Success Won’t Fix Your Worthiness Problem

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Hey, welcome. This is Chris Plackey, your host, and you have found leadership is feminine. I'm thrilled that you're here. And we are well into a series focused on female founder self trust and self worth. This week, we're going to be talking about self worth and what the true meaning of self. That's hard to say, by the way.

Over and over again, self worth, it's hard to say. Try. Just try it for like four times in a row. Maybe that's part of the problem. So this, this episode we're going to be focusing on really, what is the true meaning of self worth? Self worth is not about your achievements. It's not about your business success. It's not about all these accolades. It's not about your money, it's not about your physique. It's not about any of that. Self worth is ultimately having this core, knowing that you are important and valuable and worthy simply because you are, because you're here. We don't need other people to tell us that. Now. There's reasons why, as humans, this, this is such an issue, and we're going to dive into a lot of that in this, this episode. But if you're building your worth on other people's approval, and most of us have, even if we don't think we are, a lot of us are doing it anyway. If you're building it off other people's approval, if you're building it off, you produce, you're really not alone. It's just. It's time to sort of sit down and reclaim the value that you have just because you are. And that begins on the inside. You don't need permission, you don't need praise, you don't need to achieve certain milestones to know that you belong, that you matter. True self worth is unshakable, and it starts with believing in yourself, no matter the outcome. So let's learn a little bit more about self worth on this episode. Because ultimately, beautiful, wonderful, lovely, amazing human that you are, when you believe in yourself and you believe that you are worthy of whatever that big idea, dream, wish, life, whatever it is that you want most, whatever calls to you, if you truly knew you not only could have it, but that it was yours, it was, you were deserving of it, you have. You don't have to do anything to prove yourself for it, how would that change your life? So I really hope that you enjoy this episode because this, this work worthiness, it's at the heart of everything I do with my clients, even super, super, super Duper ooper ooper. Uber successful women struggle with this issue. You're not alone. And if you want to go and take my female founder self trust and self worth index@thevisionary CEO trust and get your own review and then you'll also have access to the video version of all of this content that you've been listening to. Thanks for tuning in. See you next time. All right, welcome back. So now what I want to talk to you about is self worth. And self worth is, you know, if we contrast them, right. Self trust is believing yourself. Self worth is believing in yourself. So self trust tends to be more compass. It's like it's externalized. It's like in the different circumstances of your life, in the different moments of your life, do you trust yourself? Do you believe yourself? Self worth is honestly is the hum that it's the hum. It's the foundation that is always running. Do I belong? Am I valuable? Am I worthy of being here? Does my opinion matter? Do I matter? And, you know, I know there's a lot of psychology here that a lot of people need work with, and so I'm not going to step into that domain. I'm going to step into where we meet here as an adult, that the, the first thing that I think is vital that you recognize is that if you don't know if you can rely on yourself, if you are using the litmus test of other people's approval or your production, your impact, your busyness, your size of your business, your size of your house, your size of your car, your size of the ring on your finger, the kinds of trips that you get to take, if you're using those pieces and parts and so many more to show the world that you, that you're valuable, that you're worthy, that you're important, I want you to know, first of all, you're not alone. I think you would know that given just the way the world is today. But I also know that I think a lot of us think that once we reach certain points in our lives, we've ditched that. And that has not been my experience. Now, you know, I spent a majority of my work working with women who are dealing with challenges inside of their business. How to build the business through other people, how to develop the strategic systems and design to achieve results through other people, how to deal with the challenges that come with growing a business and growing a team and how to really find themselves through that process. And worthiness is a huge part of it. Because you can be running a $5 million business and not feel like you have permission or the skill or the competence to go and talk to someone about a mistake that they made. And so how do I know that? Because you're just solving the problem. You're just covering for their mistake rather than addressing it with them. Now, what I know you'll tell me is it's just easier if I do it and. Or he gets really defensive and it's just I don't want to deal with that. So I'm just going to take care of it. But what you're actually saying is I don't feel I don't believe in myself enough to stand in front of someone who's made a mistake in the company that I created and hold them accountable for it. That's too uncomfortable. Now, a lot of us throw around people pleasing. Yep. That's what we call things like that. I'm a people pleaser. Why are you a people pleaser? Because you want people to like you. Why do you want people to like you? Because if they don't like you, what does that mean? You're not worthy. You're going to be outcast. Right. And I always wonder about that. If there's some people I would be terrified to be outcasted by. Right. Like my husband, my three kids, like if they just wanted nothing to do with me anymore, that, that would. That would destroy me. It would end me. But pretty much anybody else, I'd be fine because I like who I am. I know I belong. Doesn't matter what room I'm in, I'm in it.

You're welcome.

