Your Thriving Matters to Everyone

Well, hey there! You know, there's something about you and me when I'm in the car. I think about you. So today we're on another car ride. Let's go! So talking a little bit more about getting what you want, and I want to talk about how many of the women I've worked with and talked to and then myself. Like, this just been— I mean, there's, there's no other way to say this, especially— and I'm saying, you know, okay, lots of thoughts, sorry, they all come at me at once sometimes. Um, you know, being the generation that I am, right, I'm a Gen X. I was, I was in my teens in the '80s. The '80s were as good as we remember them. There were some rough things, but for the most part it was a lot of fun. And you know, since, since COVID I mean, really for the last 10 years, it's just been such a shit show. And not for everybody, and I know that that's true because I know that even during COVID a lot of us from a business perspective thrived, but just a lot of, a lot of turmoil, a lot of tumultuousness. And for anyone who is highly sensitive or identifies themselves as an empath, a lot of women in general who've been raising kids in this environment, social media, and dealing with really a mental health crisis. I haven't met a parent yet who hasn't had their life touched by some form of of mental illness, addiction. It's just been a, it's been a ride. And the tendency for women in moments when things feel really tumultuous and for some even dangerous is to pull everything in and focus on Honestly, like, you know, what our little amygdala is designed to do in the back of our brain and, and, and focus on survival, even if we're surviving fine. But then even in the last, I would say last 12 months, you know, this, this world that we're living in, especially here in the US, but I think it's affected almost every country, like people's businesses are now affected in some way, shape, or form. I, I work with women in all sorts of industry and everyone is touched by this tumultuous economy that we're in and affected. It's affected performance, it's affected employee performance, it's affected customer and client engagement or trust or willingness to invest. It's affected availability of products, services, funding. Everyone has been touched. And so the tendency, again, for women in these moments is to lock into survival thinking. How do I keep my business afloat? How do I keep my family afloat? How do I keep my head above water? But not how do I thrive? That is not a question that women ask. And the problem with that is that it's the— it's like counterintuitive, but the truth is when you thrive, everything around you will thrive. But investing in your own thriving, in your own pursuit of desire and joy and self-love and care feels indulgent when you have, you know, a swirling dervish all over the place. Like, when it just feels so uncontrollable, it feels indulgent to invest in you. But the truth is, we need you to be in joy. We need you to be— in safety. We need you to thrive because you are the center of the universe for your ecosystem, for your business, your family, and maybe for many of you, your community, your home. You are the center. And so when you're unattended to, the unit can't thrive. But I know you don't think that way. I think you think about the unit, the business, the family. You give them all of you first and you don't feed yourself. And logically, I'm sure you can like get this, but when it comes to where you spend your time and your money and your resources and your energy, that goes to everything else. It does not go to you. And if you haven't noticed, time's ticking by, mama. Yeah, I, I keep thinking, I have this thought about, wow, it's been 10 years, right? It's just been a 10-year— I know for me, like, lots of great times, so that's not to say it's been like a horrible 10 years, but it has been a 10-year window, man. This has been a decade, and I know there are things that I want to achieve, to experience, to have, to feel, to allow that I haven't done yet. And when I'm focused, so my personal example is even just in this past year, I went to my Hawaii retreat with my amazing clients in January and it was such a springboard. I felt like so, I felt like I was springing into the air. I was so excited about the ideas that I had and what I saw coming together. And within a few weeks of getting home, my daughter had an accident and she's fine, but that pulled me immediately, understandably, as I know anybody listening to this would get, understandably pulled me immediately into the world of mothering her, caring for her, ensuring she was safe, okay, healthy, right? As it should, as, I mean, I shouldn't say should, as I chose. And then I took a breath and I was like, okay, and it was hard to sort of get that inertia back and to and to want to feed myself, to honor myself, because it sort of was like those things that happen or serve as reminders of like how quickly that can happen. But then I turned another corner and my puppy that I've had for almost 14 years got very sick and we, and we chose to put her down. And that crushed me. And so I had to just allow for grief, and that was another