You Don’t Have to Stay in Your Comfort Cage

Foreign.

Welcome to the podcast today. So glad that you're here. Welcome. I am doing a walking podcast. I realize that from a sound perspective, this is not everybody's favorite, but I'm on a walk, and the topic I want to talk to you about today is super fun, super me. And I think better when I'm walking and I'm looking at my beautiful surroundings of oak trees and geese. All the things. I'm sure you'll hear it all. Hopefully I have removed myself from the loudness of the street so you won't hear too many cars. Yeah. So we're gonna go for a walk together as we talk about the next transition. As you know, I've been doing a series on really what out of the seven transitions that I have observed women go through as they're sort of moving on to what's next. And primarily this is focused on women who've had very successful professional lives, built businesses, built themselves into senior leadership roles, and.

Kind of find themselves at that. Like, in fact, I just had somebody say this to me the other day. What do you do when your heart's not in it anymore, but you've built, like, so much of your life into it? So this. This has been sort of my ongoing focus for the last several months because I just have known a lot of people who have just decided either to have a hard stop or a pause or a turn. And I think it's a worthwhile conversation because there's so many of you doing it, and I don't know that there's a lot of people talking about it. And I wanted to give some framework to it based on what I've seen in other people and myself, to be honest. So the timing of this is really good, this episode, because I just got back.

From a retreat, two retreats I went on, and I'm going to talk to you about those retreats, but also in the context of this transition. So this one.

I think we're on, number five, is really about play.

Curiosity, exploration, stillness, all the things that most of us as adults don't do a lot. And that's because we sort of somewhere around our late 20s, early 30s, we kind of lock in. We lock into our profession, we lock into our sort of family unit, the plan there, and we start to really build a life, right? And whatever that vision is, you all are visioneers, creators. You walk in and you do that. And so what I call that is head down. We sort of put our head down, and we, you know, we decide what we want. We put our Head down and we go. And then we find ourselves a lot of where most of us are now, which is like, huh.

What am I doing? Why am I doing this? So this episode is all about what my favorite part, which is exactly what I just did by going to two retreats. As it happened, it was all just by luck. I signed up for the first retreat, which is Rebecca Campbell. And I know I talked a little bit about this in my previous podcast, but Rebecca Campbell was at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, and I love Rhinebeck, the Hudson Valley. And so I was so excited to be able to go there. And let alone it was Rebecca Campbell. And then, as it happened, I got another invitation after I registered for that one to go to an Arthur Brooks retreat at the Canyon Ranch in Lenox, Massachusetts, three days before. They were perfectly aligned. And so I did it. I just signed up. And for someone who hosts retreats and invites women into my sage program and invites them to come and do this with me, I don't do it nearly as much as I should. And so that was a good reminder for me of the importance for all of us to take time and also have that be a guided time. Not just you alone, but you with others. And having someone who sort of walks you through the journey of the work. It's a very, very powerful thing to do. I want to talk to you about why. So the last episode was about, you know, reclaiming your. What is it that you want? You know, I talked to a client this week who was like, I know what I want. I am not lost. I am found. It's exactly what she said. She just has to do the work now to get there. Then there's also people who are like, I know it's not this, but I don't know what it is. And so when I start talking to them about what do they envision in their future? There's nothing. It's crickets. And in fact, the question is overwhelming. And then other people, there's like a list. I think, I want to do this. I want to do this like this. I'm thinking about this. Like, they have all these ideas, but they haven't been able to really put them together. Nothing really feels like the right answer. So Reclaiming Future Clarity was last week, and that takes some time. And one of the questions that I wrote down that I wanted to share with you is a great journaling question is, what if it doesn't matter? And here's. Here's what I want you to think about first. What if what you do and how you do it doesn't matter. What if no matter what you chose for what you want to create next is a done deal? It doesn't matter what you pick. It's going to be amazing.

Then we pick that future based on what we most want, not what we think is most likely to work or most likely to be fruitful or most likely to be my best legacy. Right. Whatever we pick the thing, I mean, most would love.

If we knew it would get us to what that vision is. Right. And so I just want to give you that question as like, what if it doesn't matter? What if it. Honest to God, there's 17 different things on your plate that you think might be fun. And what if you're sitting there thinking, oh, I don't know which one? What if it doesn't matter? What if what really matters is what's going to bring you the most joy? And then through that, that vision is manifested because we know you have you met you once you've locked in, you're done, you're good. Yeah. It's the confusion that keeps you paralyzed.

So that enters this next transition, which is about curiosity, exploration and play. And that's what I just did. And so what I, I thought I, I didn't intend for this to all work out this way, but it has. So I signed up for these two retreats with no.

No expectation. Literally, like. And they couldn't have been more different. Right. Arthur Brooks, he's a social scientist. He's. I think he's got a PhD in neuroscience or something. He studies happiness now his background is business. He ran a think tank. He's incredibly intelligent and he really leverages his prefrontal cortex, right. Like all of his intellect for his work.