You can take that if you like it. But right like that, this has been work I've done for years because I had all the things and this, you know, there's there Michelle, who I is on my team, she does nervous system coaching. She really helps people understand where some of this, because some of it's so visceral, you don't even know why this is happening. And then there's coaches who focus on trauma and psychologists who do that and therapists who do that. And I'm not suggesting that's not also important, so don't misunderstand me. But where I meet women at running these successful organizations who are recognized in their field, who are running professional associations, national ones who travel internationally and talk to thousands of people about their area of expertise in their body of work, but they can't sit down in a quiet environment and believe in themselves. That's who I'm talking about. And I know if you're listening to this. I know you know what I mean. Do you believe in your inherent value regardless of your outcome? So if that next idea that you have for your business fails, do you believe you're going to be okay? Do you believe that you're still competent? Are you enough if you don't make any more money? Are you enough if you lost it all? Are you personally enough? Or are we gauging our personal value on our collective collections? This is not segmented out by the domains I mentioned in the last podcast. Visionary Trust, Love Trust, Relationship Trust, Communication Trust, Leadership Trust, Transformation Trust, Communication Trust. This is not separated out by that because worthiness is, like I said, it's like this foundation that follows up wherever we go. And so if I question my value, it's because what that looks like is we attach value to achievement, we attach value to production. But really value is because you breathed air when you were born and now you're here and that's it. You are worthy because you are. And it's, you know, it's interesting there. I did a Master coach certification training on behalf of the Life Coach School several years ago, and we were in a room with aspiring master coaches. And one of the women in that room is a distinguished doctor, trained at, I think Harvard or Princeton. Very accomplished, successful woman, author, and also accomplished in this kind of space, understanding, you know, positive thinking, happiness, joy, you know, life fulfillment type of work. And so of all the people in the room, I was the most shocked when she was like, but what do I have to do to really feel worthy of all that I have? And I looked at her and I said, you just are. It doesn't come from anyone else. It doesn't come from anything you've done and it never will. And if you're seeking that, you'll never be sated. And she looked at me like, what?

And I thought, oh, okay, this is good. This is good for her. And this is good for all of us to recognize that for a successful and powerful and productive and all these people, all of you listening, that you have already, like, tried and tried and continue to try to prove to yourself how worthy you are, how smart you are, how capable you are through your hyper over functioning, exhaustive production, how about we just do those kinds of things because we love them, not because we need to prove to ourselves and other people that we matter. My goal for anyone listening to this is that you believe in yourself, that you believe that the space that you take is for you. You don't need to ask for permission ever. Again, you don't need someone's blessing, you don't need someone's permission, and you certainly don't need their praise and recognition. Your guilt for your success is an indication that you do not believe you are worthy of it. Because I see your success as a model for what is possible for other people. And rather than you feel guilt, I would love for you to feel pride. Be proud of what you've built so that others can follow and learn from you. Be the sage. You know, I moved into the sage work several years ago because I want women to give. Give to one another, and I want us to share wisdom as much as we share tactic. I think we're really good at sharing tactics because that's where we think our value is. But I think wisdom is so much richer and we have. We have a lot of catching up to do in that space. There's so much more I could talk about, but I can't. So you're gonna have to join Sage to hear the rest of it. Okay. So as we move through self worth, we have to recognize that we have conditional self worth that we question. Like, if I'm not doing this and I'm not producing, who am I? That's what my whole last podcast series was about. Beyond the CEO. It's like, why so many women stay in a business they no longer love and they don't exit. They don't have a strategy, they don't build on their own, they don't capitalize on what they've created because they don't know who they'd be without it. Their identity is completely wrapped in it, rather than self worth and identity being based on who you are inside. But we've had our head down so long, we don't even know who she is. We have to look at the false metrics that we've used to assess our worth. The scorecards that you have. I used to say, who are you working for? Because a lot of people still have someone in their mind that they're doing this all for. Could be their grandfather, could be their former boss, but there's like this supervisor in your brain that you have. Like, I'm going to show them I can do it. Well, who is this person? Who are these people? Confront the false metrics you've been using to tell yourself you're doing a good job. You're already amazing. Look at you. If you're running a business that's over a million dollars a year in production, you are in 2. The 2% of women in the world not that you need that to feel worthy, but could you, like, give yourself a break? You're pretty amazing. No, I think you are. I like you to believe that you are. So I'm going to ask you to believe it until you don't. We have to start to reclaim our value. I'm worthy because I was born. We have to start to regard ourselves in a way that. That treats ourselves like the prize. You're not chasing it. You are it. You don't have anything to do to say I'm worthy of attention, of love, of money, of success, of acknowledgment, of rest. I hear so many women who think they don't deserve to be restful. They think it's weak. I think there's tremendous strength in rest. And I will tell you, this work, this body of work is coming to you because I rested. I took a month and I didn't produce. I just rested, I listened, I went to retreats, I played pickleball, I spent time with my family. I rested. And out of that, I created more clarity for myself than I have in three years. We have to become a woman who honors who she is and how she lives. And lastly, we start integrating this, right? How do you live differently when you really and truly know your own value? How does that impact, impact the decisions that you make, the people you have in your life, et cetera. So in the next, I think, two episodes, we're going to just talk about how this kind of shows up in. In your real life and what I hope you can do about it.

Everything that you've already created. I know it might seem crazy to say that you don't trust yourself, but I have found that that is really true. And what I have found is that trust is not linear. It falls in different categories as female founders. There's visionary trust, there's money trust, there's love trust, there's communication trust. And so I built an index for you as well as a master class. And I. I want you to have it. It's free. It's a powerful tool for you. Both of them are for you to get some insight into yourself. So go to the visionary CEO Trust so we can start this conversation and stop you second guessing yourself, questioning yourself, and kind of having those, like, cringe moments where you wonder if you said it right or did it right. You're doing a great job, and I want to give you more tools so that you feel more confident, more empowered, and more emboldened as the amazing person that you already are. Go to the Visionary CEO Trust. Take the Self Trust Index and get access to my free masterclass on self trust and self worth for female founders. Let's do it.