Say What Needs to Be Said Even When You Don't Want to & They Don't Want to Hear It

All right, beautiful. Here we are. Last day, the bonus podcasts. I'm super excited to talk to you today about. It sounds so basic. It's called, I'm just calling it communication.

We could call it how to communicate. How to communicate with people who you can't communicate with. We could call it any of those things. But communication is at the heart of leadership, and especially leadership is feminine. You know, my belief in how women lead most of us is different. And we have inherently in, you know, wherever, whatever part of the world, women and men are socialized differently to communicate differently. And I don't, I don't have judgment on that. I just think it's true, and it's not always true. It's just kind of like if you grew up in New York, you communicate differently than if you grew up in Seattle. Right. It's just a truth that we have to understand. And so one of the things that I teach in my Lead for Women program and that I have always taught is that we have to understand that each of us comes from a unique point of view. And so just because I've posted a position for a marketing director, and I have somebody who's really interested in working for me as the marketing director, and even if that person is someone I, you know, I meet with them, and we have a lot of alignment, and I really think they're going to be a great fit, and it all just feels really good. We still have to understand that they don't see the world like we do. They have a, A, a lifetime of experiences and interactions and relationships and education and where they've lived in the world, and if what their culture is and what their religious belief background is, and all of these elements have, have converged.

To inform them what their identity is and who they are in the world, and they use all of that as the lens that they then see the world through.

And the same is true for you.

You have a lens.

Your way of seeing the world and what you believe about who you are in the world is not the truth. It is your belief system, just like they have belief systems. So the only way that we can navigate all these unique belief systems, ours and theirs, is through communication.

And as leaders, we have to understand that we.

Carry the onus.

Of clarity in communication.

I think some leaders resent that. I think some leaders think adults should be better at it. I, I, I think I could argue with you or I could agree with you all the time that it's frustrating. Why do I have to be the one? But if I want my business to thrive and I want my team to perform, then I have to accept the responsibility of clarity and confirmation.

And communication that we. We really are agreeing to the same thing.

So the first step, when it comes to communication, if you're feeling like you're not being heard or people are not doing what you've asked, they're doing something else, or there's a lot of misfires in their production and the things that they're doing, the first place we go is ourselves.

And the more specific you can get, the better. Which, again, I think some of us just resent. A lot of us are visionaries. We just don't want to be in the weeds. We don't want to have to think that much. We just want people to get it like we do. But they don't. And so if the gap is you're just not getting, you have somebody, let's just say you have somebody who you really love working with and they love working with you. But no, despite it, it's just not coming back to you like you think it should. What can creep in is your own resentment. Like, why are they not doing it right? Are they trying to make me mad? Are they. Do they not care about it as much as I do? Are they lazy? Are they sloppy? Are they disorgan? Like, we start labeling all of it, but no, maybe their idea of what it's supposed to look like is different than yours, and we just need to clarify that. So that's the first step. If you're not seeing the results that you want from the people that you work with that work for you. Let's back the bus up and re. Explain, recommunicate, re draft the instructions, the agreements, the process, the practices, whatever it is that you know has to be followed in order to achieve the result.

Okay.

Another thing to do is not to ever say, does that make sense?

Do. Does that make sense? Do you get that?

I know you know this, but I'm going to say it. The way that you know that someone really gets it and has seen it as you have is to have them tell you it. Say it back to me. Write it back to me. Send me an email. Can you please send me your notes from this meeting? You don't have to send the notes. Have them send the notes. A lot of my clients accept the burden of all of this without ever really realizing that you writing it all out and you spelling it all out and you doing it all actually disempowers them and it makes for more gaps in communication. My favorite Thing is to have a meeting and say, okay, can you send back to me what you heard.

What the action items are, what the result is that we. We're going for. How will we know that we won?

Have them do it.

So that's when you're just not getting it. They're just. There's just this gap.

The second part of communication I want to talk to you about is saying the things you don't want to say.