And the experience was at the Canyon Ranch, which is beautiful in Lenox, Massachusetts. So I have that now on my list to host a retreat there. So gorgeous. And so if you haven't heard about it or been. Canyon Ranch is this beautiful facility resort and it has all these activities you do and a gorgeous spa and five star meals that are all part of the event and package. I mean, it's just heaven. And a lot of people go there to really heal. Like they've gone through very traumatic life experiences and they go to be held there and cared for. I was not particularly feeling like I needed any healing. I was just curious about learning and putting myself in a space of discomfort. Now as it happens, I was talking to a former client about it when I saw her a few weeks ago and she was Like, I'm gonna come. And so last minute, she literally, day before she signed up, so I knew one person there, but I didn't know anybody else. It was a small group. It was about 45 people. And I had some of the most fantastic conversations that I never would have had. Right. And I talked about this last week. I talked about talking to these tech guys. And. And so all I felt. All I have felt since that experience was how sated my curiosity. Part of me, my play, part of me. I went and I walked a labyrinth, and I walked around, and I just. I just felt untethered. Oh, it's heaven. And through that experience, I feel more grounded. Do I have, like, magic answers? No. Because the truth is, there isn't one. But I feel more in my soul. I feel more in who I am. And then the next thing I did. Again, totally not something I've ever done. Before Rebecca Campbell's retreat, I was talking to another client. She said, oh, I'm going to come. And then another client, unbeknownst to me, had signed up. So there were two people there that I knew out of 200. Much bigger event. This event was way out of my comfort zone. Nothing I've ever done. Most. Mostly meditating, chanting, journaling, a little bit of dancing. So not something I've ever done. And really uncomfortable. A lot of it, because I don't meditate well. I. I'm not very able to. I've never been able to. But I stuck with it. I was in there because these meditations were long. But my point is, I did something I've never done before. I met beautiful people. I had really interesting conversations. I sort of bumped up against several parts of my own discomfort because this was at a place called the Omega Institute that is much more like summer camp. Facilities are much more lean. Food is mostly plants. It's beautiful. It's just not the kind of place I normally stay. Right. I'm a little bit more of a more seasoned kind of girl. But it was good for me to put myself out of a comfort zone to go do something that doesn't keep me in my comfort cage. Yeah. Why? Because my brain had all this other thinking.

Whether it's useful or not, I don't know. But it broke stuff open. Yeah.

And I think for those of you who are sitting in this space and you're like, how am I going to get my team to be able to run this company without me? How am I going to separate? How am I going to decide if I want to sell this business? Or go further with this business? How am I going to decide if it's time for me to just stop completely do something totally different? I know you have to put yourself out into the world in a way that you haven't before. This is why people go on all these, right? Like Camino, Camino de Santiago, the walk in Spain. And people do all sorts of interesting things. You have to challenge yourself physically, mentally, emotionally. Go meet new people, go have conversations you've never had. Go be with people you're not necessarily comfortable with.

I am not the meditating, chanting, dancing girl. I've always said that that's okay. I love these people and I love, I mean, watching some of these folks having like the most powerful experience of their life, I thought that was fantastic for them. So we have to, I think, I just think we owe it to ourselves. Like you only have this one living life experience, right?

Why live it in a box?

Especially as a well resourced woman, especially as a woman who really could decide today to go do something that you've never done.

To try it, to allow yourself to be uncomfortable, nervous, anxious, fearful, right? Like walking into a room of people that you don't know. Some people love that. I haven't done that in a long time. Well, I did that recently when I went to the wpo. I did a podcast that was such a good experience for me because I realized I'm never going to do that again. What I realized after these two retreats is I will do these things again. Not those two retreats, but I will keep going.

Because the learning that happens, not just from the person's thought leader, but from the conversations, from the environment, from the atmosphere, from the energy. I found it so exhilarating to be reminded.

Of how much there is in the world that I don't even know yet how many ways there are to think about being a human, living a life. And when you are fortunate enough to be someone who is well resourced, who has the money, who has the time, who has the physical body energy to go and play and explore, I believe you owe it to this lifetime of yours to do that. And I also believe it's great and incredible, powerful modeling for everyone in your life. The message I feel like I sent to my children and even to my husband was so powerful. My husband was like, need to go do something like that? Like, yeah, let's do that. Let's find you a place. Let's find you something that you could love. Why not.

Right? I've had so many conversations with women over the Years. Especially about my Hawaii retreat where husbands, like, don't want their wives to go on retreats. And that in of itself is heartbreaking to me because we're so much better for one another in a marriage partnership when we do our own development. But people are so intimidated by that. So, anyway, what have you done lately that you would consider to be play just because it's fun, right? What have you done recently.

That you have never done before?

