement to you. My agreement to you is to provide a healthy, safe ecosystem for you to function in. To be a mature, rational, grace filled leader who doesn't, who knows how to manage her mind and doesn't blame you for her emotions and doesn't lose her mind. And oh, by the way, the agreement that you make employee when you walk through the door is to achieve the goals of the position. I have to make sure those are clear. And by walking through the door and saying that you want to be paid today, you agreed to do them. But we've gotten so far away from that and we've gotten to this point where everybody's afraid to hold people accountable because so few people are ever held accountable. So I can understand like the wrath of people, they get so upset when they get held accountable, when they just have to address and speak, speak to a commitment that they made. But avoiding that is not solving that. So learning how to speak to anyone about anything at any time, anywhere is a leadership superpower. And I meet women and coach women who are running seven and eight figure businesses who have five employees, two, 300 employees who are so powerful, so strong, so capable, so competent. But this part, they will avoid like the plague having that conversation. But I promise you, when we start to root it, in fact, it takes the tension down. Even if it's just for you, it pulls us down to. Okay, let's just put look at the facts first. Instead of me dumping my opinion all over you or instead of them dumping all their blame and excuses on me. This is what happened. Can you tell me why? And here's what will happen if it continues to be that way. Managing people is really quite simple. Being a woman who can lead requires your own growth and development. So if this is something that you struggle with, I want you to just practice as you go through the day, the days, making notes about the facts. So before you go, get wrapped around the axle with your story, just what are the facts provable, not your opinion. A fact is measurable. A fact is something other people would witness and say the same. Okay, but that's where we begin. And this is, you know, it seems like such a simple thing, but it is at the core of what I know I can help my clients with. I do help my clients with, because the better you get here, the easier it is to talk about anything and the better you get at talking about and addressing anything when it comes to performance and results, accountability, feedback, the more emboldened and empowered you are as the woman running your business. So in a couple weeks, we're going to actually open up early registration for Lead for Women. So if you're listening to this in the beginning of September 2024, because I know these podcasts live forever, I would absolutely invite you to go to thevisionary CEO Next step and add your name to our invite list because we are going to be making a very generous offer and invitation to the people on our invitation list. So please head over there if you know you're ready. You want to work with me live. You want to get to the bottom of some of these ongoing repeating challenges as a leader in your business. Let's do this work together. I know it will make a difference. I know you can feel better and I know you can become so much more capable and confident and competent in how you are leading and communicating with everyone on your team. Go to the visionary CEO next step. Get your name on the list. Good things are coming. Talk soon.