Having the conversations you don't want to have, addressing the issues you wish you didn't have to.

This is sort of leveraging a little bit of what we talked about yesterday. But if this is a challenge for you, as it is for so many people, in my case, I work with female entrepreneurs. So many female entrepreneurs just don't want to have to say the thing that they know they need to say.

They don't know how they want to be able to say it so people don't get mad. Maybe you want to say it in a way that doesn't make them get so mad that they quit. Maybe you don't want to say it because you think it makes you look bad.

You'll hurt them. They'll cry.

What is it?

You owe it to yourself and to the future success of your business to learn how to say what needs to be said.

Without all of the charge that you currently feel.

The emotional charge that you currently feel. If you are angry, no, you shouldn't say it. If you are heartbroken, no, no, you shouldn't say it. If you are spiteful, no, you shouldn't say it. But you can learn how to say what needs to be said and not bring all that emotional charge into the conversation.

Communicating well and communicating in a way that everybody can hear. It has to begin not with emotion, not with opinion, but with facts.

So instead of me saying, you know, that was really disappointing, the way that you brought that up in the meeting and you weren't even really paying attention. I don't understand. Like, do you not really care about what we're doing here? Like, that's what a. Nor that. I swear that's what people say all the time. Like, that kind of stuff, right?

Were you not listening to me? I told you. Da da da da da da da.

I have tried so many times to make this clear to you and.

Or I know this is really difficult right now, but I just. No, you know what we do? We start with the facts.

The last three assignments, this has been the issue, and I'd like to talk about it.

The last four days that you've been running the front desk. I've observed this and I'd like to talk about it. Yesterday in the meeting, you said this, this, and this. I'd like to address it.

Facts.

Not feelings.

Your feelings are your business, their feelings are their business. But the person who has to get that the most is you. Because if you're using your communication approach to make yourself feel better.

You'Ve already set yourself up in that communication exchange to be lost in it. Because now you're focusing on your own emotional charge or health or v. What you want out of it versus this is a conversation I have to have. I am the leader of this business and this fact is affecting impacting the business, the team, the individual, a client, a vendor.

How I feel about it honestly is irrelevant.

What needs to be done to solve it is what we have to talk about. And that's my job. I have to be able to communicate. If I hide from communication, if I abdicate things because I don't want to have to talk about about them, if I ignore things because I just don't know how to say it, if I toler because I think I'm being too difficult and I don't want to have, I don't want to upset them. It's a really hard position to fill. I'm afraid they'll quit.

You're not getting what you want. You're not getting what the business needs. And they're not learning.

How to improve their results. And they're also not learning also how to communicate in a way that is professional, gracious and kind.

And I can assure you one of the things that we do in lead for women on each of the live calls is I coach and talk to all of you and we go through your scenarios. So, you know, one of the pieces of feedback that I get on a regular basis is how do you know how to say it like that? And I, I say over and over, practice.

A hundred years it feels like of what I've been doing, guess what, it's available to you. But if the only time you're ever thinking about this is when it's really hard, it's why you don't do it. So it, it, it to me, this is like, like I know that you have learned how to sell, how to market, how to manage some of your money, how to make strategic decisions. I know there's so much you've had to learn to run your business and why you still struggle, like almost to me, it's like on purpose with the difficult conversations with saying what needs to be said, when it needs to be said, why you tuck that away and think that somehow that's not a skill that you can get better at. I don't understand.

I used to melt. Dealing with difficult people was honestly difficult conversations. It was the thing that made me want to quit being a manager. And then I ended up writing three freaking books about it. I gave presentations about it to people all over the world.

So of all the people that you've ever met in your life, the fact that I am like an expert on how to communicate difficult things.

I think is hysterical. Because.

I'm telling you, if I could avoid it, I would have.

But now that I don't, it's heaven. Because I don't feel.

Trapped. I don't feel prisoner to truth that I'm afraid to say.