What challenged you to be awake in a way that you haven't been awake before? What put you on a little edge of fear or anxiousness that you haven't felt in a while? Because who you are today, this woman who's achieved all these success results, these high producing, striver results in her life, right? She's not the woman you were 25 years ago. Now, you might feel like nothing's changed. I can assure you, you are so different. And yet there is a likelihood that you are still using the fears, the stories, the beliefs that you had 25 years ago to keep you where you are. But you aren't her anymore. And you need to show her that. You need to show her that you can go into an environment where you don't know anyone, where you've never been, do something, you've never have a conversation with someone that you would never have a conversation with in your other life. Do that to prove to yourself who you are now, who you have become. Because it is that version of you that is going to curate your next masterpiece, your next great adventure, your next business, your next job.

Whatever it is. More women.

Leaning into their own curiosity, leaning into their own exploration, leaning into their own play.

Takes and creates more of that for everybody. Because I know that so many of you listening to this podcast, you don't even realize what you could be potentially creating because you haven't stepped foot outside of the life you're living in years. And here we get so confined, we start to think, this is it. This is all I can do. This is. This is what I have to work with. No, mama, that's just the story. Humans were born to be uncomfortable. How else would we be where we are today?

How else could we have created the world that we all live in today if there weren't humans ahead of us who were willing to be really uncomfortable? And if you're an entrepreneur or you're a woman who's reached the heights of leadership in the company that you, that you support, don't tell me you don't know what uncomfortable is.

You've lived it.

Why would we stop now?

You have to be willing, if you are done, if you are feeling like, if you are itchy, if you are restless, if you. If this space that you're in is no longer fitting you right, like an old coat, you're like, okay, I could put it on, but, man, you know those clothes in your closet you just put on and you're like, I don't want to wear this. It makes me feel like I'm fat. Or it makes me feel like I'm who I was three years ago and I'm not her anymore. You know that feeling, right? When you're there.

You can't find what's next. Wearing that coat. You have to go do new coat, got to go try new stuff on. And that doesn't mean the first thing you do is going to be your answer.

And in fact, I. I think it won't be.

I think it just gives you clues, hints.

Whispers.

Right?

I know that for the Hawaii retreat that I've led for years, right? People have this fantasy of going.

But so many don't because of all the things I hear, oh, I can't go to Hawaii without my husband, or, oh, it's so far, or I can't take the time, or some women, even women who are older, like, I've never really traveled that far alone, whatever the reason, then they get there, and literally the first thing people have said to me is, I am so glad you're holding this retreat. So I got here because once they get there, they realize, like, oh, this is. This is the beginning of it. Like, the. The journey of the retreats that I host begin when you sign up, not when you arrive. Because then you have to really do the work to remind yourself how important you are.

And how deserved you are to this particular experience.

Because it's very easy to want to back out. I've been invited to a really lovely dinner. It's going on this week, actually, and it was a personal invitation from the online course company that I've been using for years. And I think it's a dinner for six or 10 people, and it's in San Francisco, which is two plus hours away from me. So I am going to spend the night. And I have already been trying to decide if I should cancel. So no one's immune to that feeling of, like, of being invited to an opportunity and thinking, yes, I want to do this, because right now, that's what I'm into. Exploration, curiosity, and play. I'm like, let's do all the things. What else Can I try? And that came, and I've asked for it. That's been on my list is new people, new projects, new excitement. So I said yes. And now, oh, my God, I gotta drive two and a half hours. I gotta find a hotel. I gotta pack a bag for the night and I gotta come back, and then I gotta go back that way and the next day and. Oh, that sounds like a lot. And I'm gonna be tired, and I'm just getting over a cold, and I'm watching how easy a comfort cage is to stay in.

But I don't know who I'm gonna meet at this thing. No clue.

It could be boring, it could be annoying. It could be scintillating. It could change my life.

I don't know.

I'm gonna go. I'm gonna find out. Right?

That's what this podcast episode is about for you, mama. Let's start saying yes to things that we've never said yes to before.

If you keep saying yes to shit that you don't like anymore, you gotta change that. Let's say yes to stuff that you've never done.

And let's see where that gets you.

Because I think it might. Well, I know it will. It changes you. Changes your life, changes your future. It changes what you know is possible. It's so fun to listen to and watch, like, what other people do.

You do that. That's your job. Make a living. Like, it's just so fantastic.

So what could you do that you've never done? What are you willing to do that you've never done? What's in your immediate view that you have thought about but dismissed?

Maybe this episode is the nudge.

It's the reminder. It. It's the whisper or even the yell. Like, hey, go, go.

Do it. Try it. Test it. Play with it. Explore. Be curious.

We know you want to.

I'll talk to you next time.

We have so many great things coming up. Are you on the list? Go to thevisionary CEO notes and add your name. I will send you some fun things, and you'll be first to know about some really fun and interesting things that are coming up, like, say, the Hawaii retreat, so visionary CEO notes and get your name on our list.