window of time. And then April came and my mother ended up in the hospital with her heart failure diagnosis, and that was 8 weeks of honestly just a lot. And so I, I understand how quickly we are pulled from our dreams into the caretaking of others. And I had a moment in a conversation with my mom a few weeks ago where I, I, I like got— it's almost like, do you ever, do you ever have those moments where it's like you, like you woke up? I woke up and I was like, what? Wait. What am I doing? And I established my role. I recalibrated expectations like I talked to so many of you about, and I reinvested back into myself. Wait a minute, I'm not thriving and nobody around me is thriving when I'm not thriving. This isn't serving anyone. This, this, this, this thing that I'm doing, this is not serving anyone. I'm a well-resourced woman. I have the resources, I have the capacity, I have the ability to set some things up and remove myself physically and reinvest in my own joy, my joy. And so I did, and I immediately planned the things that at the— that I thought at the time would be indulgent given the current circumstances I was in, but I did it anyway. I planned my— I planned a quick trip with my husband to Kona, which I'm I'm so excited about. I planned a mastermind day with my friend Jodi in Disneyland. I planned some days in Disneyland with family. This is my happy place, right? This is where I go to be reminded. Everyone has theirs. But what I did, my love, is I allowed myself to want, and then I took action. Nothing feels worse and heavier than having desire that is unattended. I know you know what I'm talking about. And it could be the slightest thing. It could be you looking at your nails all day for a week thinking, "If I don't get— I hate my nails. They look so awful. They're falling apart." But you just can't make the time. "I don't have the time. I have to get my nails done. I don't have the time." That, that weight of looking at your hands every day and your nails look awful, that is awful. And that seems like such a small thing, but I know it's not because it's reminding you that you're not taking care of yourself. You're not investing in something that's important to you. And I want you to ask yourself why you do that, because there's not really a good answer. There's an answer that you believe, but there's not a good one. Get your nails done, get your hair cut, get your roots done. Go for the walk, call the girlfriend, eat your favorite dinner, plan the trip, buy the car, reach out to the person you haven't talked to in a long time. Prioritize yourself. So I mentioned that I'm doing 4 weeks of Hot Seat Coaching and this is what I'm doing it for, because despite the fact that I know you listen to this podcast and you're nodding your head and you're like, oh yeah, I know, she's right. Yeah, I do. I know you're doing all of the things. I know you're agreeing with me. I know you hear yourself in everything I'm saying. So what are you going to do about it? And if, if you want a little nudge and a little help and to be in a room where there's other people who also aspire to get out of their own way, then you should come to my Hot Seat Summer that's starting on July 10th. It's so simple, you guys. It's $197. It's a coaching call every week. And each week a new series of women are going to be in the hot seat. And the thing is, is by listening to you, listening to other women get coached, it will coach you. That whole process coaches you. Just like listening to this podcast is helpful to you. Imagine when you hear another woman who's going through something similar or has gone through something or is going through something you used to go through or something you didn't even think was a thing. It'll change your life to invest in yourself. And it's 4 hours. And I know you can make the time for that. I'm giving you so much notice. You're worth it. And, and I will say this to you in another way. You not investing in yourself, you not thriving is actually injurious, is causing harm to your ecosystem. Because I know if you're not investing in you and you're not feeling thrive, you're not feeding your own desires, the things that you really want. I know what that means. It means you're tolerating, you're avoiding, you're in confusion, you're pining, you're complaining. You are victimizing yourself. You are not taking back your own personal agency. And you are a woman who knows how to do that because you have built this life already. But we all fall into this divot. And right now, external circumstances for all of us can be quite different and in many cases challenging. This is the time of all the time where you need more support, not to hunker down and go it alone. And certainly not to keep just tuning into the same voices. If you want to grow, if you want to experience change in anything, you have to move out of the chair that you're in. You have to go into new environments. You have to have different conversations. You have to meet new people. You have to expose your mind, your brain to new things. So go to thevisionary.co/hotseatsummer and join this pro— do this. Come on. $197. Listen to me and then go get your nails done. See you soon.