Because in my business and even in my life.

I believe it's my responsibility.

And I know I live a better life and I have a better business because I know how to do this. And I don't crush people. I don't turn people into puddles. I'm not cruel.

But if you look at the most of the problems that we have in business and in our families, in our relationships, it's a failure of communication.

It's somebody is not saying what needs to be said.

Because they don't know how.

So learn how and give yourself a superpower. Let's strap that cape on. And then you can say what needs to be said and you can say it with your voice.

So today is the day that you can take advantage of Advanced registration or lead for Women. That starts on October 9th. And we have a 24 hour, really super duper cool deal when you register right now. But you have to be on the invitation list to get the link. So if you haven't joined the invitation list, this is your last day to do it.

And the way to do that is to go to the visionary CEO forward slash, next step. We're going to be sending out the information today. You'll get all of it and then that will close up. You can still join the list later, but you'll miss out on this really cool 24 hour advanced registration offer. And I'd hate for you to do that if you're going to join me. Anyway, we're going to start on October 9th. And I know that sometimes people just are like, well, what's in this? What is in lean? So I'm just going to give you a quick overview, highlight of what's included or what we talk about. There's eight weeks, and each week we have lessons and then we have live advisory calls with me, and we also have a CEO hotline that you can dial in, you can, you can leave messages for, and my team will respond to you on any of the issues that you have. Um, and.

You can go through this.

And the way that we'll go through it is we'll drop new content for you, new videos for you, as well as what we call reflective guides. And all of this is yours to keep. And the live calls are all recorded, so you'll have access to those as well. So first week, we do team triage, design and audit, which is where everybody needs to start. Every woman that has ever hired me has hired me because there's at least one person on the team that they don't know what to do. And we're going to get that solved very quickly. All right. The second week we do dealing with difficult people, conversations and how to hold them accountable. And we are including decisions in that as well. I know you have to make a lot of decisions and sometimes you just don't know which way to go. So that's in the second week. The third week, I'm going to be going over the leadership is feminine philosophy and the results model. I have a. An entirely different org chart that I teach that repurposes how to think about getting results in your business and creating a structure in your business that's not based off of a traditional org chart that looks like a kingdom with the king on top and all the lords and then the gentry and then the peasants. I have a personal thought about that. I think we co create. I don't think. I don't think it. I don't think this helps, you know, how to actually help everybody focus on a result. And that's what I really go into. It's a unique way of thinking. In week four, we're going to talk about your brain and how your mind and your brain's health is affecting the results that your business achieves. Week five, we're going to go through how to hire, how to pay people.

How to make those decisions about compensation.

Week six, we're going to talk about you being the asset of your business and what gets in the way of that. Your. The guilt that you feel, maybe the sensitivity that you feel, the insecurity that you feel, the lack of worthiness that you feel. A lot of female entrepreneurs take on a business or start a business because they have something they're also trying to kind of heal in themselves. And I'm going to give you some insight into that. We're also going to talk about the relationship that you have with your money and your business's money. Do you know what your profit is right now, today?

And if you don't, why not?

Week seven, we're going to talk about getting work done through others. So that's not just delegation. It's really how to build the transfer of ownership of the commitments that people are making and that you need them to make. And in the last week, we're going to do very sexy team meetings, coaching, and performance reviews. All of us need to know how to have a meeting, and all of a lot of us don't know how to do that. And so we're going to talk through that. And do you need to do performance reviews? And if you want to do the performance reviews, what could those look like? And I'm going to give you some answers and practices for that. It's a wonderful foundational program for you to get what you need to build the confidence and courage and capability to lead the next level of your business. And I would like nothing more than to work with you live every week as we go through all of these fabulous practices together. So thank you for tuning in. To all of the bonus episodes, go to the visionary CEO. Next step, get your name on that list and we will be sending information out to you very, very soon. All right, loves, thanks for tuning in.